Someone New

There was a dull emptiness in Evan’s dorm. Emmeline had gone grocery shopping, and despite the fact that she’d be back soon, he felt lonely. It reminded him of those times he was wrapped in heavy blankets and yet, his blood felt cold. He shivered then, and his mother asked him why he was cold. It’s something inside me, he said, and she had laughed, standing up to get more blankets. In the end, he just made some hot cocoa for himself, letting the warmth spread from the inside out. He believed that was how things were meant to be. Good things never spread from the outside in. Never. Evan had forgotten that, though, the same way he’d forgotten to ask Emmeline to buy hot cocoa powder. He could have tried to call her, but he figured it was too late. Another time, he told himself, and curled up on his bed with a blanket. 

“I’m back!” Emmeline sung. Evan had fallen asleep, but he never slept deep enough for sounds to not wake him up. “Oh, sorry.” 
He yawned as he sat up. “No problem. Need help putting everything in place?” 
“Sure. I’ll take them out of the bags.” 

The first part of their organisation was nice and peaceful. They laughed about things their friends had said and complained about their professors. Then, Emmeline got a call. It was from Mary. Mary and Emmeline had been close during middle school, and even throughout Emmeline’s high school years in France (that was how she met Evan), they always talked. Evan knew he was going to be organising by himself, because Emmeline had already picked up the phone and walked towards her bed. He didn’t mind, though. He knew she would have done the same if it were him calling, and he found it peaceful to clean stuff up by himself. He grabbed his headphones and phone, listening to Crash My Car by COIN, wishing their fridge wasn’t as small as it was. His parents were planning on buying him a bigger one, but his mother didn’t remember things well, and his father was always busy. 

Evan heard some vague voice and took off his headphones. Emmeline had been speaking. 
“What’s wrong?” Evan asked, his eyebrows furrowing. 
“Marls isn’t doing well.” 
“Because of what happened last week?”
“Exactly. It was horrible, Ev. Anyway, Marlene’s been rotting in bed for who knows how long. Mind if I give her a bit of our candy stash?” 
“Sure. You think she’s gonna be okay?” Dorcas was one of Evan’s best friends, despite not really knowing her for long. Still, he worried for Marlene. 
“Don’t worry about it. She always gets back up. She just needs time and a whole lot of candy.” 
Evan smiled and Emmeline rushed out of their dorm with candy stuffed between her knuckles. 

Again. The room was empty. Evan hated that feeling. He hated it even more because this fated day was likely going to be the messiest day of the year. The entire weekend, actually. Parents Weekend was not for the weak. Actually, it was for the     non-traumatised. Evan’s parents weren’t exactly horrible, not in the way Regulus’s parents were. They tried; the only issue was their version of trying hurt. It involved frequent fights and slight threats that would never be carried out, but still scared Evan. He knew it was unfair to compare family situations, but sometimes, he felt as though he was just as ungrateful as he was delusional. Maybe his parents were good and he was overdramatic. And sometimes, (he felt particularly bad about this), he wished his parents had been worse. He knew it was a bad wish. He knew he would’ve regretted it if it had been answered, but at least there was a slight clarity in knowing ‘yes, my parents suck, yes, I can curse them all I want.’ Evan’s parents had mastered the art of being just in between, and so had he. They would bite, only to soothe the wound and convince him they wouldn’t have bitten at all if he hadn’t done this one thing, or said this one statement. But if his parents healed the wounds they, themselves, had created so well, there was no problem, right? 

His phone rang, and he looked to see who it was. Dorcas. Huh. He picked up. 
“Come to my dorm. Now.” 
Well, that was slightly threatening. He wondered what had happened. “On my way.” 

Regulus was curled up in a ball on the floor. Pandora had a hand on his shoulder, rubbing it back and forth. Dorcas was pacing. Barty was there, cursing the Blacks. It was pure chaos. Still, Evan needed to make sure Regulus was okay. The boy probably didn’t exactly love the idea of Parents Weekend, either. Evan ran over to the other side of Regulus, ducking his head as far is it could go to see just how many tears had been shed. A lot, apparently. 

“Reg, what’s going on?” he asked. 
A sniffle was all that came out. Evan looked at Dorcas and she mouthed ‘parents.’ Well, that was clear, of course. Nothing else could have made Regulus that upset. He raised his eyebrows even more and she just shrugged. Pandora seemed to only have a vague idea of what had happened, and Barty was too feral for any inquiring. Evan walked away, telling Regulus he’d be back. The head of short curls gave the slightest nod that Evan could’ve missed it. Pandora rubbed his shoulder even more. 

Evan returned with a cup of tea. To others, it would’ve seemed like a small gesture, but to Regulus, it wasn’t. Regulus liked chai with the smallest ever drop of honey. Too little, and he winced at the taste. Too much, and he would spit it out. Growing up, Regulus only ever had English tea or coffee (his parents told him it would help him stay up late to study). The first time he drank chai, he was with James. He added some honey, which James furrowed his eyebrows at, and that first day, it was the perfect amount. Regulus struggled to find that perfect amount again. It was always eyeballed, but Evan had managed to master it. 

He handed the cup to Regulus, holding it by the handle because Regulus liked to wrap his hands around the cup to drink it. It warms me up, he told Evan. More like burns you, he had replied, and he still stood by his point. 
“Want me to call James?” Evan tried. 
Regulus instantly shot up with his bloodshot eyes, shaking his head. “No. He can’t see me like this too often. He won’t want me anymore.” 
“Hey, that’s not true,” Pandora said with a tone that was both scolding and gentle. “He’ll always love you, Reggie. Should we call him or not?” 
He shook his head again and took a sip of his tea. “Can we just-just sit here? Nothing else. Just sit here with me.” 

Dorcas stopped her pacing and sat down next to Evan while Barty took his place beside Pandora. The five of them sat there in complete silence as Regulus drank tea, and Evan felt that Parents Weekend wasn’t really necessary when his actual family was already right here. 

A week had passed since the party, and the next day was when Marlene would have to try her very best to beat the Ravenclaws in the basketball tournament. If she beat them, she’d be competing against either the Hufflepuffs or Slytherins. The old her would have hoped to play against the Slytherins, but she didn’t want to see Dorcas Meadowes. Not after what had happened. She knew it wasn’t fully her fault. Hogwarts shouldn’t have published that article in the first place. But still, Dorcas had been trying her best to try to get them out of the mess, and Marlene had messed it up. If she were a better person, she would’ve instantly contacted Rita and apologised on behalf of the both of them. She would have begged for another chance. But something about her refused. She didn’t want to beg for something so basic, something she should have gotten in the first place. And yes, it was also because she hadn’t left her bed in about a week. The only time she left was when Mary forced her to, and that was on the basis of regular hygiene that Marlene had ignored for three days until Mary had decided it was enough.

Now, Emmeline was in their room, laying out candy on Marlene’s bed. 
“Come on,” Emmeline said. “I know you want them.” 
Marlene let out a small smile. Too big of a smile and the other girl might expect her to start dancing. She’d always hated it when people’s expectations for her were too high. Although, dragging those expectations down definitely wasn’t a good choice either. She sat up and grabbed a lollipop before handing it to Emmeline to unwrap it. Mary was at a shoot, which she had offered to cancel until Marlene asked her if she was insane and shooed her out the door. 

“You’re going to do great, you know,” Emmeline started. She was talking about the tournament. Marlene could have sworn the girl could read minds. Or maybe her, Mary, and Marlene had spent all of their middle school years together until Emmeline left for France. “Forget about…what happened. That’s in the past, and it wasn’t your fault. Everything will be perfectly fine. Just pretend everything is normal and you’ll do amazing.” 
“But it feels like it was my fault. How am I supposed to focus on playing basketball when I don’t know if I’ll get to continue?” 
“You will. Trust me. Nothing’s changed, Marls. That party’s just a bump in a long, long road. Do that thing you always do. Zone in on the tournament and don’t think about anything else.” 
Marlene took the unwrapped lollipop from Emmeline. “I can’t. It’s just constantly there in my fucking head. Like, I just need it to be done with. Am I out of here or not? But it’s too complicated and I have a sliver of hope that could very possibly be crushed soon. What am I supposed to do with that, y’know?” 
“I can ask around to see if any of the professors have information.” 
“No, don’t. They probably don’t know anything anyway. I’m just…tired.” 

That was it. It was such a simple word, but it encapsulated how Marlene felt perfectly. She was tired. She was tired of people and parties and articles and Rita and Hogwarts and everything. She didn’t even want to fix anything anymore. In fact, she wanted to wreck everything. She wanted to walk up to wherever the hell those geeks wrote those articles and break their computers with a baseball bat. But that wasn’t gonna happen. Because the last time Marlene had let her emotions get the best of her, she’d lost an opportunity to fix everything. Still, a part of her did wonder if it was worth trying to patch up something that was so clearly broken. What other option did she have, though? She wanted to go professional with basketball, and this was the only available path at the moment. All she could do was beat every other team and impress some scout. Or not. Maybe it’d all be for nothing and she’d be sent back home and she’d get a chorus of ‘I told you so’s. 

“So…Parent’s Weekend,” Emmeline started. “Your parents coming?” 
Marlene cringed. “Yeah. Tried to keep it a secret from them, but I think Hogwarts sent an email to them or something. This school gets on my nerves.” 
Emmeline giggled. “Every damn day.” 
“Which of my brothers do you think they’ll praise the most? I’m betting on Car.” 
“No way. It’s definitely gonna be Archie. They love that arsehole.” 
“Well, said arsehole is getting into basketball, too. They’re gonna point at me tomorrow and say he could do it better, I just know it.” 
Emmeline placed a hand on Marlene’s. “Well, they’re also going to be dead wrong, yeah? And I want you to prove them wrong. You’re the captain. You can do it.” 
“Geez, Em, you should start a podcast.” 

Emmeline sent her that scolding look she always did when Marlene tried to make a joke out of something serious. And Marlene could do nothing but focus on her lollipop. 

Eventually, Emmeline had to leave for class, planting a kiss on Marlene’s cheek and rushing out of the dorm. That meant she was stuck with her own thoughts for half an hour until her parents arrived. Then again, her parents were the type of people who’d always be not-so-fashionably-late at every damned event they turned up to. Hell, she’d be surprised if they even made it to her basketball tournament in time. She rolled her eyes at the very thought and wondered if it felt good to be appreciated, only to feel guilty afterwards. She was appreciated plenty. She had been appreciated when she was ‘discovered’ by some journalist who’d visited her neighbourhood. She had been appreciated when she got a scholarship to Hogwarts. 

“This is dumb,” she murmured to herself, letting her head roll off her bed and wondering what it’d feel like for all the blood to rush to her head and to just go numb. Just. Still. For the world to keep spinning at it’s cruel speed without her.
Please don’t hurt yourself. Other people are already there to hurt you anyway, Mary had once said to her on a dark night during high school. Marlene let out a bitter laugh. It was a twisted sound. But she let her head roll back onto her bed and continued sucking on her lollipop. 

When she went on her phone, she noticed some new messages from her mother.

mum

mum

On our way!

I brought some leftovers from dinner

Shepherd’s pie!

marls

thanks 

She replied scarily quick. 

mum

Am I going to see any new friends of yours?

marls

sure

mum

Thinking of introducing Archie to the founder

Albus Dumbledore, right?

You’d introduce him for us, won’t you?

marls

ill try

i’ll*

Marlene sighed at her phone. What she’d really wanted to say was, No, mummy dearest, I can’t introduce you to that disgusting founder, because his school’s official article team wrote some shit about me in their latest article, so I’m pretty sure he doesn’t give a single fuck about me or any of my brothers. And no, I don’t want the shepherd’s pie my brothers have buried their faces in. Gross. But, of course, that would deem her as a ‘troublesome daughter,’ and so she shut up for once and corrected her punctuation in case her mother went through the lengths of calling her just to know what an ‘ill try’ is and if it was meant to offend her. 

Her thoughts were doing a perfect job of distracting her when she got another text. 

mum

We’re here!!! So excited to see you 🎉

What? Marlene looked over the text eleven times in total before closing her phone. She did the only thing she could do and rushed out of her dorm, sprinting across all the hallways of the massive Gryffindor dorm building, right to Peter and Remus’s dorm. James was hanging out somewhere with Sirius and Lily. 

The first thing she did after coming into the dorm was close the door. Then, her rant started. 
“I mean, really, who the fuck says ‘on my way!’ like goddamn Pinkie Pie and then say you’ve literally just arrived? What?! I’d at least expected some time to prepare for all the bull-” 
“Marls, slow down, please,” Peter said, leaping up from his bed. He got visibly startled. “Wow, you look…”
“Shut up. Haven’t been sleeping well.” 
A quick nod came. “Right, right. Anyway, sit down and explain, yeah?” 
Remus got up from the one chair they had in their tiny dorm and offered it to her, stopping the record player that had been playing music before. Starman…? Her brain was too muddled to know. 

Marlene leaned her head back on the back of the chair. Tears had formed in her eyes, so she just kept staring up. She’d never learnt how to control her tears. The same thing went for a lot of things, but that was a thought for another day. Remus noticed what she was trying to do and nudged her head down, urging her to let the tears flow. Peter looked for a tissue box in the room, which, of course, they did not have. 

“My parents…they’re here,” she finally sputtered out. “I-I didn’t even have any time to prepare, y’know? I thought I’d be okay. Like…really okay. But I’m not.” 
Peter sat down on the floor and put his back against her legs. “That’s alright, Marls. You don’t need to be okay with it. You don’t even have to go through it. Moony and I will send them back. We’ll flex our muscles and everything. They won’t even come near you.” 
Remus shook his head with a grin and Marlene let out a wet laugh. 
“I think I do want to see them, though. Just to see how they are. I don’t know. Is that dumb? Like, I miss their presence but I don’t miss their stupid words.” 
“It’s perfectly normal,” Peter replied, his eyebrows furrowing. “You just needed a bit of time to get yourself together, and they didn’t give you that, yeah?” 
“We’ll delay them seeing you as much as we can, Marls,” Remus continued. “You don’t need to go down there and see them immediately.” 

Marlene thought about it. She supposed they were right. No matter how long she waited, her family would always make her a tad bit uneasy. She could never get rid of them, and she didn’t think she ever could, but she could at least make sure her shield was on to face them. Then again, spend too much time putting on the armour and the battle just comes to you. Not that her family life needed to be a battle. It just was. There was nothing she could do about it except fight. And if she bled out on the ground, at least there’d be some bandages and the privilege of running to her friends whenever she wanted. 

“So, you want us to go out there and distract them?” Remus asked, patting away her tears with the sleeve of his sweater. 
Marlene shook her head and rolled back her shoulders. “Nah. I’ll do it myself.” 
Peter laughed. “There you go. Well, the opportunity will always be here.” He stood up and held out his hand for her. She grabbed it and got up, feeling at least a bit of hope in her. It’d be okay. A little messy, sure, but okay. 

The first comment was about her body. 

“You’re getting a little…fuller,” her mum said. “Don’t just eat everything they feed you.” 
“She’s gonna be making a dent in the stage by the time she graduates,” Ian, her youngest brother, snickered to Carson. She heard it. Of course she did. And all she could do is run a middle finger through her hair, which made her feel even worse, because they didn’t even seem to notice. 

It was confusing, having people say things about your body. Marlene had always been naturally skinny - it ran in the family, she supposed. Her metabolism was pretty slow, but she trained pretty hard for basketball, anyway, so there was never much to worry about. But when you turn a certain age in a family like hers (whether that be ten or thirteen), small little statements about your appearances are suddenly justified. It drove Marlene insane. One day, her mum would say she needed to lose weight, then the next, an aunt would say she was all skin and bones. Up until Marlene was seventeen, she’d had major body dysmorphia, and it still returned every once in while. Mirrors scared her. Weighing scales scared her. Swimsuits scared her. Everything was a cruel monster trying to tear apart her body and nitpick all her flaws in her eyes. 

When she was fifteen, she tried to love herself a little more. She’d journal and take those rose petal baths everyone kept talking about. She’d repeat affirmations (those actually sort of worked when it didn’t make her feel silly). But all of it shattered when she went to a family gathering. Like a mirror. It was ironic, how she broke apart just as easily as the one thing she hated and avoided at all costs. Seven months later, she tried again. This time, she got rid of all the mirrors in her room and didn’t go to any gatherings. She had full meals for once in her life. The only time she exercised was when she played basketball or walked around the block. She had constant relapses. Mary always helped her through them, because she felt too ashamed to admit any of it to James or Peter. When she turned sixteen, she had a major relapse, when she looked in a mirror again and realised her body hadn’t turned perfect. All her life, it was do unhealthy things until you’re perfect. But when she tried to heal, it was do healthy things until you’re perfect. And maybe they were all wrong. Maybe she’d taken the message the wrong way. She didn’t know or care. But she learnt (from Mary), that bodies are bodies and yes, Marlene was being healthier, but it would never be ‘perfect.’ Whether she starved or binged or had a healthy diet.

But now, her mother was back at it again, making her usual comments. And instead of Marlene wanting to change her body, she just wanted to yell at her mum. She was grateful for it. 

“So, where’s Mr. Dumbledore?” her dad asked. “We dressed our Archie up for this meeting.” 
Marlene wanted to laugh straight in their faces. ‘Our Archie’ was a 20-year-old grown man who’d taken too many gap years and now suddenly wanted to ‘pursue’ basketball. Of course, her entire family decided that Hogwarts would be the best place to provide that future for him. Her dreams were silly until someone else shared them. 
“Well?” her mum insisted. 
“Uh, he’s gonna give a speech soon. I guess I could try to introduce you all to him then? He probably doesn’t know me that well.” 
“Nonsense. You’re captain of a basketball team.” 
Marlene just nodded and led them back outside, onto the courtyard. 

“Oh! Look at that,” her mum exclaimed. “Em’s parents are here, too. Where is that girl?” 
“I think she’s still in class,” Marlene explained. 
“Well, best keep them company, then.” Her dad nodded in agreement and they all headed there, Marlene staying behind. Her mum gave a hearty laugh at something Emmeline’s mum had said, and Marlene didn’t know how to feel. Some part of her wanted to believe that they’d call her over. Or maybe when they’d first met again, her parents would hug her and tell her how much they’d missed her. But those were just her silly delusions. 

Marlene suddenly spotted a head of dark braids, glinting in the sunlight with a bit of silver in them. Her eyes widened as she made eye contact with Dorcas Meadowes. She was carrying a few books and wearing a black dress. That made sense. A lot of people dressed up for Parents’ Weekend, though Marlene didn’t know anyone who dressed up even before the dinner they were all going to have. She had the urge to run over there and apologise, begging to help out in any and every way. Yet, despite all that, her feet were glued to the grass. It sucked. And then, Dorcas Meadowes was walking up to her. Fear struck her bones. 

“I’m sorry,” she said instantly. “Really. I fucked it all up and I swear I didn’t know. I-I just sort of assumed you were doing it for yourself because, well…yeah. But I’m willing to try if you’ll let me and-” 
“I skipped your part of the article,” Dorcas interrupted her. 
Marlene’s eyebrows stitched together. Shit. Was she homophobic? “Uh, what?” 
“I skipped your part of the article. My friends told me to read the article and I was obviously very focused on what they’d said about me, so I wasn’t going to read a bunch of paragraphs about someone else. So, I skipped your part.” 
“Oh. I mean, yeah, but-” 
“I haven’t finished. I read your part after the party.” 
Shitshitshit. “Oh.” 
“I didn’t know they said that about you. So…it makes sense, I guess. What you did. I mean, I wouldn’t have done that, but still.” 
“Oh.” 
Dorcas looked annoyed, but honestly, what was Marlene supposed to do? “Geez, McKinnon. You’re really oblivious.” 
“Huh?” 
“I’m trying to apologise, you dimwit.” 

Well, Marlene hadn’t been expecting that. The only options in her mind were either homophobic and classist micro aggressions, or Dorcas waving a rainbow flag with a badge that said ‘ALLY!!!’ Instead, it was more like a white flag. A sign of peace. Marlene let out a smile. Then, something clicked. She had no new friends. All the girls in her team looked at her like some alien and everyone else avoided her. And she couldn’t exactly tell her parents her only friends were the ones she’d had in high school. Her brothers would laugh at her and never let her live it down. 

“Hey, are we friends?” Marlene asked hopefully, her eyes bright. 
Dorcas smiled. “Oh yeah, totally. I’ll invite you to my dorm and we’ll run around naked together while chanting a friendship ritual. Do you get nauseous when you see blood? It’s sort of necessary. Oh, and we’ll get really cute matching necklaces that say ‘Best friends forever.’” 
“I hate you.” 
The smile turned to a scowl. “Your fault for asking. We’re civil, not friends.” 
“Okay, well, can you at least pretend to be my friend in front of my parents?” 
“Are you dumb?” 
“You’re a good actress.” 
“Not good enough for…this.” 
“Oh for fuck’s sake. It’s one weekend. And plus, don’t you want to prove Rita and all those other snakes wrong?” Dorcas raised her eyebrows. “Sorry. I mean…eels?” 

Marlene and Dorcas stared at each other for a good minute until Dorcas spoke. “Why do you want me to pretend to be your friend?” 
“Does it matter?” 
“Yes. I want to know what I’m getting myself into.” 
“I told my parents that I had new friends. And everyone except my old friends seem to look at me like a warning sign.” 
Dorcas seemed to be surprised at the lack of pride Marlene had. Then again, that was more of a Slytherin trait, and if a Gryffindor wasn’t brave, what were they? “Okay.” 
Marlene didn’t know if she was dreaming. “Really?” 
“Yes. Don’t make me regret it.” 

The two of them waited for Marlene’s parents to finish their conversation with Emmeline’s parents. Then, her parents came over to Marlene, and they both got up. 

“So, is this a new friend of yours?” her dad asked. He seemed confused as to how they became friends as his eyes darted between the two of them. That made sense. Marlene was wearing a band shirt with pajama bottoms and Dorcas looked like she belonged on a runway. 
“Yep,” Marlene said with the biggest smile she could muster up. 
“It’s so nice to meet all of you!” Dorcas exclaimed with an even bigger smile and hugged both of Marlene’s parents. “Marls tells me so much about her family. I see good genes run in the family.” 
Geez, is pride really a Slytherin trait? They don’t need more praise. Still, her parents laughed and her brothers blushed. And Marlene hated that she was no better than them. The girl had charm, what could she say? 

“How did you two meet?” her mum asked. “You two are such a strange pair. I never would have thought her friend would be so sophisticated.” 
Dorcas’s smile turned even sweeter. “We’re both basketball team captains. I’m on the Slytherin team. I’m looking forward to beating her.” A wink. She winked at Marlene’s fucking parents. She had to stifle a sigh. 
“Well, I doubt you’ll have to worry much. Marls has always been a bit of clutz.” 
“Oh, I know. And her dorm room is such a mess. Was it always that way since she lived with all of you?” 
It was like experiencing that one teacher’s pet talk to her parents. Marlene wanted to rip off her ears. Then again, this is what she got for asking Dorcas Meadowes to help her. 

“She’s always been like that,” Marlene’s dad sighed with a shake of his head. “We’re team Gryffindor, of course, but we worry we won’t be celebrating. I hear the Ravenclaw team captain is quite good, too.” 
“See, we wouldn’t be worrying if it were Archie as the captain,” her mum continued, putting a hand on Archie’s shoulder. “He’s always had such precision.” 
Dorcas glanced at him. “Oh, I’m sure.” Marlene wanted to vomit. Archie’s face turned red. He’d always been popular with girls, but Dorcas was…well, Dorcas. And those silver beads in her hair-
“Oh, dear, we forgot to ask your name,” Marlene’s mum interrupted her thoughts. She got a glare from her mum. “Marls, you really should have introduced us from the get-go.” 
“Yes,” Dorcas agreed. “Really very impolite of you, Marls.” She turned back to Marlene’s parents. “I’m Dorcas Meadowes.” 
“Dorcas. What a nice name.” 

“Tell me, Dorcas, how has Marlene been doing?” Marlene’s dad asked. Because, of course, the correct person to ask was a new friend of hers, and not Marlene herself. That made perfect sense. 
“Oh, great,” Dorcas said. “I mean, she tends to get carried away with some things-” 
“Food?” her mum interrupted Dorcas. 
Dorcas laughed. “Oh yeah, out of all the things she could get carried away with, it’s definitely food. Yep, just stuffing her face, our Marls-.” Nonononono.
Her mum glared at Marlene. “God, I knew it.” 
Dorcas’s eyebrows furrowed. “Uh, pardon?” 
“We told her to at least maintain herself but-” 
“No, I was being sarcastic. I don’t really know about Marlene’s eating patterns so I wouldn’t be able to speak-” 
“Yes, but I know. Y’know, she once-” 

Marlene’s brain shut off and went into a state of fight or flight. “I need to go. To the loo.” 
Carson laughed. “No need to tell us that.” 
“I think I’ll join her,” Dorcas said. 
“No. Don’t. It’s fine.” 

Marlene ran away and she could hear her parents laughing, asking if she really needed to go that badly. Then, she heard the clicks of heels on the pavement. Damn it. She ran even faster, clutching her stomach. 
“Wait!” Dorcas called out, and Marlene didn’t listen. That was, until, she felt a hand on her shoulder. 
Marlene turned around. “How’d you get here so fast?” She glanced down at Dorcas’s heels. 
“Uh, I don’t know. Doesn’t matter. I don’t-I didn’t know they were like that. I was just teasing and then, whatever the hell that was happened. I didn’t know, Ma-” 
“It’s fine. I’m fine. I’m over all that.” It was a half-truth.  She was over all that, but was she really fine? 
“I shouldn’t have teased without knowing anything. Really. I’m sorry.” 
Marlene laughed, but there was no humour in it. “Second time today. Should I be flattered?” 

And she left. Because now someone who was basically her biggest competition knew about one of her many old wounds.    But if it was old, why did it sting so much?

Evan’s skin crawled as he felt his father’s overly tight hug and his mother’s overly proud eyes. He wished he had something to show for it. To prove that the overwhelming amount of faith his parents had put in him wasn’t wasted. Then, he watched his father hug Pandora as though she were a butterfly and he didn’t want her wings to break. Their mother glanced at her with worry. I hate this.

“Dora, deary, are you sleeping well?” their mother asked Pandora. 
“Yep,” Pandora replied, pressing her lips together in a line. She always did that when feeling awkward. 
“Eating well? Studying well? Of course, don’t work yourself too hard. Are you sure about all this, anyway? Is that Meadowes girl nice to you? Your father and I were thinking you should at least live with us. Besides, art is such a trifle subject that you really don’t need to worry about-” 
“She’s fine, Mother,” Evan interrupted her before she crushed Pandora’s heart. 
“Art?” Pandora asked, her voice nothing but a whisper. 
“She takes chemistry.” 

Their parents stared at each other for a while. Their father spoke first. “I could have sworn it was art. Last time, it was art, n was it not?” 
“Yeah, in high school,” Pandora answered, quieter than usual. “I wanted to pursue art.” Until they told her that if she was going to pursue art, out of all things, she might as well just live with them and not go to university, Evan finished the sentence bitterly. But, Pandora, making light of things, had turned her interests to chemistry. 
“Well, good for you,” their mother said, a bit awkwardly. “Evan, how about you? Is our star shining as brightly as always?” 
Evan laughed. “I wouldn’t know about that.” 
“Don’t be so humble,” their father scoffed. “You’re a genius. Do all the professors rave about you and your intelligence?” He looked to his wife. “Just like his father, I tell you.” 
“More like his mother,” she argued. 
“Who’s the one that graduated with a phD?” 

The air grew tense. Evan and Pandora glanced at each other. Their mother had paused her education for them, and when she was ready to go back, everyone had told her it was too late. Evan had a feeling she still resented them for that. 

“Evan, you’re not taking any sports, I hear?” their mother asked, breaking the silence. “You’d absolutely nail it.” 
“I doubt that,” a voice came from behind. Rich but raspy. Barty. 
“Barty Crouch!” their father exclaimed as he rushed to shake the boy’s hand. 
“Junior, Sir. Not quite old enough for anything but.” How refined, Evan thought with a scoff. 
“Goodness, where are your parents?” 
“At work, Sir. I hope the two of you will stay for the basketball tournament tomorrow?” 
“Of course, of course.” 
“Wouldn’t miss it for the world,” their mother added. 

“Evan, come over here,” their father called him over. “This is Barty Crouch Jr. He’s also a psychology major.” 
Just as Evan was about to say, “Nice to meet you,” Barty said, “We’ve already met each other, actually.” 
“Well, that’s splendid, isn’t it? Are you two close friends already?” 
Silence. Then Evan said, “Not too close, but we’re great friends. I’m sure we’ll get closer with time.” Barty gave a sugary smile to Evan’s parents. 
“Y’know, Barty’s rather skilled at basketball. Slytherin captain, I hear?” 
“That’s right, Sir.” 
“Of course, our Evan is quite talented, too. He’s always been the top of his class and we wouldn’t be surprised if he still was even here. Always winning awards, our son.” 
Barty smirked directly at Evan. And Evan knew he had messed up. “Actually, Mr. Rosier, it seems your son has been faltering. I’m the top of our class.” He directed this question at Evan, his eyes sharp and mocking. “Did you not tell them that?” 

Evan wanted to scratch Barty’s eyes out. No, Evan had not told them that. No, he was not planning to do so anytime soon. But how could he? His parents had went from rags to riches and back and forth throughout their entire life just for him. His father fought nail and tooth for his own education, and his mother barely even had one. Their love story was barely even a love story; it was an upper-class girl betting on a lower-class guy and losing. Losing everything. 
Barty Crouch Jr. wouldn’t have understood. 

“Well, they only just arrived,” Evan excused himself with a light, humourous tone. “Best not to worry them with news of a few bumps along the road.” 
Barty’s eyebrows stitched together. He looked amused. 
“Well, I’m glad there’s some competition for Evan,” Evan’s mother interjected. By the way she looked at him, though, it was as if she expected said competition to last a day before Evan won. 
“Yes, he might grow lazy,” his father agreed. 
“I’ll be the best possible rival I can be,” Barty said, winking at Evan. Those lashes did not belong on a person like him. Wasn’t he blessed enough already? 

Eventually, Barty left, and Evan rushed off to Pandora, a protective arm around her shoulder as he prepared for some scolding from his parents. 
“You know, I still heard everything,” Pandora whispered to him. “Should have just called me over, then I would have at least heard the words better.” 
Evan chuckled, stopping as soon their parents came towards them. 

“What a bright boy,” their mother sighed in adoration. “Even despite the piercings.” 
Their father cringed. “They must trouble him while he’s playing, right, Evan?” 
“No,” Evan answered, his patience wearing thin from all the questions. 
“You should be more like him. He’s very talented. A child like that, and I could easily be in his father’s position.” 
That didn’t make sense to Evan. The Crouches were often frowned upon for being new money ‘fakes.’ It didn’t really-
“Well, we’re going to mingle with everyone, alright?” their mother declared bending her neck around. “Oh, is that Emmeline’s parents?” And she dragged their father along to greet everyone. 

Evan felt another dull emptiness wash through him. He felt as though he was a hollow carcass and the flesh inside him had been stolen from him. Give it back, he thought to himself, not knowing who it was directed to. I don’t need you to praise it, just give it back. It’s not worshipping if it’s unwanted. He wished he had been different as a child. He wished that all those special lessons for ‘gifted’ students had been directed at someone else. Or maybe they didn’t exist entirely. All of it made him feel like a fraud. And what could a fraud do when a real talent came over and took away his title? Say that it was unfair? Say that he deserved it more, only because he’d been doing it for longer? In a way, Evan thought it was unfair. As far as he knew, and based on the way Barty lived as though there was no tomorrow, Barty Crouch Jr. couldn’t care less about his success. Where was the justice in giving someone a prize that would sit on a shelf and collect dust when someone who’d have worshipped it was standing right there, on the podium for second place? Then, he recalled his previous thought. It’s not worshipping if it’s unwanted. And if Evan was unwanted, then fuck it. What was he to do? 

“I know it’s hard,” Pandora told him, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder. “They fucking suck sometimes. Doesn’t mean they’re not our parents, though.” 
“As if that makes everything better.” Blood was thicker than water, yes, but that only made it more suffocating. 
“It does, Ev. You just don’t…There’s been a lot of pressure on them lately.” That was true. The Rosier family took up a lot of the newspapers lately, especially with both the twins finally carrying their parents’ legacy of attending Hogwarts university. 
He decided to change topics. “Have you seen Reg?” 
Pandora nodded, her expression turning slightly tense. “He’s in his dorm. I told him I’d be back as soon as I finished greeting our parents. You should come. He’ll need the extra comfort.” 
“Let’s go, then. Is Cas coming?” 
“Not sure. She said she would, but I haven’t seen her around.” 
Huh. Dorcas was never late. If anything, she was always abnormally early, especially if it came to her friends. Still, Evan decided not to worry and led the way to Regulus’s dorm. 

“Knock knock,” Evan called, despite the fact that he and Pandora had already entered. 
Regulus was on his bed, his headphones on. He still noticed them, though, and he sat up to smile weakly. Evan motioned for him to take off his headphones as Pandora rushed to his side. They embraced like a mother and son, and Evan smiled. He walked over to the other side of the bed, sitting down right next to Regulus. 

“They’re not coming,” Regulus whispered. “I asked them to, but they said no.” His eyes filled up with tears again. “Why would they say no?” 
“Because they’re fucking idiots,” Evan answered. “But Reg, you’re so loved by all of us. I know it feels like you need them, but you really don’t, yeah?” 
“But they’re my parents.” 
“I get that,” Pandora said, and Evan knew she did. Both his sister and Regulus had a soft spot for their parents, one that they didn’t know how to get rid of. Evan likely had one, too, but he’d always ignored it. In his mind, his was a weak spot. Something that triggered everything bad in his life. 

Suddenly, the door opened again and Barty and Dorcas came stumbling in. Dorcas gave a quick glare towards Barty and instantly rushed to Regulus, engulfing him in a tight hug. 
“I love you. They’re bitches,” she said, and Regulus laughed, his still teary eyes brightening. 
“Exactly,” Evan agreed. “You have us.” 
Regulus nodded, but it was obvious there was something brewing in his mind. 
“Go on,” Barty urged, closing the door behind him as he took his place on Regulus’s bed, too. 
“But-but if I can have all of you guys, why can’t I have them?” 
Barty gave a comforting smile, one that Evan had never seen on him before. “Maybe they’re the ones who can’t have you. They’re the ones who would be privileged to even talk to you.” 
Regulus stayed silent for a while. “I fought with Sirius.” 

An ‘oh’ slipped out of Pandora’s mouth. 
“He didn’t want them to come, did he?” Evan guessed. Sirius seemed to hate their parents in a more consistent way. Regulus’s hate for them wavered on how often they called and which memories visited him in his dreams. 
Regulus shook his head. 
“You two had different experiences, Reg. It’s neither of your guys’ fault. You two will make up eventually.” 
“Is he here?” Dorcas asked. 
“No,” Regulus answered. “James said he and Lily would talk to him. Sirius asked them to go out with him.” 
“He just needs to clear his head,” Barty said, and Pandora nodded in agreement. “Nothing’s going to happen, Reg. You know that, right?” 
“But what if it does?” Regulus whispered, and his voice was so small Evan started to worry even more. “What if my entire world falls apart because of…this?” 
“C’mon. Parents’ Weekend is afraid of us. You and Sirius are basically tied together. You don’t have to worry about him.” 
Regulus sniffled a little and nodded. 

Just as he was about to get up, Remus burst into the room. Lines of worry were etched into his face. He was holding a bunch of dark chocolate bars in both of his arms, cradling them like babies. One Mars bar he must have brought for himself dropped onto the floor, and Barty burst out laughing. Dorcas rolled her eyes and picked up the bar for him. Remus muttered a ‘thanks’ while she poked his rib. 

“You really didn’t need-.” 
“Shut up and take one,” Remus said with a sigh, dropping all of bars onto the bed. “I’m going to go broke.” 
Regulus scoffed as he took a dark chocolate bar from the top of the pile. “I’ll be sure to pay you back.” 
Dorcas handed Remus the Mars bar he’d dropped and he peeled away the packaging as though it was going to be his first meal of the day. 

“You’re late,” Regulus pointed out as he leaned his back on Remus’s arm. “I already finished crying.” 
“Yeah, sorry, I was on an hour-long phone call with my mum,” Remus replied bashfully. “She couldn’t figure out where she had to board the plane. Honestly, I thought her and dad would be stuck in Wales forever.” 
“I love your parents.” 
“Thanks. I just hope they don’t turn out like James’.” 
Regulus laughed. “Not our fault they’re fit.” The boy went silent for a while and inhaled. “Well, this whole ordeal was embarrassing. I hope you all still consider me mysterious.” 
Barty rolled his eyes. “You stopped being mysterious a long time ago.” 
“As soon as I found out you were a sad poetry boy,” Dorcas shook her head in remorse. 
“Those poems are very well-written, I’ll have you know.” 
“Sure.” 

Barty left his and Regulus’s dorm with impatience running through his blood. When are they going to arrive? He thought back to Evan’s family. Fucking perfect, the lot of them. Sure, he’d been a bit of an arse by revealing that Evan was not, in fact, the top of their class. Still, Evan had been a lot of an arse by saying what he did the night of the party. He could have been drunk, but he did tell Barty he handled his alcohol well. Annoyance spiked up in Barty again, until guilt replaced it when he realised Evan very well could have been right. But if Barty was top of the class and a basketball captain, how could he be useless? Knowing you, you’d find a way, a voice that was not his own boomed in his head. He winced, and he noticed his head hurt for a while until the pain faded. 

“Shut up, Father,” he grumbled to himself. A boy who was passing by him looked at him like he was a psychopath, and Barty just glared at him. He ran away to his family; his parents and one young girl who must have been his sister. They embraced warmly, their smiles bright and lively. Barty wondered what he’d done to not have that. He felt like Frankenstein’s monster, perpetually watching others love each other with such faith, while even his own creator could barely look at him. 

Eventually, when he couldn’t take it anymore, he decided to go to the one place he’d feel safe in. He called a cab and spent the entire drive looking out the window, his eyes unblinking. He thought about his friends. He thought about Regulus and slightly wished he’d stayed with him instead, because now heavy raindrops were beating on the car window, and Barty hadn’t brought an umbrella. Still, the rain was forgotten when he felt the stone he considered home. 

“Careful in the rain, boy,” the cab driver called out after Barty paid him. He nodded a thanks for the drive and his call of caution. Barty’s clothes got drenched in the span of one minute as he trudged towards his home. By the time he arrived, his shoes and the bottom of his pants were covered in mud. Normally, he would have cared. Still, material things could be replaced. People could not. If only Father knew that. 

Instantly, he dropped to his knees and sobbed silently in front of his mother’s grave. He laid a hand on her headstone. Even despite the chill of rain and death, it was warm. It was still warm. And that made him sob even more. It was unfair, the way flowers were growing atop the grass that covered her - the same way his father only grew more successful while her lifeless body lay in a casket he had to be coerced into paying for. It left a bitter taste in Barty’s mouth. He’d always known the way of the world was difficult. His mother had always told him, ‘Sometimes, nice people get hurt. But that only helps them grow. Because strong people get back up.’ She had never told him nice people died. And never once in his childhood did she mention that their children would grow so weak they fell to their knees. And they never got back up again. 

A call rang from the pocket of his jacket, and he noticed that his father was calling. His brain was numb and his eyes were sore and he wanted to decline. Still, he picked up, just to see what it was about. 
“When’s the dinner party?” his father asked instantly. 
“Don’t know.” Did he actually know what time it was? Yes. Was it petty? Yes. Did he care? No. 
“God, you little- Anyway, I’m coming to the dinner. I’ll see what I can do about the tournament.” 
“Are you bringing her?” 
“Of course I am. We have to keep up appearances.” 
Barty hung up, and he could’ve sworn he felt his father cursing him. Maybe that was why he did it.