Sirius
SIRIUS BLACK III, the name that screams elegance and power. The name was so perfect that he hated it.
Sirius hates his name, he hates that he is a Black, that he is someone who is from a family who would do any bad things, even kill innocent people, just to keep their blood pure. So pure that they even marry someone related to them. And it makes Sirius feel so disgusted that he wants to puke.
Being a Black is terrible, and being the heir is something that no words can explain. Being an heir means you need to be perfect. A perfect dog for your parents. You wait for them at the door, and follow them wherever they go. You are not allowed to be your own person. They will decide your personality. They will decide who you will become. And disobeying them has its own consequences that a young kid should never experience. At first, Sirius thought that the punishments he and his brother received as children were normal, that every child experienced it, for example not eating for a day when you broke a vase. He thought it was normal, so can you imagine his shock when he entered Hogwarts, and realized that whatever he had gone through when he was a kid was never normal. That his family is not normal. And he himself, being part to that family, is not normal.
He began rebelling.
He stood on his ground, and went against his abusive parents. And when he had enough of it all, he ran away from home. Leaving all his past behind him, including his baby brother, the one that he loved the most. The only person that he loves, despite of being a Black.
Sirius hates himself for being a Black. Even if he ran away from home, he still hates himself for having a Black blood running through his veins. Sometimes, no not sometimes. He always wishes that he is a Potter, or anyone who doesn’t have any connection to the Black family. He can even accept it if he was a Rosier, sure those guys are crazy, but at least they’re not evil like his family. That’s how much he hates his family.
But Regulus? Oh, he loves him. He loves him like how Padfoot loves running in the grass. Yes, James is his brother. He declared it, but nobody can replace Regulus from his heart. After all, Regulus is the baby he raised. The baby he taught how to crawl, walk, run, and most of all, to fly.
He loves him so much that he can’t bare looking at him, after he got sorted to Slytherin. Regulus tried reconnecting to him when Sirius ran away from home, but Sirius cut him off. He was disappointed. Not to Regulus, but to himself, because he can’t accept that Regulus was a Slytherin.
And he hates himself for telling Regulus that he doesn’t see him as his brother anymore, that James is his only brother. It pained him, and he regretted it instantly when he saw the pain in his brother’s eyes.
How ironic, wasn’t it? The baby whom he taught how to speak kindly is cursing him. The baby whom he taught how to smile won’t offer him any reactions now, not even a frown.
Sirius knows that he hurt Regulus when he made James break up with him. But what can he do? He felt betrayed and hurt. Yes, James betrayed him, but that’s not why he was hurt. He was hurt because he saw it in Regulus' eyes. He’ll do anything for James. Even entering a relationship with someone their parents hates. He knows that Regulus will sacrifice everything for James, that he’d choose him over anything, but why can’t Regulus do that to him? If Regulus can defy their parents for James, then why can’t he do it for Sirius? The one who raised him?
Until Sirius realized that Regulus was capable of changing, of being good. It’s just that Sirius wasn’t that important to him. That he wasn’t just worth changing for. And that made Sirius furious. He was so furious that he destroyed what they had.
He was jealous of James. Because James was able to make Regulus laugh, the only thing that Sirius could make him do after they were punished when they were kids.
He regretted doing that, though, especially when Remus talked to him. He apologized to James; they talked, forgave each other, and he decided to support them. To reconnect with Regulus again.
But, to his luck, Regulus changed over the summer.
He wasn’t his Regulus anymore, nor was James’ Regulus.
Not even his parents’ Regulus.
He was Pandora’s.
After Regulus came back, with a ring on his finger, he didn’t glance, not even once, to Sirius. And Sirius misses his brother. His curses, and even how he look at Sirius with disgust and hate, Sirius will take it. As long as he knows that he can still make Regulus feel emotions, even if that is hate, because Sirius was the one who taught Regulus how to feel. So, he can’t accept that Regulus is ignoring him.
Sirius talked with his friends to think of anything that they could do so that Regulus would go back with James. He wasn’t doing it for James and himself anymore. He was doing it for Regulus as well, because he saw how Regulus loves James, and he wants Regulus to smile again, even if Sirius is not the reason anymore, as long as Regulus’ eyes will smile again.
But it wasn’t that easy, especially with Pandora guarding Regulus.
_____
“He don’t love me anymore.” James muttered before collapsing into his bed, burrying his face to his pillows.
Sirius stared at him and said, “What do you mean? He talked to you?” He was waiting for a yes from his friend.
James didn’t speak, but he shook his head. “Then how did you know that he hates you?” Remus asked.
“He doesn’t hate me.” James looked at them, “He just doesn’t love me anymore.”
“And the difference between the two?” Peter asked, looking up from his book.
“If he hates me, he at least feels something towards me. However, he doesn’t feel anything towards me now.” James tried to smile, but he just couldn’t.
“Prongs.” Sirius stood up from Remus’ bed. He wanted to comfort James, but the other man just shook his head.
“He gave Pandora my ring, Sirius. The ring he made just for me. He gave it to Pandora.” James choked, trying to stop his tears.
“It wasn’t real.” Sirius muttered.
James looked at him, his eyes red. “If their engagement wasn’t real, then why did he give her my ring, Sirius?”It should be Padfoot.“He was so close to coming home with me, Sirius, he was ready to run with me, but why did you destroy it? WHY SIRIUS?!”
“James!” Remus stood up. He was giving Sirius and James time to talk and mend their bond; that’s why he and Peter weren’t interfering. But he won’t let James blame Sirius again, they need to move on from that.
“I’m sorry, I-I need time to think,” James said before he left, without waiting for them.
“He wasn’t even here for 5 minutes,” Peter muttered before following James. Peter knows James, after all, they grew up together, so it is safe to leave James with him.
“Padfoot, he didn’t mean that.” Remus tried to console Sirius but he didn’t look at him.
“You know he does, Moony. James meant every word he says, especially when he is hurt. James don’t lie. You know that more than anyone else, so if he blames me, then he really blames.”
“Sirius…”
“I need to go.” And Sirius left Remus.
Why was this happening again? Why does it feel like their group is falling apart again? And this time Remus can’t do anything about it because he wasn’t involved, not like the last time when he could choose whether to be with them or not. This time, he can’t do anything but wait and let the two think.