Good girl
After her wallowing session, Meredith felt like a new woman. Well, not really, but she had decided to adopt the 'fake it until you make it' method. And it had been working until Derek had felt the need to try and talk to her again, which meant she had to remind him of his 'marital amnesia' and his 'all leggy and fabulous" wife showing up.
After that, she had been in a terrible mood and ready to snap at anyone who even dared to look at her for too long. That is, until Bailey assigns her to the dead guy case. Running through the procedures allows her to clear her mind. George is annoyed at having to work on someone who cannot be saved, but today, she finds it to be a welcome distraction.
Then, Bailey brings her in on the bowel obstruction case, and she forgets all about Derek and his perfect wife. She briefly wonders why someone would decide to swallow Judy's heads but decides not to care as she gets to scrub in on a surgery.
Meredith's luck quickly runs out as Addison passes next to Bailey and herself, looking every bit of the country's best neonatal surgeon she is.
"Dr. Grey? May I speak with you for a moment?" She asks, her voice detached and professional.
Meredith looks at Dr. Bailey desperately, hoping the woman finds some emergency for her to attend to, but of course, she doesn't. She's almost convinced Bailey is enjoying her suffering. So, she takes a deep breath and tries to keep up with Addison's power walk, wondering what the surgeon could possibly want with her as she is not on her service today.
"I assume he told you why he left me?" Dr. Shepherd says.
Oh no, Meredith definitely does not want to talk about this with her. It goes against her resolution of being the perfect picture of professionalism around Derek's wife.
"Dr. Shepherd, with all due respect, this has nothing to do with me." Meredith answers, trying to convey her wish for professionalism.
As she stands in front of Addison, she notices the woman is annoyingly taller than her. And her hair isn't curled today; it stands straight and long over her shoulders, and it looks just as gorgeous and fabulous as any other day. Damn it.
Meredith tries to walk away, hoping the conversation is over, but Addison follows her.
"Really, so you didn't take him back?" The redhead asks with surprise. "Good girl." She adds with a small smile when Meredith shakes her head almost imperceptibly.
And really? Good girl? The nerves of this woman! Meredith does not get called a good girl. Ever. Because Meredith is simply not a good girl. She is dark and twisty, not bright and shiny like Izzie. So why the hell is Derek's wife calling her a good girl?
The worst part is… she likes it. Receiving the praises of this woman makes her feel strangely good and proud of herself. Damn it, Meredith, she tells herself.
"In the future, I'd appreciate if we kept our relationship strictly professional." Meredith says, hoping Addison doesn't notice the effect those two words had on her.
After that, she tries to walk away. But the sharp "Meredith" that comes out of Addison’s lips makes her stop in her tracks. She turns around, trying to keep the annoyance and desperation from showing on her face because she does not want to have this conversation… Not today, not ever.
"Sometimes people do desperate things to get someone's attention. There are two sides to every story." Dr. Shepherd adds, and Meredith can see the pain in her eyes and hear the sadness in her voice. And fuck, Addison has no right to make her sympathise with her.
Meredith gives Addison a small understanding nod, and something passes between the two women, something that makes Meredith feel a bit more at ease. But she doesn't let the moment linger, and with one final polite nod, she leaves and goes to check on her patient, anything to keep her brain occupied.
It works until she runs into Derek and George before the end of her shift. The latter looks terrified, and Derek looks like he is ready for a fight. Then, Derek is reprimanding the transplant team, looking all mighty and powerful, and it reminds Meredith of Addison.
Meredith sees how much of a power couple they are and realizes nothing can stand in their way. When Derek meets her eyes after winning the argument with the transplant team, she comes to the conclusion that she does not want to stand in their way.
**
Life gets easier after that. Meredith goes running with Cristina; they complain about everything, and it feels like things might be okay after all. She sees Derek and manages to ignore him without too much trouble. She runs into Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd and manages to give a polite nod every time. It's more than she thought herself capable of, so all in all, things are going well.
But then, her mother shows up at the hospital, screaming at everyone, and Meredith just wants to stop existing. She tries to bury herself in her work, but Dr. Bailey won't let her, saying she will be distracted. Meredith wants to be mad, but the woman is probably right, and that fact infuriates her even more.
She goes and warns the chief about her mother; he looks devastated, and it makes her feel even worse. Great. Nothing can ever go right in her life.
And the day does not get any better from there because, of course, it doesn't.
Her mother thinks George is Meredith's dad, and she yells at him with such vigor that Meredith is worried she'll have a heart attack. Usually, this kind of screaming is directed at her, she can't even remember how many times it had been directed at her as a child. She thought she was used to it, but as her mother is attracting everyone's attention with her screaming, she realizes she is not as tough as she thought. Not to mention that everyone is looking at Meredith with such pity that it makes her want to scream herself.
She wants to run away, so she does. She runs into the first room she finds, which happens to be a large supply closet. And just because she is the unluckiest person in the world, Addison Montgomery-Shepherd just so happens to be in said supply closet. Fucking great.
Addison seems just as startled as she is at her sudden entrance, so startled that she stops moving completely, both hands above her head as she is reaching for something on a higher shelf. She moves her arms down slowly like she is afraid to spook Meredith and just stares at her.
Meredith knows she looks like a mess, but she desperately tries to hold back her tears because the last thing she wants to do is break down in front of her ex-boyfriend's wife. But Addison — God bless her — doesn't say anything. She just takes the supplies she needs and heads towards the door.
"Dr. Grey." She says politely, her tone softer than she's ever heard it. She says it like she understands. It makes Meredith want to cry even more. But she nods in return and waits for Addison to be out of the room to start crying.
And when Meredith thought the day couldn't get any worse, it does… Cristina passes out in the middle of Dr. Burke’s OR, and she has to be taken into surgery because of her pregnancy, and Meredith panics. Because the world can take her mother away from her, it can take Derek away from her, but it cannot take Cristina away from her. Cristina is her person, and she'll make sure it's going to remain that way.
So, she marches to the OR, ready to scrub in on the surgery. She just needs to do something; she can't just stand outside while her best friend is undergoing surgery! But Bailey stops her, and at this particular moment, she hates the woman.
As she stares at Bailey helplessly, she meets Addison’s gaze as she is operating on Cristina. Her eyes are reassuring, and it makes her feel a bit better. Dr. Shepherd gives her a tiny nod that seems to say: 'I got this' and she steps out and goes to wait somewhere else.
Cristina will be fine because she has one of the finest surgeons working on her. She'll be fine. She has to be.
Meredith tries to keep herself busy while Cristina is in surgery, and she happens to run into Derek.
Derek touches her shoulder and tries to sweet talk her like he hasn't broken her heart. She's stressed about Cristina already, and he's aggravating her, so she yells at him.
"You have a wife. A wife who's not easy to hate. A wife who's annoyingly kind and painfully smart and currently saving my friend's life! So no, it is not okay." Meredith says, breathing hard.
He nods sadly and goes away, leaving Meredith alone to panic about Cristina.
Once Meredith hears that Cristina is out of surgery and that everything went well, she almost collapses from sheer relief. But before she goes to check on her best friend, she finds herself looking for the surgeon who operated on her.
She finds her leaning against a wall with a cup of coffee in hand. Her hair looks as perfect as it did this morning, and her lipstick seems to be permanently painted on her lips. Meredith stops in front of her and forgets why she was looking for her in the first place.
"Is there something I can do for you, Dr. Grey?" Addison asks, seemingly confused at Meredith’s sudden appearance, and Meredith can't blame her. Why would she willingly go looking for her?
"Thank you." Meredith says breathlessly, looking away from Addison's eyes because, at this moment, it seems like too much, like she is too vulnerable for any eye contact.
"For what?" Addison asks slowly, seemingly more confused than she was a few seconds ago. Meredith notices that she's trying to meet her eyes, but she makes sure to keep them directed toward the ground.
"For saving Cristina. She's my best friend, so thank you." Meredith says quickly before she walks away, not letting Addison a chance to answer. Well, that was awkward, she thinks.
If she had looked back, she would have seen the bewildered look on Addison's face and the small smile that had graced her face.
**
Meredith realises on her next shift that Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd has started consuming a part of her mind. It definitely does not help that she is always running into one of the two Shepherds, or sometimes both of them at the same time. Running into both always makes for an awkward time, and Meredith hates it.
Meredith would love for things to stop being awkward, but it seems Derek won't let that happen. It's not Addison’s fault; the woman is always polite and carefree with her smiles. But Derek… Derek keeps fidgeting, his eyes going from Addison to Meredith like he is in the middle of gunfire. Meredith is tired of it, tired of him. He got himself into this situation; the least he could do was bottle up his feelings and act as if nothing happened, like any non-functional human being would.
Today is one of those days where she is caught in the awkwardness that seems to be inherent to the married couple.
Derek is trying to talk to her again, trying to explain. Meredith won't hear it, but he insists, and he tries to touch her cheek, tries to charm her. It doesn't work anymore.
Of course, Addison finds them right as Derek is about to touch Meredith's cheek before she's had a chance to pull away. Derek lets out a big sigh like his wife is inconveniencing him, but the woman doesn't seem bothered. In fact, she smiles at them teasingly, and Meredith stops breathing.
"Well, isn't this cozy? Can I join in, or are you not in threesomes?" Addison asks, her voice playful. After that, Meredith does not start breathing again.
Jesus. That woman is brave. Derek looks away in embarrassment, but Meredith keeps staring at his wife. Because, Jesus. What…?
Addison's teasing smirk widens at Meredith's stare, and that just makes it worse somehow.
The redhead is so unbothered. Meredith envies her.
"It was nice to see you, Dr. Grey." Addison says in that same teasing voice as the Shepherds enter the elevator.
Derek doesn't say anything else and keeps his eyes trained on the ground, clearly uncomfortable. Good, Meredith thinks. Well played, Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd.
Meredith walks away, a small smile on her face. Said smile suddenly drops when she remembers what the woman had said: a threesome. A threesome with her and Derek.
The thought of a threesome with her ex-boyfriend and his wife should not be that appealing, Meredith is sure. Yet, it is. Meredith does not understand why, and she does not like the things she doesn't understand.
Okay, Meredith, focus. Stop thinking about threesomes. People dying. Surgery. Move Meredith, move.