Busser
It is once again an early morning when Sirius arrives at Remus’ place. This morning, Sirius finds himself to be a little more exhausted than usual. He got home later than planned yesterday. Simply because they stayed up talking for so long. Nothing really happened and Sirius has a hard time recalling what exactly they discussed. It was nothing and everything at the same time.
They just sat there in the living room for hours but what truly felt like minutes.
Sirius is cooking breakfast for Remus when he hears a chippy voice, ”Hello, my darling friend.”
He looks up from the whole grain pancake batter and instantly breaks into a smile.
“Lily,” He says softly. These days he sees her more than James.
“How are you, Siri? The job is not so bad, huh?” She says and takes a seat by the kitchen island like she owns the place. Sirius can’t help but feel like she kinda does.
“It’s good” He says hesitantly, and looks down at the plate in front of him.
Lily has worked for Remus for a long time. She knows a lot about him, and should also know what happened when Remus took his infamous break. It has been nagging him in the back of his head for quite some time now. How Marlene so casually mentioned it. Of course, she would never break the contract she has signed but that was before Sirius started working for Remus too.
And Sirius has a vague idea how he can bribe her to tell him. Lily has always had a sweet tooth.
He grabs a few of the fresh pancakes on a clean plate, tops it with a few strawberries and slides it across the counter to her. It smells delicious and he knows it will taste the same.
Lily raises an eyebrow.
“C’mon. Being friends with the cook needs to come with some perks,” He says and leans across the counter. Sirius smiles sweetly at her. A skill he has perfected after years in the Black household.
Lily just smiles, none the wiser, and instantly digs in. The moment she has taken a bite he asks her.
“So, you’ve worked for Remus for a long time,” he begins, “do you know what happened? Why he took a break from music?”
Lily raises an unimpressed eyebrow. She does not reply to him until she is done chewing, “Really, Sirius?”
He smiles at her again. Trying his best to be sweet, polite and innocent all traits he has perfected from dinner parties with his parents and their wealthy friends. Lily looks wholly unimpressed and he can’t really blame her. This works with politicians and their partners - Lily is too smart for that.
“Please Lily. I am not looking to gossip or anything like that. I just want to know what I’m dealing with..”
“Dealing with?” She asks. Sirius has never quite felt so judged by someone – not even his parents looked at him the same way. “Why don’t you ask him yourself?”
Sirius sighs. He has considered that. “I will. I want to but I don’t know him that well. How do I even bring that up? I just want to know if he’s okay.”
It is not entirely a lie. He wants to know because he is curious, but he also just wants to make sure Remus is okay. It seems like he has a lot on his plate.
Lily rolls her eyes and takes another bite, “Okay fine. But I can only tell you what I saw. From my perspective you know.”
Sirius feels a rush of victory surge through him. He doesn’t let it show too much though. Instead he gives her a simple nod.
“So,” she begins and pops a berry into her mouth. “It was about a year ago or something… Remus was living in this rooftop flat in central London. Fancy place, expensive, totally lifeless. This is-'' She gestures around her to the kitchen and living room, “much more him. The other place was very sterile and grey, kinda sad actually…”
“Lily..” Sirius says to get her back on track.
“Alright, sorry sorry. Very expensive and sad place. He had just won his.. like.. third award of the year. I don’t exactly remember what for… maybe Album Of The Year or something?”
She looks thoughtful out into the air, “Point is he was literally at the height of his career.”
“So what happened? I assume the story doesn’t end there.”
“Of course, it doesn’t. One day, I have to come into work to clean the place like I usually do and all that. Marlene called me but I had borrowed your car and since it does not have Bluetooth speakers I did not see it. She had called me like 12 times. I imagine she wanted to warn me or something. The place… I don’t know how to describe it. It was crazy. As if there had been a tornado or huge fight or something.”
“A fight?”
“Everything. And I mean, everything was completely trashed. I have never seen anything like it. Ruined couch, books ripped out of every shelf, plates and glasses smashed all over – even a huge hole in one of the walls”
“Do you know what happened?” Sirius asks, shocked. This is probably the last thing he was expecting to hear about Remus.
“I don’t know. All I know is that I am pretty sure Remus was the one to put his fist through the wall. He was bleeding from his hand at least… But he was surprisingly calm. I remember that very clearly”
“What do you mean?” Sirius asks, having a hard time picturing Remus in a fist fight with a wall. The guy is all soft sweaters, comfortable arm chairs and endless piles of books.
“He was just sitting there in his chair, staring into nothingness, with about 20 people running frantically around the flat. PR, Marlene, other cleaners, all sorts of people trying to sort the mess out and make sure nothing was leaked to the press. It worked I think, I haven’t read anything about it at least. Anyway, he left immediately after. It took us like three days to clean and fix everything. Then he immediately sold the place. Marlene called me a few months later and asked me to start working for him again. He had brought this place in the meantime. If you ask me this fits him much better…” She explains and looks around while chewing on her second pancake.
“So, he moved here immediately after the flat?” Sirius asks, trying to piece the timeline together.
Lily is quiet for a little bit. “No, I don’t think so,” She says thoughtfully. “I think he was out of the country for a while. I don’t know exactly where, but I know there was a gap of a few months where he was just… gone?”
Lily finishes the last of the breakfast, while Sirius’ brain is working overtime. It just doesn’t make much sense. Calm, collected, quiet Remus would turn his own place upside down and then seemingly disappear for a few months. Where did he go? And what happened that triggered this event? If Remus was really at the height of his career why would he suddenly want to leave?
“You know,” Lily says and immediately pulls Sirius out of his own thoughts. He is not sure how long he has quietly considered her words. “You should just ask him yourself. I think you’re underestimating the… uh.. friendship the two of you have.”
Sirius huffs. “Lils, I love you. But I hardly think Remus will share this with me. He clearly didn’t want the press to know, probably me too.”
Lily smirks at him. It’s a soft smirk and something is simmering behind her eyes that he can not tell what is. She hops down from the chair and shrugs, “I have told you all I know about it.”
Sirius grabs the plate and places it in the sink, “Right. Thank you. Maybe I’ll ask him. I’ll think about it.”
Lily hums approvingly and heads for the door.
“And Sirius, thanks for breakfast. I will let your bribery work just this once,” She says with a wink and disappears away.
Sirius groans out loud. Of course, Lily had figured him out the second he had given her food. She is the brightest woman he knows. There is no way she hadn’t figured him out the second he asked her about Remus.
Sirius tries the rest of the day to not think about his conversation with Lily. He fails miserably.
Maybe he should just ask Remus about it, but for some reason it seems too personal to just ask: Hey, Remus. I know you don’t know me very well and I am technically just your private chef but I heard a rumour saying you threw a temper tantrum in your old flat. Care to elaborate? Sirius cringes at himself.
He tries to bring it up in a smoother way when Remus comes to eat breakfast after Lily has left. Asking him how it was to win all these awards, but the words never get to leave his mouth. Suddenly Marlene is in the kitchen too, pressing Remus with a million questions about something he has apparently sent her the evening prior.
New material is what Sirius picks up on.
Remus answers her questions in short and precise words, clearly not in the mood to answer them. It is only when Sirius slips outside for a smoke, that he can hear Remus’ tone change. Suddenly he is explaining and using long sentences. He can’t hear through the door exactly what they are saying. It clearly means it was not a topic Remus wanted to discuss in front of him.
It stings a little to know that Remus does not want to share it with Sirius. He tries not to dwell on it. Maybe Lily is the one with the wrong perception of their friendship. Remus has known Marlene for way longer. It makes sense that he wants to share this with her. They are closer friends. It is fine.
He plans to ask Remus about his hiatus when he brings him lunch in the studio. He has just barely entered the studio when Remus is scrambling to close whatever tab on his computer he was working on. Sirius wonders for a brief moment if Remus was watching porn, but it seems far too inconvenient to do that in his studio with music equipment all over the place.
Remus wanking off is not a thought Sirius wants to think about for too long. So instead he quickly crosses the room and serves him lunch.
“I was wondering-” Sirius opens his mouth to speak.
“So, what are you-” Remus says at the exact same time.
They both chuckle together.
“You go first,” Remus says softly.
“No no, I want to hear what you have to say,” Sirius quickly retorts. His confidence is wavering.
Remus seems to consider it for a moment. Almost like he too needs to gather his confidence.
”What are you doing tonight?” Remus asks him finally, completely catching Sirius off guard.
“Uh. What do you mean?” Sirius asks, puzzled.
“Like what are your plans?”
“What are you talking about? I’m cooking dinner for you?” Sirius says perplexed. It is the same every evening. He cooks Remus dinner, cleans the kitchen, makes a meal plan for the next day and heads home.
“In that case. No you’re not,” Remus says determinedly and looks back at the empty screen in front of him. What was he working on? Sirius wonders. Remus continues, “We are going out”
Sirius feels a rush through his veins. “What?” He asks, feeling awfully out of his comfort zone, “We?”
“Yes, just be ready to leave around six,” Remus says, and Sirius feels incredibly confused about this matter. We? Going out? What exactly does this mean? And also, where is this confidence from Remus coming from?
It is not unwelcome but also not like Remus. Well, if there is anything he has learned today it is that he maybe doesn’t know so much about Remus.
Sirius opens his mouth feeling an awful lot like the trout he once had to clean and cook in culinary school.
Remus beats him to it, “Don’t ask me where we are going. It is a surprise. Like you did for me.”
His warm eyes nearly radiate sunshine. How could this man ever trash an entire flat?
“Uh, okay” Sirius says simply. Somehow all his words has left his brain.
Remus gives him an approving nod, “What was it you wanted to ask me?”
“What?”
“When you came in? We spoke at the same time-” Remus elaborates. Sirius had completely forgotten about that.
“Oh, it doesn’t matter..”
Remus seems to consider his words for a few seconds like he’s not ready to let go of it. Sirius could probably ask him about it now, but his mind is too occupied with the fact that he needs to be ready for something for six tonight.
“See you at six,” Sirius says mechanically and turns around to leave. He doesn’t know what else to say really.
Sirius shuts the door to the studio and heads directly downstairs to his safe space – the kitchen.