(04) Muffled Concerns
The case was over. The unsub was caught. The victims would get justice.
And yet, as we boarded the jet, exhaustion settling deep into our bones, I felt no relief.
Everyone was drained—physically, mentally. The weight of the job still hung heavy in the air.
Elle and JJ had claimed a two-seater, their heads resting against each other, fast asleep. Across from them, Morgan slouched in his seat, eyes closed, headphones drowning out the world. Beside me, Gideon had taken over the couch, a book still open on his chest, though his steady breathing told me he had long since succumbed to sleep.
The soft hum of the jet was the only sound.
I turned my phone over in my hands, staring at the darkened screen. Still nothing.
I had lost count of how many times I had tried to reach Z. Each call went unanswered. Each text unread.
My stomach twisted with unease.
The last thing we had heard over the phone—gunfire, a muttered curse, the line going dead—played over and over in my head like a broken record.
I sighed, finally switching my phone off and placing it on the small table in front of me. It was pointless. If they could answer, they would have.
That’s when I noticed Hotch watching me.
His gaze was unreadable, sharp but not unkind.
As soon as I met his eyes, he gave me a small nod and gestured for me to join him. He was seated at a smaller table, slightly secluded from the rest of the team, paperwork spread out in front of him.
I hesitated for half a second before grabbing my book and phone and making my way over.
“What’s up?” I asked, offering him a small, tired smile as I sat down.
Hotch set his pen down, folding his hands together as he studied me. “Are you okay?”
The question caught me off guard.
“I know you said you can’t tell us much,” he continued, voice measured, “or more like, anything. And I’ll respect that, even though I’m not exactly pleased about it. But after what we heard over the phone today, I just want to know if you’re okay.”
His expression was unreadable, but there was something in his eyes. Something genuine.
I swallowed. “It’s not that I don’t want to tell you, Hotch.” I exhaled slowly, rubbing the back of my neck. “I just… I can’t risk it. Not with the team.”
Hotch didn’t react, just listened.
I glanced around, lowering my voice. “What Z does… It's dangerous. Not many people they interact with know what they look like, or even their real name. The only reason you even know their name is because I wasn’t careful. And because we needed their help.”
I expected him to push, but instead, he surprised me.
*“Reid, relax. I understand that. I wasn’t asking about them. I was asking about you.”
I blinked.
Hotch leaned back, gathering his paperwork into a neat pile. “I know I don’t have the clearance to know who they are, or what exactly they do. And frankly, I don’t care about that.” He looked at me carefully. “I just want to know how you’re handling this.”
I hesitated.
I could tell him.
He probably had enough clearance to find out on his own if he wanted to. But even so…
No.
Not yet.
I sighed. “You probably have clearance to know at least something about them. Or close enough.”
I debated telling him everything—how Z wasn’t just some contact, how they meant more to me than I ever let on.
But before I could even begin, Hotch interrupted me.
“It’s fine, Reid.” His voice was calm. “I don’t need to know their name, or what they do. I just want to know what your relationship with them is.”
I stared at him, searching for any sign of judgment.
There was none.
“If you don’t want to talk to me about it, that’s fine,” Hotch continued. “But just so you know, you can talk to Gideon. Or Morgan. Or anyone on this team. You know they’d never judge you.”
I looked down at the table.
I know that.
I trusted them. I did. But…
“No, it’s not that.” I exhaled, forcing myself to meet his eyes again. “I trust them with my life, Hotch. But you…”
I hesitated, searching for the right words.
“You wouldn’t pity me like JJ. You wouldn’t joke about it like Morgan or Prentiss.”
Hotch’s expression remained unreadable, but I could tell he was listening.
“I know I could trust them,” I admitted. “But this… this is different. It’s—” I exhaled sharply. “It’s sacred.”
Hotch nodded slowly, his expression softening.
It wasn’t the first time we had conversations like this.
At first, it had been Gideon who tried to help me through the harder cases. But he had quickly realized that it wasn’t working. So he told me to seek out Hotch.
Of course, I hadn’t.
So Hotch had sought me out instead.
He had cornered me, forced me to talk to him—not by pressing, but by sharing. About his early cases. About his time before the BAU. About the weight of the job, and how sometimes it crushed you when you least expected it. About his divorce with Hailey and about little Jack.
And somehow, somewhere along the way, we had started opening up to each other.
I wasn’t sure what exactly our relationship was. Not quite a father figure. Maybe an older brother, though the age gap made that a bit strange. But there was trust.
There was understanding.
And as Jack’s godfather, I had been around enough that it just… made sense.
Hotch studied me for a moment longer, then, his lips twitched in the faintest hint of a smirk.
“So… who’s Z?” he asked casually. “You’ve never mentioned her before.”
I barely had time to register his wording before—
From the corner of my eye, I caught movement.
Morgan and Prentiss.
Their backs were turned, heads tilted slightly.
Eavesdropping.
They hadn’t heard the start of the conversation, but they had sensed something.
I bit back a smirk and turned back to Hotch.
Mouthing: Later.
He glanced toward them, then nodded in understanding.
Still—his smirk lingered.
“Just a friend, huh?” he repeated, voice deliberately light.
I narrowed my eyes slightly. I knew what he was doing.
“I’m not saying anything you didn’t already hear.” I smirked. “You’re smart enough to connect the dots yourself, Hotch.”
From the other side of the plane, Morgan and Prentiss stiffened slightly.
Hotch gave a small, approving nod, amused but satisfied.
“Alright,” he said, his tone shifting back to something more serious. “Just wanted to make sure you were okay after today.”
I hesitated, then sighed.
“I’ll be fine once Z gets back.”
That was the truth.
“Once they’re safe. Once I know they’re okay. Until then… I’m coping.”
Hotch studied me for a long moment, then nodded.
I took that as the end of the conversation.
Leaning back in my seat, I opened my book.
Beside me, Hotch returned to his paperwork.
And for now, that was enough.