Whatever happens to us, will be.

To say Severus Snape was upset and confused, was an understatement. Severus was clearly displeased, he didn’t know why his feelings suddently start to loose coherence with themselves. He can’tbe inlove Elias. Wait love? No absolutely no, by Merlin’s beard he’s not allowed to! Oh this is a mess indeed. Just like Severus’ heart and head; more the head than the heart because well, the heart pointed in one direction: Elias, but the head was still very messy and not used to all these new thoughts racing like Kelpies in his once cristal clear mind. Usually whenever he had these kind of thoughts he just waited until they passed, but now he could still feel his lips his own and his...hot body under his cold hands. While he was rushing to his dormitory, the halls were empty but the thinking kept going: the sounds of his heartbeats and huffs against the soft pair of lips that Elias opened were on repeat, like the shuffling of his clothes making way for new skin to be shown, Elias’s hands slowly running into his hair, removing the ponytail and making it look like a bat nested on his head.

After walking for a while Severus noticed that the suffocating and sticky cold was once again glued on his bones, the warmth from before was completely vanished but he found himself longing for that feeling again. He tried shutting that longing sensation down, now everything was like it was, back to normal: cold and gloomy, like standing in the middle of a summer storm at night, soaked to the core of your soul. But Severus knew that Elias is like the sun in his gray life: but now he ruined everything, he let his.. sickness spread to him. He ruined elias with his deviant mind and he felt horrible about it; he could almost hear his father yelling at him: “You’re sick! You’re nothing but a broken soul! You disgrace, I’m embarassed to be your father! As a matter of fact you’re not even my son! No son of mine is weak like you! You deviant disgusting vermin! Parasite!”. That was what he said when he read Sev’s diary that portrayed all the sick sodomy of sharing your heart with another man. The boy felt his eyes drip tears and his breath coming in shallow and silent. He sat down behind a statue near his dorms and cried until he had a headache and his eyes hurt from how puffy they were. He made his way into the cold green and black room when he heard a light cough. After quietly letting out a sigh he raised his look from the ground to the platinum blond boy who was sitting on the table of the homeroom “What is it Lucius?” “oh look at yourself, did these gryffindoor boys bully you again? How pityful Snape, can’t you even look after yourself?” he said venom dripping from his tongue like always “What do you need Lucius?” the raven haired boy repeated trying to ignore the burning acid that the other spat at him with his voice “I need you to write my report on the topic that we did a couple of days behind in Rune Class” Severus was in shock “What?! But it’s 7 papers long and it’s for tomorrow! I-I don’t have the time and.. it’s already so late! Lucius i beg you don’t.. don’t do this to me.. please” he ended up begging, while the headache was splitting the kid’s head into two. Malfoy looked at him with a stone look “You’re a disgrace to this house Snape, you’re begging me? Don’t you have some honor to youself? Ha, of course not it’s still… you i’m talking to. I don’t care how late it is or if you beg. I want this report to be a good grade, are we clear?” He said getting close to Sev, with his hand on his wand. He didn’t even flinch, he was far too tired and devastated for that. Since he had nothing to loose he simply replied “Fine. Since i’m so pityful, do your homework on your own, or is this pathetic waste of space better than you in every. Single. class you take? I’m not doing anything for you this time Lucius, i really couldn’t care less of what you’re going to do next. We both know that you are just a coward. Leave me. Alone.” Severus said getting his anger and pent up frustration out, hissing the last words with hostility and walking past Lucius that had a bright scarlet tint on his face. Severus finally reached his single bedroom that he managed to get out of the headmaster: Severus said it was because he couldn’t concentrate on his studies, but it was mostly because he hated sharing a room with other disgusting people like the snobs that were in his own house, and he could cry all he wanted wothout being judged, in his tiny little cold room. After quickly getting out of the clothes he had, he got into his nightwear that was quite heavy, but considering the cold he always felt around him and the position of the single room with a broken heating sistem and no heat preserving walls like other rooms, it still wasn’t enough. Despite all of the cold surrounding him, Severus still wouldn’t change the room over his dead body. He got under the numerous covers and turned off the light, suddently dropping into the darkness, just like he liked. Silently the thoughts came back again, slithering into his mind like vipers but the images of Elias smiling at Snape were filling the boy’s head, the sound of his laughter and when the other carefully observed the ground benieth him as they sat under their tree. All these memories infusing the cold young man with the typical sun-like warmth that elias always inspired him. As these thoughts enveloped the boy, he fell asleep: dreaming of a world where they could be together without having to be judged or murdered for simply loving one another.

Elias woke up absolutely devastated. It’s even a statement to say that he “woke up” in the first place because he stayed up all night thinking non stop. He still was in a really awkward relationship with his best friends and that was also one of the reasons that kept him awake all night. He was surprised that none of them came forward to apologize, but at the same time he didn’t go to them to apologize either. He didn’t really know how to apologize, even if he constantly did. But this was different, the matter at hand was serious to say the least. The one thing he was not surprised of was that Sirius still wouldn’t talk to him. He was greatly embarassed and Elias knew it: they were best friends once, but the fact that he couldn’t have a proper conversation with James anymore without one or the other storming out deeply hurt Elias. He missed his bestest of friends, his ride or die. He had to tell James so many things like: the deal with Severus, that was absolutely on his mind almost above anything else, (but then he remembered that Sev made him promise to never tell about their friendship with any of his best friends) or the fact that he still liked Sirius and hated himself over it, but even more, about the suicide attempt. It looked like none of them knew that he tried..doing that. He tried speaking with Remus too but he was acting like the whole ordeal with Sirius was my fault and also his. He’s probably being hard on himself and overanalyzing everything that happened because that’s the thing he does everytime anything goes wrong. Remus was the quiet kind of distance, and it hurt him too. Elias had to come up with a way to apologize to them, but to also make clear about the fact that he does want an apology from all of them. Especially Sirius. He was so infuriated with him, he literally wanted to strangle the other boy to asphixiation and let him breathe again, just to fill him with punches and kicks. He’s never been this angry with anyone before, maybe once or twice but this angry? Never. Elias had to come over with a plan to corner Sirius and force him to talk, because for Sirius? They might have aswell stopped talking and for him everything was solved. But Elias would not let that slide even if it were to put him in the ground. The morning came and everyone woke up, James waking up first, then remus, then sirius. Then it would’ve been Elias’ turn to wake up 20 minutes later if it weren’t for the fact that he was already awake. “Oh Pixies in rum, Elias you scared me fried.” James said, might have been because i was sitting up staring at the nothingness, thinking about what to do of this mess “Yeah Elly you scared me shitless” Remus said too. A glint of the old times shone but then Sirius had to ruin everything, wishing goodmorning to everyone but me. The other two were a bit annoyed with that too but Sirius didn’t seem to care.

Then they went leaving me a bit behind and we sat at our table that was quiet which was unusual, buit it’s been like this since the fight and i hated that too, but i had other things on my mind like Sev for example. The thing was that he flirted with me but then after he snogged me with his back on the wall he dumped me. I didn’t really understand why he acted that way, maybe he’s shy? But we’ve known eachother for three years so, i guess it’s a bit strange that he stormed off like that, he knows i’m gay but..maybe he doesn’t know if he is? That makes sense. I.. it was new anyways like he made a move on me! I would have never ever ever ev- “Elly, what are your plans today?” James asks. He’s sitting next to me but there’s a distance in between our seats that never used to be there and my heart stings at the thought “nothing much after class, i might go to the library though, i just finished a book for D.D.A class and i wanted to read something for myself now. You?” the question wasn’t cold or just to make conversation, it was a genuine question. This made the throb in my heart hurt less, i liked that things were melting a bit. “Sirius and I have practice today in the eafternoon. Man the new beater that came in to fill your spot is so shit, he gets scared of the damn ball. I miss you being a madman on the field, also some of the cheer girls seem to miss you, they are still saying some cheer chants on you mate” I smile at that “I’m afraid i won’t be listening to them any sooner huh?” “why?” “i’m thinking on quitting the team”.

Sirius spits all the coffee he was drinking and looks at me with a very shocked look “why on earth would you do that!?" he yells. I am so happy i said that, I finally got him to talk to me. “ I don’t think i’d be any more good for the team. We would keep arguing and to be fair it’s the first time in the whole month an half since the fight that you ever spoke to me. Why didn’t you care about anything that happened in between? You didn’t speak to me, cut me out of everything, and now that i’m saying that i want to quit the team, all of a sudden i become so important to you?” Sirius is taken aback by that, both Remus and James are completely utterly speechless. “What you have nothing to say again?” I say, i’m having soo much fun. “W-well i didn’t think that you would quit the team, to be fair you din’t talk to me too” “Don’t you dare give me that Sirius Black. Don’t even try. You made sure to cut me out of everything and every time i tried speaking to you you either ignored me or said that you were tired or running late or any other stupid excuse to not see me. I know that you’re embarassed. Trust me i get it but i damn well deserve an apology. And a good one. Look what you did to me.” i said standing up now, someone was eyeing us and some girls were listening the drama. I roll up my sleves and show my burned arms, the scars of the fire. Sirius looks like he’s about to cry and vomit at the same time “Take a good look, friend.” i said spewing the last word “Don’t move your eyes from my arms. This is only a small visible part of the great deal of pain that you caused me. And others. It’s time you get out of you god damn head and face me.” I state. Covering my arms again. Remus and James were dead silent, but james has a proud look on his face, this glimmer of fun in his eyes. I take my sandwich and leave feeling much better.

I head to class and the whole day feels like i am walking on a cloud. Classes are swift and everything i say is always correct and earns me points for the house. James meets me in the library along with Remus “Hey Els, what you did today this morning was absolutely nuts. I think that Sirius deserved being told down like that. He caused a lot of pain to all of us and never apologized for it, but, we want to. We’re sorry that we never told Sirius to stop acting the way he did and we’re sorry that we left you alone for all this time.. we’re sorry..” James says, Remus keeps going on “i know that just saying words isn’t enough so.. i thought that maybe you wanted to join us at the tree broomsticks and grab a drink and… buy some books and candles” I am very moved from their words but Remus is right, i’m not ready to forgive them right now but, we’re moving a bit forward and.. we really need that “yes, i would love to join you” I say smiling “But i have to get these books first, hold on help me a bit” I give them about three books each and hold four myself “What are all these books for??” “they are for homeowork, we need to do an essay for Rune class, didn’t you pay attention?” i say teasingly to james “who do you take me for, of course i didn’t” he replies giggling and remus rolls his eyes “I took some notes, do you want them Elly?” “Yes Moony, i would love to have them, i took some too” James scoffs “Uhm, excuse me? What about me?” “i won’t give you my notes Jamie, it’s been like all semester that you didn’t take a single note in Rune class, it’s about time you get a bad grade” I say laughing, Rems is smiling too. James complains about it a bit more, we walk to the lady behind the counter to take the library loan and then walk out all the way to our room and chat while we’re at it. “But, are you serious about quitting the team? You’ve been part of it for three years.. Els, are you sure?” I nod and smile “well, i’ve been thinking about it for a good while..And you know, the fact that our fight got us losing big time, maybe if i got out of the team we would go back to winning every match” i look up at the ceiling sighing heavy with doubts and thoughts racing in my mind “Elias, that’s simply just not true, ok sure our fight really took it out of the team but without you it’s just not the same, even Sirius is bored and frustrated, he can’t play as well as he used to” james tells me, he sits next to me in by bed and nudges me “We miss having you around..I miss you having around” i look away from James feeling guilty and disappointed in myself, with the increasing feeling of nostalgia just crashing in my chest like it’s a seawave. Remus notices and sighs a bit before speaking “Do you want the room for yourself? Maybe we can leave you here and Jamie and I will go look for Padfoot, we have some more talking to do the three of us...especially Padfoot and I” his eyes get real gloomy, but it lasts only for a moment. “Moony, you can go talk to Sirius, i’ll stay here with Feathers. We too have our own chat to carry out” he speaks quietly. Then Rems leaves the room after giving me a quick pat on the shoulder and carefully closes the door.

James faces me and looks at me in the eyes before taking a deep breath and speaking calmly “So, my dearest Elly. Care to explain everything that happened since you got in the hospital?” i sigh and just look at my hands, unsure if i want to show him my scars or not. I decide that i want to so i roll up my sleeves and show him the healed burn scars that run from my forearms (just above the elbow) to the start of the wrists, and then just turning my body towards him so he can see “well, these healed properly..i stayed alone most of the time you know..Madam Pomfrey was a good company but i was mostly isolated for a while..i..well something happened and i got closer to a friend of mine, but i’m afraid i messed up with them too..” I say and my voice gets a bit tangled up as i start explaining about Sevvie and what happened when we made out in potion class “you see..we got close after..something bad happend and we got closer and closer..eventually we made out a-and they..they ran away” i say trying to hold back the tears from my throat. James gave me an apprehensive look and placed his hand on my shoulder “i’m sorry for that.. maybe you should confront them after a bit, no? You look pretty hurt by this, how long did you like them?” i blink my eyes a bit and realize something “i-i never even realized it..we just spent our time reading mostly or quietly enjoying the day, i didn’t realize that i treasured these moments. I guess i was too enveloped into sirius to notice that..” i say with a soft sigh and dry the small tears droplets and james smiles “oh elly, you seem to like this person a lot. To even cry about them, it’s pretty.. wow” i sit back and and try to think about all our little things “you know, they helped me realize that maybe i should quit the quidditch team. And lately they’ve been a great friend..i should go talk to them” james sighs “i’m sure you mean well, but maybe it’s best if you leave some time between the two of you, it seems like the best choice” he says and i nod “you’re right, maybe i should…”

meanwhile…

As Sirius was roaming around the castle he found himself close to the library, he sat on a bench and he found behind it, a small black book. He took it and found a lot of things written in them, with dates and stuff. It was a diary. The first entry he read was:

“today elias and I went into the potion class and we kissed. Oh how i hope to be with him..”

Sirius became furious, because he recognized the calligraphy. His mind was already starting to come up with a plan, and the full moon was close.