Chapter 13
Harry was quiet when he arrived for his next Patronus lesson. They practised the spell successfully several times, but Harry's Patronus was still non-corporeal.
'I thought it was supposed to have a recognisable shape?' he grumbled, 'Why is it still just this big cloud?'
'Sometimes it just takes a while,' said Remus, 'there are plenty of experienced wizards who struggle to cast a corporeal Patronus, and some even choose not to. It doesn't stop it from working against the Dementors, which is our real aim here.'
'Why would you choose to keep it like this?' Harry asked.
'A Patronus can be very revealing of the wizard who casts it,' Remus said, thoughtfully. 'It is ancient magic, and not well understood, but there are stories about what the form it takes may represent - that it might reveal a part of your soul - sometimes that isn't something a wizard wants on display.'
Harry made an indistinct noise that suggested he thought that explanation actually sounded rather reasonable. Remus supposed that Harry probably had some experience with people wanting more information about him than they deserved.
'Are you alright, Harry?'
Harry paused, 'Yeah,' he said eventually, 'yeah fine.'
Remus raised his eyebrows.
'Yeah,' said Harry again. 'Yeah just got a lot on at the moment. Ron and Hermione have been fighting and there's this whole trial with Buckbeak - you know about that?'
'Yes,' said Remus, 'unfortunately for Hagrid the laws do tend to neglect the rights of magical creatures,' he sighed, 'and Lucius Malfoy will make things very difficult.'
'Yeah, so we've been trying to help with that, and then Oliver has got us practising every morning at the moment and- and-,' he paused, '-and I'm just really sorry I let you down Sir, it just didn't really seem like a big deal and I just wanted to be with the others and I just, I didn't think.'
He looked so ashamed of himself. Remus felt dreadful..
'Oh Harry,' he said, 'come on now, it's ok. I'm sorry I was so harsh on you, it just gave me such a shock.'
'I just don't really understand why Sirius Black is even after me,' he said suddenly. 'Mr Weasley said that he thought killing me would bring back Voldemort, but that's just dumb,' he inhaled shakily, 'it's not like I'm the one keeping him away, I'm not doing anything! I'm just a kid at school!'
Remus looked at him. He looked so lost, so bewildered. Merlin, Remus thought, Poppy was right, Albus really had been selective with his information. 'How much do you know about what happened to your parents?' he asked, not sure if he really wanted to begin the conversation.
Harry paused for a moment, 'Voldemort murdered them because they were fighting against him in the war, he tried to kill me but because mum died protecting me, the spell backfired and hit him instead...' he paused again, thinking, 'and he keeps trying to kill me because he's really… annoyed about that...?' Harry furrowed his brow. 'That's sort of… it.'
Remus sighed and sat down at his desk, wondering how much he could help. Harry followed suit, taking the chair across from him. 'So, let me preface this by making you aware that I will be as factual as possible, even though some parts of the story may be frightening, and also, almost more importantly, that I very much do not know the whole story.'
Harry nodded.
'So,' Remus continued, 'at the time, the story we were told was that Voldemort had been given some reason to believe that a child born in July 1980 would be his downfall. We weren't made aware of where he got the information exactly, but Dumbledore had caught wind of it and he sent everyone in or attached to the Order that it applied to into hiding. Your parents hid using something called the Fidelius Charm, which is where the secret of their whereabouts is entrusted to one person, and they chose-'
'Sirius Black.' Harry cut in, his voice cold.
'Right,' said Remus, 'Sirius was your dad's best friend, they'd lived together as brothers since they were teenagers. Dumbledore was wary of the choice because -'
'Of his family.' Harry interjected again.
'Yes, exactly, and the war was a difficult time. We were very very young, very inexperienced, the resistance was small. Often we were separated doing different things. Suspicion of each other was encouraged as a precaution. Anyway, as you know, your location was given up, and Voldemort came to your house and murdered your parents,' Remus' voice cracked. Harry did not flinch. 'But when he attacked you, the curse rebounded, all but killing him. You were rescued, and delivered to your aunt and uncle and the effect of Voldemort's demise was almost instantaneous. His followers either immediately denounced their allegiance, or were rounded up and arrested and sent to Azkaban. However, the situation does remain somewhat - delicate - as you have seen over the last two years, Voldemort is weakened, but not gone, and he is relying on the aid of devotees in his attempts to restore himself, which is why we are all so concerned about-'
'Sirius Black.' Harry said again, his mouth a grim line across his face.
'Yes,' said Remus.
'But you said before you didn't think he'd given them up?'
'What I said before was that I was away at the time.' Remus said, 'and I cannot understand why or how it happened. But the fact remains Harry, as far as we know, as far as he has demonstrated, Sirius Black is a dangerous man, who does appear to be targeting you.' Remus felt nauseous just saying it. How could what he saw in front of him be so at odds with what he felt?
It was Harry's turn to sigh. 'I just want to do my homework and play Quidditch.' he said in a quiet voice.
'I know Harry, I'm sorry,' said Remus. He really did understand that feeling - the desperate desire to just be normal.
'Will it be like this forever?' Harry asked.
'I don't think so,' said Remus, and he was surprised to find he meant it.
*
The full moon fell the following week, but Harry had not seemed disappointed to postpone their usual lesson, saying something about having plans for Ron's birthday. It sounded like it was mainly going to revolve around sweets, but, Remus supposed, there was possibly nothing better than a midnight birthday feast to a newly fourteen-year-old. He had curled up to sleep on the evening on the full, eyes on the photographs which still stood on his bedside table alongside the moon-stone, and awoken the next morning, sore and starving, but not in need of a visit to the hospital wing.
It was too early for breakfast, and too cold for a walk, the bitter wind whistling in the castle's cracks, and so he had made a large mug of tea and settled on the sofa under the window, staring out across the lake. The ground outside was white with frost, and the lake frozen in large sheets of ice that were only just beginning to separate. The trees at the lakes edge were swaying together like a great beast breathing in and out. When the paper arrived, he opened the window for the owl and just as he was struggling to close the latch, he caught sight of a movement in the tree line. It was that ginger cat, the one he had spotted at Halloween. It was running along the edge of the trees, back towards the castle. Remus pushed the window open again and leant out onto the sill trying to get a closer look. Alongside the cat, just under the cover of the trees, he thought could see flashes of dark fur. He leant out even further, squinting in the wind, and then - just as the cat turned off across the grass - a silky black snout with a shiny wet nose emerged, just for a moment, and then was gone.
Remus leapt from the sofa, despite his aching joints, and scrambled at his desk drawers. Finding the map, he tapped it and watched as the lines emerged. They had never finished the forest - its depths remaining a mystery even to them - but they had started it. There was a chance. He unfolded section after section as the ink spread, his fingers followed the edge of the lake, the tree line, and there! Tiny footprints moving between trees, right at the edge of the map, labelled with the name: Sirius Black. A moment later, it was gone.
Remus stared down at the yellowed parchment, transfixed at the place where the name had disappeared.
