There Is No Me Without You

    I wake up to the sun on my face and surrounded by warmth. Memories of last night come in flashes, and as soon as they do, I become aware of the welcome ache between my legs. I feel Nox slashing at the shields between us, and I immediately lower them. "Hi." I say, feeling like a child caught sneaking in their boyfriend.

    Hello Sweet One. Did you have a nice evening?

    I feel my cheeks heat up. "Yes." I know he's enjoying this far too much. "How was your evening?"

    Mine was fine. There was quite a light show last night, did you see it? 

    I am mortified. Not only did we both start chanelling and gain our signets awaken while we fucked for the first time. But apparently we created a show for all to see. "Gods how bad was it?" He doesn't reply instead simply showing me. It was actually a beautiful sight, like the Northern lights we had seen back home. Just in black and white.

    Perhaps you were right, you may already know the hard things.

    "Haha." I say dryly. "I'll see you outside?"

    I will be waiting for you

    I raise the shield between us back to where I would like it be. Enough that he can't read my thoughts or hear what I'm saying. But he can still feel me and my emotions. I know most riders once they figure out shielding believe in blocking their dragon out entirely, but it feels wrong to me. Nox and I, we're extensions of one another now. I am his and he is mine. We belong to each other. To block him out would be pretending that wasn't the case. 

    Xaden’s arm is around my waist, and I remember how when we were younger, he'd always pull be back if I tried to leave. I wonder if that's still the case. I can't help but test it, shifting forward. Sure enough he just pulls me closer to his chest. Gods this man was going to be the death of me. We still have another hour before we need to be up, so I let him sleep. I go over what I need to do instead. 

    I'm going to have to go pack up Alic's things. It should be me who gives his belongings to the Tauri family. I need to tell Aaric how sorry I am for his loss. I also have to go find Selena and tell her I need my bed replaced. And then there's the whole signet thing, which means speaking to Professor Carr. 

    I don't meant to fall back asleep but Xaden is so warm that I just drift off. I wake up to him tracing patterns on my hip. I turn back enough so I can see his face. I don't need him to tell me that I'm glowing again, I know I am. 

    His hand reaches forward to move a strand of hair out of my face. The kiss that follows is all so gentle, and this is what it is to be loved.

    "Good morning." His lips brush mine as he speaks. 

    "Morning." We trade lazy kisses as the Quadrant wakes up. Eventually we know we have to get out of bed, and I have to get back to my room. So when he goes to the washroom, I get up to head to the door.

    "Sneaking out on me?" My eyes snap to him, where he's looking at me amused.

    "Oh yeah, I was just in it for the sex, now its on to the next." I tease reaching for the door handle, only for it to become covered in shadows. 

    He walks up behind me, and I can't place the look in his eyes when he turns me to face him. "Don't you dare fucking joke about that." Oh it's possession over me.

    Fuck I should not find that hot. 

    "If I didn't know any better I'd say you were getting jealous over no one." 

    "I don't want you getting ideas like that Avari. You're mine." Gods I need to study how he manages to pour the intensity of his emotions into a simple kiss. It should not be possible, yet I feel his very desire for me when his lips meet mine.

    "I love you." The smile on his face makes my heart flutter. He kisses me again and again.

    "Say it again." He whispers in disbelief.

    "I love you Xaden Riorson." Those words are the truest thing I have ever said. Its a truth thats been around for years, written into my very bones.

    I love him, I'm in love with him. 

    How could I not be? 

    It was Xaden.

    He was the one to cheer me up when I was sad. The one to find me when I would hide from the world. The first person to back me up even if I was wrong. The one to defend me and protect even if he knew I could handle it myself. Xaden is the only one to ever make me feel at home.

    His touch is so soft and gentle against me, his lips trail down as he sinks to his knees in front of me. He slowly slips my shorts down, never once breaking eye contact, and lifts my legs over his shoulders. He makes me come undone twice with his mouth alone, pressed against the door where he's the only thing keeping me from falling. The white glow to my skin is on its way to becoming permanent.

    I can barely feel my legs as he carries me to the bed, he slips inside me and he swears it feels like I'm made for him. His pace is slow, taking his sweet time. He captures every sound I make with his mouth. 

    His shadows and my light cover the room. They push and pull, circling each other in an eternal dance, like that of day and night. It's beautiful and breathtaking, an extension of who we are, a presentation of what we have always known is true. We are each others balance. 

    His speed picks up slightly as he drives his hips into mine. Then he hits that one spot that has me letting out breathy gasps. He takes it as a challenge to get me to succumb to the pleasure. He loses first but it triggers my own. He's still above me and my legs are still lazily wrapped around him, when he says the words I've been longing to hear.

    "I love you Avari Solaris." He whispers before kissing my forehead, followed by my cheeks, and then my nose which gets me to giggle. Finally sealing his words with a proper kiss. He slowly slips out, and I immediately miss the feeling. I'm also not sure how I'm going to walk much less scale my dragon on the flight field. 

    He drags me into the shower with him, where he has me again pressed up against the tiles as the water pours down around us. I'm not quite sure whether it was us or the water to blame for the mirror fogging.

    When he leaves the bathroom so I can finish washing my hair I'm already missing him. Fuck Nox was right I am going to be a love sick fool.

    He's back a few moments later with my clothes and weapons. I dry myself off and change into the usual clothes I wear. I reach back to do up the ribbons of my corset when he wordlessly comes over and does it himself. Then he sits me down and brushes out my hair for me. 

    It's weird, being cared for like this. I'm usually the one doing the caring. But it feels right, having it come from Xaden. I choose to leave my hair open for now, its still wet, coming halfway down my back. I slip all my weapons into place, and then my jewellery that he also brought, and we leave the room together. 

    "Have a fun night?" Garrick asks leaning against the wall outside Xaden’s door. I am ashamed to say he does startle me. "Are you blue?" He questions. I glance down and instead of the white light I had just gotten used too, I'm glowing a silvery blue, like a star.

    "We uh got our signets last night." I admit, avoiding his eyes. 

    "I'm a shadow wielder and Avari from what we've seen makes light." Please don't ask follow up questions.

    "What? How?" I keep my gaze firmly on the ground, knowing damn well my cheeks are flushed, and the blue light around me fades. Traitor.

    Nox I know is amused by my embarrassment and I refuse to lower the shield between us.

    Xaden just smirks, putting an arm over my shoulder. "What you did last night. Celebrate." I catch the moment he pieces it together.

    His face goes from excitement to a cross between impressed and regret. "So you guys fucked and got signets for it."

    I shrug. "Yeah pretty much."

    "Unbelievable." He mutters something else, but I don't catch it, now that I'm chanelling, the runes only work when I activate them.

    It's great, no more being forced to hear everything at a louder volume.

    "I need to see Selena." I mention as we head to breakfast.

    "Why?" Garrick asks as we enter the dining hall.

    "We broke her bed last night." Xaden says it with so much pride, meanwhile he's the one with the bed still in one piece. Garrick looks horrified, most likely because the two people he's closest too and grew up with, are fucking like they have no sense of control.

    "You really need to learn to stop asking questions." I add on. 

    "I don't know whether to tease you or crawl into a hole and die." I sigh and decide to do him a favour. I unzip my jacket so he can see the marks. The jokes don't stop for a solid ten minutes. He finds them hilarious and I catch Xaden’s smile at a few of them. When Selena walks in I quickly get up and head towards her. 

    "Selena." I say getting into line beside her.

    "Avari. Glad to see you made it."

    "Thank you, I uh was hoping to talk to you about something."  

    "Is it about the fact that you look like a bruised peach."

    "No." I pause and think. "Sort of. I might require a new bed."

    She looks at me amused. "Might?"

    "I do need a new bed, my old one is well destroyed." She laughs and I'm mortified. She's about to be my sister in law, this is not a conversation we should be having.

    "Ill handle it, anything else?"

    "Yeah I got my signet, do I just go to Professor Carr directly or?"

    "You have your signet already?" She says shocked. Her voice is loud enough that a few others catch wind, and in a matter of seconds that's all anyone is whispering to each other.

    I ignore them. "Xaden and I both did." She looks back and forth between him and I. She's speechless for a good minute, and I'm worried I've broken her.

    "I'll talk to Carr myself after breakfast." I nod.

    "Perfect and please dont tell Alastair about the bed thing." That snaps her out of her dazed state.

    "Of course not. He'll storm the place." I grin walking back to my seat. Now it's just the Tauri thing. 

    "Selena said she'll talk to Carr for us." Xaden nods, and I figure now would be the best time to get Alic's things together. "I'm going to head to the dorms." I say carefully.

    "Why?" Garrick asks.

    "I need to pack up Alic's things." I say softly. "His family is going to come for them, its only right I be the one to give them." They don't argue, and they don't stay behind. 

    They're silent as they watch me pack up Alic's things. I take my time, not because I'll particularly miss him, but because he was still Aaric's brother. Gods what was I going to say to him. I notice a piece of paper sticking out of one of his books, and I flip it open to the page. It's a drawing of him and his brothers. 

    I drew it for him, for his birthday. There's writing on the back, it's his own. A gift from Avari, a girl too sweet for the Rider's Quadrant. One I will protect. 

    I don't even realize I'm crying until Xaden is pulling me into his arms. "I'm sorry." I whisper. "He wasn't a good person, but he thought we were friends, how could he just condone what they were going to do." 

    I pull away wiping at the tears. I close the book, only to open it again and take the picture. Something for Aaric to keep. 

    "He didn't." Garrick says. I look back at him confused. "Before Xaden killed him, he made us promise to tell you something."

    "Which is?"

    "He wanted you to know he was never going to let anyone hurt you. That he made sure I was there to protect you, and that his friends had orders to kill anyone who touched you." 

    "He did?" I'm not quite believing it.

    "He was an asshole, but he did care about you Avari,"

    "Hell he was in love with you." Adds in Garrick. I take a breath, before turning back to pack the rest of his things. Once everything is secured, we head up to my room, and I leave it in my armoire. I'm not sure what I'm going to say to the Tauri family, but that's for later.

    We get our new flight leathers, and learn we get the Iron Squad patch. At the rate I'm going my clothing will be more patch then cloth. It's a nice thought, I wonder if my parents would be proud of all I've done up until now

    Before I know it we're heading outside. I rush over to Nox, excited to see him. I let down the shield.  "You know I can see you properly now." Its the first time I'm really seeing him, before it was dark, now here in the sunlight, I see my dragon in all his glory. Sgaeyl is to his right and Chradh to his left. 

    I can't wait to be up in the air, I made sure to keep my hair braided back in a loose braid, a few strands slipping out. I feel small beside him, but not in a way that scares me. 

    You are quite excited.

    "Can you blame me?" I don't miss the way the others stare at him and I. I focus on what Kaori is saying from the center of the field. His hand is up, using common lesser magic to project his voice so we can all hear. I can't wait to figure out how to use it myself.

    “…and with a hundred and twenty eight of you who bonded, keep in mind the fourty nine who did not. Who would kill to be in your place." He makes eye contact with me as he speaks. "And your dragons know that your bond is at its weakest point right now, so if you fall, if you fail, there’s a good chance your dragon might let you if it thinks the unbonded will be a better choice.”

    "Would you pick another rider?" I question. "If I failed you?"

    Never. I know who you are Avari Solaris. A girl so pure hearted that none compare. Only you could ever be worthy of my bond.

    His words are firm and certain. It sounds like a fact, like how the sky is blue, something so irrefutable. 

    "Now, we’re going to mount, then follow a series of specific maneuvers your dragons already know. Your orders are simple today. Stay in your seat,” Kaori finishes. Then he turns and breaks into a sprint, racing the dozen feet toward his dragon’s foreleg and making the vertical climb to mount.

    I grin, and quickly scale up Nox's side and into my seat. The ache between my legs somewhat noticeable but easy to block out. Kaori’s dragon launches into the sky and Nox shifts his position ready to take after them.

    Ready?

    "You have no idea just how much." We shoot off right after them, and I slide my flight goggles on immediately. I cheer as we cut across the sky. Gods I belong up here with Nox. We follow Kaori’s dragon out of the canyon and higher into the mountain range. "Hey Nox?" He makes a noise of acknowledgement. "Is there a name for my signet? I mean everyone knows about Xaden’s signet, shadow wielding. But I don't remember ever reading about mine."

    As you know magic demands balance, that balance can come in many forms. What your history has not kept record of is the existence of the balance for every shadow wielder 

    "Is it because of proximity? Or years? I know that sometimes balance takes a moment."

    That is correct, however you and the distraction are a unique case. The Empyrean will discuss next we meet. 

    "So I'm a light wielder?" The words don't feel quite right.

    Not quite Sweet One. You do more then wield what already exists like the distraction and his shadows. You create. You are what we will call a star maker. 

    Before I can respond he's going into a steep dive. I decide focusing on keeping my seat is more important then my questions right now. He takes every maneuver and makes it ten times harder. The wind whips across my face and hair, as he narrowly pulls up from the ground. I glance back and see that Sgaeyl and Chradh are putting the boys through the same treatment. By the time we land I'm half out of breath, even though all I did was hold my seat.

    Do not discredit your work today. Nox says firmly. Very few could manage to hold their seats and go through those maneuvers during their first real flight. 

    "You know you might call me Sweet One, but that's all you." I slide down his side to where Xaden is walking over. 

    Ah right on cue the distraction.

    I laugh silently at his tone. I definitely got the most expressive dragon around. "Sgaeyl is impressed with you, she says you both ride as one."

    I look over at his dragon. "Thank you." She nods her head, and I look back at him. "Nox likes to call you the distraction."

    I laugh at the offended look on his face. "Of course he does." He says giving Nox a dirty look.

    "He also told me what the dragons call my signet." I say refocusing the conversation. 

    "Isn't it light wielder?" Garrick asks joining us. I shake my head.

    "He says they'll call me star maker." They both stare at me stunned. 

    "Show us." Xaden says softly. 

    "Nox?" I question, every time I've used my signet, it's been accidental. 

    Relax Sweet One, you already know what to do. Rely on your instincts, let the power burn through you, we can refine your skills later.

    I take a breath, and close my eyes. I do as he says, I let my instincts take control, and feel the power beneath my skin. I open my eyes and move my hands, it takes a moment but then there is a ball of pure white light. Everyone around us stops and stares, even Professor Kaori.

    I envision a night sky, the hundreds of thousands of stars up there, and press my hands against the ball from the top and bottom. In a soft flash, there are small balls of light spanning as far as I can see, in every direction. The further they are the more blue they seem to be.

    Xaden’s shadows shoot out as thin tendrils of black that circle each ball like a ring. A thicker one circles my waist, my wrist, and my ankle. As the immediate area around us becomes encompassed in a dome of shadow. 

    "That's outstanding." Professor Kaori whispers when I let my light fade away and his shadows retreat. 

    "That it is." We all turn to face the unknown male voice. "You both shall have class with me after the mats." That's how we meet Professor Carr.

    By the time we get to his class we are the only two in it. We sit side by side and wait for him to arrive. Its about ten minutes into class and he's still not here.

    "Are you sure this is the right room?" Xaden asks, as we play hangman on a spare piece of paper. "Any L's"

    "I'm sure, I triple checked with Selena." I add another body part. "No L's, I forgot how bad you are at this game."

    The door slams open and in walks Professor Carr, with a stack of books. "Apologies for my lateness. I had to look deep in the Archives for these." He places it on his desk, and looks at us. "This is a first you know." 

    "What is?" I ask.

    "Having two signets start to channel together, much less have them be each others balance. It's amazing." I share a glance with Xaden. 

    This dude was clearly viewing us like some type of experiment gone right, or worse a discovery to be tested. 

    He will not lay a hand on you rest assured. I have warned his dragon what will happen if he does.

    "And Xaden?" He grumbles, like actually grumbles. 

    The distraction too.

    "Thank you Nox." He brushes it off and I keep from laughing, my dragon is so dramatic. 

    "Now, a shadow wielder we havent had one of those in a while. You will be useful on the frontlines." I hate the thought of that. Xaden forced to face death on a daily basis.

    "You however, there is no recorded signet that deals with light, at least not the way you control it." He looks at me like I'm a puzzle he's trying to solve.

    "Nox says the dragons are going to call me star maker. If that helps." He goes silent, most likely confirming with his own dragon.

    "Remarkable." He whispers. "Front and center, the both of you." We do as he says and stand in front of each other. "Focus on the power flowing through your veins. Feel it, its there, begging to be used." We look at each other and the shadows in the room start to come alive. I focus on the warmth I feel, and slowly I see my arms start to glow. Professor Carr watches us, as our signets reach for each other. "Are you both controlling where they're going?"

    Xaden shakes his head. "No, they just reach for her." 

    "My light wants to well do that." I point to where it seems to be playing with the shadows. They circle and dart around each other.

    "See if you can force them apart. Call it back towards you." I focus on the light by my feet, forcing it back towards me. It feels like I'm trying to drag a horse through a door.

    I'm sweating and exhausted but I manage it. Xaden seems to be having an even harder time. "Move there and take a break." Carr orders me, pointing across the floor. 

    I ground myself to let my light fade. Channelling is constant, and even if you weren't actively using it, it was always there ready to be called upon. I watch as Carr talks Xaden through controlling his shadows. 

    It seems to work, aside from the one stray one that makes a home on my wrist. I laugh holding up my wrist for him to see. "Lose something?"     

    "Hilarious Sunfire. How about you try and control something whose only goal is to reach me." There is no heat in his words, if anything he seems almost proud of the sight of shadow on my wrist.

    "Cadet Solaris, make yourself glow like before." Professor Carr looks like he has a theory he wants us to try out. I do as he says, allowing for the light glow I've adopted appear. "Brighter." He demands. I focus and like a star, I burn bright. The shadow on my wrist burns away and the white hue turns to the silvery blue I had this morning. 

    "What?" I start to let the light fade but Professor Carr shakes his head.

    "Keep it bright, Riorson approach her slowly." Xaden slowly walks towards me, the closer he gets the more white the light becomes until he's right in front of me. He reaches up and tucks away a strand of my hair, allowing his fingers to brush my cheek as he does so. 

    I glow the purest white I've ever glowed. His shadows unleash, they circle us, blocking away the rest of the world. I start to understand it, we are the beginning and end of all things.

    Professor Carr stares at us, and before either of us can react sends a fireball right at us. Our signets seem to move us on instinct. Mine creates a wall of light, burning the fire away, whereas Xaden’s shadows knock Professor Carr to the ground.

    He gets right back up and rushes to the board. "I think you broke him." I whisper to Xaden, he just takes my hand and we walk over to where Professor Carr is drawing something on the board.

    "See this series of circles." We nod, its kinda hard not to. There are several rings of circles within one another. On one side is an R and the other an S. Different colours for each circle and corresponding letters.

    Probably for Riorson and Solaris. "Oh." I say understanding. "Our signets are strongest together." He nods.

    "Because we are each others balance, that's why she glows white near me."

    "I believe it's because your signet is the balance to hers. When in close proximity to you her power is at its purest, and yours is at its most alert."

    By the end of the class he has decided we will be given private lessons with him, as well as the general class. He doesn't say the words, but it's clear he wants to study how our signets work together.

    Once we're finally allowed to leave we haul our asses to dinner. Garrick, bless his soul, had the foresight to already have food waiting for us. I don't even pay attention to what I've eaten, I just rest against his arm. 

    I must have fallen asleep, because I wake up to Xaden carrying me back to our private dorms. "I can walk." I say between yawns.

    "Go back to sleep love." I don't argue, I'm too tired for it. I'm half awake when we get to my room, and he helps me change into my shorts and tank top. He tucks me into bed and I guess that means they did get me a new one. He leaves only to return before I even notice he had left. He crawls into bed beside me, and I finally let myself succumb back to sleep.

    There's a pounding at the door that wakes us both up. He gets up to answer it and I whine at the loss of his heat. "Its for you." He says allowing for the door to swing open.

    "Selena?" I question, shooting out of bed. "Is Alastair okay?" I'm wide awake now, the panic at something happening to him chasing away my tiredness. 

    "He's okay." She reassures. "King Tauri and his sons are here." Oh it's that time already.

    "Where are they?"

    "The burn turret." I nod.

    "I just need a few minutes to change and I'll head there." She nods and glances at a still shirtless Xaden and gives me an approving look. I shut the door, and start to change back into my fighting leathers, as well as a long sleeve shirt under my corset, the winter weather was already starting to penetrate the nights. 

    "I'll be back soon babe." I reassure, but he's still standing in the middle of the room watching me get ready. "Xaden go back to sleep." He nods and gets back in bed, leaving a space for me when I get back. I kiss him lightly, before grabbing Alic's pack and slipping out of the room.

    It's quite in the Quadrant, which shouldn't be surprising given the hour, yet it is. My feet follow the path with ease inspite of never having been there before. Its as I'm walking through one of the halls that I realize there are no mage lights on. I can still see as though there were.

    Yes, you can see in the dark.

    I jump at Nox's voice in my head. "Shouldn't you be asleep?" I question, starting up the stairs. 

    My rider is up, therefore so am I. My dragon is a total sweetheart.

    "So I can see in the dark, glow, and create shields."

    Don't forget burn things. He adds helpfully. There is more to discover Sweet One, patience.

    "You've seen my memories, you know I am notoriously bad at that." I reach the top at this point, and take a breath before stepping out.

    "King Tauri." I say bowing before him. "Princes Tauri." They stop me before I bow.

    Aaric gets to me first hugging me tight. I match his intensity, of all the royal family, he is my favourite. "Hey princess." He whispers.

    "Hey Aaric." He lets me go after another moment, and I get a brief hug from his brother. I step before the King and I slide off the pack, presenting it to him.

    "My son's belongings." I nod. "Tell me what you know of his death."

    "During Threshing, he and fourteen others joined together to hunt down Tavis, Riorson, and myself." I force myself to tell him the truth, this was a test. "I figured my odds were better with alongside someone then against all fifteen, especially with their intent to rape me before they killed me." 

    "Alic wouldn't." Whispered one of the boys.

    "We split up when they found us, Prince Alic was not part of the four that chased me. After we survived Threshing, Riorson and Tavis informed me of his death."

    "Which one killed my son."

    "As he was about to kill Tavis, Riorson appeared and tackled your son to the ground. Before he killed him, Alic made them swear to tell me that he never would have allowed them to touch me, that he loves his brothers, and respects his father." 

    I made the last part up, but what they didn't know, wouldn't hurt them. The bit about his brothers is true, the setting was the only lie. 

    He takes the pack from my hand, and I turn to leave but Aaric grabs my hand. "Stay please." I nod, and stand beside him, as his father throws in the pack, I take advantage of the surge of flames. I slip him the drawing, and he tucks it out of sight.

    As the flames die down, his father speaks again. "It has been said that you and the traitors are remarkably close. There are even reports that you and Riorson are involved." There it is.

    "I am close with him." I confirm. "It's what got me my signet, the perfect counter to his." I lift up my hand, and let a small ball of light appear. "My parents used to say keep your friends close and your enemies closer. If they had done better job at that, they'd still be here today." 

    It works, he believes me. He always does, it's the anger in my eyes that sells my words. He just always fails to realize who the anger is really for. 

    "A true Solaris indeed, is there anything to be concerned of?"

    "No your highness. Up until now they have been concerned with surviving and bonding." He nods understandingly. There's pride in his gaze as he squeezes my shoulder and heads down the stairs. 

    It makes me sick, and I force myself to follow after them. I was getting use to not having to play the role anymore. We part ways at the bottom, and as soon as they're out of view, I feel the tension easing from my shoulders. 

    Nox seems to relax too. He stayed with me the whole time, even if there was no need for it. "You can go to sleep now." 

    I will once you return to your room. 

    We don't speak as I walk back, but his prescence is there, and I feel loved. I finally make it back to my room, and quietly slip in. 

    "Night Nox."

    Goodnight Sweet One.

    I'm careful to make as little noise as possible as I strip out of my leathers. I am so tired, I'm half tempted to sleep nude. Still I put on my shorts and tanktop, that are still slightly warm from when I was in them before.

    I lift the blanket up, and as soon as I'm laid down and comfortable. Xaden is pulling me closer to him, he kisses the side of my head. "You waited up for me." I say in disbelief.

    "I'll always wait for you." His arm secures itself around my waist. "Now sleep love. You need it." I don't argue, and let his heartbeat drift me away.