Coffee and Wine
The next morning already felt a lot like routine, which was usually not a good thing to Sirius. Routines and predictability was typically what made Sirius do rash things – like quitting on the spot. However, when Sirius woke at the crack of dawn, he found that he did not mind much. It had just been one day and he barely knew Remus, but he found himself actually looking forward to his day. Obviously, it was because of the job and very much not because of a certain musician. At least that was what Sirius told himself.
He got dressed again this morning in similar clothes. A t-shirt, dark jeans, his usual leather jacket and then he was off to the market. The market was once again lively and open, and Sirius did not even get upset when all the stalls were out of avocados. Instead, he found himself deciding with ease what to buy instead, so he could hurry to Remus’ house. Sirius had barely known the man for 24 hours, but was already looking forward to cooking breakfast for him.
Marlene had sent him a text this morning to tell him, just to let himself in and that she had left a spare key for him to keep under the doormat. It felt incredibly unsafe to Sirius. Just leaving a key under the doormat was such a cliché. Remus had mentioned paparazzis yesterday, and it seemed to Sirius that it was something Remus was annoyed with. Maybe the doormat was too obvious, so no one would look for it there.
Sirius lets himself in. The house is completely quiet and dark. Marlene is probably elsewhere, considering she told him just to let himself in, and Remus is probably still asleep. Sirius does find it a little odd to just let himself into a stranger’s house in the early morning hours. If it wasn’t because of the crate full of vegetables and groceries he is carrying, he would feel like a robber breaking in.
He closes the door behind himself, and takes a second to take in the quiet house. It looks exactly like yesterday. Mounts of paper and notebooks everywhere. Books spilling out from shelves everywhere. As he makes his way through the living room, he spots two wine glasses on the coffee table. There is still a little bit of red liquid at the bottom of both glasses. If Remus had a few glasses of wine last night, it does explain why he is not awake yet.
That is when Sirius realises. There are two glasses. Remus had someone over. It could also be Marlene’s, Sirius did leave before she did.
Or maybe it was someone else.
Although Sirius had not really seen anything in the house which would indicate Remus having a partner, it was not an option Sirius could leave out completely. Furthermore, the glass could also belong to a fan or friend. Sirius had no way of knowing, and really it was not very productive to stand in his living room and wonder.
He would not find the answer here anyway. And it really wasn’t any of Sirius’ business who Remus had around.
Sirius wanders to the kitchen and puts the crate down. He is here to do a job after all.
For breakfast Sirius has decided to make porridge for Remus. At the market Sirius found some crisp red apples, too beautiful to pass up on. They would be amazing to eat on their own. But adding a bit of cinnamon, butter and oats will surely make for a hearty and healthy breakfast. Sirius has put a lot of thought into this relatively easy meal. He does this a lot with dishes, but never quite like this. Sure, he always wants to impress people with his cooking, but this still feels different. He barely knows Remus, yet he does not want to just impress Remus. It is some weird deeper desire. He wants to excite Remus, he wants Remus to feel amazed by him. Sirius’s head hurts if he thinks a little too hard about it, so it is easier to just suppress his own thoughts.
As he is hauling out bowls and pots for breakfast, he opens a cupboard and finds a very old filter coffee machine. Sirius did not see Remus drink coffee yesterday. The machine looks very old and dusty, and Sirius is not sure it even works anymore. Maybe with some cleaning and polishing Sirius can get it to work again.
“Good morning,” Sirius hears a familiar voice and looks up. Remus is looking at him from across the kitchen. He is actually dressed this morning, contrary to yesterday where he looked like he just woke up. It is a bit surprising to see him looking so well rested and in a good mood, especially if he had a few glasses of wine with someone. Remus is dressed in similar clothes like yesterday, warm sweater and comfortable slacks. Sirius wonders if he ever wears anything else. He doesn’t really look like a singer; Sirius cannot imagine him on a stage.
“Good morning. Breakfast will be ready soon,” Sirius lets him know. He is still cutting out the apples. “I found a filter coffee maker in one of the cupboards. I was wondering if it would be okay if I started using it,” Sirius says, because really he needs his daily intake of caffeine. Yesterday, he did not have any coffee or cigarettes for that matter and, surprisingly, he did not get a headache. Maybe Sirius was too overloaded on new sensory impressions for his brain to complain about the lack of caffeine and nicotine.
“Oh,” Remus says surprised, “I completely forgot about that,” He says and walks over to the machine. He lifts it with ease and turns it in his hands. “I am not sure if it works anymore, but you are welcome to try. I used to drink coffee, but it became a little too much so Marlene made me cut down. Now I have replaced it almost entirely with tea,” Remus explains with a shrug. That does explain to Sirius why it was hidden in the back of a cupboard with a thick layer of dust on top.
“I’ll see if I can get it to work,” Sirius says with a nod. “Just wanted to check if it was okay with you,” He specifies. Although Sirius has already invaded the kitchen with his own knives and equipment, the kitchen still belongs to Remus – technically.
Remus lets out a snort. “Sirius,” he says and Sirius looks up. Grey blue meeting honey brown. “The kitchen is yours. Do with it as you please. I trust you,” Remus says simply, and Sirius feels a little overwhelmed. Remus is looking at him the same way he did yesterday, and Sirius can still not tell what it means. Sirius can’t even tell what it does to himself. It suddenly feels like Remus isn’t just talking about the kitchen.
“Uh, yeah. Thanks,” Sirius says because he does not know what else to say. Maybe Sirius has trust issues, okay he does for sure, but it feels weird to know what Remus trusts him so easily. He said it so effortlessly, like it did not even matter.
And just like that it feels as if the moment is gone again. This intimate gaze that Remus sends him, which has raised his pulse and made his heart stutter - it is just gone. Remus turns away and leaves the coffee maker on the table. He seems completely unaware of the inner turmoil taking place inside Sirius. Sirius quietly wonders if he feels the same. If he does, he is good at hiding it. To Sirius, he looks completely unfazed. Remus sits down in the same spot where he sat yesterday for breakfast and dinner.
Sirius gathers a few of his brain cells and decides to finally speak, “That’s really nice of you”.
Sirius admits to Remus and places the bowl down in front of him. Brown apple porridge with a hint of cinnamon - nothing too fancy but enough to create a warm and cosy feeling in the kitchen. Sirius made a pretty flower pattern on top with the apple cut into thin slices.
“It is nice of you to say that I can use the kitchen however I please” Sirius elaborates, because he has to say something. Silence was never his strong suit.
Remus just shrugs, “Well, it is not like I am in here much anyway. I cannot fry an egg if my life depended on it”
Sirius can not help but laugh at this. It is absolutely absurd to him. Frying an egg is the most basic cooking skill. He has to be joking of course he can fry an egg.
“What?” Remus says. He is smiling broadly too and his eyes crinkle in the loveliest way. “I swear, I am useless in the kitchen. I know how to make tea! That’s it,” He says and holds both his hands up in defence.
Sirius can not tell if Remus is joking now. “I mean.. I know you hired me to cook for you, but we need to make sure you do not starve on my days off,” Sirius says, because really this will not do.
Remus watches him carefully, a playful smirk on his lips, “What? Are you offering me private cooking lessons?”
Sirius feels like a deer caught in headlights, which is not his typical reaction when someone is flirting with him. It is essentially what he is offering. To teach Remus a thing or two in the kitchen. However, this is not really how Sirius imagined it. He didn’t even mean it like that. Remus' eyes tinkle with mischief.
“More like offering to teach you a basic survival skill,” Sirius quickly retorts. He is not sure what to do with this flirting that Remus is doing. He really should shut it down. It feels inappropriate.
Cooking is really a basic thing one should know how to do. Especially something as simple as frying an egg. Sure, Sirius might be biassed in this matter – as cooking is literally his passion and job – but the point stands regardless.
“You should at least know how to cook some simple meals,” Sirius continues, so he can emphasise his point. “Cooking can be fun and simple. You can focus on different nutrients or colours or flavours. Sometimes it can be art or just a fun activity… Or a social gathering, an excuse to try something new, or maybe just a comforting meal” Sirius says somewhat lost in his own thoughts. His entire life is really revolving around food and cooking, and if he thinks about it for too long, it is actually a bit sad. James is also a little worried with how much time cooking and food takes up Sirius' life.
“I don’t doubt that for a second,” Remus says.
Sirius is not sure what part of his little monologue that Remus is commenting on. He did not mean to say all that, he just got lost in his thoughts. His cheeks feel very warm all of the sudden.
The atmosphere between Sirius and Remus feels different. Remus is just looking at him, and Sirius feels hot all over his body. It is enough for Sirius to feel his heart almost jump out of his chest, his blood to rush just a tad bit faster in his veins, and his brain to feel slightly foggy. It feels as if Remus is looking straight through him. Like Remus is seeing all of Sirius; his childhood struggles with heartless parents, his teenage years struggling with his sexuality and feelings, his friendship with James and initial jealousy of Lily – all of it. Sirius can’t help but stare at Remus, and Remus is staring back.
But then Remus breaks the gaze between them by looking down at the bowl in front of him.
“So, uhm,” Remus says and Sirius lets out a breath he didn’t know he had been holding in. It is awkward and weird now, and Remus seems almost embarrassed.
“How did you become a chef? I mean, how did you realise this was your dream?” Remus asks and clears his throat, looking very intensely at his food.
On one hand, Sirius is happy that Remus broke the tension as it felt incredibly overwhelming for him. On the other hand, it also felt nice and Sirius finds himself longing for Remus to look at him again. Not just look at him but really see him.
“I just…” Sirius trails off. He is not sure how exactly to explain this to Remus. He does not want to dump all his trauma and pain onto his employer. Especially when they barely know each other. “I spent some time with my uncle. He would always let me and my brother roam freely in the kitchen. It was so nice and I had so much fun. Becoming a chef just became natural,” Sirius finally explains. It is not exactly a lie, but rather a retelling, leaving out how Alphard’s home really was the only place where Sirius felt safe and happy.
“How did you decide to be a musician?” Sirius says quickly before Remus can inquire him further about his life decisions.
Sirius decides he wants the coffee machine to work. A fresh cup of coffee while cooking breakfast for Remus would be nice. It is also an excuse for him to do something with his hands, to keep himself busy.
Remus looks thoughtful for a second, and Sirius realises this is probably a question Rems have had to answer a million times in interviews. “I always struggled with words. Expressing my feelings and thoughts and such, but writing about them was just so much easier for me,” Remus explains in between spoonfuls of porridge. “So, I just began writing it all down into poems and stories and such. Then I started adding music to it to, you know, make it make sense in a way. Then suddenly everything just happened so fast,” Remus explains.
Sirius continues to fiddle with the machine. He does not really know anything about fixing machines, but maybe a nice deep clean and a run through with clean water will help. Sirius is not sure he will be able to fix it, but he knows he will give it a try.
“Makes sense. You said you liked writing yesterday,” Sirius says with a nod. “So what do you sing about? Or write about I guess?”
Remus sends him a small smile. “Just about everything. Love, friends, life, hard times,” Remus explains with a shrug. Sirius wonders what kind of hard times Remus has experienced, if maybe they have something like that in common. Sirius really needs to listen to some of his music.
The rest of the day feels a lot like yesterday as well. Sirius can not help but think it is a bit odd he is already falling so effortlessly into place in the Lupin household. It already feels like he has been working here for weeks. And so his routine goes; he cleans up after Remus’ breakfast, says hello to Lily when she arrives and cooks lunch for Remus which he delivers up to study like yesterday. Remus is once again completely busy with music. Headphones are on and his eyes firmly locked on the computer screen in front of him. He barely recognizes Sirius when he arrives with lunch. Remus might not even have time for lunch today.
After delivering lunch to Remus, Sirius decides to try out the coffee machine. Maybe he can get it to work. It doesn’t even start, but after a few brief moments of googling he realises it might be build up dirt, calcium and coffee grounds inside the machine. Nothing a deep clean won’t fix. He does his best to clean the entire thing. Soaking the different parts in soap, and even asking Lily to borrow some of her cleaning products. He lays out all the parts on a towel and decides to step out for a smoke before dries everything off and reassembles it.
The day is a lot gloomier than yesterday. The weather is still cold from this winter and the entire sky is filled with heavy clouds like a duvet. At least it is not raining.
The garden is really nice actually, or it has potential at least Sirius thinks. The winter has clearly taken a hard toll on the garden, making it baren and cold. The garden is not very big but still has space for a little wooden terrace with a table and few chairs, a tree in the far corner and a few empty planter boxes with dead greenery inside. Sirius wonders if Remus hires a gardener in the summer to make it look nice. The planter boxes would be ideal to grow a few vegetables or herbs, Sirius thinks.
He wraps his jacket tight around himself and takes a seat in one of the empty wooden chairs next to the table. While he does look good in the leather jacket, it is not exactly practical in this weather. There is already an empty ashtray on the table, so it is probably okay that Sirius smokes here. And so he does. He lights a smoke between his cold fingers and look around at the sad, lonely garden.
And that’s when he hears it. It is faint. In the distant. But clearly there.
Music.
Specifically the same notes being played again and again.
He closes his eyes and tries to focus on the music. With the lack of sight, Sirius has a better time focusing on the music.
It is nice, he thinks. A simple but sad melody. If he concentrates hard enough he can also faintly hear a voice humming or mumbling words. The words are too unclear to make out.
He opens his eyes again, but can not for the life of him tell where the music is coming from. The garden is empty except for Sirius and his cigarettes.
But the music is there - for sure. Sirius turns his head back to the house and that’s where he sees it. Up on the first floor the window is slightly ajar. Behind it, deeply in thought, sits Remus and plays on what looks like a keyboard. Sirius can not make out what he is saying, but his lips are for sure moving. He is so focused on his music, that he doesn’t notice Sirius looking up at him from the patio.
Sirius smokes in silence and listens in without moving or making a sound. It feels as if he were to make a sound, Remus would be disturbed and stop. He can’t have that. Though, the music is so faint Sirius is hungry for more.
He automatically lights a new smoke when the first one is done. Maybe he feels like a second cigarette, or maybe it is because it’s an excuse for him to stay a little longer. It is nice. Sirius has never heard any of Remus’ music. This song, or whatever it is Remus is making, makes Sirius feel a little sad. Hopeful too though.
In the end Sirius has to head inside. He needs to assemble the coffee machine again, and his fingers feel numb from the cold. He also has to actually do the job he is paid to do, and prepare dinner for Remus.
For dinner he cooks a chicken casserole with mashed potatos and a sauce made from the reduced chicken fat, and Remus eats it in the kitchen by the kitchen island where he had breakfast. Remus brought his lunch plate down with him for dinner - completely empty. It makes Sirius happy. Although Remus was deeply intertwined with his work, he still had time to eat the lunch that Sirius brought him.
At dinner, Remus is also completely occupied with his notebook. He eats dinner by the spoonful, barely registering what Sirius made for him and arranged neatly. His eyes are glued to his notebook the entire time, where he furiously writes, highlights and crosses out things constantly. Truth be told, Sirius feels a little stressed from Remus’ writing process. It suddenly makes sense why Marlene would be concerned about Remus’ forgetting to eat in his writing process.
Sirius does not want to disturb him, so instead he assembles the coffee machine again. It is still a defeat though. No matter how much Sirius tries to adjust and trink it, it will not start.
Marlene enters the kitchen at some point. She raises an eyebrow and points to Remus writing in his notebook, as if asking what Remus is up to. Sirius just shrugs, because he doesn’t really know. She gives him a thumbs up and disappears back into the living room.
At some point during the evening, while Sirius is cleaning up, Remus strides to the living room as well. His notebook is neatly tucked under his arm. A second later he can hear Remus and Marlene laugh and talk. Hopefully, this means Remus can take a break from all the writing. He has barely left his room today, and been so focused on his work. Sirius can not imagine that it is healthy to live like that - but he does recognize the feeling. He too gets like that sometimes when he is so caught up in a new recipe or cooking technique.
Sirius finally gives up on the coffee machine and instead abandons it on the kitchen table. He is tired anyway, and should catch some sleep before getting to the market early tomorrow.
He puts his jacket and boots on, waiting for him by the backdoor in the kitchen leading out to the backyard. It was really nice to have a quiet and calm moment with a cigarette and Remus’ music. Finally, Sirius grabs the empty crate ready to head home.
He passes through the living room where Remus and Marlene are talking. Remus is sitting in the brown comfortable chair that Sirius first laid eyes on when he entered here. Sirius can tell it certainly is Remus’ chair. He looks effortlessly in place with stacks of books around him and a glass of wine resting on the table in front of him.
Marlene is sitting opposite him on the couch. She has kicked her high heels off, and is resting her feet on the coffee table. It looks so cosy to him. Just two friends enjoying a glass of wine after a long day.
A glass of wine. Two glasses. On the table.
Sirius realises it now. They are drinking together after a long day of work. The setting looks a lot like what Sirius saw this morning when he walked in.
Had the two of them been drinking together yesterday too? Was Remus actually just hanging out with a friend? Sirius feels so dumb for wondering about all these things. It is none of his business.
Sirius looks up, and realises that Remus had apparently been speaking to him.
“Uhm, sorry?” He says and feels heat rise in his cheeks.
“I said, grab a glass, Sirius. It is a really nice bottle,” Remus repeats and points to a cabinet in the corner with bottles of different kinds of alcohol and glasses.
“Yes, please do!” Marlene chimes in and scoots over, making space for Sirius on the couch.
It is nice. Sirius is just supposed to cook for him, yet here they are, offering him a drink and to sit back and relax.
“Oh, no. I should really get home. It’s been a long day,” Sirius quickly says. It seems like this is a ritual between two friends, and Sirius is not one to force his own company on someone. Besides, he really is tired.
“Oh, right,” Remus says and seems almost a bit disappointed that Sirius won’t stay longer. Sirius turns away, but before he can leave the room and head home he hears Remus speak again, “Did you manage to do it?”
Sirius is entirely caught off guard, “Do what?” He asks, a little dumbfounded.
“Fix it. The coffee machine I mean.” Remus elaborates, and Sirius suddenly understands what he means.
“Oh right,” Sirius says with a nod, “No uhm, unfortunately not. I can try again tomorrow but I am not sure I have the skills for it” He says with a shrug. He is a little annoyed that he couldn’t get it to work. Tomorrow will bring a new day, and Sirius does like a good challenge. Maybe tomorrow he will spend a bit more time on actual research.
“I’m sorry to hear that,” Remus says. He looks thoughtful, like he is brewing a plan in his own mind. Once again his mind seems to be elsewhere. It happens too when he is writing in his little notebook. It is a little cute, Sirius will admit.
“Right, well. I should get going. See you tomorrow!” He says cheerful as he heads out. Both Marlene and Remus yell their goodbyes after him, and it doesn’t really feel like employers saying goodbye. It feels more like friends saying goodbye.