Remus woke up, feeling empty with a tear down his face. He didn’t know why. His eyes adjusted to the small lights dancing behind his curtains. The smell so familiar and yet distant. Like a puppet, he stepped out of his bed, opening his curtains to the distinct sound of chatters.
The dorm was warm with memories and the fireplace. He touched the mahogany bedside where chocolate wrappers and his wand rested next to an open book. His gaze looked over to see the dorm empty but not void. The bed to his left was disorganised. A few plants had grown near it and threatened to take roots in it. But the earthly smell was pleasant. On his right, the bed was methodically made and perfectly cleaned, as if no one slept there. Yet on the bedside, a beaten up camera with pictures of friends and family had been displayed almost carelessly with happiness, next to a lighter with the moon and a star engraved on it. The last bed had dirty clothes lying on it with some sports magazines. Posters of Quidditch teams had been put up near the bed.
Remus had trailed his fingers on the lighter, feeling the dents of the engravure upon metal when the chatter had became laughter. Before seeing what was the commotion about, he headed to the shared bathroom to wash his face and was surprised to see how his eyes seemed to be so sad. The bathroom was the perfect mixed between a book opened, resting there, waiting to be picked up again, a tiny plant that tried to survive off the moisture of the place, silver rings and earrings clattering the space around the sink and one sock in the tub. A trace of life shared among friends.
The common room had been decorated for the Christmas holiday. Lights and garlands, ornaments for the tree taking place behind the sofa. As Remus climbed down the stairs, he could pick out sounds that felt as if it had been years since he had last heard them. The voice of sweet Mary telling about how she would like to get a new hairstyle, the whisper of a love between Marlene and Dorcas, the laugh of his dear Lily mixed with the exciting storytelling of James, the snarky comments of Peter after winning a game of cards against the whines of Sirius.
« Moony? » a concerned voice asked softly, reaching for his hand.
Remus looked up to see the face of Padfoot. His Padfoot. His beautiful boyfriend. He reached over and kissed his forehead. « Good morning, Pads ».
Sirius seemed happy to see him but a bit worried about his demeanour.
« Moony! You are finally awake! We’ve been waiting for you for ages man! » James said excitedly as he stumbled over the sofa to hug his friend. « Come on, it’s time for gifts »
Everyone gathered around the sofa and started to exchange gifts.
Marlene went first. She opened her gift like a toddler, ripping it out, and discovered a t-shirt signed by members of her favorite band. Remus found it weird but didn’t say anything.
Dorcas followed. She received a beautiful golden necklace engraved with something that seemed to be understood by the girls. A token of belonging.
James couldn’t wait for his turn and revealed tickets for the next Quidditch World Cup and a strange pin of a pumpkin that Peter asked Lily if it was his new nickname now to embarrass him.
Lily had moved closer to James when he offered her a golden ring with a flower on it. Remus swore he had already seen it before. He might have been there with him when he stumbled upon it.
Mary was supposed to be next in line but she wasn’t there anymore. She might have forgotten her gift upstairs and went to get it.
« My turn ! » Sirius said with a cocky smile. With etiquette, he unwrapped his gifts gently. The girls had bought him a black leather jacket, and Marlene offered him her favourite nail polish. The Marauders had decided to gift him with new records.
And Remus… had nothing for him. Sirius looked at him expectantly and Remus couldn’t believe he had forgotten about Sirius. Instinctively, he reached in his left pocket that he knew were empty and yet a small box was there. He pulled out the velvet box and his heart tightened at the sight. He opened it, slowly revealing a silver band with the words « when this you see, remember me ».
All of it seemed… strange, odd and even eerie with a dark sense of humor.
« Moony? »
« Sorry, here » Remus said, focusing himself on his lover as he put the band on his finger, a familiar sensation.
In the background he could hear his friends mocking them. Everyone talking about something else.
« Wait, what about Peter? » Remus asked.
« What about him? » Sirius said, a look of hurt.
« Where are his gifts? » Remus added, looking for little Wormtail.
« He’s not here, mate » James said, confused.
« What? No he was here » Remus continued.
« He better not be or I would kill the rat for what he’s done » Dorcas said angrily.
« What are you saying? »
« Moony, » Sirius said, holding Remus’ face in his hands. « Know that I always loved you and I will wait for you again ».
« Sirius? » Remus was starting to panic, something was wrong.
« Mate, you shouldn’t be here yet. So wake up, » James said, his face blurred.
Marlene and Dorcas had vanished into thin air. James and Lily were no more. And Sirius. Beautiful Sirius. He looked at his lover with tears in his eyes.
« Please Moony, wake up for me. »
____________
Remus woke up, feeling empty with tears down his face. He knew why. His eyes adjusted to the blinding sunlight behind the trees. The earthly smell mixed with blood so familiar. Like a puppet whose strings had been cut up, he hissed in pain as he looked at the cuts the wolf had inflicted. He looked up at the sky, thinking of the sun and the star.
« Let me join you, please »
Remus cried, bloody and naked, in a deadly cold forest for Christmas.