1975-1976
“Cold fire, you've got everything but cold fire”
It seemed like forever before the week finally began, and Sirius sat on the windowsill, watching obsessively at the gate into the courtyard below.
Remus appeared a few minutes late, frowning and wearing another long-sleeved shirt despite the sweltering summer heat.
Sirius didn't wait before trotting downstairs and out, finding Remus, already obediently grabbing a shovel from the shed and getting to work. When he saw Sirius, his face darkened and he turned away. “Leave me alone. I'm serious, Black"
“At least listen to me”
"No "
What an idiot. Sirius reached out to grab him, wrapping a hand around his wrist. Remus not only flinched, but he did so as if he had been shot. And Sirius once again realized his mistake too late.
Remus gritted his teeth, avoiding his gaze “Just...”
“I won't touch you again. I am sorry"
Closing his eyes, Remus shook his head “It's a waste of time”
"No, it is not. I will not do that. I promise, but... can you come with me anyway? You don't have to work today"
“Uh?”
“Do you think my parents need that much yard work? They don’t"
“But you promised them money. I know you don't care, but that's why I'm here..."
“You'll understand. I didn’t lie "
Remus gave him a look, clearly suspicious, but finally relented and put the shovel aside, following Sirius inside.
“I didn't tell my parents about the money, so you'll get it from me. You don't have to come every day, but at least you'll have an excuse to go away for a few hours"
He felt Remus staring at him as they entered “Why are you doing this?”
“I…” Sirius forced a cheerful smile “I owe you. This is me repaying you"
“Whatever” Remus rolled his eyes “And now?”
“You can go” assuming he had a place to spend that time “Or you can stay”
“And do what?”
"I have an idea. Let me show you"
“I trust you less and less every time you say that, Padfoot”
“You liked the fountain, and you will like this one”
After making a sandwich for Remus, they ended up upstairs in Sirius' room, he positioned Remus on the sofa in front of his bed before pulling out a blank sheet of paper, a hard surface and his pencils. Remus frowned. “You’re going to draw me?”
"Yes"
“Is that your idea of fun?”
“Oh, right. Probably because of his majesty smoking and getting high is better"
“I don't get high, asshole” he grimaced “Not that often”
Sirius smiled as he looked down to sketch the lines of his face, the sharp edges of his jaw and his collarbones “What a punk…” he said, in a mocking voice.
“As if you had never smoked a cigarette”
"I never did"
"You're lying"
"I don’t. And stop moving unless you want to look like an evil gremlin"
“Shut up” Remus murmured, though he lacked warmth “But seriously. No cigarettes? Not even alcohol?”
"No"
“That’s… good” as the words came out, Sirius looked up, blinking at Remus, whose face turned noticeably red before turning into a glow “What are you staring at, idiot?”
“Your face,” Sirius said, impassive. Obviously “I'm drawing you, after all”
“Yeah, duh. Whatever".
They filled the silence with occasional idle chatter, Remus casting furtive glances around the room as Sirius' hand worked on the paper.
When he was finished with the sketch, Remus stood up and actively looked around, picking up a book that was lying on his desk and frowning at it, then opening it and leafing through it a bit. “What the fuck is this? Lady Chatterley’s lover...?”
“Have you read it before?”
“Why would you have something like that?”
“Because it's interesting” Sirius snatched it from him and tossed it aside. Stretching, he let out a yawn and saw Remus carefully following the movement.
“One day I’ll understand you”
“No, if I understand you first”
“It's not difficult” shaking his head, Remus pulled away and looked at the sketch lying on Sirius' bed before sitting down and running a hand over it “Well, you’re not that shit at drawing”
“Oh, what an honor”
Remus rolled his eyes “I thought you were doing it to make fun of me”
"I wasn’t"
“But why… draw me?”
Sirius found himself hesitating “Because drawing objects can only be fun for a short time, Moony”
Remus let out a hum. He continued to stare at the drawing before seeing the clock on the wall, and let out a sigh "I should go"
“Of course” Sirius found his wallet on the desk, opened it and took out several bills before handing them to Remus.
"It's too much"
“They don't need to know”
“I don't need money earned from your pity” Remus grunted and grabbed Sirius' wrist. As if he had forgotten his no touching rule, Remus released a sharp breath at the contact of their skin, but didn't pull away.
He stared at their hands for a moment, before finally pulling away and shaking his head. “Give me what was accorded”
“You really are stubborn” said Sirius and removed a couple of bills “I was repaying the favor”
Remus put the money in his pocket and went to the door “See you tomorrow”
"Can’t wait".
After Sirius had more or less explained the situation in particularly imaginative turns of phrase, his parents accepted Remus back, and so, for the rest of the summer, Remus came every day.
When he started the school semester, his shifts decreased, but he still came quite often. Thanks to his incredible skills in fixing things, Remus even helped around the house since he was surely less expensive.
He helped Sirius' father, with the sink and new shower stalls and took care of the rusty bicycles they barely ever used. Since he managed to get Remus to accept the extra money for once, Sirius got into the habit of accidentally breaking things.
Of course, Remus had noticed and had got offended, but in the end, if it was broken, it was broken. No amount of anger would’ve solved anything.
Sirius had always loved his friends, at school, known for making a mess and enjoying every day like the last, but after finding someone to spend time with at home, lessons became more annoying, every hour dragged and dragged until he could get out.
A girl from the other class had tapped him on the shoulder one day and handed him a letter with her cheeks blazing red before running away.
Later, when he read the confession to Remus, smiling, he noticed the same blush, just a deeper shade, on his face.
In November Remus comes to his house with an old leather jacket, saying he had saved a little money for a birthday present.
Autumn comes and goes. Winter hadn’t been that nice for Sirius. Remus could wear all the long-sleeved shirts he had, which weren't many, and so Sirius gave him one of his red and gold sweaters for Christmas and the expression he got in return was worth more than any gift he could have ever given. imagine.
1976
One night in late January, Sirius convinced his parents to let Remus stay over for hot chocolate, since James was staying as well.
The two wrapped themselves in blankets and watched the snow fall outside, the warm, spicy drink making everything seem fuzzier.
“I used to hate winter” Remus said then.
Sirius gulped and looked at him “Really? But now you like it"
"Well ... yes. Forget about it. It's stupid"
"You can tell me"
Remus looked away and let out a breath “One of the families I was in before, they locked me outside as punishment. It was always easier to bear it when he was hot"
Sirius scratched his arms “If it happens again, you can come here”
"Thank you"
It seemed like an offhand comment rather than a promise, so Sirius touched his foot until Remus looked at him “I'm serious”
“Okay” Remus replied slowly, holding his gaze “So what? I am too"
Satisfied, Sirius leaned back in his chair. Remus had offered him something he'd been curious about for a long time now, ever since he'd laid eyes on him, to be honest.
Trust.
However, these arguments with Remus were dangerous territory.
If he dug deep, Remus would retreat like a wounded wild animal, baring its fangs. Sirius was trying to avoid that outcome: what was the point of him knowing something when he could lose Remus' cautious trust in exchange? Or worse, Remus entirely.
But Remus had revealed something earlier, so Sirius felt confident to ask the next question “Was everyone like that?” Remus' face tightened momentarily, before letting out a sigh
“Most of them, yes” he stopped, but it was clear he meant something more “At first they sent me to good families, but when they realized that I didn't exactly have a simple character, the requests decreased, so they decided to send me to houses like that. I didn't stay long in most families” he later admitted “Too many problems, they kept telling me, but that was the plan”
Smart, something Sirius would have done if he were in his situation.
“What was the longest you ever stayed?”
“Just under a year” that was all Remus offered and Sirius asked for nothing more than his silent, comforting company as they sipped their chocolate and watched the world turn white.
Winter slowly slipped into spring, bringing more schoolwork for the last few months of the final term, more afternoons out in the backyard, and nights that left Sirius awake for too long.
He got lost in the sensation of the watercolors sinking into the canvas, enough to such depths as to blur the boundaries between art and the infinite bliss that enveloped him in a fog of sweet nothingness.
He started hanging out more with his friends when Remus didn't come, and started doing the stupid things he did before he came.
It was when Sirius woke up in a white hospital room that some of the fog of excitement that had shrouded him for days cleared a little. His mother spent hours by his bed, asking and asking how he could have been so stupid, so disposed to ruin their family’s reputation.
To tell the truth, he didn’t really remember what had happen, just when the doctors explained that a car had hit him he remembered it so clearly, and understood why his legs hurt.
The police had inspected the cameras, and found out that Sirius was the one that had run in the street, right in front of the car.
They told him that with time he would’ve started walking normally again, more or less, but that he would’ve needed a cane, his nerves had been affected quite badly, so he would also suffer from pangs of pain which also affected him in hospital, a couple of times, but which he was told would become more subtle over time.
When Sirius returned home, after a couple of months of continuous monitoring and observation, he found himself going to the fountain first. For once, he didn't know it, he didn't even expect it, but Remus was there waiting.
His bright eyes widened as his gaze fell on Sirius, and then unmistakably on his legs “You're back. What happened?”
"Nothing that hasn't happened before" said Sirius, sitting down on the edge of the pool and blinking at the Sun "How did you know?"
"You disappeared"
"So? I might have been busy"
“Yeah, busy” Remus muttered, but sat down next to him “I heard some rumors. About you”
Sirius' eyebrows furrowed "Really?"
"I heard your neighbors talk. They were talking about ambulances, an accident"
“Those old fucks should stick their noses into their affairs and maybe investigate why their husbands are committing adultery”
Remus snorted with a laugh that sounded more relieved than amused “I'm glad you're okay”
"Oh" Sirius said and raised his finger to poke Remus's cheek before going still. No touching, right. "Who would have thought that you finally care about me, Moony"
“You were the one who wanted us to be friends”
"I have never said that"
“But you meant it”
"Okay, could be"
In the same way that Sirius didn't ask for answers, Remus didn't ask for more than necessary, and he was fine with that. Sirius absolutely didn't want to talk about how all the freedom he had in being able to move and do what he wanted had been taken away from him just because he didn’t have the courage to put an end himself and be sure to do it well.
However, over time, it was inevitable to miss a dozen of Remus's quirks and kindnesses, which Sirius did with great care. His mind wouldn't let him forget it anyway, but he made sure to put it in the part of his brain that prioritized things, that he had already learned to incorporate some of the things he was convinced he would never forget until the day he would be dead.
Things like the dimple in his cheek that Remus had when he actually laughed, instead of making a sharp, bitter noise.
Things like how, even though he pretended not to, he always stopped watering the plants or fixing his bike the moment Sirius changed the radio channels to play music.
Things like knowing that wine was his favorite alcoholic beverage, even if he didn’t really like drinking, he was more of a smoking guy.
Things like how he hated full Moons.
Things like his love for dogs and books.
Things like the time Remus slipped up and mumbled something in Welsh before admitting he had spent a few years in Wales.
But the most notable thing Sirius discovered about the boy who worked in his garden was that he didn't make any sense. Remus had told him that he had never stayed anywhere long last winter's night, and yet he was still here, with well over a year behind him.
Summer came with high temperatures and sweaty t-shirts.
Sirius was starting to get tired of the annoying cane his mother had gotten him, but of course he wouldn't tell her, he was not trying to get beaten up, but instead complained about it a bit to Remus, with little comments, without actually mentioning anything serious.
And a couple of weeks later, Remus came to him with a brand-new walking cane “You made this?”
"Yes"
“It's gorgeous, I didn't know you could carve” he looked closely at the handle, where a constellation was graven. It seemed incredible to him that it was the work of a boy of just 15 years old “It’s the Canis Major constellation, that’s my star!”
"Do you like it?"
"If I like it? I love it. You know how to be kind, shocking"
“You really don't know how to accept a gift without being an asshole, do you?”
“Absolutely not” and since then he had never separated from it.
Sirius hid under the umbrella in the garden, reading a book, when instead he found himself looking at Remus. He was frowning at a manual on a desk, crouched, a layer of skin exposed above his hip.
A layer full of shadows.
For a moment, Sirius' head cleared, knotting his stomach in a bottomless pit of anger. The book fell from his hands, causing Remus to look up and follow the direction of Sirius' eyes. He immediately saw his mistake.
He covered himself with his shirt and gave him a dirty look "Don't do it"
It was as much of a warning as he wanted it to be, but right now Sirius was here with a muzzle.
"You have to stop them"
"Shut up"
"Let me stop them, then"
There were various ways. Sirius could kill a man if he thought about it, he was sure of it.
Remus gaped at him for a second before surprise turned to resentful anger. “This is not a novel for teenagers, Sirius” he spat “This is my life. And the lives of many other children who have to live there”
“What's life like when you get beaten almost to death every single day?”
“Fuck you” Remus hissed, standing up “You don't even know what you're talking about”
"Why would you stay? Why let them do that to you when you can leave?"
"Shut up"
"Why? Because I'm telling the truth?"
"No, because you're an idiot! An idiot who has no idea what we go through! All of us! There are worse things than this! At least I have a roof over my head there! I have a way to save some money to have a chance to live out of that shit hole someday! I have an opportunity that I've never had before in my life, and you're sitting here in the 500 square meter courtyard of the building you live in, telling me to throw it away! You don't know shit!"
In any other situation, Sirius would have been happy to receive so much of Remus' life without even asking, but now he was genuinely angry and hurt, knowing that even if Remus was right, he was missing something "You're stupid, Remus"
Remus' nostrils flared and his clenched fist trembled with the desire to punch Sirius.
“You can stay here. You don't have to go through this when I can help you”
“No” Remus said “You're the one who's stupid”
He didn't make sense. The solution was so easy to reach, right there, and yet Remus was too stubborn to take an offered helping hand.
Remus threw the garden gloves at Sirius' feet and turned "I'm going home. Keep the fucking money for yourself"
"That's not your home, Remus"
"Fuck you, you're not my home either".
Sirius ventured into Remus' universe for the second time the next day. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he was aware that this wasn't going to end pretty.
In fact, it would get very ugly very quickly, but it would still be more useful than staying in his house watching Remus slowly fall apart more and more without doing anything.
He didn't bother to check first if the other was home. It was the middle of June, it was hot, and Remus, Sirius was sure, would be spending as much time as he could outside, when he wasn't at school, working in his family's yard or doing whatever.
If Sirius was right, and he always was, Remus should have been far away right now. He knocked on the front door, fleetingly noticing a vase of yellow flowers standing on the porch, the only beautiful thing in the entire building.
This time, Sirius had to knock a second time, louder and more insistently until the door was flung open, revealing a man in a white shirt. There, the only ones dressed in things that might seem expensive or elegant were him and the other woman he had seen, ending up looking nothing but ridiculous in the context "What do you need?"
Without saying a word, Sirius pushed himself inside.
He was well aware that he was physically strong enough to do damage, and as tempting as it was to beat the shit out of whoever got their hands on Remus and be done with it, Sirius was smart enough to recognize that he wouldn't last long as a solution.
The authorities would’ve come to investigate and, once they understood what kind of situation the boys were in, they would be ready to send them away. Remus would’ve been sent away from him and Sirius would’ve spent his life chasing a sensation similar to Remus's fingertips against his skin without ever being able to experience it again.
It wasn't a solution.
He found himself forced to use the only thing that actually gave him power over people like them: money.
Sirius handed over the wad of cash he had collected for this occasion, effectively silencing any sounds of protest the man was about to make as he invited himself further into the house, locating the kitchen.
“Are you responsible for the children who live here?”
"Who wants to know?" said the man, eyeing Sirius suspiciously, but showing a consistent interest in his money. His gaze was hostile, but...
"Does it matter? I have something you want and you can do something I want"
“Boy, you're not even 18. I won't let you talk to me like that”
Sirius sighed "Answer the question. Are you responsible or not?"
"Yes, and you-"
As soon as the word fell, Sirius' blood began to tingle.
The man didn't look strong, but he definitely had more mass and was tall; probably at least twenty centimeters taller than Remus.
But it didn't matter. Because Remus wouldn't have objected. Why would he let his body turn blue when there was so much fire inside him. It wasn't like him.
And Sirius could do nothing but stare at the man.
"Don't touch Remus, ever again" it was then that the expression on the man's face cleared, a mixture of understanding and amusement squeezing through "Remus. Yes? You won't lay another finger on him. Or rather, you won't ever look at him again"
"Or what? Will you get your money back?"
“I'm going to ruin your life” Sirius clasped his hands behind his back like a child, without breaking eye contact “I'm going to take away your right to take in other children. I'm going to take away everything you love and care about. I'm going to sweep this garbage out of the house and I will make sure that you end up under a bridge, begging for a piece of bread. I’m not going to stop until you have nothing left"
A drop of sweat ran down the man's cheek "You're just a brat" he said then "What did he do, uh? He hired an actor to threaten me? Do you think it'll work?" he let out a loud, ugly laugh, throwing his head back.
Sirius tried not to let it show, but he still felt frustrated, the feeling biting at his flesh, because if he went for a fistfight, he might win, but his leg wouldn't have been happy, and his weak spot was clearly visible, but then he saw something that could help him be a little scary without actually causing damage.
Rising from his chair with a creak, Sirius grabbed the kitchen knife lying on the table and stabbed it into the counter behind him, missing the man's hands by inches.
At least the laughter stopped.
"Who do you think they will believe? Me, the billionaire heir to one of the richest companies in Europe or you, a fucking wretch who beats children for pleasure?"
"You-"
Sirius shook his head "Take the money and leave Remus alone"
Then he turned, walking the same way he had come when he saw a flash of pink hair on the stairs. For just a moment, their eyes met.
Sirius remembered her, the girl who was with Remus. The one who, at least he believed, was his friend. Probably another girl in this dilapidated house.
He looked back before turning on his heel and running up the stairs. He left the house with his stomach turning.
He had sold some things in his room to make that money, but it didn't seem to be enough. It wasn't enough to bribe the man to make that feeling go away completely, it wasn't enough to make him sick right there, but it would have continued until the other parts of Sirius' plan would’ve started.