Now That We Don’t Talk

Tonight is the first show of the tour and Remus is freaking out. He’s been sitting in his hotel room on the verge of a panic attack for the last hour trying to keep himself from full blown panic. The anxiety he can handle, he’s used to it, but a panic attack? That he cannot handle.

After another fifteen minutes of lying on the extremely soft bed, he rolls off with a groan and makes his way to the coffee bar in the hotel lobby. His hair is a mess and his clothes and wrinkled but who cares he thinks while leaning against the elevator wall. The doors open and he has to force himself to get off of the wall before the elevator door closes. He quickly finds the coffee bar and he just about lights up at the rich scent of coffee wafting towards him but his mood is dampened by the man leaning against the wall next to the very nice smelling coffee.

Sirius looks perfect like he always does. His hair is amazing and not frizzy at all, the bastard, and his outfit looks exactly like what a rockstar should be wearing. Remus looked bad before but compared to Sirius he looked like he just fell into a ditch, died in it, and then rolled into a swamp.

It takes him another second before he realizes Sirius is staring straight at him with an amused look on his face. Sirius opens his mouth to say something, Remus assumes he’ll say good morning or hello, instead he opens his perfect mouth and says “That’s my shirt.”

“What?” Is Remus’s perfectly articulate reply. He looks down at his shirt, a black t-shirt with a Nirvana graphic on the front.

Sirius rolls his eyes “I said that’s my shirt, you stole it in freshman year and I never gave it back apparently. I just assumed I’d lost it but apparently you’re just a thief.”

Dramatic is the only word that comes to Remus’s mind. “Is it really that big of a deal? You can have it back if you want, it’s not like it matters to me I just found it in the back of my dresser.” Lie. The shirt is very important to him and he wears it to sleep constantly as long as Regulus or Lily isn’t there because they would absolutely burn it if he did. Sirius bought the shirt on one of their first dates at the mall and had Remus hide it at his house because his parents would never let him keep it, Sirius would come over and take it back to wear all the time and after the break up Remus found it under his bed and feeling petty decided not to return it.

“I suppose you can keep it,” Sirius sighs out overly dramatic “It’s not like I don’t still have some of your old clothes that I didn’t return.”

That surprised Remus, he honestly assumed Sirius threw out all of his stuff after the breakup. “Makes it even then.” He says feigning casualty while actually trying to speed the conversation along so he can go get his coffee and then proceed to continue his panic from earlier back in his room.

He is apparently not good at being subtle because Sirius almost instantly knows what he is thinking, because of fucking course he does. “Did you want to get a coffee? I can get out of your way if you do.” He pushes off of the wall and starts to walk away towards what Remus presumes is his room.

Remus gets his coffee in a bit of a daze. Sirius was so nice to him, treating him like an old acquaintance, and it was bothering Remus. He just didn’t understand how he could be so nice to him after writing an entire fucking breakup album about him. It only hits him when he is over half way back to his room. Sirius is only being nice to him because they had agreed to be the literal day before. Remus lets out a sigh at the realization that it hadn’t been genuine, whether it’s one of relief or disappointment but he doesn’t let him dwell on that, and then continues on his slow trek to his comfy bed and trashy tv.

^^^^^^^^^^

“Pick up you idiot!” Sirius practically yells into his phone. He was pacing his room back and forth waiting for his supposed best friend to pick up his fucking phone and help him.

The dial finally stops and a crackle comes through the phone “Sirius are you alright?” Is the first thing James says.

For some reason this makes him crumble onto his bed “No James, I’m not ok because I was just getting my fucking coffee when Remus showed up and to make it worse he was wearing my shirt from high school and then he told me that it wasn’t even important to him!” He rants into the receiver.

James takes a deep breath from his end of the line “Woah ok, calm down pads, take a breather.” Sirius listens and follows him through a quick breathing exercise, something that they have done often since they became friends, before James resumes speaking, “Look just forget about him, ignore him unless he is standing right in front of you and you can’t. It’s the easiest way to get through this tour.” Easier said than done Sirius thinks.

Instead of telling his best friend that his idea is shit and won’t work because it is physically impossible for him to not think about Remus, he lies and says “Yeah, I’ll try Prongs, thanks for the advice.”

He can sense his smile through the phone as James responds “It’s no problem Pads. I have to go but talk later?” Sirius replies an affirmative before ending the call and rolling out of the bed. He doesn’t have time to deal with this now that he’s calmed down so he does what he does best, push the problem to the back of his brain until he’s forced to deal with it. Huh, maybe James does give good advice.

^^^^^^^^^

“You’ll be amazing I just know it!” Lily squeals through the phone. “Reggie thinks so too, he’s just afraid to admit he has feelings.” Remus thinks he can faintly hear Regulus yell at her to not call him that and a small smile blooms on his face. He misses them so much and desperately wishes they were there.

“I can’t believe you guys can’t make any of the shows until like halfway through the tour.” Remus complains.

Lily chuckles “Hey it’s not our fault you aren’t even remotely near us until then.”

“I know but still.”

The conversation flows as Lily tells him all about the most recent gossip at work and for the first time all week Remus feels calm. That is until another call comes through his phone and he has to hang up. Apparently Remus was supposed to have been back on the bus ten minutes ago. As soon as he hangs up he rushes out of his room and onto the bus where he is greeted to Dorcas yelling at him to watch the time and that if he keeps running late they’ll find someone to replace him. He apologizes profusely and takes a seat next to one of the windows and zones out until the bus stops at the back of the arena and they all unload.

He is given just enough time to walk into his dressing room and take one quick look around at the extravagant room before a team of people swarm inside informing him that they are there to do his hair and makeup.

“You have very nice hair, I think we should leave it as natural as possible and let his curls really sing.” The woman named Andy ,who seems to be the one making all of the decisions, says while reaching for a bottle of mouse. Remus thanks whatever deity is up there that they take very little time to do his hair and makeup. When they leave Andy tells him that someone will be by soon to dress him and to wait there until they arrive.

He does as he is told and sits on his phone until he hears his door creak open, he looks up and standing across the room is a woman with dark skin and black hair wearing a fully black outfit like all of the other crew members. She approaches him far more calmly than the hair and makeup people did and it instantly helps alleviate some of his nerves.

He stands up and out of his chair and puts out his hand for her to take which she does with a smile. “Hello, I’m Remus are you the stylist I was told would be helping me not look terrible on stage?” Remus jokes.

The woman laughs “Yes that would be me. I’m Mary, Mary Macdonald. Now we don’t have time to get to know each other tonight but since I’m your stylist for the rest of the tour we’ll have plenty of time to get to know one another.” She wastes no time in having him try on different outfits until she finds the one she deems “perfectly matches his and his musics aesthetic” It’s a pair of brown jeans paired with a forest green t-shirt and a pair of converse.

She leaves him alone in his dressing room until a member of the stage crew grabs him and guides him onto the stage. Another person hands him a mic while a dozen other people rush around the stage making sure everything is perfect and when it’s finally just him standing behind the curtain the band starts playing.

The first lights that hit his face blind him but he recovers in the second that it takes the fans in the audience to realize he’s on stage and start cheering.

“Hi, I’m Remus and I’m here to play some songs for you. Is that alright?” The crowd screams in response and he laughs, “Well ok then, this first one’s called ‘suburban legends’”

He throws himself into the performance and as his set progresses he gets more and more comfortable being the center of the rooms attention and by the time he is introducing his last song he can bring himself to interact with the audience. “Now this last one is one of my favorites. I wrote it after me and my ex boyfriend broke up and I was let’s just say I was not his biggest fan. This song is also the only reason I am on this stage tonight so thank you to that ex boyfriend and this is for you.” The beginning of ‘Now That We Don’t Talk’ starts playing and he stares out into the crowd while he has the time of his life on stage. When the song finishes the crowd is screaming and he can’t stop smiling while he waves to fans and walks backstage.

He doesn’t watch Sirius’s set that night, he can’t stare at Sirius perform songs about him right after he had done the very same to Sirius. Instead he heads back to the tour bus and falls into a blissful sleep and does not let thoughts of Sirius invade his dreams.