Brain tumor
A week later, Meredith's weird fascination with the world-class neonatal surgeon has not lessened in the slightest.
In fact, it may have gotten worse when she learnt the source of Addison's fascinating determined look from the other day. The reason why has been all over the hospital. Dr. Shepherd is Dr. Montgomery again. Addison is no longer married to Derek.
Meredith doesn't know what to feel about it. She knows people expect her to be thrilled about it because, to them, it means she can freely pursue Derek again. But frankly, it is the last thing on Meredith's mind. She does not want Derek back. Instead, she feels strangely proud and happy for Addison. Because, even though she's tried not to pay attention since it wasn't any of her business, she had noticed how unhappy Addison was. Meredith had heard the way Derek spoke to his wife, and she had seen the impact the words had on her, she had seen the pain in Addison's eyes, and she had hated every second of it. So yes, in a way, she is thrilled about the divorce, just not for the reasons people assumed.
However, because of this recent development, Meredith doesn't know how to act around Addison anymore. Correction, she didn't know how to act around Addison before, but still, she thinks the divorce has made it worse. Okay, second correction, she doesn't think the divorce has made her awkwardness worse, she knows it has. She knows because when she saw Addison for the first time after she heard the news (having been assigned to her service for the week), she had smartly told her "Congrelences". Yes, she had been unable to decide between 'congratulations' and 'condolences' and her brain had supplied her with a mix of both words.
Meredith had never thought of herself as stupid until that very moment. Congrelences? Really, Meredith? Really? She had no clue how she was going to recover from this one. Addison would never let her go near a patient ever again and Meredith could not blame her at all. She would have done the same in her shoes. The blond was clearly insane and could not be trusted with anyone's life.
Instead, Addison had simply looked amused and had brushed past it like Meredith had not said the stupidest thing ever known to mankind.
"Thank you, Dr. Grey." She had said with a smirk, her eyes twinkling with mischief. "Now, I believe we have a patient to see?" Addison had asked with that same teasing smile.
"Yes. 36 years old, 22 weeks pregnant. Ultrasound at 16 weeks revealed a tumor on the fetus' tailbone. The mother's got antiphospholipid syndrome." Meredith says, doing her best to appear professional.
"Mmh. And what's that?" Addison asks as they walk to the patient room.
"It's an autoimmune disorder in which the immune system mistakenly produces antibodies that target a type of fat found in cell membranes." Meredith said mechanically.
"Yes. Now how would you explain this to a patient?"
"The body's defense system is confused and makes the blood too sticky, leading to clots that can block blood flow."
"Very good. What does it mean for the patient?"
"It means a higher risk of developing blood clots, strokes, or issues with pregnancies like a miscarriage. She's had three. It makes the surgery very high risk."
"Mmh-hmm." Addison hums before gently guiding Meredith into the patient's room with a barely there hand on the small of her back.
Well, that's new. It definitely does not make Meredith flustered nor does she like it. (It does and she does).
That is how she finds herself in the patient room, watching (staring) while Addison gives an update about the situation and does an ultrasound. Once again, Meredith was staring as the woman's signature red hair framed her face. Her piercing blue conveyed both empathy and expertise, she exuded calm and professionalism and it was... alluring. Huh, how is Meredith supposed to work with her for an entire week without being distracted? How Derek had accomplished so much with Addison around was a mystery to her.
Okay Meredith, stop objectifying your attending and focus on the case. The very fascinating case. Addison was fascinating as well though... No. Case. The case. Surgery. Baby to save.
"The diameter of the tumor is 10.6 centimeters. Half the size of the fetus. The tumor's grown. It's not cancer, but it is monopolizing the blood supply, which is weakening the fetus' heart. I'm sorry, but there's no chance it would survive long enough to be viable. The safest course is to terminate the pregnancy." Addison says, sitting across the couple. Her voice is steady yet filled with compassion. She reaches out and places her hand gently over the mother's. Addison is delivering heart-shattering news, but she does not break down, she does not look away from the pain, from the heartbreak. She faces it and remains grounded, remains grounding.
But Meredith can tell it is difficult for her, even though her professional mask does not slip, Meredith can tell. She doesn't know when she started being able to read Addison but apparently, she can. She can see it in the way her left hand is gripping her knee where the patients can't see. She can see it in the way she clenches her jaw as the mother sobs.
On instinct, Meredith gets closer to Addison until she is standing directly behind her. Meredith lets her hand graze over her back gently and Addison relaxes almost imperceptibly. Good. Meredith can't believe it worked but she is glad. Addison looks at her briefly and seems grateful, so Meredith doesn't move.
"If we were interested in the safest course, we wouldn't be on our third opinion. We came here because you're the best in the country, Dr. Montgomery. We want whatever will save our baby. We know the risks, the other doctors told us. We want you to try anyway. I've had three miscarriages, if I have to go through that again, I might as well be dead. So, please, Dr. Montgomery, you're our only shot."
After that, both women find themselves in Addison's office, brainstorming over options to make the surgery possible. They are both sitting on Addison's couch with books surrounding them. Meredith can smell Addison's shampoo every time she leans over to check something which makes it hard for Meredith to concentrate. The fact that their legs are touching doesn't seem to bother Addison, but Meredith finds it highly distracting. They are looking for a way to save a baby and all Meredith can think about is Addison, it's becoming an actual problem.
Meredith takes a deep breath and that's a mistake because she gets a whiff of Addison's perfume. It smells as sophisticated as she does. It leaves an impression but isn't overwhelming, it's just enough to make Meredith feel drunk. It's floral but not overpowering, it is feminine and sensual. Much like the woman herself, her perfume commands attention. Fuck.
It appears that Meredith has found something else of Addison's to obsess about. Great, just what she needed. Meredith definitely needs a psych consult, she's sure of it now. But then —
"We could manage clotting risk pre-operatively with an infusion of unfractionated heparin. And then use this new technique for transesophageal echocardiography monitoring. If there's a cardiac issue, it would give us an early warning." Meredith says quickly as the idea comes to her. And from the look on Addison's face, maybe she doesn't need a psych consult after all. She could almost forget the "Congrelences" incident, almost.
"I can see why you're highly recommended, Dr. Grey. That might just work. Let's get her prepped." Addison says as she gets up. Then, she offers her hand to Meredith to pull her up. And, of course, her hand is impossibly soft. Jesus.
Later, Meredith stands by Addison’s side as she explains the procedure to the surgical team.
"The umbilical is 19 inches, which will allow us to remove the fetus via cesarean and rest it in its mother's lap while I excise the tumor. Now, the hard part will be reinserting the fetus afterward. We can't overstretch the uterine wall, and we must be certain that every suture is tight enough to handle four more months of kicks and thrown elbows." Addison explains, her voice calm and authoritative. Her ability to command attention is effortless; her confidence shines through every word. Meredith feels proud of her. She has no right to, and she doesn't know where it comes from, but she feels proud.
Addison is confident about the surgery, and it shows in the way she greets the surgical staff and positions herself to start cutting. She checks if the mother and fetus are stable before looking at Meredith. There is a sparkle in her eyes, the kind of sparkle Meredith recognizes because she's seen it in her own eyes before, it's the kind of sparkle you get when you're about to perform a surgical miracle.
"Ready?" Addison asks Meredith and even though she has her mask on, Meredith just knows she's smiling. The blond wishes she could see the undoubtedly beautiful smile but they have a baby and a mother to save so she pushes the thought away.
With one last nod at Meredith, Addison starts cutting while Meredith handles the suction.
"Retractor." Addison asks, her voice commanding and firm. It makes Meredith shiver.
Meredith makes room for Addison to cut into the uterus. But as she does so, everything starts beeping. Meredith looks up at the monitors in concern. Fuck.
"T.E.E. is showing anterior wall hypokinesis. Systolic pressure is 90. I.V. function is decreasing." Meredith says, trying to keep her voice calm despite knowing the situation is dire.
"She's having a heart attack." Addison says, her voice calm and controlled, a contrast to the incessant beeping of the monitors. "I need you to close the incision as I prep her for a balloon pump." Addison tells Meredith.
"We can't do the surgery." Meredith says sadly because she knows the mother is going to be crushed.
Meredith knows Addison is thinking the same thing as they get out of the OR because she stands less straight than usual, and her eyes are unfocused. She looks exhausted.
Meredith remembers her touch seemed to have helped earlier when Addison was having a difficult time, and she wants to try and see if it will work again. She knows she can't give the woman a hug because not only are they not close enough for it, but also because Meredith doesn't do hugs unless absolutely necessary. So, as they make their way to the patient's room, Meredith walks close enough so her hand brushes over Addison's.
When their hands touch, Addison straightens, and her eyes are focused again. Meredith marvels at the effect she's having on Addison. She is aware of the calming powers touch can have and she can't believe she has that power over Addison. Because why would — Meredith, the dirty mistress, the woman who was screwing her husband — have such power over Addison. It makes her feel lucky in a way she has not quite felt before.
Then, their hands keep brushing and it drives Meredith a bit crazy because all she wants to do is hold it. Shockingly, Addison beats her to it, she interlaces her fingers with Meredith's and squeezes her hand. She actually interlaces her fingers with Meredith's. Meredith is not being delusional, Addison does.
After the incident from this morning, Meredith does not need to ridicule herself again. But Addison is holding her hand. What else is there to do? She isn't sure how it happens but Meredith stumbles over her own feet and if it hadn't been for Addison's strong arm around her waist, she would have fallen face first on the ground. Jesus. It's definitely a brain tumor, Meredith is sure of it now.
"Are you okay there, Dr. Grey?" Addison asks right into Meredith's ear, her voice incredibly teasing. And fuck. Jesus Christ.
Meredith makes the mistake of looking up at Addison, and seeing the redhead teasing's eyes is almost as disarming as hearing her teasing voice. Meredith blames the tumor in her brain, it will be her excuse from now on. Addison still has her arm around Meredith's waist by the way, not that it's relevant. (It definitely is).
Addison seems to have mercy on Meredith though because she finally (sadly) steps away and gestures for her to go ahead and keep walking. As Meredith passes her, avoiding the woman's eyes in embarrassment, the blond thinks she hears a mumbled 'adorable'. She can't be sure though because as she's learnt recently, her brain cannot be trusted.
All thoughts are pushed aside though as they get to the patient's room. The mother begs them to try again, to figure something else out to remove the tumor and save both of them.
So later, in the middle of the night, both women find themselves back in Addison's office going over countless books. Meredith is sitting on the floor eating takeout while Addison is going over some books on the couch. She has a pen between her teeth, lipstick still perfectly in place after so many hours and it is almost enough to distract Meredith again. But they need to find a way to save their patients, so she does her best to stay focused. It works, her brain starts tingling with surgical ideas and she loves it. It makes her feel alive.
They have been researching for 3 hours, and Meredith's eyes are starting to hurt. She is about to suggest getting coffee when she notices Addison is asleep. Her head is resting over the back of the couch, she is twisted at an awkward angle and her hair is in her face.
Addison is beautiful. Meredith knew that. Of course, she knew that. But Addison is beautiful.
She wants to push Addison’s stray strand of hair behind the woman's ear. She doesn't. She has made a fool of herself enough for one day. But boy does she want to.
She forces herself to focus on the medical books and lets Addison sleep because the woman was called on an emergency surgery earlier and she must be exhausted.
Meredith carries on with her research while Addison keeps sleeping.
"Yes." Meredith says a bit too loudly as she finds the answer she was looking for. It startles Addison awake. The woman looks adorably disoriented for a few seconds and it almost makes Meredith forget her discovery.
"I got it. Addison, I got it!" Meredith says as she gets up in excitement to pace the room. Then, she realizes she just called Dr. Montgomery by her first name which she has never done before. Shit. Meredith looks over at Addison, her cheeks are definitely not red because Meredith does not — under any circumstances — blush. Addison doesn't look offended, doesn't look like she is about to get Meredith fired for insubordination. Instead, she has a smile on her face. A big one. A sincere one. This time, she isn't teasing, she seems pleased. Fuck.
Okay.
Okay.
"We need to kill her before she kills herself." Meredith says, getting back to the point. Addison raises a perfect eyebrow in question, seemingly intrigued. "We stop her heart and put her on bypass for the duration of the surgery. That way, she won't have another heart attack. It takes the most significant danger off the table. Then we simply do the same procedure we attempted earlier." Meredith says, she feels like she is speaking too quickly but it doesn't seem to bother Addison because her eyes have started sparkling again and it's like she can see the gears turning in her head.
"Let's go." Addison says suddenly as she gets up and grabs Meredith's hand. She basically drags her out of the room. Meredith tries to keep up with her as best as she can. How is the woman walking so quickly while wearing those damn (hot) heels?
**
Again, Meredith finds herself standing next to Addison in the OR.
"Let's prep her for a C-section." The neonatal surgeon says.
This time, the surgery goes on once they've cut through the uterus. Addison gets the tiny fetus out and starts removing the tumor.
Meredith is watching awestruck as Addison works expertly. The surgical team watches with unwavering focus as Dr. Montgomery works her magic. Her hands are steady and precise as she maneuvers the delicate instruments. Her movements are so gentle that they almost seem like a caress.
Watching her, Meredith is struck by the skills of the woman. Dr. Montgomery is simply incredible. Meredith is entranced.
Quickly, Addison has removed the tumor, and Meredith is helping her put the fetus back in the uterus. Not long after, they are standing side by side closing up.
After that, they walk out of the OR, with a similar smile on their face, the kind of smile surgeons get when they just saved a life. Two lives in this case. Meredith can't believe it worked. She shouldn't be surprised seeing how talented Addison is. But still, wow.
"We did it." Addison says once they have scrubbed out.
"You did it." Meredith corrects.
"It was your idea that saved that woman, Meredith, take credit for it. We did it." Addison adds. And there it is again, Addison calling her Meredith.
"Okay. We did it." Meredith corrects herself because it's Addison, and Meredith doesn't think she is capable of refusing her anything. The brain tumor's fault again. At that, Addison smiles and Meredith’s stomach flips. Stupid tumor. The fact her stomach is doing something weird, and that the tumor is — allegedly —in her brain is irrelevant. Completely irrelevant. Her theory still stands.
"Let's go get coffee." Addison says softly before grabbing Meredith's elbow and dragging her away.
Apparently, it is something they do now; casual touch. Meredith’s brain hasn't adapted to it yet, the brain tumor must be making it slower.
If someone had told Meredith a few weeks ago that she would be sitting across Addison in the cafeteria, both women drinking coffee in silence, she would have ordered a psych consult for them. But it’s nice.
Meredith is sitting across from Dr. Montgomery, not Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd. It feels different. Maybe she is delusional from her brain tumor, but it feels different.
Addison seems lighter, like a weight has been lifted off her shoulders. Meredith realizes Derek was the weight and she wants to laugh at the thought. She doesn't, thankfully. But still, it's amusing.
She doesn't realize she's staring until she notices the teasing smile on Addison's face.
"You did great today, Meredith." Addison says, her smile having gone from teasing to gentle.
Meredith smiles brightly in return. Since she met Addison, Meredith has realized she likes being praised. In fact, she likes it a lot. Maybe it is because she never received any praise growing up. Meredith is not sure, but she does not particularly care. As long as Addison keeps praising her, Meredith doesn't care. So, she smiles brightly, and it threatens to ruin her dark and twisty reputation. Still, she doesn’t care.