Everyone Has Fears
NOW
Everyone has fears, that is everyone but Bellatrix Lestrange. She is a power to be reckoned with, a power to be feared. Maybe that's why she is the Dark Lord's right hand man. Maybe it's because she’s so obsessed with the guy that she doesn’t see right or wrong… This much is clear to Tiberius Nott as he apparates with her to a secluded town known to be filled with mudbloods and halfbreeds.
However he does remember the times when they were younger, when they shared experiences with a flick of an eye, and grew so close over the years… that was till things changed. He didn’t know fully what had ended up happening but he knew something was different.
So now they are back together on a nightly adventure a bit different then what they had done together before. Of course Tiberius’s heart isn’t in it anymore. He is a grown man, with a wife and children, who he happens to love more than the dark lord. But, as an already committed member of the Death Eaters he has no choice but to continue living the life that his younger self chose for him.
Apparently the Dark Lord had been getting suspicious of the Nott household priorities so Tiberius and his wife sought out the one who whispered in his ear. None other than his previous friend. So here they are, firing curses at young children and old adults. As he continually repeated in his mind this is for his family.
They wrecked houses, and shops, burned down stands and signs till the town was nothing more than a fiery blaze of light soon to be on the front page of a paper. He hated knowing that after the war ended his children would know all of the terrible things that he had done. All of the crimes and kills that he had committed, and he only hoped they would forgive him. But his hopes were low. After all, he had never fully forgiven himself for his first kill.
It had been a test of his loyalty. He had first seen the person when he walked into the room. Bloody and wrangled, tied up with a rope and a sack over their head. Of course he hadn’t thought much of it, the Dark Lord had plenty of prisoners. But when the Dark Lord's squinted black eyes met his, he knew. This was going to be it. There would be no excuses to blame the kill on. No reason except for the twisted belief that had been stuck in his head before he met his wife. She had made him see light, she had slowly untwined his beliefs until he saw the truth of all of the actions that he had committed for this war.
He had hoped that Bellatrix would find someone like this, someone to help ease her mind. But as he thought back to their school years he knew that that person for her had already come and gone. Doing their best to salvage the mind of Bellatrix Black, and now it was too late for her to ever come back from whatever cliff she had jumped off of. And Tiberius had to move on from his school crush, and best mate.
7 Years Earlier:
Tiberius and Bella had definitely not become friends, not even close. They were more like what you call acquaintances. The glares had lessened and what Aycummus liked to call their “lovers quarrel” had diminished. All of their friends were close to speechless over this progressment. Whatever they had missed during that ‘chess’ game must have been something truly extraordinary. Because of course, that's all they knew of. Tiberius and Bella's little adventure around the castle remained secret, as well as the cause of the little incident the next day.
Bellatrix was actually quite proud of herself when she heard about the plants exploding across the Great Hall and chaos–which she had luckily missed–that morning. It wasn’t something that she should necessarily be proud of, after all countless people had fainted, others threw up from the dizziness, and some even ended up in the hospital wing from allergic reactions. One girl which Bella had met in Transfiguration earlier that week–Lisa Doge–had erupted in something similar to boils, that was all Bellatrix had seen before Lisa was carted away by the teachers. Oh, and the teachers were a whole different mess.
Whoever had said that schools were supposed to handle issues with authority and grace were wrong. Professor Dumbledor had been shouting, Professor Mc Gonagall was running around frantically trying to help students while Professor Sprout waved her wand trying to calm the outlandish plants, and the other teachers just sat in shock at what was happening before them.
And all the while Tiberius and Bellatrix were safely tucked away in their beds down in the dungeons unable to hear commotion happening upstairs. Sleeping until their bodies had recovered from the eventful activities of the night before. No repercussions had yet to come their way, after all no one knew who did it… and Bella definitely wasn’t going to expose herself. Because this hadn’t been a prank that was funny, it wasn’t the type where you laughed it off with your friends, she had no doubt that some people were pissed, and she really didn’t feel like dealing with the mean prank that she and Tiberius had put together.
But despite all of that, a small part of Bellatrix was prideful of her actions. She liked the way it felt knowing she had created something so chaotic and only one other person knew about it. For once in her life, she was the one creating the chaos, she was the reason that all of these things had happened, but most of all, she was the one in control. And after everything in her life she thrived off of it, like a moth to a flame.
So she brushed off the uneasy feeling that coursed through her body when she thought about how Tiberius only wanted to target muggleborns, and the ‘impure’ during this prank. She blew off the feeling of being wrong in her gut because despite all the information that her parents had forced into her about muggleborns being lesser, she knew that they were no different than her.
But even though she knew it was wrong, she discarded those feelings and focused on how proud her parents would be and played off this want as being a ‘good’ daughter trying to hide the part that thrived off of it.
So, about a week after that incident, Bella found herself going to Tiberius once again to sneak through the castle walls.
—--------------------------------------------------------
Weeks passed and Bella found herself being more comfortable around her friends then she had felt even around her sisters. Of course she didn’t tell them about her home, or her life before Hogwarts, but then again, the rest did the same. It didn’t mean they weren’t close, it just proved that there were things in life that were better to remain in the dark. Because not everything could be solved with the touch of Hogwarts magic.
So one Saturday, when most of the older students had gone to Hogsmeade, Bella and her friends were by the Quidditch Pitch. It was the end of October so they were all wrapped in jumpers, scarves, gloves, and hats, desperately trying to maintain the warmth in their bodies.
This was a spot that they often found themselves in, for an unknown reason the group found themselves climbing the endless stairs to the top of one of the stands each weekend. It had started when Aycumus had wanted to go practice flying, so after a couple of groans and complaints they had made their way through the school grounds. They had watched and huddled as Aycumus swooped and flipped through the sky like a little show off he was. The next was the same, then again and again and again. They didn’t mean to form this habit, and yet all of them found solitude during those hours.
Adia would sometimes perform muggle plays she found in the library. Sending the group into spiraling laughter at the sight of her trying to single handedly switch characters every sentence.
Bella and Alecto would get into wrestling matches and the rest of the group would place bets on who would win, so many silvers and sickles had been lost during these bets or sometimes they would bet a dare, or a favor. Bella generally stuck with the dares, after all what was life without a little bit of… spice.
So that cold day in October Bella and Alecto got into another little friendly brawl. Bella, feeling confident, had bet a dare on herself. That day of course was one of the times she had lost. Only about two minutes after they had started Bella had found herself pinned to the ground with an arm covered in chunky knit green sweaters.
“Aw come on!” She complained, pulling herself up from the cold ground. “I would have won if I wasn’t wearing these jumpers!” Alecto rolled her eyes with a wide grin on her face, it wasn’t often when Bella lost.
“Stop with the excuses Bells!” She smirked, “Admit it! I beat you fair and square!”
“I would never !” Bella gasped in horror dramatically.
“Come on Alecto, you don’t actually think that the Bellatrix Black would ever admit defeat?” Aycumus laughed watching the scene play out.
“Her ego is way too big for that!” Tiberius added, earning a pointed glare from the black haired girl.
“Prick!” Bella snorted, turning back to Alecto. She and Alecto had grown closer, they weren’t the type of friends that would share their deepest darkest secrets and whisper gossip into each other's ears because they already knew each other's experiences as their own. Instead they were the type that rough housed each other and understood each other with quick glances, and eyebrow gestures. “Fine, I'll give it to you.” Aycumus dramatically gasped with a hand over his heart.
“The day has finally come!”
“Shut it twat,” Bella grunted, if anything she was competitive. “What's my dare?”
“Well, I’ve actually been thinking about this for a while.” Alecto smirked wickedly. “All these days out here, I’ve never once seen you on a broom. So for your dare, you must hop on a broom and fly around.” A twisting feeling filled Bella, she had never liked heights, or brooms for that matter.
“Aw come on, that's so lame!” Tiberius pouted, unaware of Bella’s fear of flying.
“Ya I could do that in my sleep!” Aycumus added, earning a wack to the head from Adia.
“Well… I guess we’ll see if there is anything the mighty Bella can’t do!” Alecto smiled wickedly, she knew… of course Alecto knew… But Bellatrix couldn’t back down from the challenge, so she headed down the stands with Aycumus’s broom in hand.
—-------------------------------------------------------------------
Once at the bottom she could feel the eyes of her friends on her back. She had been able to make it through flying lessons with only a couple inches between her and the ground, but actually flying was something that she hadn’t managed to complete yet, and she was terrified to do it.
Arranging the broom under her legs she closed her eyes, hoping that her friends wouldn’t see how frightened she was. After all it was just a small task that she had seen her friends do countless times. Focusing on the sound around her she pushed off the ground softly, the broom quivering a bit. Rising slowly she tried to keep the broom still, and yet the quivering continued so she kept her eyes closed.
She kept pushing the panic that swarmed through her into a box. Pushing it down, ignoring the emptiness beneath her feet, and wind whistling through her hair. Locking away the feeling of instability that she continually ran from.
Slowly she began to feel at ease, focusing on the good things. The freedom from gravity, the crisp air… something, anything else.
That's when she opened her eyes.
Stupid move..
Her eyes locked on the couple of feet of air under her and that's when everything broke free.
All the anxiety and panic flew through her as she clenched her hands tighter around the handle. Through her eyes, the small amount of space between her and the ground expanded, multiplied until it felt like she was 1000 feet off the ground.
She felt paralyzed, her body not belonging to her anymore, her mind unruly focusing only on the fact she was in the air.
In the air and out of control.
Her breath became gasps of white puffs of air, hands clenched on the broom started shaking uncontrollably forcing the broom into small movements.
That’s when she felt it. In the center of her chest, a small bubble formed. It felt suffocating, and containing, trapping herself inside her mind. The small bubble in her chest slowly expanded around her like a tidal wave pulling her under…
Everything went black.
—--------------------------------------------------------
Tiberius knew the moment Bellatrix Black began to freak out. How? Because he had experienced the same thing countless times. The unwavering panic that filled his body and corrupted his mind. As Tiberius’s parents found out about his endless fears, their disappointment became endless. He was a disappointment to his family name. After all how could a Nott be afraid of things like:
- Spiders
- Tight spaces
- Failure
- The dark
- Snakes (which really was quite unfortunate for his situation in Slytherin)
The list could go on.
So when Bellatrix closed her eyes and got on the broom, he saw a reflection of himself in her eyes. Endless humiliation, disappointment and self hatred.
That's when he started running. He scrambled through the group of friends, careful not to trip on the bleachers. He bolted down the stairs as fast as he could, his growing legs stumbling on almost every step.
Feeling like almost an eternity later he stepped off the final wooden step, his legs sprung into motion. Putting all the power in his small body into his legs.
His eyes locked onto Bella’s face, watching her eyes blink open and watching them gloss over as she was transferred somewhere that he could only dread.
Tiberius had never seen Bella so distraught, so messed up. He had only seen the confident little girl with a wicked grin, clever eyes, and snarky comebacks. But he had a feeling that this Bellatrix was a version closer to what was real, and it threw him off.
“BELLATRIX!” He shouted trying to break through to her. “BELLA! YOU NEED TO BREATH!” He was so close to her, just a little further! That was until she started moving. Her shaking hands sent the broom into a spasm, moving up, down, forward, backward, side to side and she wasn’t or couldn’t do anything about it.
Tiberius tracked her shadow trying to stay beneath her floating figure so when she came down he would be ready.
Or so he thought.
When the broom slid from her grasp, and her body went limp she wasn’t carried down, instead she free fell—Tiberius really didn’t know anything about brooms…
He rushed forward to her falling body, opening his arms!
CRACK!!
Suddenly he was on the ground, his arm now bent at a painfully odd angle. He had been unable to catch Bella, too weak…
And everything went black.
—------------------------------------------------------
When Tiberius came back to consciousness he noticed four things. The first was the soft bed beneath him, the second was the blinding lights bombarding his eyes, the third was the slight throb in his left arm, and the last was the curly black haired girl sitting next to him. The girl was very pretty, but her features were pushed into a very guilty expression.
He knew her, didn't he? His brain was so drowsy.
“Why did you catch me?” She asked so quietly that he could barely make out her words. What was she talking about? Catch who?
“Wut?” He muttered,
“Why did you ca–” He didn’t catch the end of her sentence as his eyes fluttered close once again, pulling him under.
—---------------------------------------------------
Bella didn’t know why she was still at the hospital wing, she had been released an hour ago… maybe it was guilt, maybe it was embarrassment, maybe it was curiosity. How did he know? From what the rest of the group said, he knew immediately, running down the stand like it was on fire. Which is another thing Bella didn’t understand. Sure they were ‘friendly’ with each other, but they weren’t in a ‘I’m coming to save you’ relationship. To be honest Bellatrix thought that he hated her, which was sort of reliving. She was still the same person who had managed to get people to like her.
Bella had woken up only a few hours ago with an elevated heart rate, and high blood pressure. Nothing injured, nothing broken–except her pride.
Her embarrassment for not completing a simple task had her hiding in her hospital bed scared to face her friends in their dorm. After all she was Bellatrix Black. She was supposed to be good at everything and she was supposed to be better than everyone. Her parents had trained her to be like that, yet when she got on a broom she had a panic attack and blacked out.
Madame Pomfrey had said that it was perfectly normal, that plenty of people were scared of heights but she wasn’t supposed to be normal… no she was supposed to be exceptional. So she had stayed in that bed until Madame Pomfrey ordered her out of the bed.
That’s when she saw Tiberius laid out on the next bed over, a cast over his arm. When she asked Madame Pomfrey she told Bella that he had tried to catch her, getting his arm crushed in the process.
This news only added to her guilt and shame, she wasn’t a princess that needed to be saved by Tiberius Nott! But she wanted to know why he had done it, so she stayed till he regained consciousness, but after he went in and out of consciousness again and again without answering her question she left. Wandering the dark castle in need of a safe haven to hide.