WEEK 3
(Sunday, 21:13h)
you were right
i usually am but what about?
my friends
they weren't as mad as i thought
see, I told you it would be fine
I'm lucky
you're not lucky, you simply had nothing to worry about
no, yeah, bc picking fights with my friends for no good reason is totally acceptable
I'm sure it was fine
you said they weren't mad
they should've been
bullying isn't exactly an excusable thing
bullying? you're not cool enough for that
BAHAHS WHAT
excuse me???
you heard me, sweetheart
well you're
shit
i can't insult you properly if i know next to nothing about you
amateur
you go then, you do it
I will!
alright
…you're taking a long time to type
is there a problem? are you ready to admit defeat?
no….
then?
uh your
your mom's hot
WOW
and your dad likes sucking my dick
my parents died when i was little
what
NO OMG
I AM SO SORRY
im really really so sorry i shouldn't have said that oh shit
it's ok, it was a long time ago
but things were never the same after the accident
im so sorry
they drowned
my sister and me got the news months later
that must've been horrible
i barely remember it
but my relationship with my sister hasn't been the same since
oh no :(
I'm just
I'm worried
about what? :(
I'm worried i might hurt her again
you won't
so I'm thinking I'll move to the mountains outside of arendelle and build an ice castle there, where i won't hurt anyone ever again
the cold never bothered me anyway
WHAT THE FUCK
I BELIEVED YOU YOU FUCKER
thank you thank you
you're a MONSTER WHAT
I told you so ;p
plus, you're the one planning on terrorizing some guy from your school
the guy is a fake blond
is that not punishment enough??
ha ha.
he's a homophobe
so no punishment is enough punishment in my eyes
actually, valid
are there any updates on that front?
not many:(
but we've got ribbons !!!
men's most feared fashion accessory
make all the fun you want
but he's going to be proper traumatized after this
just you wait
mhmm alright
…
(Sunday, 22:04h)
JUST TO CHECK
YOUR PARENTS ARE OK RIGHT?
awwww you care
don't make me take it back.
they're fine
and i don't even have a sister
i told you I'm an only child
oh right
fuck
you can be so gullible it's cute
ahh fuck you
good night mean prick
good night, darling
…
(Monday, 07:03h)
good morning mean prick
good morning, sweetheart
you know, i wasn't going to mention it but
is this going to be my nickname now?
because i don't know how i feel about it
it already is your nickname
i don't have a name for you and i have to call you something
and your choice was… that
i can always change it up a bit
mean tosser
fucking loser
stupid poser
see i can rhyme them too
you're impossible
close
my name's marlene
wait
Marlene?
that's your name?
oh frick
uh yeah
yes it is
…
(Monday, 07:06h)
RED CODE ALERT
Lily: Oh, no. What's wrong??? :(
…
(Monday, 07:09h)
it's very pretty
…
(Monday, 07:09h)
NEVERMIND
mary: marls what the fuck
Lily: ?????
…
(Monday, 07:10h)
oh well thanks
sorry i don't have a fucking filter
it's worse when I'm speaking
and it's way too early for this
nah it's alright
i do like your name
i think it suits you
oh ok
thanks
now i can come up with a nickname for you
by all means, go ahead
I'll even drum roll you
*drumroll*
oh wait
now?
ok uhh
marly
that's
that's the best you could come up with?
honestly?
you barely gave me time to think!!
right.
oh shut up
it's better than yours
EXCUSE YOU
mean prick is the perfect nickname
it's easy to remember, rolls off the tongue easily and it's based on the fact that you can be a ruthless asshole on occasion
you genuinely don't see what's wrong with that
is that a question?
oh nevermind 🙄
I'll find a nickname for you
just you wait
…
(Monday, 09:36h)
marls
oh
cute but unoriginal
my friends already call me that
you're impossible to please
your mother can manage just fine
i- just for that
fuck you
oh believe me
she does
why do i keep you around?
my looks
right.
…
(Monday, 10:57h)
marlenita
uhm
whatever made you think that would be a good idea?
aw come on, it's cute
my middle aged aunt calls me that when she gets tipsy on wine.
and you already said you're attracted to middle aged women
so it's giving me points
oh wtf
that is so fundamentally wrong i just can't
I'll take that as a compliment
…
(Monday, 12:16h)
marley
like the dog?!
THE DOG THAT DIES?
HE DIES?!
YOU DIDN'T KNOW???
OBVIOUSLY NOT YOU PRICK
THAT MOVIE CAME OUT YEARS AGO THATS ON YOU
remember that thing about divorce?
(read, 12:18h)
FINE be that way
but you won't be able to leave the divorce papers on read
[📷 that one iconic picture of nicole Kidman after getting her divorce in which she looks overjoyed implying -for those of you who may be slower or don't want to think- that marlene would be overjoyed, where that to happen]
fuck you cause that was actually funny
…
(Monday, 19:03h)
do you usually sleep on your front or on your back?
that's a weird way to start a conversation
and that's a lame way to avoid a question
idiot
on my side
mhmm
sweet food or salty food?
uhh depends on the day?
who's the best friends character?
I'll do you one better
worst character: Ross
very true
but who is the best?
the lesbians
oh 100%
every time susan was mean to ross I fell in love a little
oh so you have issues
tell me something I don't know
punk or metal?
what kind of questions are these
punk
punk or emo?
punk?
goth or hippie?
gothy hippie
oh alright
melon or watermelon?
watermelon
what's with the questions?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN WATERMELON
it's the fruit of the summer???
it tastes like wet sand
no it doesn't??
i can't believe you're one of those people
and i can't believe you're playing a one-sided game of 20 questions
what's with the interrogation??
just curious
oh
is that it?
yeah
no reason in particular
mhmm
I just want to know you
ohh
I need to know you in order to properly terrorize you, you see
ah fuck off
remind me to never trust you when you're being nice
I told you to not get comfortable
this is entirely your fault
I can see that
you said it yourself
I didn't know enough about you to properly make fun of you
but now I do 😈
oh sure
you have so much dirt on me now
I'm quaking in my boots
youshould be
watermelon lover 😒
that's not offensive
it should be.
right. well excuse me as I go cry in a corner
you're excused
…
(Tuesday, 10:37h)
mars
…the planet?
is this an astrology thing? cause i don't get it
no, idiot
your nickname
oh
is this a play on my temper or..?
it's not, I just think it's cute
and if anyone should have a nickname based on their temper, it's me
way ahead of you there
oh right :/
mean prick <3
you're beating that horse until it's dead, huh?
kinky
but I would never beat you
unless you asked
oh good god
we've crossed a line here
let's go back to the nickname that you absolutely need to change?
define need
require (something) because it is essential or very important rather than just desirable
I see hmmm
the thing is, I would
but??
I can't think of a new one :(
literally anything else is good?
if only I knew your name 😩
oh, no, believe me
If you knew my name it would be so much worse
so demanding 🙄
fineeee. I'll think about it and get back to you
thanks mars dear ;))
…
(Tuesday, 10:45h)
mary: marlene, once again, anything you wanna share with the class?
Lily: Right. I think we're due for an explanation.
mary: look at her
mary: she's not even blinking
Lily: If you keep looking at your phone your face will become a square, didn't you know that?
mary: poor thing
mary: there's not a single thought behind those eyes, is there?
Lily: Oh, I think there are plenty of thoughts. Just not the intelectual type.
mary: HAHSHAHS
mary: damn, nice one
Lily: Aww, look at her !!
mary: aww she's so cute
mary: smiling and giggling to herself
Lily: AWW OMG
Lily: Look at how she's buried her face in her arms! This is too cute!!
mary: not so mean and heartless now, are we
Lily: We should record this. For posterity.
mary: OMG YEA
ok what are you vile wenches prattling about?
Lily: Oh, now she appears.
ohhh who are we recording??
mary: scroll up, dear
FUCK NO
I'm not giggling
Lily: Not now.
i wasn't giggling earlier either
lily stop looking at nothing, this is not the office
mary: sadly
Lily: If it were we would have evidence of you giggling to yourself as you text a certain someone.
i wasn't giggling
Mary stop looking at nothing this is not the office.
Lily: Ah, young love!
like you're one to talk!!!!!
Lily: We're girlfriends now btw :)))
Lily: I asked her yesterday.
OMG NO WAY
Lily: YES WAY. IM SO EXCITED.
mary: omg !!! we absolutely need to meet her now
Lily: Oh, no.
oh yes.
mary: it will be like that one movie
meet the parents!!!
mary: YES !! except, we will be WORSE
Lily: You two are so scarily in sync sometimes it's creepy.
mary: when we're soulmates 🤭🤭😋😋😋
oh hahah
Lily: If my relationship isn't like that, I don't want it.
mary: we're good friends
yepp friends
Lily: You should get married.
mary: we'll never have to be alone
Lily: She'll love you and that's all you'll really know.
mary: she'll be the prince
Lily: And you'll be the princess.
mary: IT'S A LOVE STORY BABY JUST SAY YES
Lily: *holding out mic* Baby?
you two are crazy
mary: got me looking so crazy right now
Lily: YOUR TOUCH HAS GOT ME LOOKING SO CRAZY RIGHT NOW
mary: LOOKING SO CRAZY, YOUR LOVE
Lily: GOT ME LOOKING, GOT ME LOOKING AO CRAZY IN LOVE
you need a lobotomy asap
Lily: Don't roll your eyes at us !! You love us!!!
that's debatable <3
…
(Tuesday, 18:23h)
good god
that's me
shut up
my friend is *disgusting*
I can relate but, why, exactly?
she's brought her *girlfriend* into our dormitory
oh no
do you have noise canceling headphones?
what for?
OH FFS no
not that kind of disgusting
no?
no!!
they're *holding hands*
and talking
their faces are very close
Mary and I tried betting on how long it would take them to start snogging, but they just keep STARING and TALKING
which is, as everyone knows, an unforgivable crime
AND THERE IS GIGGLING INVOLVED!!!
I'm about to lose 15 pounds if they don't get a move on
resort to violence
I'm gonna throw a cheeto at them
I WAS KIDDING
leave them alone !!!!
oops too late
they didn't even fucking notice?? way to make a girl feel underappreciated
oh you're a menace
thank you
why don't you get yourself a girlfriend?
oh what?
as revenge? annoy them back?
why, you offering?
har har
you wish
I do
🙄
don't you want it, though?
want what exactly?
to have someone
yk
to get my dick wet?
yes. yes, exactly. that is clearly what I was about to say. of course.
oh calm down, chilly down
of course I do
don't you?
uh no
I don't think I do
no?
why is that?
I don't think I'm willing to wait around until someone comes sweeping in and saves the day
so you've just given up on it?
idk about giving up
I just don't usually think about it
never? not even when you see your friends being together?
I usually make fun of them for a reason
hahsah ok I get that
but still
they look so happy
sometimes I think it can't be real, you know?
why not?
it's too good
you think it's too good to be true?
yeah
I'd like to think it's real
I mean, I see it every day
there's some people who just click
this girl hasn't spoken a singular word to either Mary or me
she looks like she's entranced by what Lily has to say
and half of lily's breaths in the last half hour have been happy sighs
they can't be making it up
I'd like to believe it
but you don't
hmm idk
you do want it, right? to find someone
oh yeah
it must be nice to have someone, to be their first choice
to let yourself want it, and to let yourself have it
yk
aren't you afraid you may want too much?
sometimes
shit
what?
almost got my phone taken off me
HAHSAHHA
you should really learn to be sneaky
shut up
I said almost
I told the teacher I was texting my mom
HAHSHAHS
your mom???
of all people
ugh I knoww
nono I'm just saying
oh god no
you could've just told me you're into that kind of stuff yk
you'd like that, wouldn't you?
sounds like you're projecting to me
but, bad news for you, taurus and leos aren't compatible
they're fairly compatible
no they're not
too stubborn
did you research this?
yeah I told you I did google up some astrology stuff
did you specifically look into the compatibility of Taurus and leos?
I
fuck off
aww but that is so cute
very adorable
suck my dick
but don't you worry, sun signs aren't all that matters
to know if your dreams can come true and we are actually compatible you will need to compare our moon and rising signs too
is… that why you asked for mine?
back then?
ah
dug myself into a hole there
HA
so it *is* true
I never said that
oh sure sure
you know, the thing is, I wasn't really sure
you didn't need to admit to it
you've gone soft
fuck you
you'd like that, wouldn't you?
god I hate you
your actions say otherwiseee
I suddenly need to go
how convenient
no but really
the teacher is looking at me suspiciously
apparently, using your phone during detention is frequently frowned upon
the audacity
it must be the homophobia
EXACTLY
shit shit shit
ok I'm leaving
HAHSAHHA
don't die?
…
(Tuesday, 18:49h)
UPDATE: THEY'RE KISSING NOW
I JUST GOT MYSELF 15 P
…
(Tuesday, 18:50h)
ohh she's leaving now
oh, no, first some more snogging ig
…
(Tuesday, 19:03h)
stop looking!! pervert!!!
I WASN'T STARING
THEY WERE JUST DOING IT IN MY FACE
turn around??
that's so crazy
I hadn't thought of that
wow you're a genius
I know, I'm the best
if only you were here enjoying this relaxing and joyful *free* afternoon that I've spent relaxing and painting my nails with me, you could've told me sooner
speaking of which, how did your detention go? fun, right?
asshole
oh?
wasn't it fun?
don't rub it in
don't get sulky now
with all the detentions you have, I just assumed you enjoyed them :(
I would enjoy bashing your head in with a seesaw
kinky!!!
only for your mother
that was outrageously vile but I can't help feeling SO PROUD
good god
there's no god
it's just me
that explains a lot
oh but what is life without a little torment?
enjoyable?
boring, exactly
I hope your nail polish dries wonky and stains your sheets
DON'T YOU GIVE THE UNIVERSE IDEAS
I'm not giving it ideas, I am actively cursing you
I'm cutting up lemons and burning herbs as we speak
FUCK
what's life without a little torment?
SHUT UP SHUT UO
If I find a singular smudge in the morning I'm going to cry
that's what I like to hear
KINKY KINKY GO TO THERAPY
we'll go together after you clean the nail polish off your sheets
I HATE YOU SM
…
(Tuesday, 19:16h)
pandora: oh ew there's a cheeto in my hair
literally why?
pandora: no fucking clue, dorky dear
that nickname deserves to die a slow and painful death and you know it
pandora: …
pandora: anyway
pandora: so
pandora: how was your detention..?
ugh
boring as shit
slughorn was watching me like a hawk
to the point where I'm sure it must be some kind of felony
pandora: nice try
pandora: where were you really?
????
I was in detention??
pandora: impossible
pandora: the way you were smiling when you came in would be inconceivable if you'd actually spent the afternoon with that old buffoon
I literally was there??
with the buffoon in question breathing down my neck !!
and to think I took the punishment so you wouldn't get caught too
pandora: so you did go?
yes!!! I've been saying
pandora: then why the smile?
pandora: oh
oh????
what?
pandora: oh
pandora: oh, my god
is this barty I'm talking to? are you suddenly too stupid to be coherent or..??
pandora: this is that girl isn't it?
what girl
pandora: oh ohbsjdjs it is, isn't it?
pandora: the girl
pandora: the one you were texting
pandora: the one you were totally not flirting with
so what?
I wasn't flirting
pandora: YOU WERE SMILING SO WIDE AND LOOKING DOWN AT YOUR PHONE
pandora: evan tried to say something to you but you walked right past him
and what makes you think I didn't do that on purpose?
as if he deserved my attention
pandora: WE BOTH KNOW THAT'S NOT WHAT HAPPENED
pandora: YOU LIKE THIS GIRL
be quiet
pandora: SO IT'S TRUE
pandora: YOU HAVE A CRUSH
no I don't
pandora: you've been on your phone a lot more often lately
pandora: I thought it was bc of the fight, bc things were a bit awkward
pandora: but it wasn't that, was it?
so what if I was on my phone? it's definitely not a crush
pandora: IS IT NOT?? BC I NEVER SAID ANYTHING ABOUT A CRUSH
yes you did
pandora: right fuck
pandora: yes I did
pandora: my point still stands though !!!!!
she is very nice, ok? is that what you want to hear?
pandora: NO BUT ILL TAKE IT
pandora: GO ON
that's it
pandora: god, talking to you is like getting blood out of a fucking chest
um
is that how the saying goes?
pandora: what saying
nvm
I'll see you at dinner
pandora: okay :))
please sit with me so I'm not the only one receiving reg's glares?
pandora: fine, but you'll have to tell me more about this girl
we'll see
…
(Wednesday, 11:14h)
how do I tell a friend that he's being an asshole without telling him that he's being an asshole
oh, easy! i know this one
you go to him and say "asshole"
then you punch him in the arm, hard, but in a way that vaguely conveys friendship
bam
problem: solved
yeah, no, that's not going to work
no way! it's a foolproof plan !!
this friend is the one I had a fight with
last week, remember?
and it's just been a little awkward since
ohh then maybe violence is not the way
how revolutionary! I hadn't thought of that!!!
I don't appreciate the sarcasm.
I do
does your friend?
normally, he would
but he's too busy pretending to hate me
uhmm idk
maybe talk to him?
how revolutionary! I hadn't thought of that!!!
har har
yeah sorry
no you're good
except bc of the fact that you reused a joke in such a short amount of time
honestly, do better
hahs fine 🙄
but seriously
talk to him
I wouldn't know what to say
try the asshole plan
you're awful at this
shut up and try it
yk what? fine.
but you better speak at my funeral and you better make it funny.
the eulogy? oh I will
…
(Wednesday, 12:32h)
hey mars
hold on
"dearly beloved" or "genetically obligated to be loved"?
what's the situation with your family?
no need for that
I'm still alive
clearly
yeah, but I have hope it won't be for long
keep dreaming
way to crush a girl
but hey, did you talk to him?
I did
and?
I followed your asshole plan
aand?
clearly he found it more funny than annoying bc we both still conserve our extremities attached to our bodies
which is where I love them to be, cool
what happened?
we talked
there were some thinly veiled threats against our physical integritiy on both parts
we made up
some interesting process there
but I'm glad it worked out in the end :)
no, yeah, that's the usual for us
but still, every fight feels a little bit like the end of the world
does it?
yeah
it's like I forget the many times we've made up
I can only focus on the fact that our friendship might be ruined forever
but it wasn't?
it wasn't
neither of us was really mad
it was other things that made us fight
we didn't blame the other
then it's cool you figured it out
is everything else alright?
wdym
the things that made you fight
how's that going?
oh it's nothing to worry about
just the same old boring stuff yk
I don't know, actually
it's nothing
let's just say we're both glad our school is a boarding school
oh
problems at home?
it's not ideal
I do go home from time to time, even though my school is supposed to not allow that
such a rebel
hah
not so much
my mom just wants us home for at least a weekend each month
don't tell my mom that
she might try to do it too
would it be that bad?
it depends on who you ask
mental hospital workers would be thrilled to have more clients, I'm sure
I'd visit you at the hospital
that was.. weirdly sweet?
and that's the closest to a compliment you've ever gotten
ik I'm growing on you
oh, it was
maybe I am already losing my mind
mental hospital, here I come
ooh, see? that right there
who needs affection when I can have blind hatred
did you just quote that one movie?
ughh forget it
awwwwee no but that's adorable 🤭
stop that
my friend made us watch it with him
he didn't make you memorize it though
you recognized it
what's your excuse
my friend likes it too
why are both our friends such losers?
no clue!! they certainly didn't get it from me
fr fr
from me neither
they're such nerds I get backlash sometimes
not only that
they're *sappy* too
which is even worse than being a nerd
and yet
and yet 😔
…
(Thursday, 10:28h)
how many spanish insults do you know?
..good morning to you too?
there's more pressing matters at hand at the moment.
like my spanish vocabulary?
your foul spanish vocabulary*
right
so??
uhh I don't think i know any?
unacceptable!! and you dare call yourself my friend?
is that what we are?
oh
I mean
yes?
I didn't say we weren't
you didn't say we were either
I think we are?
friends, I mean
we talk pretty often
yeah
despite me losing braincells every time we do
idiot
what's that one in spanish?
idiota
oh
well that one was easy
easy enough even for you !!
idiota.
boluda <3
what's that one?
it's pretty much the same as idiota
I see
I'm not learning a lot here
give me something more interesting
pelotudo
that's dumbass
aw, like you
ha ha
cabrona.
what's that one?
asshole
like me !!!
nah you'd be more like mi amor
hmmmmm
and what does it mean?
it's hard to translate
it's like idiot and asshole combined, but super rude
you really shouldn't go around saying it to people
lovely!!
indeed
what more?
there's a lot of really creative ones
pagafantas is someone who lets everyone walk over him and it's made up of the words "paga" and "fantas" which is literally 'someone who pays for fanta'
lmfao
that is creative
oh!! and the imprescindibles!
maricón / maricona is gay people in general
and marimacho is for lesbians
you can also say bollera for lesbian but that one isn't really offensive anymore
oh so I get to learn the slurs too?
it's valuable information
sure
what would I call the locals if I ever go to argentina if I didn't know any of these?
exactly
the moment you arrive, you start unleashing hell
causing pain is my favorite sport
and you do it so well, mi amor
it's my one true talent
besides getting detentions
ha ha very funny mars
I know <3
…
(Thursday, 16:28h)
sirius: what is this I'm hearing about a girl????
i hope nothing at all
your boyfriend wouldn't like that
sirius: about you and a girl***
I *am* a girl
great observation skills
sirius: about you and a girl and a crush *****
I will *crush* your ribs if you don't stop that right there
sirius: oh!! so it's true!
sirius: hmmm
sirius: interesting
don't you have a dick to gag on?
sirius: don't you have some pussy to choke on?
Sirius: oh, wait! you don't :'(
don't you have a personality to go find?
mine's taken.
Sirius: no, that's you ;)
it was not last time I checked
sirius: maybe check again?
that won't be necessary
it's clear who's lacking here
sirius: yes, it's me
sirius: I'm lacking information
for a moment there I thought you were finally self aware
sirius: me? never
sirius: now, tell me about her
sirius: I can't believe I had to hear this from remus
from remus?!
sirius: lily spilled
sirius: oops
oh she's so dead
sirius: poor thing
sirius: really sad
sirius: nowww
no
sirius: come onnn
sirius: tell me about her
sirius: I always tell you about remus
that's always against my will
sirius: so now you can tell me about your girlfriend against your will and we will have a fun full circle moment!
they're not my girlfriend
sirius: partner*?
they use she/they
but still no
they're just a friend
sirius: I see hmm
sirius: and how do you feel about that?
I'm not paying for your little therapy session
sirius: it wouldn't be a therapy session if you were willing to have a conversation !!!
which I'm not
sirius: come on, marlene
sirius: I'd like to meet your friend
sirius: we could all hang out as a group some day, no?
we've never met
but idk maybe I guess
sirius: what would they like to do?
idk
not watch 10 things i hate about you
sirius: why not??! it's a great movie!
it's sappy
sirius: that doesn't mean it's bad
sirius: but why were you two talking about romantic comedies, hmmm???
relax
we were just joking around
sirius: how do you know it was just that for them?
she said we're friends
sirius: that can change
I don't think it will
I'm pretty sure they're not into girls
sirius: why?
she's never mentioned any
and I've talked about being into girls and being a lesbian but she's never said a thing
sirius: but you don't know for sure
sirius: maybe they're just not very open with it?
idk
sirius: I think you should try to get it out of them
with violence?
sirius: why your mind even goes there, I don't want to know
sirius: no, try to nudge her in the right direction
how?
sirius: if not through violent means? I don't know uhh TALK TO THEM?
fuck you
I ALREADY DO THAT
sirius: then idk
sirius: try flirting with them???
hmm
I think we pretty much already do?
sirius: how?
for example, we have this running joke that we're married
sirius: wtf
sirius: lesbians are so weird
sirius: why would you complicate things like that???
sirius: you won't know when she actually means it if you flirt like that
yes, I have noticed. thanks for pointing it out.
sirius: maybe try something different?
sirius: be more clear
hmm
I can try that
tone down the violence
stop with the your mom jokes
sirius: yes, that would be an improvement
sirius: for our collective mental health, but also for your lesbian problems
fuck you
like you're any better mx. my name is an emotion
sirius: it's a star, as you are perfectly aware.
bad foresight on your parents part if you ask me
sirius: and why is that? bc i suck so I don't deserve to be named after a star?
exactly
if you said it it's bc it's true
sirius: I hope you're not as mean to your girlfriend
not my girlfriend
sirius: for now;)
or ever
sirius: we'll see
sirius: at least now you're getting over mary
I told you to never ever in your sad little life to mention that ever again
sirius: yes, and you made me swear on my mother that I wouldn't do it
sirius: see why that didn't work?
fuck
first time I feel bad you have shit parents
sirius: lmao
sirius: thank you for caring
…
(Thursday, 18:14h)
you must be tired.. from running through my mind all night ;)
BAHHAHA WHAT
ah forget it
what's up?
no, I don't think I'm ready to move past whatever the hell *that* was
what the fuck was that?
only the worst idea I've ever had
I'm speechless
you and me both
I'm just going to blame it on the dog, and I'll greatly appreciate it if you go with it
uhh
I'm still speechless so I guess I will?
great
we'll erase this from our collective memory
…
(Thursday, 18:42h)
yk what I need?
a party
we're still pretending *that* never happened?
at least I am. it's rude that you aren't.
ok ok
I'm sorry
it was just pretty memorable
you said you would forget it
wtf man :(
I said I'm sorry!! but I'm going to need an explanation at some point
that defeats the purpose of forgetting about it
oh alright 🙄
why do you need a party?
won't alcohol make you make *more* questionable decisions?
I'm going to ignore your not so subtle dig and answer your question instead
because we're young!! it's time to have fun and be reckless
who knows what'll happen?
maybe I'll pierce my ear with a safety pin
maybe I'll sneak into a concert and sing with the band
maybe I'll get naked and jump into the lake!! who knows !!!!
those all sound like very questionable decisions
I thought you had common sense??
literally what gave you that idea
right
then alcohol + bad decision making sounds like a perfect plan
never a sentence was said with more sarcasm
all my sentences have at least a little bit of sarcasm, mars
you're a blast
said with sarcasm ^
ugh shit
am I turning into you now?
that is alarming
wow tell me what you really think
you already know what I think, mi amor <3
right. 🙄
oh but don't pout now !!
I do actually like you
ha ha ha ha mars so funny
no but seriously
you don't know it, but I do actually think you're pretty awesome
I really admire the way you can be so caring without even noticing it yourself, like it just comes do naturally to you
idk you really are quite lovely and fun to talk to. you're slowly becoming one of my closest friends and I'm just becoming more and more comfortable in your presence idk
oh fuck off
that's rude what
and you accuse me of being ironic
that was the pinnacle of sarcasm right there
ahh
well, know that that was the draft for our wedding vows you're ditching
wedding vows? aren't we supposed to be married already?
ever heard of renewing your vows? honestly, your lack of involvement in this relationship is offensive
oh I'm sorry
last time I hide my mistresses from you
next time I'll be shoving how much younger and flexible than you they are in your face
YOU'RE CHEATING NOW?!
in every good marriage there's a touch of infidelity
LITERALLY SINCE WHEN
oh don't be so close minded
get those divorce papers ready
don't party too hard
FINE
FINE
…
(Thursday, 19:36h)
last time I take advice from you, pedazo de pelotudo descerebrado de pelo estropajo
sirius: remus told me what that means and I'm not pleased
that makes two of us
sirius: what happened?
I tried the flirting
she laughed
I made a complete fool of myself
sirius: I.. don't see the problem?
sirius: maybe she didn't notice anything new?
ha ha so funny
not the time, arsehole
sirius: hm? ah come on
sirius: no, I didn't mean i like that
sirius: I meant that she maybe thought you were still just joking around?
hmm
sirius: she didn't outright reject you, did she?
I guess not
sirius: then there's still hope
look sirius, that's nice and all, but we can't all be lucky enough to fall in love with our best friend
it doesn't always work out
l would know
sirius: oh
sirius: but I thought you were getting over mary?
yeah well
it's mary
sirius: ahh
sirius: yeah
so yeah
I have no hope
can't afford it
sirius: you can't think like that
and you can decide that for me because..?
sirius: because I am prettier, wiser and overall better than you
right
keep dreaming
sirius: but really
sirius: try to think positive
sirius: it can't get any worse than this
yeah I guess
god that's depressing
sirius: sure but it's better than completely giving up
we'll see
sirius: and look, even if she doesn't like you, and she would be stupid not to, there will be someone at some point
sirius: and you will find them, and you will be happy, and I will drag you for it
are you seriously giving me the 'plenty of fish in the sea' talk?
fucking don't say it
sirius: I am always sirius about my fish but I didn't think you'd be interested
every time I talk to you I hate life a little more
sirius: as long as it's only a little x
…
(Friday, 19:32h)
I feel like you're gonna judge me..
what? I'm sure I won't
wait, scratch that
I probably will
I knew it!!
yesyes very sad
out with it now?
ughh alright
[📷 photo of marlene. you can only see the back of her head and a bit of her cheek and ear. she looks very pretty despite this and I wish you could all see the actual photo bc it took me HOURS to find the right one on pinterest but alas. the point is that she has bleached blond hair here]
oh
it was too tempting
but now me and the homophobic guy are matching </3
oh
no
ist nice
I KNOW
I LOVE IT SO MUCH ACTUALLY
I'm thinking maybe I'll dyemy tips blue or something
you bleached it, then?
yes?? clearly?
are all those crystals messing with your head or..??
oh shut up
I've never seen your hair before, dumbass
oh
right
well it was clear from context, *dumbass*
did you come here only to make my life impossible or?
I came to share some lighthearted conversation with my favorite asshole, but if you want to turn it on me, I'll leave </3
your favourite huh?
I am walking towards the (metaphorical) door
what!! you said I'm an asshole
and I am
what did you expect??
if that's how you feel……… </3
oh don't be dramatic
I will sign the divorce papers on my way out </////3
oh you're gonna make me say it
hm? what's that? say what?
I hate you
nah I don't think that's it
it looks good on you
excuse me?
the hair
it suits you
hmm?
you look pretty, mars
oh I'm sorry I didn't hear that properly
could you repeat?
THIS IS A TEXT CONVERSATION
so you're not going to repeat it a fourth time? :(
you're a mean woman
I couldn't resist
I'm not sorry <33
*you* are the asshole here, actually
I've been saying!!
you're too nice for your own good
HA HA HA HA HA.
that's when I know the chemicals have reached your brain
maybe I will be the one to visit you at the hospital
you would do that? 🥺
only so I can get you to sign the divorce papers
what I'm hearing is that you're obsessed with me
no, love, that's the ambulance sirens outside your door <3
when they call you pet names <3
when she's delusional <3
when the voices talk back to you <3
oh my god
please seek help
when she cares about you <3
you're impossible
you're adorable
fuck
what the hell did you smoke today
and can I have some?
I didn't smoke anything!!
I did drink a little
but can't I just tell you I think you're adorable without you calling the authorities??
depends… will the police be needed?
no, I'll catch you
hm?
when you fall for me
that was terrible I want it off the record
anything for you <3
oh god i can't do this
why's that?
you're too annoying
and I have to go to detention now
think of me!!!!
…
pandora I'm fucked