Serenade For The Chef

Sirius feels a little lightheaded after his interaction with Remus. It is hard for him to explain, he is not even sure he could if he tried. Sirius is not sure what to make of it.

Although they seemingly got off on the wrong foot, it seems like they now are on friendly terms. They were joking after all, and Remus ate the entire toast that Sirius had made. To Sirius, the first meeting was successful.

Sirius will probably also have to admit that he was wrong. Remus is not a rich asshole, like he first assumed all Lily’s clients would be. Sure he is rich, Sirius can tell solely from the size of the house. But to his surprise it does not feel like Remus is the filthy kind of rich, or the kind of rich where he doesn’t disregard others. It is also nicely furnished. The living room alone is warm, welcoming and inviting, and it looks like Remus actually lives here. It is nothing like Grimmauld Place where everything was polished and pretty, and so very cold. This house is nothing like that. Sirius has not seen the upstairs yet, but he can only imagine that it will be similar.

There is some time till lunch, so Sirius figures he should clean the kitchen after the little mess he has made. He does not mind. If anything it is nice to do by himself. Knives always get dull from the cutting and washing, so it is a neat way to be aware that they are still sharp.

He is cleaning the cutting board when he hears a familiar voice behind him, “Well well well. Does this mean I can now call you ‘personal chef Sirius’?”

He spins around and sends Lily a bright smile. She is dressed in what Sirius can only assume is the uniform. It is a light blue scrubs making her look like a nurse. Her hair is pinned back into a ponytail, and overall she looks very put together for the job. Lily brought several cleaning products in colourful packaging and a clean bucket, which can only mean she just arrived.

“Absolutely not. It is ‘chef Black’ to you,” He teases her.

He does not really mean it, the whole title thing is stupid in Sirius’ opinion. A kitchen needs to function like a heart, and if even one tiny vein is not working like it should it affects the whole organ. Of course the head chef and sous chef is important, but Sirius would argue that the person washing dishes and cutting onions is just as important. Hierarchy never did much for Sirius.

Lily laughs at him, and Sirius can not help but find it comforting. It is nice to see a familiar face. Especially Lily.

He will admit it took some time for him to come around, when James first began showing interest in her. They all went to the same posh school in Scotland, and Sirius could not for the life of him understand why James would take interest in her. Contrary to James and Sirius, Lily did not come from the same rich background as them. She attended the school in a later year on a scholarship, playing football on the girl’s team. This obviously got the attention of James, who played for the boy’s. And here they are now.

Lily is all smiles and bright eyes, “So how is it really going, Siri?”

Sirius takes a second to reply. “Well, I have only really cooked one meal for Remus but he ate it all with no complaint, so I will take it as a good sign,” He says and shrugs.

Sirius still feels weird about his interaction with Remus. He is not sure what to make of it.

Remus is nice.

He gets Sirius’ humour, and they have already done their fair share of banter and nagging, which Sirius finds oddly endearing instead of annoying.

He lets out an audible sign. He is just supposed to cook for Remus, so why is he so caught up in this little interaction?

“Okay, well that is not exactly what I mean,” Lily says and leans over the table island where Remus sat moments ago.

Sirius raises an eyebrow at her.

“I mean,” She lowers her voice, “what do you really think of Remus?” She has a sparkle in her eyes, like it is a secret between them. Sirius feels a little warm in his cheeks. He crosses his arms in front of his chest and looks anywhere but Lily.

“He is nice I suppose,” He says nonchalantly with a shrug. His gaze accidentally falls back on Lily, and he can instantly tell she is not buying it one bit.

“Nice? Just nice?”

“I don’t know. I have only talked to him once”

Lily rolls her eyes, clearly annoyed with his response. He is clearly not giving her the juicy details that she wants.

“Siri. Do you really mean that?” She says a little too loud and quickly glares over her shoulder to see if anyone heard her. Sirius is not sure who she is expecting to see.

It would not be weird for Remus to appear out of thin air though. He did sneak up on Sirius in the kitchen. Sirius is still not sure for how long he was watching him cook.

Lily sighs loudly, “Fine, whatever.”

Sirius likes Lily. He was sceptical at first, but seeing how much she loves James and he loves her, he can not help but care about her. Not to mention, how she really gives both Sirius and James a run for their money. She is just as stubborn as Sirius, and can really talk back to him if he is even the slightest bit out of line. Maybe that was why he struggled with her in the beginning.

“What do you want me to say?” Sirius asks her, “I don’t see where you are going with this”

Lily rolls her eyes so hard he thinks they might get stuck in the back of her head. “I just think- The two of you would be- I..” She is really not making any sense to Sirius. Maybe Sirius also does not want to know where she is going with this. What she is suggesting to him.

“Never mind,” She says finally and steps away from the counter. She grabs the bucket and cleaning supplies, “You are oblivious” she says as a matter of fact.

And without another word she heads out the door.

He is not sure what to say to that, so he just keeps quiet. He should be preparing lunch for Remus anyway.

For lunch, Sirius has decided to go with a classic pasta salad. He is not certain yet what Remus actually likes, but something as simple as pasta salad can’t possibly be wrong. While he prepares whole-grain pasta, chicken, some leftover avocado and tomatoes, a homemade pesto and what else he found at the market, he thinks about his conversation with Lily.

Remus is a nice man. Likeable. Of course their first interaction wasn’t exactly ideal, but Remus seems like the type of man one can only be angry with for so long. He is also nice to look at…

Sirius stops his train of thoughts.

This will not end well if he continues to think this way.

When Sirius is satisfied with lunch, he looks in the cupboard till he finds a good sized bowl. Marlene did highlight that Remus would sometimes eat too little or forget it entirely, so it is probably best if he serves bigger portions to him. He takes a little extra time to arrange it neatly in the bowl, making it look more appetising.

When he is satisfied with the dish and presentation, he places it on the counter in front of the chair where Remus sat hours earlier to eat his breakfast.

Five minutes pass. Then ten.

It is almost one and Sirius has not seen Remus for hours. He realises that he does not actually know where Remus is. If he had left the house, he would surely have told Sirius. Sirius did not hear the front door so he is probably still here somewhere.

Sirius does not like waiting. He has always been impatient, especially when he has no idea how long something will take. Will Remus show up in a minute? In half an hour? He glares down at the bowel in front of him. The pasta and chicken is still hot, but it might not continue to be so. It would really be a shame not eating the dish the intended way.

He finally decided that the absence of Remus is a sign for him to find him. He has, after all, not seen the entire house yet, and it might be nice to actually get familiar with the place if he is supposed to be here every day.

First Sirius checks downstairs, but Remus is nowhere to be found in the living room, dining area or even in the guest bathroom the size of Sirius’ own flat. He can instantly tell Lily has cleaned it from the smell of lime and bleach.

That just leaves upstairs.

The staircase upstairs is nice. It is made of dark wood, and as Sirius slowly ascends he spots several framed vinyl disks next to him. He does not know what exactly they are depicting, but knowing Remus makes music, he would guess album covers, awards or something similar. They all read different titles like ‘Remus Lupin, Diamond record’ and ‘Remus Lupin, Platinum record’.

One of the pictures catches his eyes. It is of a younger Remus. The picture must have been taken years ago. He is looking at the camera over his shoulders, wearing a dark brown sweater which matches his eyes. Sirius can see freckles all across his cheeks, nose and lips, and he wonders if Remus had those freckles earlier. He did not notice. The photograph is warm and nice, and Remus looks so inviting in the picture. Like he is asking the viewer to take a closer look, count the freckles scattered over his skin. Sirius feels a little hot all over his body, like he has a fever or is doing something forbidden.

Remus’ eyes are burning into Sirius, and Sirius does not know what they want. Are they inviting him in? Telling him to stay? Asking him to take pity on him or saying unspeakable things? Sirius does not know, but he knows Remus is certainly staring back at him.

Under the picture is written in gold ‘Upcoming artist of the year: Remus Lupin’. Sirius figures this is probably one, if not the first, award Remus has ever won. Sirius can not help but stare at the photo a second longer but no more. It feels like Sirius is doing something illegal. Sirius practically has to tear his eyes away from Remus’. He continues up the stairs with Remus’ gaze permanently burned into his retina.

The upstairs is bigger than Sirius expected. He spots several doors on each side of the hallway, and wonders where he should try first. It feels a little intruding to just knock on all of them. As if on cue, Lily emerges from one of the doors with bedsheets in both her hands. She drops the bedsheets by the door she came out of.

“First door to your left,” She calls quickly and heads back into the room she came from. Sirius swears she can read his mind.

“Thanks Lils,” Sirius calls after her, but she is already back to her work.

Sirius walks to the first door on his left like Lily told him to. He gently presses his ear to it but can not hear anything. Maybe Remus is asleep? He takes his chances anyway and knocks on the door.

He waits a second. No response.

Then he knocks again. This time a bit more forcefully.

Still no reply.

Sirius feels hesitant. Should he just barge in or give Remus a few minutes to respond? It does feel a bit odd to just stand in this hallway with a warm bowl of food, and Sirius is not giving up now.

He pushes the door open slightly and peaks inside, “Hello?”

Remus is sitting in the far end of the room. He has his back to Sirius and the door, and looks completely concentrated on the screen in front of him.

This room looks like a study or music studio of some sort. There is a long desk full of books and notes similar to that downstairs. Around the room Sirius can see several acoustic guitars and even an electric one. In the far corner is a keyboard, but with stacks of books on top, so it is probably not something Remus uses a lot. Next to where Remus is sitting, is a weird looking keyboard with lots of bright buttons, and Sirius, with his limited knowledge of music-making, assumes it is connected to the computer somehow.

Remus continues to stare at the two big computer screens in front of him. It is now that Sirius realises, he is wearing headphones.

Sirius takes his time to approach him. He looks around carefully like the walls and room will somehow tell him who Remus Lupin really is. Sirius does not feel like he knows Remus well, but he can certainly say this room feels very Remus-y.

He does feel a little uncomfortable here. Not because he has entered without Remus’ knowledge, but rather because it feels like he is intruding on something private – or rather sacred – that belongs to Remus.

Remus notices him though, which is nice, so Sirius does not have to startle him. He looks up from his computer and over his shoulder. If Sirius didn’t know any better he would say that Remus’ face lights up when he sees him.

“Hey you,” He says cheerfully.

“Hey. I didn’t want to disturb you, but Marlene made a big deal out of three meals a day, and I think it is about time you eat something,” Sirius tells him.

Remus looks down at the bowel in Sirius’ hand, surprised. He glares back at the computer to whatever he was doing and then back at Sirius.

“Yeah, you’re probably right. I tend to forget,” He says finally, and Sirius takes it as an invitation to approach Remus, “I am actually kind of hungry”

Sirius places the bowl on the desk carefully, avoiding papers, notes and books. One of the book covers catches his eyes.

‘Pride and Prejudice’ stares back at him. He picks it up. It is a really nice hardcover book with beautiful golden letters.

“Wow, Remus. I did not take you for a Jane Austen fan,” Sirius says and flips it over.

“Oh, I use it a lot. I find inspiration in all places,” Remus explains and takes a bite of his food. He hums content, and Sirius feels a bit proud from the fact that Remus likes his cooking. He feels all warm on the inside.

“Inspiration? For your music?” Sirius asks and raises an eyebrow. It sounds odd to him. Feeling inspired to write music from a simple book. Sirius realises he really does not know anything about music or making of it.

“Yes. For lyrics and such,” He explains and Sirius nods.

“Ah. Makes sense,” He says although it doesn’t really make sense to him. He doesn’t understand it at all.

Remus doesn’t press it. Instead he looks thoughtfully at something on his screen. “I always liked playing music. But you know, writing the music and the lyrics… It just speaks to me differently I think,” Remus says, and then quickly looks back at Sirius. He looks surprised by his own words. Like he spoke a deep and dark secret to Sirius. It feels like a confession.

“Uh..” Sirius says, not sure what to say.

“Sorry, I don’t- I didn’t mean- I don’t know why I said that,” Remus looks panicked now, “It’s not that I don’t- I like playing music. The fans matter to me, you know. I’m not say that- sometimes it is just- I am grateful for what I do”

Remus is now rambling and looking unsettled, and Sirius feels as if it is his fault. He did not force Remus to admit anything to him, but it still feels like Remus told him something he wasn’t supposed to know. Maybe this is why Marlene cared so much about the NDA.

“Hey, it’s okay,” He says to calm Remus down.

“I’m sorry. I should not have said that,” Remus says a little less panicked now.

“It really is okay. It is the same for me I think,” Sirius explains, “I don’t know. I enjoy cooking - the process of it and all. But I am not particularly fond of anyone telling me what to do. So, I enjoy the cooking aspect but not so much the following recipes part”

Remus nods solemnly as if he is carefully considering Sirius’ words. He continues to scuff down the food.

“Does that make sense? I mean, it is not entirely the same… but yeah…” Sirius backtracks. He is not trying to convince Remus that their line of work is the same. He doesn’t even know Remus that well.

Remus doesn’t respond right away. Instead he continues to eat and look at his computer screen thoughtfully. Sirius takes that as a cue to leave and puts the book back on the table. He is about to turn around and leave Remus to it, when Remus speaks to him. His words catching Sirius off guard, “What do you do when you lack inspiration?”

Sirius raises an eyebrow.

“Like when you don’t know what to cook? How do you figure it out?” Remus asks and looks back up at Sirius.

“Uh, I don’t know,” Sirius says but knows immediately that it is a weak answer.

Of course he has days where he doesn’t know what to cook, and feels so uninspired that he eats a frozen pizza or even cup noodles out of the packaging – not that he would ever admit this.

“I suppose.. I suppose I will look elsewhere for inspiration. I like going to the food market, or really just any market for that matter. Or watching other chefs cook, read cookbooks, or sometimes I even treat myself to a nice restaurant,” Sirius explains.

The restaurant part is rare. Money is tight at the moment and eating out is so expensive.

“Yeah, I do something similar. Just.. Reading a lot, listening to others music. That kind of thing,” Remus says. Sirius thinks he looks a little sad.

It doesn’t happen often that Sirius feels uninspired, he hates when it does happen. It makes him realise how awful Remus must feel if he truly is in a creative slump. Remus is world famous after all and has so many fans, not to mention people and staff, relying on him. Both Lily, Marlene and Sirius himself are relying on Remus’ income. He can not imagine the kind of pressure Remus is under with his manager and fans asking him to produce something new and even better.

All of these thoughts make Sirius say, “I think most of all, it is really just about accepting the circumstances”

Remus looks up at him and Sirius thinks of it as an invitation to continue, “You don’t always have to write or cook something new and revolutionary. Sometimes it is okay to just be. To not do anything, and accept that you do not feel inspired at the moment. If anything, I think it is better than trying to force it”

The room feels very warm now. It is probably the most intimate conversation they have ever had. It is not uncomfortable though. Sirius doesn’t have the itch to crack a joke or say something stupid to lighten the mood, which he would typically do. No, this is nice. As the silence falls upon them, Sirius does not feel anxious to break it. It is natural for him. Strangely natural. Sirius can not remember the last time he was this comfortable with someone he barely knows.

He wonders if Remus feels the same.

Remus is the one to finally speak up, “I like that”

He leans back in his chair, looking a lot more comfortable and satisfied then when Sirius first walked in.

“Well, I will leave you to it. Whatever it is you are doing,” Sirius says and gestures to the screen where Remus is working on something

It feels good to leave Remus like this. Perfect really. They had a nice and surprisingly heartfelt talk, and it seems like Remus is accepting or at least considering the perspective that Sirius gave him. Sirius heads for the door, and he is almost out of the room when he hears Remus call his name.

“Yeah?” He asks Remus and sends him a soft smile.

“Uh, I wanted to…” Remus says suddenly looking a little put on the spot, like he forgot what he wanted to say. “Uhm- Thank you” Remus says finally, but Sirius can tell that is not what he wanted to say.

“You’re welcome,” He says with a shrug. He is not gonna press this further.

Sirius heads back to the kitchen. He hurries down the stairs so the nice pictures of Remus can not distract him.

The rest of the day is rather uneventful. Lily leaves some time later and after a quick chat she invites him to dinner with her and James the following Sunday.

He cuts up some vegetables and makes a hummus with sundried tomatoes he found in the fridge, and brings it up to Remus’ office for an afternoon snack. Remus is buried deep in a book in front of his computer and with the headset on. He barely registers that Sirius brings him something. Sirius was not sure if Remus would even eat it. However, when he emerges for dinner, hours later, Remus brings the empty plate with him.

Sirius serves him dinner in the kitchen, just like he had for breakfast, but does not have a chance to really talk with Remus as Marlene shows up. Sirius serves her a bowl as well of the warm chicken soup with sourdough bread from breakfast. She seems very content with the free meal, but barely acknowledges Sirius’ presence. Instead she and Remus intensely discuss Remus’ - apparently - upcoming album. Out of politeness, and partly due to a certain NDA, Sirius decided to tune it out and keep himself busy. He is finally beginning to understand why Lily would never share anything with him or James.

As Sirius heads home for the day he feels a strange sense of completion. He has not had this great a work-day in ages. He would usually stress about work and maybe even smoke a few cigarettes, but today he has not even smoked once. Sirius simply forgot about it.