A moon on one side, and a star on the other
The map now lived, spread wide, on the desk in Remus' room. He wiped it only to leave the room, and had taken to spending long periods of time staring at it, eyes moving through the corridors of the castle, and scanning repeatedly through the grounds and forest. It was a familiar behaviour: staring at the map, searching for Sirius' name, and part of him loathed the return to it. This however, he reminded himself, was a totally different situation - checking the forest was not the same as checking the broom cupboards. Despite his dedication, Sirius remained elusive.
The Easter holidays were fast approaching and he was working his fifth and seventh years hard in preparation for their formal exams. Both year groups had moved from dark creatures to dark magic, and Remus was having to do a lot of work to ensure he was up to date with the relevant jinxes and curses. The topic was also harder to teach in a practical way: they were limited to asking for volunteers for any practical demonstration of spells, and for obvious reasons could not attempt anything without a known reliable counter curse. Poppy had been up for helping him though, and they had taught a few lessons as a team, Remus concentrating on the jinx itself, and she the counter. She had been utterly thrilled when Daniel Merriweather had stayed behind one day to ask for her advice about a career in healing.
'He said he'd be interested in helping up in the Hospital Wing in some of his free periods,' she told Remus, 'I was thinking I might go to Dumbledore about setting up a club - some training sessions maybe for the ones that are interested...'
The Anti-Dementor lessons had somewhat dissolved into cups of tea and looking at photographs. Harry was now confident in his Patronus, but its corporeal form still eluded him, and really, Remus thought, if he needed anything right now, it was for someone to give him a break. Harry had taken to bringing along his own album, trying to fill in the gaps between the pictures he had with ones from Remus' tin. They largely avoided the subject of Sirius, luckily there were enough photographs of Remus and Lily to hold Harry's attention.
'Look,' Harry said excitedly, 'these ones must be the same day!' he placed the photograph he'd pulled from the tin beside one glued into his album. 'The landscape is the same, and mum's wearing the same clothes.'
Remus leaned across the table to get a closer look. Harry's photo showed Lily and James, walking hand in hand down a footpath through a field. Its partner was of Lily and Remus, sitting on a wooden gate eating sandwiches.
'Yes, they are,' he confirmed. 'That was Easter, seventh year I think - not too far from here. I gave Hagrid that photo in fact, that's why they match.'
Harry's eyes widened as he looked up. 'You gave him photos? Back in first year?'
'Yes,' said Remus. 'He wrote to me, said you didn't have any, so I chose some. I'm sorry I didn't send more.'
'My aunt won't talk about mum,' Harry said quietly, 'I don't really know anything about her.'
Remus settled back in his seat and pulled the tin towards him, sifting through the pictures. He pulled out a Polaroid.
'This was the year your mum got a camera for Christmas,' he said. 'Third year I think, so she's the same age as you here. That's when the photo-taking really took off.' he handed the picture to Harry.
It was of Lily, long red hair in a plait down her back. She was sitting at a table in the common room, homework spread around her, but she was looking up at the camera, grinning.
'She liked school,' Remus went on. 'We became friends really through studying. Nerdy I know. Look here's one in the library. Fourth year? Fifth maybe?'
The next photo showed Remus and Lily hunched over a book in the library. Marlene was sat opposite them, rolling her eyes.
'She was really clever - good at charms and potions. She worked really hard to prove being Muggle-born wasn't a disadvantage. She was really fun too though.' Remus pulled out another picture: Lily, Mary and Marlene, dancing together by the common room fireplace.
'She was very funny. Didn't suffer fools but was so, so kind. For a long time she was my closest friend.' Remus was holding a photograph. He'd taken this one, just of Lily, smiling into the sun. He realised Harry was watching him, and passed it over. 'Take any you'd like Harry.'
'Its OK,' Harry replied, looking down at it. 'You keep this one.' He pushed it back across the table and plucked another from the tin: James in quidditch kit, his hair even wilder than usual, and Lily with her arms around his neck, grinning up at him.
'She thought your dad was a bit of an idiot for age.’' Remus laughed at the surprise on Harry's face. 'Remember, they met at eleven,' he reassured him, 'and to be fair we were all quite annoying I think. But as you can see she changed her mind.'
'Professor Snape called him 'exceedingly arrogant’', Harry said.
'Well he could be a bit I suppose,' said Remus, 'he was very confident. Very comfortable here. And he had a particular rivalry with Professor Snape. Partly over your mum, actually.'
'What?' Harry spluttered.
'Oh yes,' said Remus, 'they knew each other from before school - grew up near each other I think, so were friends. They kept it up for a while which made your dad very jealous, and then when the friendship broke down, Severus blamed it on James.'
'He told me that dad tried to kill him,' said Harry.
Remus choked, slightly on his tea. Dumbledore had sworn he had dealt with that.
'What happened there was - not good.' he said eventually, 'but your dad very much did not cause it. And in fact he was the one to rescue Severus so -' he tailed off. 'He shouldn't be bringing things like that up with you, Harry.'
'Everyone knows more about me than I do,' Harry said, quietly, 'who I am, what I'm supposed to be like.'
'Not true,' said Remus. 'Everyone may know your name, but don't let them tell you who you are. It is difficult to remember sometimes, Harry, but who you are - who you want to be - that is something that is up to you.'
Remus met his gaze, steadily and they looked at each other for a long moment. For the thousandth time Remus regretted his twelve year absence. He put his hand back into the tin, flicking through bundles of pictures, until -
'Look,' he said, handing Harry a photograph. 'Guess who that is?'
'It's you...'
'And?'
'And a baby?' Harry said, looking up at him. Remus nodded slightly at the picture and it clicked. 'And me? Am I the baby?!' Harry said in surprise.
'Yes - I think you're maybe a month old?' He reached over and lifted the corner of the photo, still in Harry's hands so that he could read the back. 'Yeah, September 1980. Six weeks maybe. I've known you your whole life Harry, and I don't presume to know anything about you that you don't show me yourself.'
Harry was looking at the photograph in amazement.
'Can I have this one?' he said.
*
The March moon had fallen at the beginning of the Easter holidays, and Remus had slept long into the next day with no lessons to get up for. Although he had plenty of marking and planning to do, the loss of a structured timetable brought with it a lot more time for obsessing over the map, whilst turning the moon-shaped stone over and over in his palm. Like at Christmas, many students had returned home for the holidays, and the lack of foot traffic in the corridors meant that he had become very familiar with the few people that remained in the castle. Filch prowled the school regularly in the early morning and late at night, pacing the halls with Mrs Norris at his heels. Minerva and Poppy regularly made the trip to each other's office, their footprints moving up and down the tiny staircases. Severus, he noticed, visited Dumbledore's office rather often. Still no sign of Sirius though.
On the Wednesday morning, he decided to walk down to Hogsmeade. He had half an idea that he might splurge on some Easter themed chocolate for the next Patronus lesson (although he doubted Harry cared what shape his chocolate came in) and he suspected some time out of his room might do him some good. He wandered slowly down the narrow village streets looking at the various window displays: Madam Puddifoot had gone all out, as usual, swapping the array of glowing hearts she'd for Valentine's Day with enchanted paper rabbits jumping between huge coloured eggs. Remus stopped outside, watching the rabbits bouncing up and down.
'Come on!' Sirius was saying, tugging on Remus' arm. 'I told James we'd be there first to make it less awkward and now he's going to be annoyed we're late!'
'I am not going on a double-date with James and Lily to Madam Puddifoots!' Remus grumbled. 'In what way could us going possibly make it less awkward?'
'Because we're so cool and fun to be around, obviously,' Sirius said, 'and so we can help fill those weird silences that happen when he starts just staring at her.'
Remus rolled his eyes. James did do that, and he knew Lily thought it was weird. 'Ok, fine.' he said, allowing Sirius to pull him into the shop. They spotted the others immediately, sat at the table at the far end, hot chocolates in starry mugs, steaming between them. Sirius waved, but neither looked up.
'Wait a second,' Remus said, quietly, gripping Sirius' wrist as he made to move towards them, 'look- I think it's actually going well.'
They shuffled sideways to stand just behind a large potted plant, peering at the couple through its leaves. James was staring, but he was talking too, and Lily was looking back at him, laughing at what he'd said.
'Do you think maybe we should just.. leave them to it?' Remus said.
'Yeah,' said Sirius, ginning, 'yeah, let's go.'
He was pulled back to the present by the tinkling bell of the cafe door, a young witch stepped out onto the pavement and held the door open, assuming Remus had been about to enter. Without thinking he nodded his thanks and stepped into the shop. It was, as it always had been, an assault on the senses. The decorations inside the cafe were even more extravagant than in the window and a smell of sweet perfume hung in the air. He was about to leave when -
'What can I get for you?' an ancient witch leant over the counter and waved a hand at him. 'We've got some lovely Easter cakes - oh - do watch where you're stepping-'
Remus looked down just as a live rabbit with a bow around its neck hopped across his path.
'Erm,' he said, stepping back carefully, 'a hot chocolate please?'
'Take a seat and it'll be right with you.' she called, already bustling around at a stove.
Remus found a table by the window, moved a rabbit off a chair and sat down. He was just trying to remember the last time he'd been in - some time in seventh year - when the witch hobbled over with a steaming mug on a saucer.
'Here you go my lovely,' she said, arranging it in front of him, with a spoon on a pink napkin. 'And one of our special chocolate coins to go with it. Can't have too much chocolate now can you?'
As she left him, he picked the foiled coin up carefully and turned it over.
'Can we not just meet them afterwards at the Three Broomsticks? Why do we always have to come here first?'
'I don't know Moony,' Sirius said, turning away to smile winningly at the witch behind the counter as he ordered them drinks, 'the girls like it, don't they, and they made the plan. Anyway you love hot chocolate so stop moaning about it.'
'They're not even here yet,' Remus protested, we could've stayed in Tombes a bit longer-'
'Oh come now,' Sirius said, steering him over to a table. 'It's not like you need anymore books is it? Ah! That was fast!'
They thanked the witch who had placed their drinks in front of them, tall mugs decorated with the night sky, sitting symmetrically on the table. 'Your drinks,' she said, 'and we've just got these in, to match the mugs.' She laid down a pair of foil-wrapped coins.
'Fantastic.' said Sirius, nodding at their waitress, 'delicious.' He took a sip of chocolate, cream coating his top lip, and picked up the coin to inspect his free gift. 'Oh look Moons!' he said brightly, holding it up, 'there's a moon on it,' he waved it at Remus and turned it over, 'Oh! And a star on the other side.' He smiled smugly across the table. 'It's us! it's like they made them just for us.'
Remus realised, quite suddenly, that he had finished his drink. He'd barely tasted it. He shook his head in irritation, slipped the chocolate coin into his pocket, paid at the counter and left the shop. He did go to Honeydukes, where he invested in a large chocolate Easter egg in the shape of a Golden Snitch, but he remained preoccupied and soon found he had wandered a little way out of the village up the slope to the Shrieking Shack.
He leant on the rickety wooden fence that surrounded it. The shack was set back quite some way from the path, the garden horribly overgrown with intimidating spiky plants and some little white flowers Remus thought were Cowbane. Even in the Spring light, the shack seemed to be permanently in the shadow of a cloud, and he couldn't see any signs of disturbance at its boarded windows. Remus shivered slightly, despite the warmth of the sunshine. Merlin, he hated this place. What was he doing here? He turned to leave, hesitated, and turned back for a minute, staring intently at the windows. What was he waiting for? His hand gripped the fence once more, and then he was gone, leaving behind him on the gatepost a foil wrapped chocolate with a moon on one side, and a star on the other.