Chapter 3
James had never feared going home. It had always been a welcome feeling; the ides of going home. But this time, James did everything in his might to prolong the process as much as possible. He stopped by in grocery stores, and walked on, using his crouches to his advantage.
He stopped by in all his favorite stores; but he didn't talk with any of the owners or bought anything. He just. . . walked.
He wasn't sure how, or when, but he had somehow found himself in a little café. As his feet strode across the floor and into the room, he quickly ordered a coffee and something to eat before walking over to a corner of the room and sitting down.
It was a well hidden nock of the room; James hadn't even seen it when he had walked in. It was perfect.
As he sat there he picked up his phone - he had bought a new one, on the order's of the psychologist. James had only done it so he stopped talking.
He hadn't actually used it yet. Sure, he had checked his bank account, some other boring stuff, and called a taxi. That was that.
So, as he logged into his instagram account the amount of messages made him take a deep breath before beginning to open them.
It was mostly from Peter, some from Remus, a few from their groupchat, some more from Sirius. A lot from Marlene, and one single from someone he didn't quite recognise. Well, that peaked his interest. Sure, he wasn't unused to people sliding into his dm's, but that didn't matter. He still wanted to know who it was.
It was a simple message.
Hi.
James didn't reply. It wasn't anything that was super interesting, or amazing. Just a simple hi. He read over the other chats; Peter had mostly sent him some videos, except for the last few messages where he tried to reach him.
James?
We are worried, mate.
Respond when you can, please.
Well, he wasn't quite so surprised. It had passed two months since he just vanished, they were going to notice that. It was bound to happen. Sure, James could be a bit hard to reach at points; last summer he had been so obsessed about football and trained the whole summer and then spent the other part of it with his family, mostly. But even then he answered his messages. And he had never missed a single call. Not that he knew if he had now, since he had a completely new phone number. Now he was just.. unreachable.
He sighed, dismissing Peter's messages before he opened the messages from Remus. It was a meme or two, and then a few questions that James wouldn't answer.
What's going on? You alright? I went to yours but you weren't there. Something happened?
Sirius told me you haven't answered his calls. Has something happened? Talk with us.
Your calls aren't going through anymore. What the fuck.
Not now.
Not right now.
Later.
Maybe.
Probably not.
Ok. It wasn't that James wanted to worry them; but he couldn't find the energy within himself to physically answer the messages. Answering one would mean he had to answer the others, and that would lead to questions about his absence and he really could not talk about that.
He procceded to open Marlene's messages; a bunch of memes and a video or two, along with one simple message at the end.
Am I boring to you?
Oh, why did she have to put it like that? James didn't reply, feeling his throat close the slightest as he stared at the last message. It was three weeks old. Christ, he knew how she worked, he knew the spiral she probably had gone through in his head. His breath hitched, feeling slightly nauseous. He still didn't reply.
"Here is your coffee, and your cinnamonbun." Someone suddenly spoke, making James look up. It was a boy, someone he recognised but couldn't quite place. He had blonde hair and wore his hair in dreadlocks. He smiled wickedly.
"Thanks." James nodded, looking down again. He couldn't help but notice the way his voice strained as he spoke. He still wasn't so used to talking. After he found out the truth he had stopped. Only saying few words, here and there. It felt easier. Like his pain would stop, or he wouldn't be quite so tired of he didn't speak. Eitherway, he was silent. Most of the time, at least.
Silence. The thing James once dreaded the most. When the laugher stopped, as the music stopped, the dreadful silence as nobody knew what to do. The resemblance it carried to hopelessness not being something he was any fond of.
The boy stood there for a moment before leaving, and James picked up his phone and opened the messages in the groupchat. It consisted of James, Remus, Sirius and Peter originally but Mary, Lily and Marlene had at some point been added, as well as some Emmeline. He didn't really know who she was; though it didn't quite bother him. They had mostly just made some plans and sent a few memes.
He at last opened the messages from Sirius.
None of them were older than four weeks, and the newest was just three hour old. James felt the thickness in his throat again.
Marlene is getting worried you're bored of her, Prongs. 4 weeks old.
I know you have a lot to do when you are home but it'd be nice to hear from you. 3 weeks old.
We are worried. 2 weeks old.
Where are you? Remus said he went to yours but it was still, and looked untouched. 7 days old.
Are you ok? 6 days old.
The others say you haven't even been online since last term, what's going on? 5 days old.
James, I'm worried. 4 days old.
James, I'm spirraling. 3 days old.
Please answer. 2 days old.
I really need you. A day old.
Ok. 3 hours old.
James didn't reply. No, he was all too busy to try and regain his breathing, doing every exercise that the psychologist had told him to. He was counting his senses, he was tapping himself in a rhythm, that three three three rule, the five five five rule. He slowly found himself back to his slightly more anxious, normal self.
He looked about the slightest to see if he had alarmed anyone. The waiter seemed completely out of sight, and the rest of the café was almost empty. Except for one person who he accidentally locked eyes. He felt an uncanny feeling of nostalgia as he looked into them. He quickly looked down.
The boy sat and watched as James fiddled with his phone, on the other side of the little café. He frowned, something very unusal. He had been all to lectured about what to and what not to do during his upbringing and showing emotions wasn't anything highly appreciated.
But he couldn't really help himself right now, as he sat there, still watching the boy, not taking his eyes off him before the waiter spoke.
"Alright, Black, the usual?"
Regulus only nodded.
"Ofcourse, Rosier."
Evan didn't walk back right away, though, simply studying Regulus, before walking out to the kitchen. Regulus didn't mind, as he slowly turned back to watch James. He knew who he was; even if he wasn't all too recognisable right now. His face had thinned, his clothes were baggy and his hair had grown out. Regulus had noted how he had halted in before, using crutches to his best advantage. Not to forget the scar going right across his cheek.
Last time Sirius had showed a picture of James (just a few days ago, as Sirius was on the verge of explosion due to James withdrawal), he looked way better. It was just as if something had disappeared from him. Regulus couldn't place it.
He knew that James hadn't replied to anyone during the whole summer; Sirius had told him that. Sirius had also explained the way Remus and Peter had been trying to track him down; but to no avail. He couldn't even count how many times he knew his brother had called James phone, and simply came to voicemail. He couldn't even tell how many times Sirius had had his phone confiscated during the summer because of his outbursts.
Regulus had became worried too. Maybe not so much for James, but for Sirius. Which was why he had sent James a message.
He looked down at his phone and didn't see any new messages. There was a soft sound as someone walked on the floor and Regulus barely managed to see as James had exied the place, in such a hast Regulus was surprised he hadn't tripped.
Oh. Well, he was alive, then. Good. He ought to be happier than he felt, knowing that. Knowing that Sirius would go back to pestering James. That his brother's best friend was alive. Yes, he definitelity ought to be happy. He cursed himself quietly for the worrying feeling settling throughout his every vein.
Evan soon returned, putting down the coffee on the table, before looking around and sitting down next to Regulus after having scanned the place. It was only the two of them there.
"Was that Potter?" Evan asked, as he nodded with his head towards where James had previously sat.
"It looked like him." Regulus nodded, "kind of, at least."
"The only thing he looked alike himself with was a slightly familiar face." Evan shook his head. "He looked awful."
"Don't be rude." Regulus mumbled, to which Evan raised an eyebrow. As if sensing Evan's approaching questioning he began to speak. "Sirius says he hasn't replied to anyone during the whole summer."
"I didn't take him for the type of person to just ignore people over the summer." Evan nodded, and Regulus felt slightly sick.
"Because he isn't. He can't keep his mouth shut for more than five seconds." Regulus debated whether to tell Evan about the message he'd sent James, but decided against it. Maybe some other day. Maybe never. That was most likely. "Sirius said that Lupin had went to Potter's place but didn't get anywhere from there."
"You seem oddly engaged for acting like you don't give a shit." Evan smirked, watching as Regulus rolled his eyes.
"It's Potter." He shrugged. "It's Sirius best friend, I wouldn't not know if I wanted to."
"So you do want to?"
"Evan?"
"Yeah?"
"Kill yourself."