Summer's End
Unfortunately, the monotony of a life stuck inside affected them faster than they could have dreamed. While Draco had already had a fit on that first day, he had tried valiantly to ease into this new life. He was used to being locked in and secluded from society since he’d left the Manor a year ago so really, this was just a new address with higher stakes happening outside.
Sirius, meanwhile, lost all ability to function as a regular wizard within the first week. One moment he would be buzzing around Lupin, creating lessons for Draco and doting on Ella and the next he would have retreated to his room, slammed the door and refused dinner. When he was eventually drawn out he would speak of Harry, worrying over his whereabouts, muttering about his safety and continually talk of leaving and finding him.
When he had done this for the third time, Lupin had sighed and tried to explain to Draco that Sirius was still adapting, that his life post Azkaban had been one of constant running. That for almost a year he had been locked inside his dreadful childhood home with no one but a portrait of his dead mother abusing him and an old house elf he hated for company. Lupin hadn't been able to be with him as he was constantly on missions for Dumbledore and the Order had only shown him just how useless he had felt. He had escaped Azkaban more than four years ago and yet in all that time he’d experienced barely 6 months of normality. And even that was during a war.
All of this led to a very strange first week, at times it was Draco who needed to step on eggshells around Sirius as he would be taciturn and foul-tempered. Other times Sirius was the one who had to tread carefully around Draco when he was sleep-deprived and disagreeable to the core. The worst days were when they both had to be careful around Lupin though, it was unsettling to see him when he became so frustrated and cold. Draco knew the full moon was still two weeks away but its looming presence gnawed at both him and Lupin.
They did have a radio, for all the good it did, and it stayed on at all times. But it barely reported anything of worth. Scrimgeour's death was hardly mentioned, reported as an accident, and the new Minister had been announced as Pius Thicknesse. Sirius had cursed at the announcement but Lupin had simply sighed and run his hand down Sirius’ back, Thicknesse was confirmed to be working for Voldemort.
It all came to a head after a week locked inside when Draco came into a very tense breakfast. They looked up at him when he entered but didn't say anything. Draco narrowed his eyes, put Ella in her seat and grabbed a mug of coffee. He couldn't do bad news on no coffee.
"What is it?" he asked, sitting down and nursing his mug.
Lupin didn't look at Sirius but said steadily, "I'm leaving".
"You're what?" Draco sputtered, looking from Lupin to Sirius and back again.
Lupin raised his hands, "not forever just a day or two, we need news or we're going to go crazy. And Sirius and I have been talking and we have an idea where Harry might be hiding".
"Really?" Draco's heart pounded at the idea of someone, anyone, getting a sighting of Harry.
"I'm leaving tonight," Lupin said, "I'll try and go to Andromeda's and the Burrow too. If you have any messages you want me to pass on, I can try".
"Harry asked me to take care of Allegra and Hedwig but I think Hedwig's better off at the Burrow," Draco said, "but if you can get Allegra?"
Lupin nodded, "I know you have bags packed at Andromeda's as well so I'll try and get those".
"Thank you," Draco muttered, he looked at Sirius and asked, "You're not going?"
"No," Sirius said mutinously, he was glaring at his coffee.
"Everyone knows what you look like Sirius," Lupin sighed, "You've been on wanted posters for years and Peter will have told Voldemort all about your animagus form".
"I know that," Sirius growled, but he sounded so furious that Draco almost felt bad for him.
"Think of any messages you want me to pass on," Lupin said wearily, standing up and retreating from the kitchen.
Draco took a long sip from his coffee before standing up again to make Ella breakfast, he moved around the kitchen slowly and silently as he monitored Sirius from the corner of his eye. As he watched Sirius brooding, annoyance flared up in his own chest, his movements became jerkier and he put Ella's food down harder than intended.
"You realise you're not the only one who can't leave this place," Draco said between gritted teeth. "I'm stuck here just as much as you are".
Sirius' grip on his mug got tighter but the man didn't look up, he didn't speak, he just glared at his uneaten toast.
"Do you think you're the only one worried about Harry?" Draco tried again, his voice rising, "That you're the only one mad that you can't go and see him? Do you think you're the only one not coping being inside this house?"
"You don't understand," Sirius seethed, "you don't understand how it feels to be rendered so fucking useless! I can't do anything, I can't help anyone!"
Draco saw red, his temper snapped and in a moment he was yelling.
"I don't understand?! My parents are Death Eaters, my home is Voldemort's headquarters, my friends are on Voldemort's side, my boyfriend is on the run, I'm fully responsible for a baby and I have to be stuck in here with you! I can't even get my sister new clothes or speak to the only relatives who like me, I can't finish school or go to the fucking pub for a drink! I have never felt more useless in my entire life, you selfish prick".
Draco picked up a very startled Ella out of her seat, grabbed her food and turned to leave the kitchen. Before he stalked out he turned back to Sirius, who was pale, his eyes wide and guilt-ridden.
"And you said you'd help me".
***
The day passed in tense silence, Draco spending most of it in his room while he heard Lupin and Sirius arguing quietly. He couldn't make out the words but he knew Lupin was on the offensive which meant he must have heard Draco's little meltdown that morning. Not that Draco had been at all quiet. He flushed at the memory and tried to rid himself of it, refocusing on a transfiguration book he'd found in the loungeroom.
When night fell and Lupin left, Draco wandered around the house uselessly. He'd given a short message for his Aunt and Uncle to say that he and Ella were safe but when it came to Harry he had wanted to give something longer. He'd battled all day long for what words to send but he couldn't come up with anything he was prepared to actually tell Lupin. He'd been told he couldn't write a note, just in case it was discovered, so everything said would have to be repeated.
He ended up going with a simple 'I love you' and a 'be safe or I'll kill you'. He couldn't think of anything else, all he wanted was news back on Harry. He wanted someone to lay eyes on him and tell him he was safe and healthy and not dead in an alley or prisoner of Voldemort. Draco didn't hear what message Sirius gave over but as Lupin left, Sirius' shoulders fell in defeat and he circled around the living room a few times before collapsing on the couch. Draco finally came to a stop in the living room, Ella having fallen asleep in his arms.
He was about to take her back to his room when Sirius spoke up.
"I'm sorry, Draco," he said, raising his head to look at him. "I was acting like a prick".
"You were," Draco agreed.
Sirius huffed out a laugh, "I'm just - I have a hard time getting out of my own head. It's not an excuse, it's just that I'm not used to thinking of others yet and I think I've gotten used to always being the most hard done by in the room. I forget sometimes that other people are going through something worse".
Draco rolled his eyes and sighed, "Look, you haven't exactly been on a picnic these last sixteen years".
"No, but neither have you," Sirius replied, "It's quite embarrassing for a teenager to have more maturity than me".
"There's not a whole lot of personal growth happening in Azkaban," Draco replied.
"No," Sirius whispered, "But the point stands, you were right and I was an asshole. Moony's been trying to help with all of it but I think it's an uphill battle on that front, long way to go before I'm mentally stable".
Draco snorted, "the healers at Mungo's are going to be overwhelmed after all this is over".
"No kidding," Sirius agreed and cleared his throat, "So, I've thought about it all day and decided that there is something I can do".
"Oh?"
"Tonight's going to be a long night for both of us and I doubt we'll be able to sleep," Sirius said, "I spent the afternoon coming up with a list of curses, jinxes and hexes to teach you".
"Really?"
"I thought we could vent some frustration together".
Draco actually felt himself smiling, "Let me put Ella to bed and we can get started right away".
It was still a long night even though it was filled with hours of practicing Sirius' favourite curses and hexes. Every time they heard a rustle outside, their heads jerked to the door even though they knew it wouldn't be Lupin. Draco vented all of his pent up frustration on cushion after cushion and then eventually on Sirius (only the spells that could be undone quickly) before the two of them collapsed on the couch at 3 in the morning.
"I think I can still feel a blister," Sirius complained, his eyes closed and his breathing deep.
"Should have put your shield up faster."
Sirius hit him in the face with a cushion and left it there, Draco didn't have the energy to remove it so he just lay on the lounge with the cushion covering his face. It was nice though, the silence of hard work lingering between them. Draco thought he might head to bed soon but there was no point yet, Ella usually woke up around this time and he wasn't going to be happy about being woken up minutes after falling asleep. Thinking of Ella always led him back to thoughts of his parents, especially his mother. He always wondered about how she would be caring for Ella, how much better she would be doing than he was. Ella would probably be sleeping through the night and speaking in full sentences if his mother was raising her.
He sighed and removed the pillow from his face before turning to Sirius, catching the question before it escaped. But Sirius noticed.
"What?"
"Nothing," Draco said.
Sirius winced as he sat up and turned to Draco, "Just ask me".
Draco sighed and asked quietly, "You knew my mother, didn't you?"
Sirius watched him carefully before sighing, nodding, and propping himself up on a pillow.
"I did."
"What was she like when she was younger?"
Sirius paused seeming to think the question over, "It's hard to say... She wasn't exactly nice, not like Andromeda but she wasn't cruel like Bellatrix- and remember, this was the Bellatrix before Azkaban, she's only added insanity into the mix- she was a bystander mostly. She laughed when she was supposed to and didn't speak to people beneath her and she hated me from the minute I started Hogwarts. Merlin, she must have been in fifth year when I started, never looked at me twice once I was sorted into Gryffindor".
Draco nodded, the picture of his mother forming in his head matched the one he already had. He didn't know why he'd asked, didn't know why he'd expected a different answer. His mother had never pretended to be anything other than who she was.
"She wasn't cruel though, Draco, and remember that in our families and at that time it was really easy to be cruel," Sirius said in a soft voice. "Andromeda abandoned the family as fast as she could, much like I did, and then it was just her and Bellatrix at home. I honestly don't know how much of her life was her own choice. I mean, I could be completely wrong, she could have loved her life and believed in all of it... as much as she's my cousin, I didn't really know her".
"She had a choice though," Draco said, "like you did... like I did."
"It's not much of a choice," Sirius said, "I had nothing to keep me there, I hated my family and they hated me... I had James and Moony to keep me sane but Narcissa? She was in Slytherin at school, she met your father soon after... all she had was right there."
Had Draco wanted her to make a difference choice? If she'd abandoned the family when she was younger what would their lives have looked like? Would his father have followed her? That one he thought he could answer; no, his father wouldn't have left Voldemort. And his mother wouldn't have left his father.
"She could have gone to Andromeda," Draco continued, not sure why he kept going.
Sirius shrugged, "Yeah, she could have- look, she made her choices and the only one who can explain them is her".
"Yeah, right..."
"Can I ask why you wanted to know?"
Draco sighed and lifted his feet up onto the couch, something he never would have done at the Manor, and said, "Nothing much, I've just been thinking".
"Never a good idea," Sirius said with half a smile.
"She didn't come with me," Draco said, "she could have, I think, if she'd wanted it enough but she didn't."
Even when his father wasn't there, even when her two children were in such danger, she hadn't left.
"I could have taken Harry and run but I didn't," Sirius said quietly, "I could have left Peter alone, I could have explained to Remus, I could have kept being Secret Keeper, I could have... I could have protected Harry like I was supposed to. The list of what ifs and regrets in life only gets longer the more we live but if we're smart we try and do better next time".
"Was this my mother trying to do better?" Draco gestured to himself and vaguely in the direction of his sister.
"I honestly don't know," Sirius said, "but what I do know is that you're safe and so is Ella. So no matter why she did what she did, it worked".
Draco closed his eyes not liking where the evening had gone. It had been a worry buried so deep in him since the night he'd left the Manor that he'd barely ever taken it out to think about, but with Sirius here there had been an opening, a little crack into his mothers world. He supposed he could have asked Andromeda before this but- well, his mind had been elsewhere and besides, she looked too much like his mother for comfort.
"I'm going to head to bed," Sirius said, rising slowly from the couch and patting Draco on the shoulder, "don't stay up much longer or there won't be enough coffee to fix it in the morning".
"Night," Draco said softly, his head still too full of worries to go to bed.
***
Draco woke to a loud thump and the sound of the front door banging closed. He sat up, noting the late hour of the morning, and scrambled out of bed. If this was Sirius being an idiot and not Lupin he was going to murder him. Ella was awake and sitting up next to him scking on her fist so he grabbed her and hauled her up before almost sprinting from the room.
Thankfully for Sirius, it was Lupin. The loud thump had been Sirius knocking into him with a hug and a stack of papers and paraphernalia falling to the floor.
"Merlin, let me at least come all the way indoors," Remus complained, but he didn't sound all that annoyed.
"You alright?" Sirius asked, his eyes scanning his husband from top to toes.
"Fine, fine," Remus waved him off and then grinned, "actually better than fine, I've seen Harry."
"You saw Harry?"
"Is he alright?"
"Where is he?"
"He's fine," Remus promised, Sirius and Draco sighed in relief. "He's with Ron and Hermione at Grimmauld Place".
"We were right then?" Sirius asked.
"Grimmauld Place?" Draco said at the same time.
"They got though all of the curses OK," Remus continued, "and they've somehow won over Kreacher and they've got plans they won't tell me about. They're OK, all of them, although damn surprised to see me".
"What curses?" Draco asked, unable to move on from the mystery location that was keeping Harry safe, "and what's Grimmauld Place?"
"My parents house in London," Sirius said, "nasty place, we used it as headquarters for the Order but when Dumbledore died everyone who knew the location became Secret Keeper."
"Snape," Draco concluded.
Sirius' face pinched up in disgust but it was Remus who answered, "after Dumbledore died many of the Order went over and placed as many curses, jinxes and hexes on the place that we could. We couldn't use it as Headquarters any longer but that didn't mean we wanted Snape to have it."
"And they got Kreacher on their side?" Sirius asked, still disgusted.
"He really likes Harry," Remus said with a shrug, "But I didn't didn't find out why, I actually couldn't stay for very long, there were Death Eaters watching the house."
Draco inhaled sharply while Remus continued, "they're staying safe and Kreacher's keeping them fed and getting them everything they need."
Sirius narrowed his eyes, "Uh huh".
"Is Harry really OK?" Draco asked.
"He's really OK, I passed on your messages like you asked and told him that we're all fine," Remus said and then smiled, "he seemed very relieved you were OK. You too, Sirius".
"Yeah, right," Sirius snorted but some of the tension fell from his shoulders.
"He did ask me to pass on a message," Remus said and Draco stopped breathing for a moment, "he said 'we know where one is'. Does that mean anything to you?"
Draco nodded, heart beating recklessly. They had tracked down a Horcrux which meant that soon they'd be going to get it and destroy it. A piece of Voldemort's soul. Draco shivered but wished he could be there to help. When he looked up he had two sets of eyes on him.
"Sorry," he said, and he really meant it, "But I promised Harry I wouldn't tell and Harry promised Dumbledore".
Remus gave Sirius a secret look but they didn't ask Draco for anything else.
"Before I go any further..." Remus said, reaching down into his enlarged bag. It took him a moment before he was pulling out a small carry case including one very grumpy cornsnake. Draco grabbed for it and opened the door, letting Allegra slither out and up his arm to rest on his shoulder.
"Thanks," Draco said, feeling much better having one of Harry's beloved pets in his possession. "Hedwig?"
"Safe at the Burrow," Remus promised, "And being very useful delivering messages.
Remus then continued to fill them in on where he'd been. First, he'd gone straight to the Burrow to find out news on the Weasleys and all of their friends. He'd caught them by surprise and almost had a curse thrown in his face for his effort but he'd been welcomed inside eventually. Draco was surprised at how much relief he felt over the news that all of the Weasleys, Delacour's and wedding guests had survived the attack. Nobody had been injured and even though they were being watched, everyone was fine.
Fred and George still had their joke shop open for the moment while Ginny was heading back to school in September. Mr Weasley and Bill continued their work with the Ministry even though they were heavily surveilled and under constant threat, there wasn't much to be done yet unless they intended to go on the run. Which was an option they all had to consider with Voldemort making his way out into the public.
Remus had taken as many newspapers, possessions and baked goods that Molly could force on him before leaving for the Tonks' house. Draco's Aunt and Uncle were fine, just worried about Draco and Ella, and Tonks was apparently still working as an Auror. Remus had passed on all of their news before grabbing Draco's belongings, putting them inside the magically enlarged bag he carried, and disappeared to London.
He'd gone to Diagon Alley first and told them how startingly different it was to how it used to be. Very few shops were still operating apart from Weasley's Wizard Wheezes and apparently the streets had been deserted, only small pop up shops containing dark magic and black market goods were available. He'd stolen a few newspapers and gotten what news he could before going to Grimmauld Place to try and find Harry.
Draco and Sirius listened in rapt silence the whole time, still standing in the doorway as no one was willing to move. But finally Remus finished telling them what he could and convincing them that yes, everyone really was fine, before they moved into the kitchen and Sirius put the kettle on. Remus put his bag on the table and started pulling out all of things he'd collected. He had a pile of newspapers, a few tins of baked goods from Molly, bags of clothing for Draco and Ella and lots of books.
Draco left his belongings for the moment and went straight for the newspapers, needing to know what was happening in the wizarding world now that he knew Harry was safe. Sirius and Remus had the same idea, so with three mugs of tea and Ella happily playing on the floor, they began reading the news.
It wasn't good.
Sirius read out an official statement on Scrimgeour's death and Remus told them what Mr Weasley had said to him; that Scrimgeour had protected Harry to the last, he hadn't told Voldemort that Harry was at the Burrow even though he was likely tortured before he was killed. Remus then read that Dedalus Diggle's house had been burnt down in the aftermath of the wedding as were other Order-connected houses. Draco flinched when he read an article about the Tonks family being interrogated but Remus confirmed that he'd seen them both and they were fine. And then Draco pulled out a paper from four days ago that read:
HARRY POTTER: WANTED FOR QUESTIONING ABOUT THE DEATH OF ALBUS DUMBLEDORE
It all painted the horrible picture that Voldemort and the Death Eaters had the full might of the Ministry behind them now and could do anything they wanted in order to find Harry, without any consequences. They also had control over the Daily Prophet with what Draco was reading. They had also started moving against Muggle-borns.
"Listen to this," Draco said, "Muggle-born register, the Ministry of Magic is undertaking a survey of so-called 'Muggle-borns', the better to understand how they came to possess magical secrets".
Sirius sighed, "It's just like last time, muggle-borns will have to prove magical ancestry if they want to keep their wands".
"Can they really do this?" Draco asked, he already knew the answer though. He knew the vitriol Voldemort held against muggle-borns and anyone who had magic that shouldn't. Muggle-borns were only the beginning.
"It's already happening," Remus said, "They'll have to go into hiding soon."
"Look," Sirius said, holding up another paper, "Attendance at Hogwarts is now compulsory for every young witch and wizard."
"Have they named a new Headmaster?" Remus asked.
Sirius shook his head, "Not yet, it basically just threatens punishment if you don't return to school."
"Oh!" Draco said holding up his own paper. It showed a large moving photograph of a small family and below it read: The Dumbledore Family: from left to right, Albus, Percival, holding newborn Ariana, Kendra and Aberforth. Draco's eyes went to the heading and read out loud: "Exclusive Extract from the Upcoming Biography of Albus Dumbledore by Rita Skeeter".
"Really?" Sirius asked, hand out for the paper. Draco passed it over and watched Remus and Sirius as the bent over the article. "She must have stayed up nights to try and get this drivel out so quickly".
Draco shook his head in amusement but his eyes were caught on Remus who was still reading the article, his expression one of intense focus.
"Is there any truth in it?" Draco asked, he knew that Harry had trusted Dumbledore implicitly but, well, Draco hadn't. He was good, Draco believed that much, but he also knew that there wasn't a person in the world that Dumbledore trusted completely. The man had known so much and said so little, he had left them all wandering aimlessly in a world on fire, it wouldn't surprise him if that same man had secrets in his past.
"Maybe..." Remus said but he stood up tall and smiled tiredly, "But I think I'll sort it out when I'm not so tired. I'm going to bed, love". He kissed Sirius on the top of his head before picking up his mug of tea and wandering up the stairs to his room.
Sirius put down the paper with a sigh and looked at the rest of the stuff lying there, "We should probably sort this out".
"Probably," Draco agreed.
They stared for a little longer.
"Or I could teach you more curses?" Sirius offered.
"That one," Draco agreed, drained his mug, and followed Sirius into the living room to momentarily put the war out of their heads.
August stretched on in a similar vein. Draco soon began his studies in earnest with Sirius and Remus taking on the roles of teacher. He had a basic timetable for the week (including study time in which Sirius or Remus would take Ella) and a balanced, strategic plan for completing his NEWT's. It had been bizzare on that first morning to sit down with Professor Lupin and start coursework in the dining room, strange how quickly both Sirius and Remus had changed into teachers. Remus had little work to do as Draco had first met him as a teacher and still often thought of him that way but Sirius had been the real surprise.
The first lesson Sirius had taught him, Draco began to understand just how brilliant the man was. Twelve years in Azkaban had done nothing to dull the sheer amount of talent he had for magic. The way he spoke about spells, the complexities and intrinsic value they held, left Draco in awe. Of course, the man rambled and led Draco on such detours as to never return to the original point but the detours were always interesting.
Draco had a hard time maintaining a look of bored detachment while with him.
They began their mornings at 9am sharp, one would teach Draco while the other entertained Ella. Draco had discussed the possibilities at length with both of them and they'd come to an agreement on lessons and trying to continue as many as possible.
Sirius and Remus both taught Defence lessons as they both excelled at different areas of practical and theoretical knowledge. Remus knew more about creatures and practical spellwork while Sirius was the best Draco had ever seen at pffensive and protective magic. The amount of dark spells that Sirius knew was almost frightening, not to mention the glint in his eyes as he showed them to Draco. In those moments Draco could see the man who had spent twelve years in Azkaban, the frenzy and the fire, the need to do something now that he was able.
Charms and Transfiguration were interesting as well, neither were quite as adept at teaching it as McGonagall or Flitwick but they managed just fine. Sirius was even able to tell Draco all about animagi, giving him a first hand account of creating the spell and what transformations felt like. Draco had always had a talent for Transfiguration and now that he had the flexibility to do personal research on the subject he was loving it even more.
Potions took place in the kitchen, light flooding through the windows as the smell of ingredients wafted through the air. It was so different to Potions in the dungeons that it didn’t even feel like the same class. Having Sirius teach him after Snape and Slughorn was incredibly strange, the man had a very easy air about potions, his natural intelligence making the process look easy. Draco found that he loved his potions lessons, the laughter and easy warnings from Sirius making it fun. He thought about Harry a lot during his potions lessons, knowing that if Harry had been taught by Sirius he would have loved it too.
Sirius even made a soft promise to let Draco watch as he made Remus’ wolfsbane potion, maybe even help with it eventually.
It was Herbology that was tricky as they couldn’t get their hands on any practical plants. Remus did his best to describe them and he also had an excellent book to learn from but it wasn’t quite the same as being in the Greenhouses. But they did do these lessons outside in the sunshine, Ella sometimes sitting on Draco’s lap as they went through the textbooks learning about asphodel and aconite and other NEWT level plant. Draco knew it wouldn't be enough to get and an O or even and E on his NEWT's unless something changed dramatically but he might be able to scrape a passing mark.
Sirius took Astronomy late at night, knowing far too many facts about the stars and planets. Draco hadn't needed Astronomy and had argued with Sirius over taking it but after a few lessons he stopped complaining. He charted the stars and wrote down notes as Sirius talked and enjoyed the quiet night around him.
Remus was anyone's match for Care of Magical Creatures; again it was a class Draco hadn't wanted to take. He had hated it at school and dropped it as soon as possible but Remus had snuck in a lesson or two each week. It wasn't enough to pass his NEWT's but he found himself looking forward to the next creature that Remus would teach him about, the next fact that would take him by surprise.
It was in this way that Draco passed through August and at the end of it he barely recognised his life. Because his life was almost normal. They got papers, listened to the radio and heard all the news but it felt like the world was in waiting. Some days Draco could almost trick himself into believing everything was fine, especially in the evenings when Ella was hazy with sleep and lying on his lap and Sirius was leaning against Remus on the lounge, threading his fingers through his hair as the man read a book.
And what he had dreaded, the life he had never wanted, was nice somehow.
It only ever felt nice for a moment, long enough for Draco to remember Harry and his family. And then his stomach upended and that ball of constant worry lurched back to the front.
It was after a night like this, when Draco had finally fallen asleep only to have the same nightmares he had been having all summer, that he awoke to rain on his window.
It was September 1st and he wouldn't be returning to school.