phil is a beast
Chapter 16
Phil is a Beast
Run, run, run. I hop skip and jump from staircase to staircase. Shoving past anyone getting in my way. I should feel bad but I have to get somewhere and people don’t seem to react quick enough for me. I’m feeling great, we have had a good first week. Lessons are to be expected and homework isn't too bad yet either but that might change as time goes on. Everyone one knows by now that I don’t have to worry about the practical side of my studies, its the theory. Learning all that shit that isn't actually useful to me is a bit tiring but I want to keep my skills under wraps, less I make waves. Waves draw attention. I know I’m drawing attention now but that's for a different reason.
My reason for running through the castle like this just after dinner is I found something. Well, found might be a loose term here. I was told about something special. You know that diary I stole from Ginny/ Malfoy Senior, yeah. The fucker talks. Well not talk so much as writes. Yeah, the thing confused the living shit out of me. With all the parties we were having during the summer I hardly got a chance to look at the books Ive managed to acquire this summer. Now I’m back in school though I thought I would take a peak. Surprised as I was when on a whim I decided to start doodling in it. It didn’t seem happy that I was drawing penises. I however thought it was hilarious. Its seemed right put out. It tried being all tough too. Couldn’t stop laughing at it. I warned it that if it continued I would use my own shit as ink. It soon stopped. I did however, manage to figure out it was very much a pure-blood slithering or at least had the mentality of one. It called me a mud-blood enough for me to think that anyway. I’m guessing its something like the sorting hat. An object that has been enchanted to have a personality. My guess is that writing to someone is its only way of communicating with the outside world.
What scares me is the vibe of the thing. It gives me the creeps and I just get this sudden erge to destroy it. It doesn’t feel natural. Not to mention it gives off black magic kinda vibes. Ive seen ‘dark’ magic, Ive been down Knockturn Alley. My magical sensitivity gives me a good idea what things should feel like. Honestly what people consider light and dark magic just look the same. They feel the same. But black and white magic are completely different. At least that's what I’m understanding it as. White magic, I’m assuming, is like the phoenix style of magic. Very bright and airy. Almost wispy in its design. Black magic Ive seen on some of the things in Borgins n Burk's and they have very similar vibes as this diary but the diary is like a concentrated version. Inky Black. Flowing like treacle. Just looking at it reminds me that I need to tread carefully.
Still, doesn’t mean I cant find amusement in this. In the end I managed to sway the diary into thinking i was a Slytherin and a pure-blood. It opened up to me after a while and it kept trying to show me things but I shut that down immediately. I was not allowing this thing to take me anywhere. Every time it tried to tried to bring it up I just stopped replying and put the book away for a bit. I can ghost it all I want. What's it going to do, stalk me. I got some useful info about it though so it was worth it in the end. Not to bad for a few days work.
So, it told me that there is a ‘chamber of secretes’ that can only be accessed by the Heir of Slytherin. Why only the, heir you ask? They can speak to snakes. Which is funny because so can I. But I wasn't bout to tell it that. Oh yeah, and it is actually called Tom Marvello Riddle. I know he sounds like a prick before you've even met him. Add in the whole racist thing then, yeah… one big arse hole. Now in this chamber is apparently a big arse monster. A little trip to the library it didn’t take me ling to deduce that it was a fucking Basilisk. You heard right my friends a fucking giant man eating snake inside a school.
I have found nothing that could help me either. Lots of books cover Basilisk's but not in great detail. In Fact they all pretty much say the same. Can be killed by the crow of a Rooster, its deadly if it looks at you, bla de bla, bla. Nothing that tells me how long they live or why it has'nt turned on the kids yet. So off I go to find out. I have my pocket cock in my pocket and no, its not a dildo! Its a rooster that Ive compulsed to want to crow constantly. I also shrank it and silenced it so I don’t have to listen to is as I’m racing past people. It would make me look even stranger than I already do.
I’m going to try and talk to the thing if I can get it on side then, fuck, that would bee a boon. Plus how cool would it be at have a pet snake that could destroy entire towns. I don’t intend to do that but it is nice to have the option. If it doesn’t want to talk then out comes the pocket cock. Could I have named it something different? Yeah, probably but then I would get to say picket cock as much as I have done. Personally it think it flows off the tongue quite well, dont you?
Enough about the pocket cock. See, still funny. So Tom told me that someone had opened the chamber last time and that someone had died. That got me thinking if they died in the school then I would be able to find a record of it somewhere. Once again Hogwarts library pulls though and we find a copy of an old daily prophet from back in the day. And when I say we I mean we. Hermione caught me early on learning about Basilisk's so I just broke down and told her. She wasn't overly happy to hear that Ive been talking to a book that replies back. Once I told her about what Ive actually done though and why I done it she couldn’t really fault me other than I should let the adults do it. Me being me though I don’t go to adults they are very unreliable and normally only self serving so that was a no from me and I shut her shit down quick when she got to starting about it. She wasn't happy but her need to know and possible the ned to help me has driven her to just go with it. I sometimes forget that we had completely different up bringing. While she enjoyed the comfort of a family and parents that adored her and catered to her every whim. A world were the adults can be trusted and they can make everything better. That's not a world Ive ever known to exist. Now at this point in my life I don’t think I could do with it. I have the freedom to do what I want and don’t get me wrong I have the shit that comes with that but that doesnt mean I would change my world view for something different.
So with her on board things went very quick. I know I’m not dumb not my mind is geared towards the practical. Hermione had a beautiful mind. The way she thinks, that's her super power. Outside the box doesn’t even cover it. I’m not bringing her along for this though she doesnt have it in her to react in a way that wont get herself killed. I on the other hand have many experienced with shitting my pants and carrying on.
It was with Hermione's help thought, that I found the entrance to the chamber. She figured out that moaning Myrtle was the ghost of the girl that had died. She went thought the records after we discovered the name of the student who died in the 50s. Then for her it just clicked for her I guess. So off I run. I have no idea how ling this is going to take so getting the quick and just before dinner starts means I have plenty of time. Now lets hope I don’t die.
=======================================================================
Having a quick chat with the one and only Myrtle she tells me she died just near the sinks. I cant find any discerning features that I could make out. Its times like these when I wish I had brought Hermione. But alas it isn't to be. In the end I just shouted Parseltounge of whatever Tom called it at the sinks. In the end the one facing the door decided to start moving. No one said I had to be subtle.
It open up into a hole. Great! Now what? Then I got to thinking. Salazar would not have slid down this. And I sure as fuck aint. So I said stairs. Gotta love magic sometimes. Off I went. The place was old and hadn't been cleaned in a while, if the amount of loose rubble and cobwebs had anything to say about it. I follow the tunnel doing my best not to fall over the uneven ground. Time hasn't been to good to this floor. I end up at a door. Its all in brass and has what I assume is Salazar looking like medusa. I cant say I agree eighth the stylistic choice he's made. Might have to get rid of this if I’m going to make this my secret layer. Was my only thought as I walked down the hallways that eventually opens up into a giant cavern. There are two pools of manky water on either side of the stone walkway. Statues of my Slytherin himself are dawning the side. On the other side of the pools are pipes leading into blackness my summoned light cant seem to penetrate. I feel the magic all around this place is swimming in it. More so than the rest of the castle. But as I look forward and see the wall adorned by a huge sculpture of, again, Slytherin, I can feel the magic radiating from his mouth.
I don’t bother with the need to speak. I just use my magic to knock. I dunno why I did it it just seemed like the thing to do. The mouth soon opened and I hear the rustling of something coming from within. In Parceltoung I say “I mean no harm. Will you harm me?”
“I seek no harm onto you, speaker. Why do you disturbed my slumber?” I take a breath that I didn’t know I was holding. Placing my pocket cock back into my pocket. Not even realising I had taken it out. Going along with the way it spoke, I reply.
“I seek only council wise one. Your precense has been told to me. I assume you guard the castle. A castle which is now a school. Forgive me if I am mistaken but I imagine you have a wealth of knowledge you may be willing to part with.” I love the old English style of talking makes me feel cultured. Ha what a laugh. The snake actually laughs at me. Its deep masculine voice gives almost a chuckle.
“Is that all you seek? Knowledge?”
“What else would one seek?”
“The last speaker sought blood.” This I kinda knew so it wasn't a big surprise. What was however, was the was the creature said the words with the utmost destain.
“I seek no blood. Why would you kill for such a person?”
“It is not so simple, little one. I serve the Heir of my master. That is how it must be done. I do as commanded. But now a new masters Heir has arrived. I hope for you to wish for me to protect the kin of this castle.”
“Me?”
“Yes Little one. For only the heir of my master can speak his words. You are a speaker are you not?”
“Well yeah but I didn’t know I was related to Salazar Slytherin. I mean who would think that I’m not even in Slytherin House. How could I be?”
“When my master was old and wise he once told onto me a story. This story told that those of the truest Slytherin in nature. Those will be the ones that ask the sorting hat for exception. For only the truest of Slytherin will not be in Slytherin. Watching the students all these years have given me example, time and time again. If you watch for long enough you could see too. I believe you may even be one of them.”
I’m a bit taken a back to say the least but I keep my cool for the most part. Never in my wildest notions would I have thought myself that. But hey who am I to judge. This snake has thousands of years of experience watching apparently. Wait how does he watch?
“How do you manage to watch us. You are quite big and surly noticeable?” He laughs again. He is seemingly a lot more relaxed now so I think I can say I made a new friend. I’m going to going over the whole subservient thing till another time as I don’t like that idea but I’m not sure if that's how Salazar kept it under control.
“Follow me Little One.” He heads back down the way he came and I;m left thinking about how the fuck I get up there but I use my brain and think “Stairs”. The mouth does a load of shift and moving and we have a set of stairs that lead into a hallway. Fucker like his Hallways. It was only one way though and soon I end up at another one of them doors from earlier only this one is open and the snakes tail is just casually hanging out of it.
Once I sqeeze past I see a huge open room lines with bookshelves. All brimming with books. Its hard not to gasp. The roof was domed and painted in beautiful artwork of the castle all surrounding the Slytherin Crest. There is a desk over to the right books still adorning it. In the centre where the snakes head seemed to be waiting for me to join it, is a round table with a large crystal ball in the centre. Over to the left there is a door. Its closed so I have no idea where it leads. The door to the right of it it open and I can see in. all there is is a bed room but its decorated in the lush greens and dark woods that have adorned the rest of the space. But strangely enough no dust. In fact the whole room is spotless. Like someone had just cleaned it.
“This room rooks clean. I cant imagine you with a feather duster.” He laughs again. I’m glad we have the same sense if humour.
“The House Elves have kept this place in order since the beginning.”Did he just shake his head at me. “Come Join me.” Not wanting to be rude and keep him waiting as I stood there in awe, I walk over and get to see this crystal ball up close. “Show me Miss Granger.” Was all he said and instantly a moving image of Hermione was appearing slowly through the smoke. My eyes bulge at what is see. As far as I know I have never heard an item with this type of capability. As I stand there watching Hermione in what can only be described as the worlds first ever live TV device, I get interrupted by a random thought. I don’t know his name!
“This is amazing. Can I see anyone in the castle? And sorry to ask so late but I don’t actually know your name.”
“Do not worry Little One. I take no offence. My master only refereed to me as Pet. For there is no other name I know.”
“Well I aint him. Lets give you a name something more suited to grand specimen such as yourself,” He takes his time to reply obviously in deep thought. So I leave him to it while I look at different people through the crystal ball. I get to watch Nev get his leg stuck in one of the trick stairs. Which is always nice for a giggle.
“I wonder if you can record this like you can a VHS?” Was the idle thought that I inadvertently asked out loud.
“It can transcript onto parchment if that is your meaning?”
“That's useful but not what I’m getting at.” If I can get this to record then I literally have CCTV of the world. That would be an incredible resource to have. Hell, even without the recording it would be extremely useful. It is this here that makes me decide that this is definitely going to be my new home away from home. Even in the summer I could use this place. I’ve already prooved I can move around the castle with no issues and no one being any of the wiser. Which brings me back to the other door in the room.
“Have you decided on a name for yourself.”
“No. I have not. I do not know which would suit my nature.”
“Don't worry Big guy we can think of something. In the mean time I’m can just call you Big Guy.” I give him a big grin and I think he was giving me one back. I’m just going to assume he did anyway. “So Big Guy what's the door next to the bedroom?”
“That leads to the Masters Lavatory and to the exit on the seventh floor.”
“There is an exit on the seventh floor. That's so handy,”
“Yes all the founders had their studies entrance on the seventh floor.” I take this little tid bit of information away in the ‘defiantly need to know more’ pile. That means the other founders have places like this. Can you imagine Hermione's face when I tell her this, she’s going to shit herself. Ravenclaw’s personal study is Hermione's cream dream.
=======================================================================
Its been a few days and I find myself in an empty classroom with non other than the infamous Nevill Longbottom. And not for the naughty thoughts you were probably thinking. I have been teaching Nev since sometime last year as I couldn’t let him struggle like he was. He’s been coming on in leaps and bounds. With his lack of knowledge on how to cast with a wand I worked with him with his wandless magic. It took some time but he managed to grasp what I was saying to him. Once he could feel what it was like to channel his magic he just needed to work with it and find some harmony with it. I always found working with my magic just made things easier. The magic wants to help it wants to become what you make of it.
Now after many months we have a Nevill that can do all the first year spells without a wand. It may take him a few attempts at a new spell but once he has it he can do it in his sleep. I’m ever such a proud teacher. Today is different. Were having a good ol’ scrap. The aim is to hit your opponent with something mild and silly; tickling, farting or spotty hex’s, things of that nature. Its hard not to laugh when I got him with all three. Watching him jump up and down laughing while trying to shout obscenities at me also while farting ‘god save the queen’ by the sex pistols. Its a memory I will cherish forever.
We finish up and put the tables back where we got them as I try I nurse my aching side. Its nice to laugh. But sometimes it hurts. He comes up to me as I’m idly rolling a j. finishing with a final flourish of a lick I’m done and turn towards him. “You doing well. You have come along way.” I don’t rally give out compliments so I hope he appreciates them. I think he does because he’s beaming at me.
“Yeah I was showing my Grandma during the summer and she was really happy.”
“Does she know its without a wand?” I’m a bit worried that he would blab. I did tell him not to but I haven't known him long enough to truly know for sure.
“No I used my wand. Its easier with it now anyway.” I pat him on the back as manly as I could. Honestly I’m not that good at the whole male bonding thing. I’m trying though, so that has to count for something.
“Awesome sauce.” Yep really not good. “So you got anyone on the go at the moment. Maybe some cute lass you haven't told me about yet?” God it really doesn’t sound right coming from my mouth.
He blushes bright red. So I keep in mind that this is one of his buttons. Not something I would talk about around others but I could still have a giggle about it with him in private. Something a little more wholesome.
“N, no I… well maybe… no I haven't…”
“Oh come on Nev its just us. No need to be embarrassed.”
“Well… there is the new girl…”
“Oooohhhh there is a girl. So who is she? Is she pretty? Ooooo… do I know them? Could I help?”
“Well I…”
“Its Ginny isn't it?”
“What? No its not Ginny. Why would you think that?”
“You guys look cosy while you chatted away when you were on the train.”
“No we’re just friends. She nice and all but I think she has a crush on you.”
“Yeah don’t go down that road. You really don’t want to know the level of crazy her Mom is. If the girl manages to break free of her then she will be alright. If not. Yikes!”
“Oh… I didn’t know.”
“Don't worry about it Nev. I don’t. She s cool’ish, so I will take her at face value till I feel the need to worry. So who’s the girl then?”
“Its this new Ravenclaw girl. She has these cute little earnings made from radishes.” He’s so cute when he's ner… what? Radishes. I saw that girl a the sorting. She looked like she was away with the fairies. Who am I to judge someone tastes in partners. If that what he likes then let him crack on.
“Good for you Nev have you talked to her yet?”
“Not yet. I don’t know what to say to her. Besides she will just laugh at me.”
“Nev that's kinda the whole point.”
“Huh?”
“Yeah. Men show off and make fools of themselves all the time.”
“What? Why?”
“I dunno I think they call it pecocking or something like that.”
“Oh. How do I do that?” I really have no clue I haven't had the same experiences the Nev would have and if anything I was the girl in the situation so I have not the faintest idea what he should say or do to get the attention of a girl. What I can do is at least get him talking to her or in a position to do so.
“I don’t know Nev but I do know I can help a little. For the next few days stay with me after classes and stuff. I got a plan.” He looks at me with no small amount of fear. I just smile and pat his shoulder again. “We got this.”
=======================================================================
So the next few days I stayed with Nevill for the most part. He was practically part of the group anyway and they just treat him like he was always there. It was the following Saturday I finally got my chance to help the Man of the hour. This Ravenclaw I soon found out was a bit odd. She would regularly not come to lunch or dinner choosing to be somewhere else. Even with the map I couldn’t find her. But the map isn't fool proof and names can get jumbled together if in large enough groups. So she could have a social group that eat somewhere else.
After asking around I soon found out that she was, in fact, just a loner. She didn’t socialise with anyone as far as I could tell. She would dissappear into the forest sometimes, from what people have said. This explains why I cant see her on the map. No worries then I guess I will just have to be enjoying a nice walk around the grounds sometime with Nev and maybe just happen to bump into her.
The night me and Nev originally had planned he had been asked by Sprout to help with some mandrakes apparently they needed all hands on deck. I don’t know I zoned out. Either way, its just me that's walking around in cooling night breeze. There weather has started to turn and it wont be long before winter sets in. But for now it’s actually rather peaceful and mild.
Hearing some rustling inside the forest just out of sight I move towards it. I see the apple of my friends eye standing alone. Throwing what I think is meat on the ground. What I find most curious is the meat is moving on its own and disappearing. Now Ive been working on a sonar like spell. Something I can use to see when I’m in complete darkness. Its been touch and go but I have a rudimentary system. Its plus is that I have a full 360 scope at all times. The issue with it is I loose all function in my own eyes while its in use. Its not ideal and has a small radios of about ten feet. But this is a good chance to use it. Obviously there is something there I cant see but she can.
I turn on the sonar and my eyes go black. And slowly green shapes appear and form into the landscape Ive just closed my eyes to. Detail was lacking and I’m still not use to navigating using it but I make do and end up beside the girl. My sonar stretching out as far as I could push it finds multiple animals. All horse like but with, what I guess is, bat wings.
“What are they?” The girl I found out to be called Luna Lovegood didn’t even look up from her musings as she answered me.
“They’re Thestrils. People don’t like them because they think they are dark. You can only see them if you have seen death.” Oh Shit! Wait that means.
“Shit! I can see why people would be a bit weirded out by them.”
“They are really gentle. They don’t want to hurt anybody.” pretending I have brass balls again I stumble over to the nearest one and start to reach out my hand to pat its neck. It has a good sniff at me. I cant see the thing in great detail but I can see it enough. Its cute and I can feel the whiskers on the palm of my hand.
“They seem to like you Harry Potter.” I’m taken away from my new cute little and look at her. She’s looking at me in earnest. Like she’s trying to read my thoughts. I instinctually put up a barrier but no attack comes. She just keeps staring at me. “You came here looking for me. Why?” It wasn't an accusation, just her stating a simple fact.
“Could I not have just ran into yo by complete coincidence?”
“You would more likely have met me in the astronomy tower. If it was coincidence.” She doesn’t look at me knowingly, its not a snide remark just again stating what she considered fact.
“Why would that be the place?” Okay I’ll bite.
“You spend more time running on the rooftops than you do on the ground.” I cant help myself this is great the girl’s a hoot. I laugh. She is very observant. Not many know I do that. Its more for me to stay fit and its fun.
“You got me. I hold up my hands.” I wonder over to a tree and take a seat at the base, shaking my head with a big grin on my face. Nev, you sure know how to pick them. Girl has me thinking on my feet. “I haven't seen you with anyone. I thought you might like the company.” The fact that I’m not offering mine will stay my little secret.
She's now looking at me like she just heard my thought but me knowing fine and well that she couldn’t have.
“Your not going to just tease me later are you?”
“Well… I kinda tease all my friends. We tease each other all the time.” She’s doing that weird look thing again.
“My room mates tease me. They hide my things and call me Loony.” she states this with no emotion just like she’s talking about the weather. That doesn’t sound like teasing. More like bullying.
“What stuff they been taking?”
“Everything.”
“Everything?” She just nods. “Have you got any of it back?”
“Some I managed to find but a lot is still missing.” The poor kid has been getting bullied by her classmates. I don’t like that. I’m all for a bit of fun and games and even pushing my luck sometimes but even I wouldn't steal someone's entire life's worth just for a prank. I vow that I need to take my friends new fancy bit under my wing a little. She seems sweet and harmless enough just a bit weird. So lets be the good guy for change.
“Can you take me to these room-mates of yours?”
“They should be in the Common room. They like to have fun there.” I do catch the subtle was she said that. I’m guessing they use her as the fun.
“Take me.” She just looks up at me and slowly nods.
We walk back to the castle and she takes me to the Ravenclaw Common room. It wasn't much different from Gryffindors apart from the colour and the fact that to get in, you have to solve a riddle. Not to say I would be completely fucked if that was the same for us. I cant do riddles for shit.
Once we are in I ask her to point them out to me. She does and gives me the names as she points to them. I don’t care about names. I already forgot them as she told me. The faces on the other hand I instil them into memory. I walk straight up to them. They are sitting on thee separate sofas arranged in a horse shoe. I sit down in the middle next to this blond girl who looks like she s just hit the jackpot. I wave Luna over and motion for her to take the seat next to me as I move closer to this little mean girl. She seems like the one the others seem to be looking to for guidance.
I don’t say anything for a time and just let the true awkwardness settle in for a second.
“Hey guys.” I don’t get a reply but then I didn’t care if I got one. “My god friend Luna here. She tells me she’s been having some issues with some of her stuff going missing.” I stop for dramatic effect. I have noticed that the room has gotten quieter. Its not common for people to come into different commons. I may go sit at dinner with Alice all the time but that doesn’t mean I get invites into the Common. She might get one with us but that's because we party. Ravenclaw’s tend to be a little stuck up and not into the all nighters.
Speak of the devil. She starts to make her way over. With her being a prefect she holds a bit of sway. Hopefully she can pull me off them if it comes to that.
“You okay Harry? What's the matter?”
“Nowt Alice. Just having a chat here about how mysteriously Lunas personal possetions have been going walkies.” I take the time to look at the group of 4 individually. “I was also saying that if it happens any more and her stuff isn't returned by curfew tonight, I might get a little mean and mysterious myself.” I lean forward and I say loud enough for them to hear but for others to struggle. “You fuck with Luna. Then I will rain an unholy hell down upon you, you’ll be begging for you Mummies to take you home.” They don’t look too perturbed but I will hold true to my promise. They wont know what hit them.
“That's all I wanted to say Alice. Hey wanna smoke while I’m here?” She just shrugs her shoulder and heads towards to large windows at the back. In the end we had a good time. Its always a good giggle with Alice. Luna joined in too. I think we have a new member of the gang now. She comes out with the strangest of stuff at the most inappropriate time. Its hilarious. Then there are the creatures her and her Dad go looking for. Damn I need to meet her dad if he is anything like his daughter then I think we will get on like a house on fire.
It was a few weeks later that I got a little surprise in the form of that nutty house Elf from last year. Little fucker came with a warning. You should have seen his face when I showed him the Diary. He practically shat himself. He was trying to warn me about how dark and dangerous it is and that it needs destroyed. I myself had kind of came to that conclusion too but I found that the diary has the uncanny ability to survive everything I have thrown at it. I even tried that hellfire I heard so many good things about. No good.
“Ive told you twice now Dobby I don’t know how to destroy it. If you could tell me what it is that would be a great help. I know the shit knows and while I could go into his head and find out. The last time was a it hit and miss and honestly I don’t think he truly understands the thing himself. He know what it is but the concept if so foreign that he just cant explain it even if he wasn't trying to kick seven shades out of himself for even thinking about telling me.
See this isn't right. I know from my numerous trips to the kitchens that this is not how elves are supposed to be. He really is fucked in the head. I wish I could help him but it has to be his owners that free him there is nothing I can do.
That isn't a me problem at the moment. I need a way to burn this fucking book to ash’s. I have stopped talking to it a while a go. It was going on like a megalomaniac. Not prudent to a good nights sleep and with my nightmares I think I will sleep better knowing its gone. I just wish I had like a vat of acid or something like off TV…
“Holy shit, that's it. Phil he could probably do it.” I was talking to myself more than anything. Oh and I finally named the Basilisk. We went through loads of cool names but he settled on Phil. I know, right. But what are you going to do, he liked it so I suppose that is all that matters. It still feels weird referring to him as Phil. I wanted something like Magnus or Thor but no it was Phil. Either way he is meant to be a deadly animal with venom that cant be cured if anything will put this book down it could be that. Only one way to find out.
I walk out after telling dobby I think I have it and come back tomorrow and see. And so goes forth the Great Harry Potter. Fucking Elf got me calling myself that I think I might have to limit my time with him. He's bad for my ego. A hop, skip and a jump and I’m in my secret underground evil layer. I mean the chamber. Believe it of not Phil was all to happy to get rid of the thing. He said it reminded him of his sins. Whatever the fuck that means. The guy can be a bit dumbledick at times and I have to try and read between the lines. He’s just lucky he's just so damn cool or I wouldn't put up with it. I did think I could so something nice for him so I asked what his favourite food is. Apparently he is sick of giant spiders. Which also makes me think about what the fuck is in that forest. Fucking giant spiders. Kinda glad I have a big snake friend. He said he wanted something meaty. So I thought a nice big heffa would be the perfect treat. I just needed to fugue out how to get one. Then get it into the castle. Without anyone noticing. Not an easy feet but I like a challenge.
=======================================================================
Right so. The cow. Yeah that didn’t go to well. Getting a cow was actually the easy part I found a resteraunt in a few villages away that does farm to table steak. On the weekend I went down and managed to ‘persuade’ him to sell me a whole cow alive. I could have gone to the auctions or something but that wasn't for a few weeks and Phil needs his treaties now. Now Phil said he wanted it alive so that means I couldn’t shrink it as that would pretty much kill the animal right out. I could shrink it. But what fun is any of that. I decided that I wasn't doing anything wrong and if anyone asked I would just lie. So with a great big cheesy grin I walk into the castle following a cow that's hovering above the ground, hog tied and bond. The looks I’m getting off the other students is fantastic and really making me smile.
I’m on the second floor nearly at the home straight when I here the most annoying thing possible. “What in Merlins name is going on?” This in turn scares the shit out of me and I loose my concentration. The cow falls to the floor and manages to get one of its hind legs out of its bindings. I turn to see Professor Mcgonigal standing over me with a very stern look.
“Hi Professor.”
“Mr Potter I do believe I asked for an explanation.”
“Professor?” I ask like what I was doing wasn't out of the norm at all.
“The Big Bovine beast you have, that is currently trying to escape.” I turn to look over my shoulder where the Professor was indicating. Indeed the cow was trying to run away but with only one leg out and the others still bond it was having a hard time. I did happen to turn around just in time to see it just about balance and take a step. With the ground being made of smooth stone it only proceeded to slip, try and keep its balance and ended up running awkwardly on the spot for a second before flying arse over tit and gives up only to end up sitting like a dog looking a bit defeated.
It took all my will power not to burst into laughter as the poor creature just sits there. The professor on the other hand didn’t think it quite so funny.
“Mr Potter?”
“I was just working on my levitation spell Professor. I’m managing well over half a ton now.” She looks at me sceptically.
“Why would you use a cow for such an endeavour? I’m sure an equally heavy stone would have worked just as well. Also I would think this is more an outdoor activity.”
“Sorry Professor I was just trying to get really good at my control. I thought if I could do it with a moving object I could handy the weight shift better on something that cant move.” She's not seeing a issue with my logic. Its true when you can do more the smaller stuff doesn’t feel like its a challenge at all. She was one of the ones to tell us that.
“Please take it outside Mr Potter. 5 points to Gryffingdoxxr for using your initiative.” With that she walks away leaving me to it. I love being me sometimes.
the