WEEK 2
(Wednesday, 07:38h)
omfg it fucking worked
??????
what did
barty, the pendant
he believes in it now
or at least i think he does
this couldn't be better if i made it up
WHAT HAPPENED
ok so barty has had a deliriously mushy crush on one of our friends for ages now
though he would never admit it
and yesterday they both disappeared mysteriously
ohhh so there were some inappropriate touches me thinks
and that would be a fair assumption to make EXCEPT evan, the friend, is asexual
ohhh
oh??
YES OH
because now the idiots can't do the whole "but it was just a drunken mistake" "it was in the heat of the moment"
because there was no heat in the moment
HAHHAHA
i am willing to bet all i have that they spent the entire night talking
god if i wasn't so happy for them I would absolutely drag them for it
this morning they walked into the common room holding hands, and they haven't separated since
aw well that's cute
but what does it have to do with the pendant?
the pendant was rose quartz
right
then everything makes sense
how could it not
it's obvious
crystal clear
crystal queer
you didn't.
i did. and I'm too excited to be embarrassed
rose quartz is meant to attract love and cure heartache
aaand what happened yesterday?
his love was attracted, curing his heartache
i see what you've done here
i need to milk this as much as I can
me:"hey, so what were you two up to yesterday?"
they both separated only for long enough to glare at me, in sync
oh this is too good
HAHSAHA i wish i could see their faces
you're really missing out
"you seem happy is all"
and now they're both smiling like idiots
oh how i love being right
tell them about the rose quartz
if they're both there it might be more embarrassing
god i love you sometimes
oh hahhahaha
"yk, it's interesting bc rose quartz is meant to encourage love and restore trust and harmony in relationships"
oh they're both so red in the face rn
"i still believe that's a load of bollocks, stop trying" he says, as he protectively *grips* the pendant
god this is so satisfying
and I'm not even there
I'm having the time of my life
this is going to be a wonderful day
hahha have fun then
…
(Wednesday, 17:40)
man this so good
you're still bullying your friends?
of course i am
this is the best day of my life
HAHHAHA I'm glad you're having fun
this is great
you should try
especially if you have two idiot friends who have feelings for each other but still prefer to act oblivious asf
my scorpio and pisces friends used to be like that
thank GOD they finally got their heads out of their asses
it was a close call for me
god yeah i totally get it
barty and evan used to be the same
personally i don't understand why they were so afraid to say it
idk i guess it must be pretty terrifying to confess something like that
that's what I can't understand
it's not like it's a bad thing, is it?
they're just giant babies
what?? like it's not a completely normal thing to be scared of
I'm afraid we might have to give them some credit after all haha
but that's the thing
i can't see why
you're supposed to like your friends
what's the problem about liking them *even more* than they expect?
surely there's worse things than that
yeah idk
love is a good thing, right? and it's so hard to find
so I can't really see why you would put yourself through the pain of pining over someone like that
the thing is, you can't know for sure that they do like you back, bc they are your friend
so maybe they're just being like that because they enjoy your company yk
I guess idk
still, like I said, it's not a bad thing either way
since they're your friend, even if they reject you, idk won't it just make you guys closer?
yeah I don't think it works like that
but it's what makes sense
in some cases, maybe
but it might also make things awkward
but that'll pass
sure but it also puts you in a really precarious position, yk?
if your friend rejects you, you do have the certainty that they won't stop loving you and it *may* make you guys closer. but also, you will know with certainty that your friend, even if they mean the world to you and you can see yourself sharing your entire life w them, they don't see you like that. maybe they don't love you enough. at least not as much
and you're still you, they're still them and the world will keep on moving, but you have to live with that knowledge forever
and that's not even considering the fact that it may ruin the friendship FOREVER.
it's fucked up
and shit like that just makes you think that maybe you were asking for too much
and you sort of wonder whether there will ever be a person that will feel like you're enough to love, or if that's as close as you will ever get
yk
oh
hm that's a lot
i think i see it
no yeah
that's shit
i guess i can understand now why they were so afraid in the first place
it appears they weren't being little babies just cause
haha surprising
crazy, right?
for real
yup
and hey hm
were you talking from experience?
hm what?
OHHH nah no way
I'm too awesome for that
it just sounded a little too first hand
nah man
i can rizz up whoever i want
that's just what I've gotten from my friends' rants
oh, no, yeah
that makes sense
yeah……
somehow I get the feeling you don't believe me….
whatever gave you that impression?
come on, stranger
have I ever lied to you?
how would I know, *stranger*?
oh you wound me
go back to telling me how pathetic and sad your friends are or something
I never said they were sad
in fact they're pathetically in love atm and
OH OMG now bartemius is giving the pendant to evan
NO WAY
YES WAY
quick quick how do i bully them
"a little early for proposals, don't you think?"
oh they're so red in the face
you evil genius
thanks honey
…
(Thursday, 12:46h)
how old are you?
are you a cop?
no, I'm a serial killer
we've been over this
do you exclusively murder people from a specific age range or??
only one way to find out
why are you asking?
for one, you got detention the other day
which makes me think that you're a *child*
hey WHAT
like you've never gotten detention
not since i was 13
goody goody
oh nothing further from the truth
i just had the sense to learn how to not get caught
show off
but don't interrupt me
yesterday you said something about drunken mistakes
it was a wednesday
and?
only divorced housewives get drunk on a tuesday
first of all, fuck off
second of all, it wasn't me who admitted to being attracted to older women some days ago, so watch it
third of all, we had a legit reason to drink that day
1, after you
2, that's one hill i will die on so don't bother trying to embarrass me
3, what's the reason if I'm allowed to ask?
oh darling, you embarrass yourself well enough
and the reason was that we won a game
oh
football?
no need to sound so unenthusiastic about it
i also play
but we lost a game the other day, so I'm in mourning
well, can't relate
because I'm actually in an awesome team and we always beat all the other schools so suck that
OH OH oh wait i think i found a fuck to give ??
oh no
false alarm
my bad
fuck you
time and place?
horny bastard
prudish coward
loser
wanker
…
(Thursday, 12:52h)
mary: so
mary: care to share with the class?
Lily: Yes, Marlene.
Lily: Anything you want to say?
what do you mean?
mary: oh, my bad, i forgot to mention.
mary: i have eyes. now, anything you want to tell us?
i am aware you have eyes, as you keep using them to glare at me
Lily: Oh, so she's being difficult.
mary: i see how it is
mary: so there is no reason why you're giggling at your phone?
mary: in class?
Lily: In HISTORY class, may I add?
Lily: Your most hated subject?
everyone who's had class with Binns and is in their right mind hates this class
Lily: I like this class. I think it's interesting.
see, lily, darling
i said "in their right mind"
you, dear, don't make it into that category
Lily: Oh, fuck you.
gladly, honey
mary: look at her
mary: dodging questions like a pro
Lily: WAIT, FUCK YOU.
Lily: Mary's right. Confess. Who are you texting?
you two
HSHAAHA STOP GLARING AT ME
mary: NOT UNTIL YOU CONFESS
…
(Thursday, 12:56h)
soo school?
oh
well, yes
so you *are* a child
that's concerning, considering the amount of times I've told you to suck my dick
I thought it was a metaphorical dick?
still
well, I'm 18
since april
that's relieving
I'm 17 but i turn 18 this summer
good to know
mhmm
mhm indeed
…
(Thursday, 12:58h)
fifth amendment
mary: WE'RE NOT AMERICAN??
Lily: SPIT IT OUT!
lily is that a flower in your hair? wherever did you get it? did someone give it to you or something ?
Lily: She has a right to remain silent.
that's what I thought
mary: lily, you traitor, we're absolutely circling back to that later
mary: but you don't have anything to blackmail me with, mckinnon
mary: so I'm afraid you will still have to spill anyway
there's nothing to spill
she's just a friend
mary: HAH!! I KNEW IT
i said she's a *friend*
mary: oh right right right
mary: ofc ofc i believe you
mary: soo how did you two meet? tinder?
mary: if you keep rolling your eyes so hard they might get stuck at the back of your head
you're so funny
mary: i know, babes
i texted her by accident and we've been talking a bit since
it's been kinda fun
mary: wait you don't know her?
Lily: Oh, that sounds dangerous.
it's alright mom
Lily: No, genuinely, how can you know she's not some sex predator?
*i* texted *her*
mary: yeah, idk
mary: it still sounds dangerous
well then
if you ever receive my dismembered body in the mail, you have the right to say i told you so
Lily: No, thanks, that would be traumatizing.
mary: that day i would finally know peace
Lily: Mary, what the fuck?
right
check your answers and get back to me
...
(Thursday, 14:02h)
my friends now think you're a sex predator
awwww you talk to your friends about me?
only after extensive psychological torment
fun
but i thought we had already established that i *am* a sex predator?
oh god maybe you are a creep after all
shit, but I'd rather die than admit my friends were right
better hurry up, then
kidnap me and have your wicked way with me already
I won't resist
hold onto your panties
i am not really a sex predator
I'm actually at school right now
oh, well
that's disappointing
i know, i know, I'm sorry
just to clarify, though
you're not there to stare at small children, right…?
no, i am not
I'm actually omw to detention
right
the detention you got
by getting caught
despite your old age
there was no way of getting into the building without getting caught
that's what you say
thank you for comforting me in time of need
but that wouldn't be funny?
i hope you get targeted by a sex predator fr <3
awwww you're too sweet
only for you, dear
…
(Thursday, 18:23h)
mary: hey love
mary: you know I'll always love you no matter what, right?
mary?
i know that
mary: things got a little out of hand in history earlier
mary: but i wanted to say that you can tell us anything
i knoww
honestly, we really are just friends
mary: yeah i know that
mary: i just wanted to let you know
alright
mary: lately it feels like we've been a little off
mary: but i want you to know that you can tell me anything
so you've saidd
mary: i mean it
mary: anything
i know, Mary
where is this even coming from?
mary: oh idk
mary: just wanted you to know
and i know
wait i already came out to you guys, right?
mary: yes?? years ago?
right
so there are no big revelations waiting in store then
mary: hahsha ok
mary: wanna go interrogate lily now?
oh YES
it's only fair
mary: i think i saw her sneaking out of the gates
lily? OUR lily?
mary: the one and only
oh this is going to be good
race you there?
mary: you're on
…
(Thursday, 20:39h)
i guess maybe you're not the only 17-yr-old in existence who still hasn't learnt how to sneak around
got detention too?
not so fast, of course i didn't
shame
thank you for caring
but no, it was my friend
lily, who's never broken a singular rule in her academic life? the one and only
probably justified
whose side are you on???
not yours, obviously
right
bitch
MOVING ON
my friend got detention and that's very sad
can we make fun of her now?
idc
the disrespect???
you don't even know what she was doing!!
idc
SHE WAS SNEAKING OUT TO GO SEE *A GIRL*
sweet
MAN WHAT TF
hm
if this how you're tossing our love away??
our love
that's right. i might have to divorce you after this
alr
oh god i married a psychopath !!!
high time you notice
…
(Friday, 10:39)
oh fucking hell
that's it
a *man* just gave me the "maybe you haven't found the right man yet" talk
i will now be taking matters into my own hands
good evening to you too !!!
i see it's going well?
you dare to get snarky with me as I'm planning revenge?
i do
oh actually fuck you
you sound like an angry kitten
you can't hear me??
meaw meaw meaw
sleep with one eye open
whatever
…
(Saturday, 11:57h)
hi?
um hi
ok, so um, tell me everything?
about what?
your friend
and then the other guy
the homophobic one
i already said?
yeah but you barely told me anything
you didn't seem interested
I'm sorry
for?
i am interested
sorry I was being an arse
oh alright
just
something happened
and i took it out on others
oh it's alright
it's really not
you didn't say anything too bad
to you
my friend got the worst of it, tbh
we had a fight
it wasn't pretty
oh i see
i know it's not excusable but I'm really sorry
well, it could've been worse?
it was bad enough
but it's ok, that's my problem
it's what happens when you're a bitch
I'll deal with it
it'll be fine
hmm idk
I'm sure it will be
hm
i hope so
IT WILL BE OK
unlike for my friend and The Homophobic Guy, who will regret it for a long long time
oh dear haha
ok, first things first
tell me about your friend
right, so she definitely has a crush
there is this girl, very pretty and smart
apparently my friend and her have been talking for a while now, and we only caught them yesterday
we?
me and mary
we followed lily and spied on them
i.. will withhold judgment
good. as you should.
we did it because we're good friends
………
and some good gossip can't hurt
there's the catch
ANYWAY
we followed them for a bit but it was a little boring
there was a moment when i swear they were about to kiss
but i think they caught us, so they hid, the ungrateful whores
i promised myself i would be nice to everyone today
well, i would never promise such a thing, so i will continue to mock my friends and you can listen
hahaahaha oh god
alright
so, they ran away
Mary and i tried to find them for a while, but we gave up just as curfew was starting
lily, however, did not have as much foresight
reason why she now has detention
you sound too pleased about this
i am so pleased
you know the amount of bullying I'm entitled to now?
i can only imagine
this is better than when you were being a bitch to your friends
except mine will never recover
what?
hm?
oh no no not like that
i meant when they got together and you poked a bit of fun
i don't know if it was just a bit of fun
but it was harmless?
idk anymore
I'm sure they didn't mind
they were happy and i chose to make fun of them
who does that?
hey, i do that
and it's not that bad
it is
I crossed a line
I'm sure it'll be fine
you clearly care about your friends
that's not enough
of course it is! how could it not??
it would be for me
you don't have a reputation for being a bitch
no, I
reputations don't mean anything
of course they fucking do
it means that you've done something enough times for everyone to know you for it
or maybe it means you've had to defend yourself one too many times and people don't like that
maybe you are a bitch too
you certainly know how to be a mean prick sometimes
it's all i do
no it's not
how can you know?
you don't fucking know me
I'm omnipresent
that's
that's the stupidest way you could've answered that
how come? i used a big word
that is even worse
maybe
but did you laugh?
my mean prick reputation would be in danger if i didn't lie and tell you I didn't
then maybe your reputation is wrong
hmm yeah
maybe
…
(Saturday, 22:38h)
good night
good night, mean prick <3
…
(Sunday, 16:03h)
hey can you talk?
sure?
okay
is everything alright?
remember when i told you about being too much of a bitch?
right, well now I'm facing the consequences
ay no
what happened?
my friends are mad at me
i don't really want to face them right now
well then
you can stay with me in our metaphorical hideout
i would love nothing more
so what do you want to talk about?
you never did tell me about that homophobic guy
ohhh The Guy
yes, so we're planning a prank on him
no way
and you said *i* was the child
please
this is professional pranking
oh, i wasn't aware of that
then it's not sad
i felt that sarcasm through the screen
then I think it worked
moving. on.
I'm thinking public humiliation
cute
i knowww it's so girly pop
in the literal sense
we're trying to figure out a way to make this man look like he's swallowed a rainbow
ohhh, the poetic justice
i like where this is going
how do you plan on doing that?
i thought your devious days were over?
you and me both
i relapsed
now, tell me
I'm thinking pink hair dye
and you would be *so* correct
that's step one
our dear friend mary is an insanely good liar (plus, no one can say no to her honey brown eyes) so she will be our way into this guy's dorms
then we will simply switch his white toner for pink dye
of course he's a fake blond
i know. ugh.
and what else do you plan on doing?
we have invisible ink
ohhh i like where this is going
me too, MP, me too
are those supposed to be my initials or some kind of insult?
yk what? don't answer that
what will you do with the ink?
some harmless graffiting of course
we want to write something like "i am a homophobic wanker" on all of his school shirts
ooohh
yess
and when he goes out, in the sun, our lovely message will be revealed to the world
tell me it's not perfect
how will you make sure he goes out?
it's hot and almost summer
he will go out
yes but how will you make sure people see?
hmm I'm not sure
maybe… do it when there's agame or some outdoor thing
OOOOH WAIT WAIT WAIT YES
YOU'RE A GENIUS
OMG, i need to update the girls
hahsah alright
you do that
will you be alright?
oh
I'll be fine
okey :)
thank you
:)))
…
(Sunday, 18:02h)
pandora: come on, dorcas
pandora: where are you?
I'm sorry
i know you guys are mad at me
pandora: no one is mad at you
pandora: you didn't do anything
i was a bitch
pandora: love, i already told you
pandora: you're a softie, inside out
pandora: i promise you no one is mad
idk
I'm still sorry
pandora: that's ok, but you don't need to
pandora: no one here is angry at you
what about regulus?
pandora: regulus can be just as sensitive as you
pandora: but i promise he's not mad
what I said about his parents wasn't right
pandora: I'd argue that it was very right
pandora: really, they're shittier than your parents, and that's saying a lot
my mom just wants the best for me
pandora: I know, love
pandora: but is this really the right way to go about it?
I used to think so
pandora: and now?
now I don't know
pandora: that's fine too
pandora: no one here is mad at you, love
pandora: reg won't show it for a couple of days, but he's not angry either
pandora: not at you
i hope you're right
pandora: i am
pandora: you can stop hiding now
I'm not hiding
pandora: where are you?
third floor handicap loos
pandora: …right
ok point taken
I'll go down in a minute
pandora: don't take too long
pandora: I've got something to tell you
be right there
…
(Sunday, 21:50h)
you were right