Chapter 10
"S-Sirius, Jesus, are you sure?"
Remus didn’t know what came over him, but from the moment they set foot in his room Sirius had pushed him against the wall and started snogging him passionately, without even allowing him to understand what the fuck was happening.
But he wasn't complaining.
Sirius kissed as if the world's salvation depended on it.
As if his very salvation depended on it.
As if he needed their kisses to breathe, his oxygen.
"Please, focus on me when we are alone"
A strangled sound that must have sounded like laughter came out of him but was quickly swallowed up by the man above him, slowly torturing him with his mouth.
"That's not the answer I wanted to get, darling."
He was feeling unimaginable things.
Sirius was making him feel unimaginable things.
But he didn't want sex to become a copying mechanism to silence the problems he was having with his brother.
He wouldn't allow it.
This moment was theirs and he didn't want Sirius to be distant.
"Don't worry love, I want to do this for you, I need to hear you moan under me"
He whispered with malice as he continued to leave a trail of kiss that pervaded from Remus' neck to his navel.
The stimulation was so high that he almost tried to escape, usually he was the person in charge, the one who made Sirius writhe under him, the one who made him scream with pleasure until he orgasmed, but today Sirius had decided to drive him crazy.
"Fuck Remus, you're not real, you're a dream."
He only received a groan as a response.
No one had ever compared it to an idyll, to a dream.
He tried to close his legs when he felt his groin stimulated by Sirius' tongue, a heat radiating from his lower abdomen.
This was- this was too much- today was the day he would have died.
"Not so fast, sweetie, keep them wide open"
He arched his back on the mattress making one of the most obscene sounds he had ever made and cursing himself for falling in love with the sexiest man on the entire face of the earth.
Actually, not cursing himself, because now he was writhing beneath him.
It had to mean something, no?
He had been blessed
Sirius forced his legs apart and began to work on him with more ardor than before.
Remus wanted to tell him there was no need as he was close to coming.
Pretty embarrassing if he had to be honest.
Sirius hadn't even touched his cock and he was already about to come.
But he didn't care, not while Sirius took him into his mouth and raised his languid eyes to him, looking him straight in the eyes, while he licked him vehemently, helping himself with his hands.
God was he joking right?
It couldn't be serious.
Look at him like that with those eyes full of desire, full of lust.
Eyes so expressive they could pierce him on the spot.
This was a sweet torture he would undergo for the rest of his life.
His sin.
He groaned again before remembering that he had to shut up because his parents were in the living room.
But it was probably too late.
And they didn't know what it meant to deal with Sirius Black.
What he wanted he got.
Especially from him.
Ten minutes later Remus found himself absolutely disheveled in bed while Sirius lay next to him panting, wiping away the last of the streams of saliva.
Both tired, both satisfied.
And Sirius was an absolute vision, swollen lips, dilated eyes, disheveled hair.
Remus pulled him towards him again for one last passionate kiss.
"Okay, Sirius, do you want to tell me what's going through your mind?"
He asked him after he recovered.
The boy started laughing, resting his head on his still bare stomach.
He began to caress the scars he had had since he was a child.
"Nothing Rem, I felt like doing it."
He simply nodded enjoying that touch, he was about to fall asleep, but he knew he had to talk to his boyfriend first, Sirius had to vent.
"I don't know what to do Moons" the brunette whispered after a few moments.
He didn't want to look him in the eyes, as if he didn't want to be seen as fragile.
"About Reg?"
he nodded, hiding behind his mop of hair.
"you didn't see it Moons, during the panic attack, but it was scary. it was- it was so dissociated- I found myself immobile, Rem, I should- I should know what to do to him but- but I didn't know! he's my brother Rem and yet I couldn't even touch it - god I was so stupid, it was all my fault, he said that too. After I left that woman - she turned into a fucking monster - a -" he was frustrated and could imagine why, he was an only child and couldn't understand the love they shared, but he could easily imagine.
"First of all it's not your fault Sirius, you couldn't have known, you were a fucking child and they're the ones who aren't normal. You weren't the one who had to protect him, that's the parents' job, Pads."
"Yes but I knew they weren't capable and I left him there"
"Yes and that's it. Sirius, it was bad but not that bad. You couldn't have known, he never told you anything."
"Of course! they turned him against me! He thinks it's all my fault, he hears my mother's voice in his ears constantly, he was taking off his belt to punish himself Remus! how sick are they?"
He stood up gesticulating, running his hand through his hair in disbelief and Remus pulled him back to him, trying to calm him down.
He made him sit on his legs, caressing his back.
"You said it Pads, they're fucking sick people. And it's not your fault if your mother is in his brain, you had it too. And now you're better. With time, we'll be able to make Reg understand too." "
"He will return to them, at the end of the summer he will return to them and they will never let him go, I will lose my little brother Remus."
"Not if you are at his side Sirius. You don't give yourself enough importance, he loves you, more than anything else. You just have to talk to him and make him understand"
Sirius nodded and rested on his chest once more
“I hope so Rem, I really hope so.”
And he hoped so too.
He didn't know how Sirius would emerge from a possible separation between the two brothers.
He didn't know how Sirius would react if his brother chose their parents.
Sirius found his brother in the garden watering the flowers that Effie and Monty had recently planted.
He would never have imagined that Regulus had the green thumb.
"Hey little brother, how's it going?"
Regulus seemed more relaxed, happy, his posture wasn't as stiff as usual, so something must have happened.
Sirius may have been an idiot but he noticed every little detail, especially those that interested his brother.
Reg smiled at him, brushing his fingers over the petals.
He bent over one of them, sliding the neckline of the shirt.
And then he understood.
He was quick to see the hickeys spreading across his brother's collarbone and chest.
And what should he do at this point?
oh god, oh god oh god.
He was panicking.
Should he be screaming in joy or should he be angry?
Should he give him THE TALK?
He turned around quickly, trying not to show his shock.
Sirius coughed a few times trying to get back to normal.
"uhm so.. with James? is everything going well?"
Regulus blushed, but in the sense that he became the color of the tulip next to him.
"Yes that is, nothing to say, here, everything is okay, good, very good" he stammered.
He was so cute he almost burst out laughing.
He would have the talk with Regulus, but he had to go see James that evening.
So Prongs would think twice about going to see his brother when James knew exactly that he would be at Remus's.
"oh um I see it" he pointed his finger at his neckline and his eyes literally popped out.
He immediately covered himself, chuckling sheepishly and Sirius started laughing hard.
He had missed having reg in his life.
"Are you okay here Reg?"
A shadow passed over his brother's eyes.
"Yes Sirius, everyone is so nice that-"
"That? Reg continue, talk to me, tell me your doubts.”
Sirius needed to point out how wrong his brother were.
"That- I'm afraid - they realize - that I'm not worth it. I mean, can't they always be so kind? It's not - it's not-“
"god Reg, no. Firstly, you're worth it. Secondly, yes, there are people like the Potters, who are so kind. Who love to give love, who can't wait to find someone to give love to. They absolutely do so- in everyday life."
Regulus laughed.
"Now I understand, you know, why you wanted to come here. They're all wonderful"
“You know I didn't leave because of you right?”
He knew it was coming.
Regulus was sure he did go away because he was not good enough.
He just nodded not looking at him
“And how can you say that, look at me and look at James, I'm a fucking character straight out of a Tim Burton movie, he's the sun. I too would choose him over me."
He laughed coldly and Sirius cursed under his breath.
“Regulus, I didn't leave because of you, you were the only joy in there, but their presence- was just too much – I couldn't breathe anymore”
“There's no need to make me swallow the pill Sirius, there's no need to lie, not to me, I understand, really”
“No Regulus, you don't understand anything! I think leaving you in that house was the hardest choice I could have made! I cried whole nights thinking of you alone in that house with them and apparently I was doing well! Look what they did to you, Reg you can't fool yourself by telling yourself that they will change, that they do it for your good, that without them you wouldn't exist. Look what's here, this is family. And I want you in this” Sirius hugged him, trying to make him feel how much he loved him.
That their distance actually made him suffer and Regulus enjoyed that embrace.
After some moments he pulled ahead, maybe satisfied, maybe not.
"Reg, at the end of the summer, after your birthday, will you stay here? with us?"
Sirius was really hoping, but Regulus continued to water the flowers, as if to pretend he hadn't heard him.
Sirius' heart sank a little at that reaction.
But he knew he had time.
At the end of summer Regulus would go to live with them.
Even at the cost of kidnapping him and locking him up there.