Till’s unknown amount of fucks to give (and a bunch of pills)
Till’s weak.
He was born weak, just like everyone else, and he didn’t manage to become someone like others.
Till isn’t a person. Not his own, and certainly not a worthy one. He isn’t quite as bright as Mizi, nor as good of a singer as Sua, and definitely not as strong as Ivan. All he’s got is an attitude, an unknown amount of fucks to give and a shit ton of sheet papers that he filled to the brim with doodles and lyrics and melodies.
Still, he looks, he listens, he needs and he wants like any other person, any other human, and he loves a sickening amount. Loves drawing, loves composing, loves singing, loves playing.
Out of all the things Till loves, he loves Mizi the most.
She has a smile that brightens the path ahead of her, akin to the sunlight, but real, tangible and not artificial. Pink hair that flows behind her as she walks, golden eyes that shine through Till’s walls during the darkest of nights, when aliens pick at his arms and needles pierce his skin and everything feels too much. It’s during these nights that Till loves her the most, when his mind blares with alarms and his heart thuds against his ribcage and she’s there, but she’s not really there. Mizi’s never really there.
Yet, it’s her he sees when his eyes barely work through the haze of drugs in his system and white, hot pain. It’s her who’s with him when he can’t move; when he’s restrained, weak, even if it’s not her - even if there’s no one there to begin with.
Even if he’s alone.
(He’s always alone)
So, he writes. He composes, he stabs himself, bleeds all over his papers, pours his mind and soul into his songs because that’s all he knows how to do, and draws Mizi on the margins of his songs. A strange person’s chin connects with his shoulder and stays there for hours and hours on end. Till doesn’t think about it, doesn’t like to, so he just draws. If Ivan stays quiet, he doesn’t get swatted away like a bug. If Till’s pencil goes missing the next day, he gets another one.
And that’s the end of that.