Failed Stars

Being named after a star whose name meant literally “warrior” was very fit for Bellatrix Black. All she ever wanted to do in her life was to fight for something she believed in. 

She believed in her family. Toujours Pur . She believed in the pureblood cause. Believed that the muggles were like vermin feeding on the magic of the wizardry families before they’ve even rotted. They have to be eliminated, or at least submitted to the status they deserved as the lesser race.

She would engage every battle like the warrior she was named to be. Magic boiled in her blood while she used her wand to make everyone that dared to question the way her Lord thinked bent to his will. She was ruthless as her dark lock got matted in the blood of traitors and the mud of the blood of the ones they've died protecting.

She was perfect. Everything the Black Family expected from an heir: Loyal, Ambitious, Protective and absolutely unstoppable with her wand in hand. Even without it, she would probably gauge the eyes off of someone who offended their tradition with her own nails if it meant bringing pride to the noble and most ancient house of black. She even looked exactly how a Black should: Dark hair like the abysm that would stare back at you, light eyes that could read your soul, slender body that could move like the snake that convinced Eve to eat the forbidden fruit, fair skin that showed her veins where only the purest of bloods ran.

And yet, it wasn’t enough.

The beloved heir of the family she spent all her life protecting was a ungrateful ten year old boy that, she was certain, wouldn’t get into slytherin even if he tried. Sirius was his name. Obviously Walburga and Orion would name their son after the brightest star in the sky. She was just counting the days till it backfired on their face. While Sirius was outside pretending to be Cadogan killing a Dragon, she was here, being dressed and pampered for the hardest battle she would have to fight. 

The only one she wouldn't go willingly. At least she wouldn’t have to say ‘yes’, after all, it wasn’t a custom in the Sacred Twenty-Eight to ask the bride if she would take the groom as hers to love and cherish. Love and cherish wasn’t even on the plan for her. Not that she wanted it anyway. The only thing Bellatrix Black loved above everything was her blood. Nothing would change that. Not even when Rodolphus got inside her body tonight to claim her as his wife and try to put a boy in her womb. It wouldn’t change her blood. She would always be Bellatrix Black. Just under new management.

一 It’s too tight 一 She said, looking through the window while her sister Andromeda buttoned up her dress.

一 It is not 一 Her mother, Druella, said, as she sipped her glass of champagne.

一 It is. I can barely move 一 Bellatrix replied, trying to lift her arms 一 How am I supposed to use my wand if i can't move my arms?

一 You won't use your wand 一 Her aunt, Walburga, replied 一 Its a wedding, not the battlefield.

Not that different, really , Bellatrix thought.

一 Your aunt is right, Bella. No one will break into the wedding and try to do something they shouldn’t. Besides, if they do try, that's why there are groomsmen. 

Of course, Mother. Bella thought. As if Rabastan and Corban are useful to something .

一 I can loosen it up a little, visually, would change nothing 一 Andy suggested. 

一 Don’t even think about it 一 Walburga said 一 This was my mother’s wedding dress, no alterations will be done. If Bellatrix can’t breathe, well, her loss. She could’ve worn her mother’s dress, but chose mine. I told you that you shouldn’t eat like a huntsman. 

一 I do not eat like a huntsman 一 Bellatrix defended herself, quickly.

一 Leave the girl, Wal 一 Druella said 一 It’s her wedding. 

一 I know. It’s just that it isn’t right 一 Walburga said, sitting beside Druella, clearly frustrated 一 She can do better than a Lestrange.

With that, Bellatrix agreed. Not that there was anyone she would rather invite into her body, but she was a Black. She could do immensely better.

一 We all know what you mean, but pureblood men are rare these days 一 Druella said.

一 I know. But i still think it should’ve been my son, not Rodolphus 一 Walburga said and Bellatrix could see Andromeda trying to shut down a laugh on the mirror. 

It made her want to laugh too. Married to a little boy that still calls his mother “mama”. Ridiculous. But Sirius was, indeed, the best she could get. Despite her hatred for him, their children would be as pure as snow. Not that she planned to have children someday, but if it meant passing down the Black name and traditions, she would be able to make this sacrifice. And if she was to marry her cousin, she would have to wait until he reached 17 years old at least, which would give her the opportunity to fight freely for some years before being expected to be caged down inside a household choosing napkins colours and decorating nurseries. 

She did not want any of that. 

She was supposed to be a warrior , not a mother .

一 Where’s Cissy? 一 She asked, looking around for her thirteen year-old sister. 

一 She said she needed to go to the restroom 一 Andy replied, quickly, finishing the last three buttons 一 All done. Let me finish your hair now.

一 Yes! Do your sister’s hair 一 Druella said 一 Wal and I will look for Narcissa. And make sure her hair doesn’t end up looking like a bird’s nest, as always.

一 I will, mama 一 Andromeda said. Just as the two older women got out of the room and closed the door behind them, Andy rolled her eyes 一 Your hair doesn’t look like a bird’s nest.

一 I don’t care if it does 一 Bella replied, watching her sister do her magic-less magic with her fingers. Twist, braid, set. Andromeda was a very talented woman with her hands. If she wasn’t a Black, she might become a very good medwitch someday 一 If it depended on me, i would simply marry him in my field robes and mask.

一 I don’t think you would marry him at all if it depended on you 一 Andromeda said, pinning Bella’s hair. 

Bellatrix swallowed lightly. Living under Andromeda Black’s sight was a living hell. Not even the most powerful occlument could escape that pair of icy blue eyes. She always knew what was on her sister’s minds before them.

一 Don’t start it, Andy.

一 You shouldn’t do this. You know he can’t be the man you want.

一 I don’t want any man, so what's the point in running away from this one? 一 Bella asked, holding Andy’s hands 一 At least, Rodolphus will allow me to keep my status. It's more than most of us can expect these days. Truly, I mourn for the day you have to get married. I hope the Dark Lord save a man of good family for you, since Cissy will most certainly marry Sirius. Maybe Malfoy won't be married in two years. 

一 I don’t plan to marry as soon as I finish Hogwarts, sister 一 Andromeda laughed.

一 We don’t get to choose, really. 

Bellatrix saw her sister shiver as the words came out of her mouth. Andromeda always hated to be obligated to do things. 

She was like a mustang with her chocolate brown hair. Most definitely born to be free, fated to be tamed.

一 Bella, I have something to tell you… 一 As Andromeda was about to say something, Cissy bursted into the room wearing a hideous beige bonnet and hid behind the mirror 一 Cissy?

一 You have to promise not to shout at me 一 Narcissa said, looking to her sisters with fear in her eyes.

Bellatrix looked at Andromeda and then turned her head to Cissy. 

一 It’s okay, you’re always safe with us 一 Bella said, extending her hand to Cissy, that grabbed it 一 What happened, my flower?

一 I… I did something 一 Narcissa said.

一 Does it have anything to do with this ugly hat? 一 Andy asked. Cissy nodded 一 Oh God… what did you do?

Narcissa said nothing, just took off the bonnet revealing her new hair.

Bellatrix would’ve gasped, but the dress did not gave her enough room for that. Narcissa’s beautiful dark locks where angels used to sleep were now replaced by mismatched waves of various shades of blonde hair.

一 Why did you do this? 一 Bellatrix asked 一 Your hair… 

一 I can fix it 一 Andy quickly said 一 Just wait there while I finish Bella’s hair, then I’ll take care of you, alright?

Cissy nodded, nervous, and sat on the chair where Walburga was sitting ten minutes before.

While Andromeda used her wand and hands to make sure that Bella’s hair was perfectly tamed, she glanced at her little sister through the mirror. She loved Narcissa with her whole heart, the same way she loved Andromeda. they were everything for her. And still, she envied them. The freedom they would experience while she was tied to a man. And aside from her envy, she was completely horrified that it wouldn’t take long before this same fate reached them. 

She thought that girls never got to experience girlhood for long. Not long enough, at least. 

It took way less than Bellatrix would like for Andromeda to finish fixing her hair. Her sister was even quicker fixing their youngest sister’s hair, which now was completely even coloured in a pale shade of blond that made Bella remember of a Veela. Or maybe of a Malfoy. 

As she realised, finally, the motives for her little sister’s rebel act, she smiled. Narcissa was the perfect Slytherin, as always. 

As if sensing the light air in the dressing room, Cygnus Black knocked on the door.

一 Wow, what do we have here 一 He said, entering the room.

Narcissa quickly got to her feet, smiling, and twirled, making both her new hair and her dress flow beautifully, as if kissed by Zephyro himself. 

一 Do you like it, papa? 一 Cissy asked, holding hands with Andy, anxiously.

一 Yes, i do. Very lady-like. Looks like your mother now 一 He said, putting his hands on his pockets. Andy finally smiled. Despite the feeling of calmness, Bellatrix knew her father very well. She knew that Cygnus Black was like a fucking storm on high sea and that it wouldn’t take long for him to say or do something that could make this day even worse. He looked at Andromeda now, staring at her the same way a seller looks at his best mare, thinking how much he will be paid for folks that want to get her pregnant 一 Oh, Andy, you look absolutely dashing. No wonder that you’ll follow your big sister’s steps not long after her. And then you, my little flower 一 He said, caressing Cissa’s cheeks. 

She has always been his favourite. So obedient. So easy to bend to your will. Narcisa was doted on by a vulnerability that invited the abuse token as affection by the ones that carried the same blood as hers.

Andromeda coughed, a bit terrified by the perspective. Bella could see it in the nervous way her younger sister started to pick on her cuticles. Always the same self-destroying mechanism.

一 How’s Rodolphus? 一 Bellatrix asked, eager to protect her sisters from the sinister aura that surrounded their father.

Cygnus smiled irritated just by hearing Bella’s voice. She was definitely his most difficult daughter, and he must’ve been experiencing absolute bliss since the sun rose this morning just by the thought that she was about to become someone else’s problem. Which, of course, was very weird, since she was his image reflected on a woman's body. She had the same cold blue eyes and the same fiery rage. Her father was the worst man in the world, and she was just like him. Maybe thays why he didn't like her. He couldn't help but see himsel in her dimples.

一 Fine. A bit nervous, but again, is his wedding day 一 He said, shrugging his shoulders and looking at his perfectly shining shoes, doing everything he could to not look at Bellatrix and be forced to tell her she looks pretty. It was fine by her. She did not felt pretty in this dress. She felt like a fucking clown.

一 Of course he would be nervous 一 Bellatrix commented in a whisper, trying not to sound too harsh. She already knew she was going to be the one to wear the pants in this marriage. Not that she minded, though. If Rodolphus tried to command her or tell her to shut up like the other husbands did to their perfect wives, she would probably poison his tea. 

一 Girls, will you please excuse your sister and I? We have to have a little chat 一 Cygnus said and Andromeda looked to Bellatrix as if asking for permission. If Cygnus had seen it, he probably would throw a tantrum right there. She nodded quietly and Andromeda got up, holding Cissa’s hand.

一 Of course. We’ll be waiting for you in the gardens. Excuse us, papa 一 She said, lightly pulling Narcissa away. 

The younger one got on her tippy toes to kiss her father’s cheek goodbye and waved to Bella, who answered with a smile. This aura of good feeling only lasted until the door clicked closed.

一 You look… nice 一 Her father forced himself to say, looking at her, finally 一 Looks awfully like your grandmother. 

一 Oh, yes. Aunt Walburga said the same when she saw me 一 Bella said 一 Almost shed a tear, if I remember well. She just said I was too fat for the dress, but as long as the buttons don't fly out, I don't think Grandma would mind.

一 Bella, you should listen.

一 I am listening.

一 No, you never listen. You only do what you want, but it ends today. You are to be married. You know what that means 一 He said, stepping closer to her 一 You must obey Rodolphus. 

一 Father, this is not the time for a “lay back and think of England” kind of conversation. Mother already told me what happens 一 Bella said. Well, it wasn’t really true. But Druella Rosier Black wasn’t so naive about her children, and knew that Bellatrix had had some fun with her cousin Evan. 

一 Bellatrix, you should not provoke me to anger 一 He said, laughing it off.

一 Father, we both know that Rodolphus does not have the balls to try to command anything, much less to try to command me. The Black women are like wild horses, grandma used to say. And he is a fucking sheep. You are marrying your first daugther to a fucking sheep and seems to be enjoying every fucking second of it. Grandma Irma should be clawing her bones on her grave. 

一 This dirty mouth of yours will give you some trouble, young lady.

一 I’m used to it 一 She replied, holding her hands in firsts 一 I could be better. You know this. A general for our cause, if you’d let me. 

一 I don’t doubt for  a second that you would be a great lieutenant for the Dark lord, Bellatrix 一 He said, picking a line thread from the dress 一 But you were born a woman. You are more useful bringing new soldiers to the cause than fighting for it. Raising pureblood boys the right way. With the right values.

一 So you’re going to sell me like a broodmare to a Lestrange? Even a Rosier would be better 一 She said, enraged 一 It is what you have planned for my sisters, isn’t it? Going to marry Andromeda to what? Barty Crouch? And then what about Narcissa? Gona sell her to whoever bids higher? 

一 No. Your sisters are well behaved and even-tempered. Your husband is solely a consequence of your behaviour 一 He said 一 What can i say if nobody wanted to marry a fucking bratty whore that was caught with her cousin balls deep into her in the library? Be happy that he is a first son and will provide this filfhy cunt of yours with a State for you to live in.

Bellatrix should have thought better. She knew she should’ve. But this was her last day as her father’s problem, so she would make it the worst day of his life too. Before she could stop herself, the echo of her hand slapping his hollow cheeks filled the room. This slap held all the anger reprimed for her 17 years of life, and it felt fucking amazing.

Before his face even was completely turned to the door, his hands got to her neck and pushed her to the nearest wall, strangling her with all the suppressed anger he had on the surface of his skin. Defiantly, she kept staring at his eyes, refusing to plead for mercy. If he was about to end her life there, then fucking be it. He would lose more without her than she would with him killing her. He would lose a soldier-making machine for the pureblood cause, as he liked to think, and pureblood fertile women were rare these days.

一 Now, you listen to me 一 He said, his face getting red and redder each second 一 You will walk that fucking aisle and will behave as you marry Rodolphus Lestrange, because he is what you can get. You will smile during the reception and will be nice and gentle like your sisters for once in your goddamn life, and when they ask you how it is to be a married woman, you will tell them that you’ve never loved anything more. I don’t care what you do with that shitty faggot you’re about to marry, for all i care, you can avada him after you pop a boy out of this cursed womb of yours so you can keep the Lestrange State, but to the eyes of the pureblood community, you are perfectly adequate for each other and are very happy that you’ve made your duty of keeping half and mudbloods out of your families lines. We have a deal?

She said nothing, but as her eyes started to roll to the back of her head, she thought that maybe he thought she nodded. Anyway, Cygnus let go of her neck and she couldn’t help but open her mouth to breathe in as much air as she could, falling to the ground. 

一 We will be waiting for you in the gardens 一 He said, adjusting his cufflinks 一 Fix yourself before going down there. You already embarrassed us enough.

Cygnus Black got out of the dressing room and Bellatrix stared at the floor for a while, waiting until her breathing became steady again. Then she looked to herself in the mirror. She looked like a mess, as if she was just ran by a fucking chariot. 

As she got up, she made a decision: she would be a chariot, spreading fire and chaos wherever she passed. And she would not be engulfed by the shadow of a husband she did not want. Not engulfed by the shadow of anyone. She stared at her own reflection on the mirror and carelessly removed every pin she could find. She would go down that aisle like Bellatrix Black and would go back at least looking like herself and not Rodolphus’ pretty little wife or her parent’s version of what she should be. 

She held her flowers and looked at herself in the mirror again. Better like this. Without giving another look, she walked towards the doors and, when the music started, she walked down the aisle laughing. This all was terribly funny. All these people expected her to settle down. Little did they know that settling down was something she would never do.