Get Up, Stand Up

Ella was crying and there was nothing Draco could do to comfort her. His polyjuiced face hadn’t disappeared and she wailed in his arms not knowing who he was and still frightened from the events of the wedding. His body trembled where he sat on the floor and he couldn’t find it in himself to move. If he moved everything would be real. He tried to grip Ella tighter, to hold onto something real and not get swept away by everything he had lost in a matter of moments.

Any lingering whim of returning to Hogwarts was gone. He and Ella were stuck here for good because Merlin knew what was happening in the world outside their new door.

He hadn’t been able to say goodbye to his aunt and uncle and cousin. He hadn’t been able to pack or grab Hedwig and Allegra from Harry’s room. And Harry… he hadn’t been able to say a proper goodbye to Harry. Was Harry even OK? Where had they gone? Were they safe?

There were so many questions he didn’t know the answer to. Draco didn't cry very often but he felt a prickling, burning sensation in his eyes and tried to push it back, tried to choke it down. 

And then Ella was squirming and squeezing and pushing at him with her little hands, her wails had turned distressed and she desperately wanted to be away from him. He let her go, putting her on the floor, where she scuttled away from him as quickly as she could. Her little face was cherry red from crying, snot streaming from her nose and drool from her mouth. She didn’t have any shoes on.

“I’m sorry, Ella,” Draco whispered, not getting any closer for fear of making it worse.

She cried and looked around the new room, desperately trying to find something familiar. Her eyes finally caught Sirius’ face as he rushed past the room, his wand still raised. She must have recognised him because her cries got louder and she tried to crawl after him. Draco’s heart tore at the sight. Sirius was back before Ella had even reached the hall and he bent down to scoop her up. She buried her head in his shoulder but still cried, her fists clenched tight in his shirt. Sirius looked at Draco with huge, worried eyes.

“What’s wrong?” he barked, sounding gruffer than usual. Draco just pointed miserably at his still polyjuiced face and Sirius frowned in realisation.

“Sirius?” Remus called as he found them, “I think that’s all the spells I can think of. What’s the matter with Ella?”

“Scared,” Draco whispered.

Remus looked between everyone in the room and understood the problem, he raised his hand and patted Ella’s back.

“Right,” he muttered, “ok. Draco, we’ll set you and Ella up in Harry’s room, I think. We have another room we can set up for Ella but I figured…”

“She’s staying with me,” Draco said firmly.

Remus nodded, “why don’t you go have a shower and change? There’s some clothes in the draw for you and Ella and by the time you’re done the potion should have worn off”.

Draco did not want to go, he absolutely did not want to leave his sister, but he was starting to feel the burning sensation in his eyes again and knew he was close to a complete meltdown. He picked himself up off the floor and on wobbly legs he left the living room, looking back to see Sirius gently bouncing Ella up and down to calm her crying.

He followed Remus’ directions and found Harry’s room at the end of the hall. He barely looked at it except to find the wardrobe and pull some clothes from it, loose sweatpants and a scarlet t-shirt that were obviously meant for Harry. He had to try a few doors before he found the bathroom but when he did he locked the door behind him, turned the shower on as hot as it would go and sunk to the floor underneath the spray.

Tears sprung from his eyes as he rested his head on his knees. Sobs choking their way out of his throat, muffled by the downpour. The last minutes of the wedding ran rampant through his head, never allowing him to take a full breath. He couldn’t stop thinking about the what ifs. What if he hadn’t found Ella in time? What if Harry had been caught? What if the wedding guests had been hurt? There was no end to the questions, the worries.

He leaned his head back against the tiles and tried to take in a deep breath, the steam helping to clear his throat and nose. He had to get a handle on himself before he left the bathroom, he had a sister out there who desperately needed him.

Draco took in one last deep breath and managed to get to his feet. He let the water cascade over his head, soaking his hair and running heavy down his back. He used the products placed in a little tray under the shower head and as he washed the shampoo from his hair he noticed that it had receded back to its original length.

It took him another ten minutes to leave the shower and grab a fluffy white towel from the rack. When he managed to look in the mirror he found himself almost completely back to normal. His hair was still a shade too dark and his nose hadn’t quite shrunk back yet but he was himself enough to go and get his sister.

He found them in the living room, Sirius still holding Ella, although her cries had faded to sniffles she hadn’t calmed down. Remus was pacing up and down the room with his wand by his side, looking out of the windows and muttering so quietly Draco couldn’t hear.

He stepped up quietly to Sirius and placed a warm hand on Ella’s back, she was still in her purple dress although her hair had come loose and her face was a snotty mess. Sirius startled when Draco appeared but turned to him and shuffled so Ella’s head peeked out from his shoulder. Ella saw him and immediately started crying again, this time from relief, she all but launched herself from Sirius and into Draco’s arms.

“I’m taking her to bed,” Draco said softly, rocking Ella and holding her tight.

“See you in the morning,” Sirius said, running a hand through his unkempt hair.

“You’re both completely safe here,” Remus added fiercely.

Draco nodded and left them to their watch, returning to Harry’s room with Ella safely tucked into his arms. She was too upset to bother with a bath but he washed her face and changed her and settled her beside him in bed. 

She had calmed down a lot since he’d reappeared and the exhaustion of the day took over and she fell asleep quickly. Draco lay beside her in the darkness, one hand flat on her stomach to feel her breathing.

It was only after an hour of restless, wandering thoughts that Draco sat bolt upright in bed, remembering. 

He ran for his robes and dug through the pockets, searching for the gold galleon he had stashed there earlier in the day. His fingers finally found the coin and his heart began to pound, hoping beyond hope there would be a message for him.

“Lumos,” he whispered.

Draco looked down and there, written in neat font, was one word: safe.

He let out a deep sigh of relief and pointed his wand at the galleon, he muttered the spell to return the word, annoyed he hadn’t thought of it earlier. The coin grew hot in his hand as the word was cast and he waited in the glow of his wandlight.

He was about to extinguish his wand when the coin grew hot once more and this time three little words were etched onto its surface: I love you.

***

When Draco opened his eyes the sun was high in the sky and a harsh light was piercing his bedroom. He squinted through the sunlight and tried to remember where he was, his body was heavy and his eyes blurry, his mind not cooperating. Ella was tucked safely against his side and she must have been exhausted because she was still deeply asleep.

Draco looked around and took in the red and gold decor, the posters of Quidditch teams moving on the wall and the few framed photographs on top of the bureau and knew he was in Harry’s room. It felt much more like Harry than anything at the Dursleys had. The photos showed the smiling faces of his parents, Ron and Hermione as well as one of Harry in between Sirius and Remus. And then just beside them was the one Draco had taken of himself and Ella last Christmas with the Tonks’. He figured Sirius and Remus must have put them all up in anticipation of Harry’s next visit, trying to make sure Harry felt as at home as possible.

He lay in bed as long as he could so as to not wake up Ella but after twenty minutes he was desperate for the bathroom. He tried to move without disturbing her but as soon as he tried to take his arm away, she blinked awake, looking up at him with big grey eyes.

“Welcome to our new life,” Draco mumbled.

He hadn’t meant for it to come out sounding quite so bitter but there it was. The reality of their lives under the Fidelius charm was dawning on him so quickly it felt suffocating.

He honestly didn’t know how long they were going to be here and with the Ministry of Magic broken and Voldemort rising to power, there would be no hope of leaving anytime soon. He was here until the end, until either Voldemort or Harry were dead. The thought made him nauseous enough to sit straight up, grab Ella and put her down on the floor before racing to the bathroom.

The door slammed behind him loud enough that if Sirius and Remus weren’t awake already, they definitely were now. The nausea receded as he washed his face and used the toilet but that heavy weight in his chest just pressed down harder. The reality that he was trapped, stuck here for an indeterminable amount of time was hard to swallow.

He eventually left the bathroom and was about to go back and grab Ella when he heard voices coming from the other end of the house. Ella had clearly already been retrieved by either Sirius or Remus. Draco emerged in the kitchen with a scowl, he couldn’t help it, it was either that or blotched and teary. Ella was being held very cautiously by Remus, smiling in his arms and trying to grab at his nose and hair.

“Morning,” Sirius said.

Draco grunted in reply and went straight for the coffee. It took him a few tries to locate the mugs but eventually he had a steaming cup in his hands, it was only then he was brave enough to face the others properly.

“You alright this morning?” Remus asked, looking him over

Draco shrugged and muttered, “Fine”.

Sirius and Remus shared a look before Sirius spoke, “We haven’t gotten any news yet but we’re thinking one of us should go out… maybe tonight”.

Draco’s heart lurched as he thought of all of those that might have been hurt at the wedding… or worse. He nodded his head and leaned back against the kitchen cabinets. There was no point even asking if he could go out, he was pretty high up on Voldemort’s most wanted list.

“Your aunt and uncle are probably quite worried about you two,” Remus said, “we thought we’d try and get word to them”.

Draco’s stomach clenched, what if it was his aunt and uncle that weren’t ok? What if it was Tonks? Or Fleur and her family? He’d have to wait the whole day to find out. He’d have to wait here, stuck inside this house, with no news to calm his nerves.

“We’re pretty well stocked up with food and necessities,” Sirius added, “Butt we thought maybe we could sneak over to Andromeda’s in the next few days and grab your belongings”.

“Only if it's safe though,” Remus warned. 

“Right, fine,” Draco muttered. He couldn’t care less about his belongings right now. He would be happy to just crawl back into bed and stay there for a few days.

“The safety wards go around the property,” Remus continued, ignoring Draco’s mood. “The backyard is completely protected but not the entirety of the front.”

“We’ll mark the safe zones today,” Sirius added, “but there should be enough space so you and Ella can be outside”.

Draco didn’t bother nodding, he was too busy glaring at the tiled floor. He knew they were trying to be nice but there was anger and panic roiling through his stomach and he wanted to lash out. He wanted to yell at one of them, he wanted to pull his wand out and duel. The best he could do was grit his teeth and stay silent. But it didn’t last very long.

“Right, well, seeing as how it's the only freedom I’m going to get,” Draco sniped, “I’m going outside”.

He took his coffee and without looking back, he went straight for the back door. He snapped it closed behind him hoping they would get the hint not to follow. Draco stood on the back porch, narrowed eyes glaring at the backyard, soaking in the only outside space he would probably see for months. It wasn’t very big. It had speckled green grass, a hodgepodge flowerbed and wilting vegetables in a plot.

This was the best he was going to get. This was the best Ella was going to get.

In a moment of rage, Draco threw his coffee mug. Hard. It shattered with a crack on the concrete path, dark coffee spilling out and soaking into the grass. Draco pulled at his hair and curled in on himself to let out a silent scream.

He was seventeen, for Merlin’s sake. He shouldn’t be in hiding. He shouldn’t have a kid. And he definitely shouldn’t be in the middle of a war. He let himself crouch lower until he could sit on the ground. He kept his hands over his face and buried both in his knees.

And then there was Harry, who was out there somewhere, fighting against all the evil the world could manage. Harry wasn’t safe, he wouldn’t be until Voldemort was dead. And he had an awful, impossible task ahead of him. That Draco couldn't help him with.

He didn’t know how long he sat there but eventually there was a rattle from the door and the sound of soft footsteps. The porch creaked as someone sat and Draco lifted his head up enough to look.

Remus sat by him, an extra mug of coffee in his hand. He passed it over silently and took a sip from his own. He didn’t try to talk, he just sat beside Draco as a solid, comforting presence.

“Sorry about the mug,” Draco mumbled.

Remus waved him off, “a minor casualty, really”.

He turned and offered Draco a very slight smile to let him know he really wasn’t annoyed. Remus took a long sip and looked out over the backyard, thinking.

“I still can’t believe it some days,” he started, speaking softly, “I’m not even forty and yet this is the second war I’ve seen”.

Draco looked over at him, the lines on his face and that far off look in his eyes.

“I barely survived the first time,” he said, “and I’ve got just as much to lose this time”.

“How did you?” Draco asked, “Survive, I mean”.

Remus shrugged, “I think maybe a part of me did die that same night as Lily and James… and then Sirius and Peter… I honestly wanted to die with them. I didn’t want to exist in a world that could take so much from a person”.

“But you didn’t”.

“No, but…” he paused as if deciding whether to speak the truth, “it wasn’t through lack of effort”.

He laughed bleakly, “it is very hard to kill a werewolf”.

Draco stared at him in shock.

And then he thought about it seriously, if he had lost the four people he was closest to in the span of hours he might not have much left to live for either. The added fact that one of those people had betrayed the rest would be intolerable. The grief would be overwhelming, the guilt and anger too much to bear.

“Eventually, I thought about Harry,” Remus said softly. “I thought about James and Lily’s son, who had lost his parents and godfather. I thought about how that little boy would grow up so differently to how he should have. And I thought that there should be someone to tell him about them all. Someone who knew them as a friend, their quirks and bad habits, their inside jokes and stupid stories. Harry deserved to know about them and I was the only one left who could tell him.”

“I don’t…” Draco started and then stopped. Remus didn’t press him, he just sat, sipping his tea and waiting for Draco to be ready. “I don’t know what’s happening out there”.

“It’s terribly frustrating, isn’t it?” Remus grumbled, “I had to physically stop Sirius from trying to go out this morning even though all I wanted was to go with him”.

Draco nodded, all those people out there were important to Sirius and Remus. Maybe more important than they were to Draco. Except Harry… they probably had equal claim on Harry.

“And then… it’s about after… I mean, not that now isn’t awful but… I keep thinking about after.”

“You mean if Voldemort wins?” Remus prompted after a few moments.

Draco shook his head, “I know how that world will look and I doubt I’ll make it out of this war alive if he wins. But it’s known, you know? I know what happens if they win. It’s the other side I can’t see…”

“You’re worried about if we win?” Remus looked at him, bemused.

“What happens to me in that world?” Draco asked, staring at his shoes. “Do my parents survive? Are they imprisoned? Do I now have the responsibility of caring for Ella my whole life? Or do they get her back and I have to worry about her being with them? Will she carry the same guilt and shame of being their child that I have to?”

“Draco…”

“It’s maddening! I can’t see anyone letting my parents go free after this but what if they do? Do I have to give her back? She’s all I think about, my whole life revolves around her and if they take her back what do I do then? Do I move on and pretend that I wasn’t her parent for years? And Merlin, how long will this last? What if she remembers? She’ll go back to her own mother and not know who she is!”

“Draco, take a breath-”

“And what if we win but Harry doesn’t survive? How do I live then? He’s out there somewhere and I can’t help him because I have to be here, I have to protect Ella! And all I want to do is scream and curse something-”

“Then do it,” Remus interrupted.

“What?” Draco stared at him blankly.

“Scream. Curse something,” Remus said, “I won’t stop you, Sirius definitely won’t… In fact, he’d probably give you tips on how to curse better. So, go ahead”.

Any notion of screaming drained away in an instant and Draco was left confused, holding a still full cup of coffee. He stared at his old defence teacher, at his calm demeanour and that glint of trouble in his eyes. He really meant it.

“Would Sirius really give me tips on how to curse better?” It was all Draco managed to ask.

Remus laughed, the lines around his eyes creasing, “Draco, I don’t think anything would give Sirius more joy than to hop you up on all the curses he knows”.

And then Remus’ eyes lit up and he smiled fully, he stood up and turned back into the house, calling out behind him. “I’ll be right back”.

He came back within three minutes, dragging Sirius and Ella with him. Sirius had a half-eaten piece of toast in his hands which Ella was enjoying scraping the jam off but they both looked happy when they sat on the step next to him.

“Do you want her?” Sirius asked.

Draco scrunched his nose, “not with those jam hands, that mess is all yours”.

Rather than annoyed, Sirius looked delighted at being able to hold onto her longer. It made Draco think about his conversation with Harry at the wedding, Sirius definitely wanted kids if this show was anything to go by.

“I have an idea,” Remus said.

“I gathered that much,” Draco said.

“A way for us to say sane,” Remus continued, “but also to feel like we’re doing something while we’re stuck here”.

“Ok…” Draco said.

“How do you feel about doing your seventh year?” Sirius asked with a grin.

Draco looked at them like they were stupid and said very slowly, “Uh, yeah, I can’t go to Hogwarts”.

Remus shook his head, “no, I mean, do it here. Sirius and I can teach you”.

Draco looked between them in confusion.

“I know a lot from my time at Hogwarts,” Remus continued, “I can teach Defence and Herbology, I might even be able to do a bit on Astronomy or Care of Magical Creatures, if you want. Shut up, Sirius, don’t even think about making that joke…”

“What?” Sirius said, but he grinned and winked at Draco. “And I’m a fair hand at Potions, Charms and Transfiguration plus I know tons of curses and hexes. Remus and I could make up lessons, teach you everything you need to know to pass the NEWT’s and get you ready in case you need to fight.”

“And you two would actually do that?” Draco asked, cautious.

Sirius looked at Remus and laughed, “Draco, you’re not the only one who’s going to lose their mind locked up in here”.

“It would actually do me a favour in keeping Sirius occupied,” Remus sighed, getting an elbow from his husband.

Draco thought about it but it didn’t take long, the idea of learning spells or continuing to study, of not being idle for an unknown amount of time. He didn’t want to come across too excited so he sort of nodded and said, “I’ll think about it”.

“Does that mean I should start organising a lesson plan for tomorrow?” Remus asked, knowingly.

Draco sighed and said, “yeah, probably”.

“Fan-fucking-tastic,” Sirius cheered. He put Ella down on the deck, jammy hands and all, and darted inside.

“He still has to clean her up,” Draco commented, shuffling away from Ella as she crept closer.

Remus just laughed and patted Draco on the shoulder.

***

Draco spent the rest of the morning cleaning Ella up since he hadn’t bothered last night. After he’d washed her hair he let her play in the bubbles while he sat on the floor and read a book called The Power of a Hex by Maximus Heap. When she was done he wrapped her in a fluffy towel and took her back to their new room.

She didn’t have many options for clothing anymore. It was odd for Draco to realise but Ella actually had had a lot, the Tonks and Weasleys always keeping her sorted with their clothing packages and Christmas gifts. He burned with embarrassment to know that if it had been left up to him she would have probably looked like a house elf before the end of their first week together.

Now dressed in an odd assortment of clothes, an orange t-shirt with a frog on it, lime green tights and a pair of purple socks she kept trying to tug off, Draco left her on the lounge room floor. He’d charmed a few toys to move around for her to chase while he continued his book on the couch.

It took about fifteen minutes for Sirius to appear and sit down with her. Draco tried to ignore them at first but Ella’s laughter ramped up significantly every few minutes until Draco had no choice but to look. Sirius had charmed the toys enough so they were dancing around Ella in a choreographed movement, some flying about her head and ruffling her hair while others skipped and pranced in a circle.

“Harry loved it when he was little,” Sirius commented, “James and I would set up the whole living room with charmed toys while Remus and Lily did the voices… it was like a mini theatre just for him”.

Draco blinked, thinking of Harry as a baby, that bright happy home that had been taken away before he’d have a chance to remember it.

“You should try and find a pensieve,” Draco said, trying to sound offhand, “put all those memories in so that Harry can see them one day”.

Sirius beamed up at him and Draco looked away.

“Why didn’t I ever think of that?” Sirius laughed, “of course pensieves are terribly hard to find but… I might be able to get my hands on Dumbledore’s old one…excellent idea, Draco”.

“Uh huh,” Draco said, eyes locked on his book.

Sirius returned to his game with renewed energy and before another ten minutes had passed there was no way Draco could concentrate on his book. Sirius had taken his one man theatre to new levels. 

It took a small crash for Lupin to enter the lounge room. He looked at Sirius and Ella and then over at Draco before he smiled and said, “You’re not doing it right, Sirius, here, leave it to me”.

And then he sat down and the two grown men proceeded to entertain Ella for the next hour, getting progressively more and more ridiculous. Remus was weirdly good at the voices even if his commentary and chosen topics were a little too adult and sarcastic for a one year old to find funny. It only stopped when a stuffed rabbit was hit with two charms at the same time and exploded in a rain of fluff over Ella’s head.

“And yeah, I think that's the end of that,” Draco said. He leaned down and picked Ella up out of the mess, “Ella’s going to have a nap while you two get this cleaned up”.

He left the room but not before he heard Sirius and Remus’ laughter bursting out behind him.

It took him half an hour to calm her down enough to have a nap and by the time he left her, secured by magic around the bed, his stomach was growling. He quietly padded into the kitchen looking for something to eat. There were noises from within so he figured Sirius or Remus was making something. He turned the corner and stopped.

A disgusted noise escaped his mouth as he covered his eyes with his hands and turned back around, running from the room.

But the image flashed in his mind, Sirius pressing Remus up against the counter, kissing him hard. He had soon too many hands in places he should never see them and while they still had their clothes on he could guess it was only a matter of time. And then he'd realised what those noises from the kitchen had been and he wanted to vomit. Merlin's beard, he was never going to be able to look either of them in the eye again!

For a split second he empathised entirely with Weasley.

He walked straight out the front door and slammed it behind him, no longer hungry. 

The door open a few minutes later, Remus knocking on it politely to announce his presence. Draco let out an involuntary shudder.

“Can I sit with you?”

“No,” Draco grumbled

“Just sit with him!” Sirius called out from inside, laughing happily.

Remus hesitated, sighed, and then sat down.

“Sorry about that,” Remus said, “ah, we’ll try not to let it happen again”,

“Try?” Draco said, “you can only promise to try?”

Remus shrugged, “best we can do, I’m afraid”.

“Ugh,” Draco groaned, “disgusting”.

“It’ll happen to you one day!” Sirius shouted out to them, sounding far too amused.

“It will not!” Draco shouted back.

“Shut up, Sirius!” Remus said at the same time, and then continued, “although odds, unfortunately, are not in your favour”.

“Just scourgify my eyes and be done with it,” Draco moaned.

Draco could tell that Remus was trying to hold in a laugh so he got to his feet and stormed back inside, he swiped some food from the fridge and grabbed his book from the couch and went straight back to his room, closing the door quietly but firmly behind him. He wasn't leaving any time soon.

***

“Did we traumatise him much?” Sirius asked, flopping down beside Remus on the front steps.

Remus laughed and shook his head, “not overly… I imagine he’ll make a full recovery. Although it made me think that this is probably the first time he’s ever walked in on adults. His parents must have kept things very, uh, restrained while Draco was at home”.

Sirius turned to him and pulled a face, “I did not need to think about Lucius and Narcissa in that way… Merlin, Remus, that’s nasty”.

“Well, not that restrained, I suppose, they do have a one-year-old daughter so…” Remus teased.

Sirius pushed him and let out a disgusted groan making Remus laugh. It flashed before him in a moment: this was what he had wanted and dreamed of all his life, this ease he felt with Sirius and the feel of family around him. He’d never let himself think about it too hard though. First, because he was young and all consumed with the horror of being a werewolf, not believing anyone could or would want to take him on.

He had known from a very young age that a family wouldn’t really be possible for him, not with the risk of biting someone he loved on accident. HIs parents had sent him to Hogwarts and out of their home, and yes it was the right choice, but a part of Remus always wondered if they'd been relieved. And then Sirius, James and Peter had become Animagi and made all of it better somehow. They’d shown him that he was in control, that being a werewolf didn’t have to be a terrible curse. He could love and be loved for who he was.

And Sirius had never once thought less of him because of it. Had never once loved him less. But they’d been young and at war and the thought of family was a thing for after. Besides, they’d had Harry to dote on and then leave to his parents. That was all the responsibility they had wanted back then.

And then he’d lost it all. James and Lily and Peter all dead. Sirius in Azkaban after betraying them. Harry removed into the muggle world. And Remus, left all alone with nothing but guilt and infinite sadness. Any thought of family died that night that Sirius was arrested.

But it had popped up again 12 years later when, on the Hogwarts Express to his new job, he had awoken to a train compartment full of children. One of whom looked so much like his old friend that he’d known instantly that it was Harry. Over the course of the year he had wanted to reach out on so many occasions, to change from Professor Lupin to Uncle Moony, but he hadn’t. Not then.

And as the last few years rolled by and he found Sirius again, the thought began to resurface like an old wound. Itching and burning, ready to pick at and open, not knowing whether it would heal or hurt. But as he sat on the front porch, a day after the world as they knew it had fallen apart again, he looked at his husband and let the thought fully form.

“It’s nice having them in the house,” he said, slowly and carefully.

Sirius laughed, edged in closer, and wrapped his arm around Remus’ shoulder. He couldn’t believe that after everything he’d been through, Sirius could still laugh like that, like it was the easiest thing in the world.

“Not exactly the honeymoon I was hoping for,” Sirius said, grinning at him, “but they will make this whole lockdown thing a lot more interesting”.

Remus pressed a little more, “and, uh, Ella is very sweet. She seems very taken with you”.

“And who wouldn’t be?” Sirius said, “although it wasn’t me she kept grabbing at the wedding”.

Remus narrowed his eyes, was Sirius being obtuse or… no, Remus was just not getting his point across. He’d learned a long time ago that he had to say what he meant to Sirius because Sirius had learned a long time ago not to push him too hard.

“I was just thinking…” Remus said, “that it might be nice… to, uh, be around kids again”.

“Like when you were teaching?” Sirius said, “are you sure you didn’t get hit with anything yesterday? I can’t imagine volunteering to be around a thousand teenagers again”.

He shuddered and Remus broke, he slapped Sirius’ shoulder lightly and said, “I mean kids, Sirius, our kids. You and me. Having a kid… Uh, someday…”

He lost it at the end, trailing off into nothing, and had to look away. Sirius was staring at him, bug-eyed and mouth open. It took him several minutes to get his voice back which was a record in itself.

“You- really? Are you kidding me?” Sirius said, “You had better not be joking, Remus Lupin, because if you are I’ll- I’ll… well, I don’t know but I’ll do something. Are you actually bringing up kids with me?”

“Oh, um, yes? I think so,” Remus said. “Not now, obviously, but… I thought maybe we should talk about it? For later.”

“Yes,” Sirius said.

“We never really talked it about even when Harry was born- wait, yes?”

“Yes, of course, you idiot,” Sirius said. “I never brought it up because you were so obviously against it”.

Remus paused and winced, “Was I that bad?”

Sirius reached up and put his hand on Remus’ cheek, “You were a walking advertisement for childfree families, love. And you never once babysat Harry alone”.

“Er, right, yeah…” Remus said, flushing. "It was just that... you know, I didn't really trust myself with him."

"I know," Sirius said, his eyes were alight. "But are you thinking about it now?"

"Yeah, I think so... like  I said, not right now, obviously..." Remus said, "But after all this is over... if we survive..."

"You really know how to convince a guy," Sirius laughed.

"And we won't actually have a kid," Remus said firmly, "I'm not passing my genetics on to anyone".

"No," said Sirius contemplatively, "I'm pretty happy to be the last of the most noble and ancient house of Black. Although... if we mixed my DNA up with a muggle my mother might just roll over in her grave".

Remus rolled his eyes, "we're not making any decisions based on what would piss off your family the most".

"Aww, but Moony, imagine the possibilities!" Sirius said with a grin.

Remus only rolled his eyes, he continued in a more sombre tone, "I was thinking adoption... after this is all over I imagine there will be more than one child in need of a home".

Sirius leaned into him and kissed his cheek, "or getting a child out of a home like mine or Harry's, we could do that".

"Yeah, we could," Remus said, he bit his lip, "but they're never allowed to be around me during the full moon, that's one thing I won't risk. Wolfsbane potion or not."

"We could always ship them off to Molly," Sirius said, "Or the Tonks' or any other Weasley... maybe even Harry? Draco might even be an option if he ever speaks to us again".

"Not now," he repeated, turning and locking eyes with Sirius. "I mean it, Sirius, we have two children in the house and one out there in the world, all of them in danger. That's enough to be worrying about."

"OK," Sirius said.

"Promise me," Remus said, "Promise me you won't bring home a stray".

Sirius laughed but nodded, "I promise I will not bring home a child without your explicit consent."

"I suppose that will have to do," Remus sighed.

Sirius edged in and kissed Remus on the cheek, he lowered his voice and said, "I think Draco's locked himself in his room. Want to try our luck in the kitchen again?"

Remus groaned and pushed Sirius away.

"You're evil," was all he managed. 

Sirius moved in closer again, "if the kitchens out... we do have a whole bedroom to ourselves upstairs... soundproofed for innocent ears".

Remus sat there for a moment. He knew what he was going to say but it was always fun to make Sirius wait.

"Come on then," Remus said, extending his hand for Sirius to take, "Lead the way".