Dorcas Meadows
“Dorcas! Get down here this instant!” The piercing sound of my fathers voice infiltrates my quiet room. Rolling my eyes, I walks out of her room, and toward the screaming voices of my parents. Beatrice and Cyprian Meadows.
They’re always fighting. With each other or with me. Day in, day out. Like clockwork.
Im sick of it. But, its all about to change. Today is my last day in this shit hole. Im off to Hogwarts at 11. “What on earth are you doing up there?! We are to be leaving the house at exactly 10:50 just enough time for you to get yourself on that horrid train and begone for the rest of the year!” Mother screeches.
“Yes Mother,” is all I say, then I nod at Father before heading back up the stairs to Finnish packing. Ive just got my books left.
*Flashback to first year on platform 9 3/4*
“Alright now off you go.” Mother says with a stern nod, before dissapparating.
At eleven, I'm all alone, off to find my way onto platform 9 3/4. Its easy enough though. Ive read about it in books, I mean I just run at a solid wall, isn’t that hard really.
On the platform the first thing that catches my eye is a small blonde girl. Talking with her mother. No. Her mum.
Im jealous, I wish my mother would talk to me like that. So I glare. And I stare. Im just standing in the middle of the platform looking like i’m lost, and I just keep staring, until she’s gone.
I look around just to see her walking onto the train. So I follow her. All the way into a compartment. She looks at me confused until I ask her for her name. No reply.
So I deepen my glare, stand up, and leave. If she doesn’t even have the decency to tell me her name. Then she doesn’t have the decency to earn my respect. She has everything that I’ve ever wanted, but I don’t even know her name.
She has everything I’ve ever wanted, but I’ve only seen five minutes of her life, the way she talked to her family, the way she stood so freely, so openly, like she was happy.
She has everything I’ve ever wanted, the way her parents had smiled and waved as she hopped onto the train, the tears that fell form her mothers eyes as her little girl had left for school.
Mine didn’t even get onto the platform before she had left.
They wish I was never born. I wasn’t planned. They already had the perfect life. A perfect heir for the family. Damien Meadows. 10 years after he was born, so was I.
Beatrice and Cyprian had only ever dreamed of having one child, a boy. They had gotten their wish on October 4th 1950. Only for their dreams to be crushed 10 years later.
Im a disgrace to the family name. They hated me, they hurt me. For 11 long years before I could finally get away.
I never knew what it was like to be nice. I was raised on strict rules to follow. I was their little servant. They never saw me as their daughter.
I wished at four years old when I had made my first friend at kindy that they would be happy for me.
I wished at 7 when I won an award at school that they would be proud.
I wished at 9 when I fell on the pavement, that they would clean my cut, and make me feel alright.
But no. Each time I was always disappointed, each time I would cry to myself until I finally fell asleep.
So when I saw this girl. Have everything I’ve ever wanted. I was mad at her for not even having a second thought. And at myself for not being content with what I had. Selfish.
I never intended for this girl to hate me. But she did. She only saw my jealousy and believed me to be a horrible and nasty rich snob. So I hated her too. And for four years our rivalry only grew worse. We would deul in the halls. Start nasty rumours about each other. And would glare at each other when in the same room together.
*End of flashback*
On the train, I walk into none other than Miss McMotherfucker. Queen Marlene. Of course. Just my luck.
“Really she’s insufferable!.” I rant to Barty, Evan, Panda, and Reg as I open the compartment door. They all know who i’m talking about. Panda just smiles every time I mention her, I don’t really have a clue as to why. But at least Barty backs me up “Omg I know, as I was walking onto the train the little bitch tried to trip me up!” Getting worked up too.
Regulus gives me a short glance acknowledging me, “So anyways back to what I was saying before” he continues knowing not to say anything more about Marlene or ill start screaming at all of them.
“The dark Lord must be up to something, something big, because my parents are barely ever home anymore, as nice as it is. I know something is going on. Have any of you noticed anything strange over the summer?”
Only to be met with a “Yes.” From pandora. She knows everything. Im not quite sure how, or why but she’s almost like a seer or something.
“Anyone else? Regulus says. “Nah mate, I think your just being paranoid” Evan says to defuse the tension. They all know its true. Panda said so.
No one wants to talk about the dark lord. Yes they’re all Slytherins, apart from Pandora but none of them are particularly fond of the dark lord. Yes most of them would kill someone for kicks. But none of them really like the way The dark lord runs things.
No they’ve never technically been to a death eater meeting but they all know what its like. The older Sytherins don’t shut up about it. Their families are always talking about it one way or another.
And with that, none of them really have anything to say, so they sit there quietly, Evan with his legs over Bartys Regulus and Pandora reading a muggle magazine and me sitting, with my legs crossed and my eyes closed.
“Anything from the trolly” A middle-aged witch stands at the door smiling at them. Evan, and me roll our eyes but Barty pushes Evans legs of himself jumps up and buys a few sweet before sitting back down looking at an angry looking even.
He’s about to make a scene so panda says kindly “That’s all thanks” and the door shuts just in time before Evan stats yelling and swearing at barty in Italian for pushing him, only to get sweets.
Barty’s only a suck up when it comes to Evan so he shares them. Only with Evan. And they’re chomping away with not a care in the world when they see everyone else looking them, Evan and Barty look at each other and with their mouth stuffed, murmur a small “What?” In unison.
I just sigh and close my eyes again.
The noise of Barty and Evan bickering slowly gets more quiet until I finally drift off to sleep. Awoken by a sharp slap on my face. Thanks to Barty. “The trains stopped. We’re here, get the fuck up” Barty says I perk up grab my back and we all file out of the train, all hopping in a carriage together.
“Fucking hate That prick.” Reg mumbles next to me, starting up a conversation as Dumbledore begins his start of years speech.
“He’s a fraud, all her ever does is lie. He only respects the Gryffindors, and he’s a hypocrite.” I say rolling my eyes.
“Disgusting’’
Everyone was clapping, and cheering for Dumbledore. The slytherins glared. “Let the feast, begin”
The hall quickly became loud with excitement as everyone dug in. They all ate, and they ate, until eventually the dinner became dessert, and soon enough they were making their way down to the dungeons to sleep.
The sweet smell of Emmeline’s candle, which was left by the window over the summer filled my lungs as I breathed in the sweet scent of home. Once again I was the last to the dorms, Barty and Even always get sidetracked somehow and make us late, almost every night after dinner.
Either antagonising first years, or picking a fight with another student. Im quite happy I only have to share a room with Emmeline Vince, we get along well but we aren’t friends. Im always in the boys dorm anyway.
*
Its September 2nd, and I’m walking to class with Regulus. Ancient runes with the ravenclaws, Pandora also takes this class and is waiting for us in the corner of the room.
“Good morning,” She says cheerfully. I just smile and roll my eyes “it is never a good morning if I have to wake up early” I mumble still half asleep. Which Regulus just chuckles at and grabs his books out of his bag.
The rest of the day passed rather uneventfully, I have a free last period so I use this time to run down to my dorm and grab a joint.
I walk all the way to the edge of the lake, near the forbidden forrest. Its my little spot. I never show anyone it. Its my safe place to hide, away from everyone, knowing that no-one is going to find me.
On the first day of school.
Im already hiding, I light the joint with my wand and let everything go.
The disappointment I am to my family. The failure I am to myself. And the fake I am to my friends.
One day I wish they would all find out. About the abuse, and the hate. And the blackmail, and lies. But when I’m with them I forget about it all.
And then I’m alone again, with my thoughts, and with my mother and fathers voices ringing in my head. I spiral down. I wake up everyday wishing I didn’t. I live each day but I’m never really there.
I want to be loved, for me.
Not for the person people want me to be.
Not for the person they think I am.
Im all alone,
Im worthless,
Im disgusting,
Im a disgrace to the family,
I shouldn’t have been born.
I take a hit, and wait to feel something other that guilt, and pain. It comes, eventually after while, and I’m happy. Sitting by myself at the edge of the lake.
The sun begins to dip behind the mountains, and I realise just how long I’ve been out here. So reluctantly I stand up, brush off the sand and leaves on my robes and walk back up to the castle, into the great hall.
I end up at the Slytherin table, next to Evan who just looks at me and says, “where the fuck have you been?’’ He says with an exasperated look on his face “We were going to go fuck up Marlene but we couldn’t find you.” Only for me to smile and say, “Don’t worry there’s always tomorrow. Plus I want to face her in the quidditch mach next month. Watch her hope die when she realises that we won.” He smiles and says “Oh I can’t wait” then looks away and whispers something to Regulus which makes him snigger and nod his head in agreement.
“Who’d you beat up instead?” I ask shovelling spaghetti in my mouth. “Hey! What makes to think we bet up someone else?” Barty almost shouts. And I just raise my eyebrows at Regulus before her says, “Some second year”
“Scared the bloody hell outta the kid” he laughs.
“Really?” I say, unimpressed. “He walked strait into us! He had it coming” Evan tries to say defensively.
“Alright then. Next time you go antagonising children. Make sure I’m there too.” I say ending the conversation.