He was a Skater Boy

James stayed in the hospital for another week. Sirius was by his side for most of it and Effie and Monty came from suburbia London do dote on their son. But really it was Lily who adamantly cared for James. She was there on the little green armchair next to James’ bed whenever Sirius came and stayed after he’d left. After witnessing their endless cat-and-mouse games, Sirius felt warm at the thought that the two were so soft and caring with each other. He didn’t ask Lily if she went home at night but he didn’t have to when one night James sent him a picture of Lily sleeping on his chest followed by a key-smash. So yeah, things were going well for James.

Sirius showed the text to Remus who was laying half-tucked into his side. They had talked some more after that fateful day and it was as healing as it was painful. Turns out even after years of therapy there were still some hidden ghosts in Sirius’ head that were coming out in his late night conversations with Remus. They held each other in turn and Remus made them the best hot chocolates Sirius had ever had.

Now, Remus’ hand was buried in Sirius’ locks, as it was its usual place, and he smirked at Sirius’ phone. “So this is really happening, huh?” He asked and pulled Sirius’ hair teasingly.

Sirius supressed a moan and instead pulled Remus closer with the hand that was hugging his waist. “Seems like it. I only hope it’s for real for real this time. James is really vulnerable right now and I would hate to see him get hurt. He might not be able to stay close with Lily if this turns out to be nothing after all. Can only get your heart broken by the same person so many times.”

“What do you mean ‘this time’? Did something happen in the past?” Remus asked.

Sirius sighed and his forehead creased. “Well not really, and that’s the issue I guess. It almost happened twice, almost being the key word. But then somehow Lily wasn’t interested anymore. Personally, I didn’t believe that that was the reason and Marls told me the same thing. But it’s not for us to get involved you know.”

Remus nodded. “Yea, I suppose they have to figure it out themselves.” Sirius only hummed and so Remus continued, “By the way speaking of romance, did Marlene tell you how it’s going between her and Dorks? I’m usually not so nosy but Dorcas is so damn private, I have no idea what’s going on.”

Sirius laughed and rubbed Remus’ back. “Not nosy, huh? I don’t know about that.”

Remus scoffed, “Tosser.” and tried to push himself away from Sirius but the smaller boy had him in a tight grip which didn’t let him move one bit. Well it wasn’t like Remus had really tried anyways. “So?” Remus prompted again.

“Marls also hasn’t said too much but… well she’s always blushing when I bring it up so it’s safe to say that it’s going well.” Sirius giggled to himself. Marlene never blushed, this was definitely something good, and something new too. In any case, Marlene was shining more than usual and Sirius couldn’t believe that maybe they’d all finally found love at the same time. He was crossing his fingers for James and Lily. “You know what I think?”

“No, what do you think?” Remus indulged him, pressing lazy kisses to his neck and suddenly Sirius had trouble remembering what he thought.

“I- ah,” Sirius broke off as Remus bit down on his neck. “Yea?” Remus asked innocently as if he didn’t exactly know what he was doing. “I- We should… Remus…” Sirius had effectively been reduced to a mess within seconds. Remus took pity on him and let him gather his thoughts by removing his mouth.

“We should have a double date with Marls and Dorcas.” Sirius finally brought out and Remus grinned at him. “Great idea.”

***

James looked like he’d seen an angel and promptly thrown up when Sirius arrived at the hospital.

“What’s happened to you?” Sirius asked while waving a hand in front of James’ face. When he didn’t get an immediate reply he looked around the hospital room and found that it was devoid of people. “Jamie, where’s Lily?”

The name seemed to snap James out of whatever state he’d been in. “What?” he asked blearily-eyed. “Lily? Oh, she… she left just a second ago. We… Pads, I think something happened.”

Sirius didn’t dare to judge from James’ tone of voice if this was about something negative or positive. “Oh yea? What do you mean ‘you think’?”
James looked flustered as he sat up in the bed. “Well we were talking, and somehow- I don’t even know how that happened, but somehow I mentioned seeing that guy… On her Insta story I mean. I didn’t say that was why everything happened, of course, but I guess I must have made it seem like it bothered me because she just called me an idiot.”

“She called you an idiot?” That didn’t seem too out of the ordinary to Sirius, it was only odd that James seemed to smile in memory when he’d said it.

“No! I mean yes but only to tell me that it was just a stupid hookup, that I shouldn’t have thought that it was something serious, that there was no way that it would have ever been something more. So I asked her why.” James said, getting excited by telling his own story.

“What did she say?” Sirius asked, himself on the edge of his seat. He reached for James’ hand and pressed it to calm them both.

James looked down sheepishly at his hands. “She said that there was only one person she would consider that with right now… Only one idiot.”

Sirius mouth dropped open. “No way, James, no way! Are you serious?” He leapt up and started pacing through the room. This was huge, Lily Evans had basically admitted to a crush on James Potter, who would have thought. Suddenly a thought jumped into his mind that made him stop in his tracks. “But wait, where is she now?”

James still looked an awful combination of sick to his stomach and elated. “That’s the thing why I’m not sure what even happened. After she’d said that she suddenly got all flustered and said that she’d have some errands to run and then she just left. Isn’t that weird? I mean what do you think it means?”

Sirius felt his face split into a grin, “What do I think it means?” he asked ludicrously, “That means Lily likes you, mate.”

James seemed to try to supress a smile but the emotion was stronger than him and soon he was glowing. “You think?” He asked almost timidly, “But why did she leave then?”

Sirius shrugged, “She probably just got scared. I mean she basically confessed her love to you. And from what it seems like, almost accidentally.”

“Love?” James breathed and the hope in his eyes almost made Sirius cry. He couldn’t wait to tell Remus about all this.

“Of course love, Prongs. Who wouldn’t be in love with you?”

James looked at him softly but bit his lower lip in doubt. “I don’t know… Why would she- Why me? She is so amazing, she could have anyone.”

Sirius shook his head at his best friend lovingly, “So are you. She would be stupid not to be in love with you. Jamie, you’re literally the best person I know. And I mean that like… objectively, not just in a JamesandSirius way. There is nobody as caring and funny and intelligent and kind and fucking handsome as you, love. One just has to look at you to know that.”

James smiled at him before suddenly engaging in a fast movement. It almost seemed as if he meant to get up and- James was walking towards Sirius to pull him into a tight hug. “James! James!” Sirius exclaimed, trying to manoeuvre James back to the bed. “You’re not supposed to walk yet.”

“I just needed to hug you.” James said as if it was the most reasonable thing. Sirius managed to make James lay down again but James was still holding on to him and so they both ended up in bed. “I love you.” James whispered.

Sirius sat up, his arms intertwined with James’. “I love you too, Jamie. But I was being for real, she’s lucky to have you. You should tell her you love her too when she comes back.”

“What if she doesn’t actually feel the same way?”

Sirius pressed a kiss to James’ hand. “She will. And even if she doesn’t, I’ll be here.”

James nodded determinedly and pulled Sirius close again. They fell asleep like they did as little boys: James big-spooning Sirius.

***

Sirius was working on an art project which was due in a week and he couldn’t get himself to concentrate. Normally, he was good when working with his hands, so focused that his mind went pleasantly blank. But today he felt especially fidgety and he was going to scream if he messed up another stroke of paint. He needed to get outside, to move. He needed to see Remus.

The phone rang for several seconds until Remus’ scruffy voice sounded from the other end. “Hi darling.” Remus said and Sirius’ heart just about melted.

“Hey Moony, what are you up to?” Sirius could hear light, joyous screaming in the background.

Remus joined in before replying, “At the skatepark. Did you want to hang out?”

Sirius’ world broke in half. Remus was skating, he was skating on the same ramps James had fallen on. James was back to full form but he had been lucky. Remus had told him that first day at the skatepark that nothing worse than scratches had ever happened to him. But James did fall and broke his leg and got a concussion. Sirius had thought- well he had thought that that would make Remus stop skating too, that he’d realise that it was far too dangerous for someone as precious as him. But then Sirius remembered how Remus had laughed when Sirius had pointed out Evan’s fall. ‘Honestly such things happen all the time here.’ Remus had said. Sirius felt his stomach punching itself.

“Sirius?” Remus’ voice came from his phone. The shock at Remus’ skating had made Sirius fall quiet.

Sirius cleared his throat but his voice still sounded scratchy when he spoke, “Are you- are you skating?”

Remus laughed, “Yea, what do you mean? I just told you I was at the skatepark.”

“But-“ Sirius’ voice broke. “Why would you…” He tried his best to form a full sentence but a thousand thoughts were flying through his mind. Pictures of Remus hurt, bleeding and- he didn’t dare formulate that last image. Sirius loved Remus’ scars but the thought of him adding more and more to the mix felt like swallowing stones.
“What’s up, love?” Came Remus’ soothing voice. “You can talk to me.”

Sirius took a deep breath, momentarily calmed by Remus’ presence on the other side of the phone. “I didn’t know you were still skating since James’ accident. Why would you put yourself in danger like that?”

Infuriatingly, Remus laughed again. “Oh, c’mon, don’t worry. Nothing will happen to me.”

“How can you say that?” Sirius said suddenly becoming angry. Remus had no business playing with his own well-being like that. “You can’t know what’s gonna happen. You can’t just- you can’t just joke like that.”

Sirius heard Remus take a shocked breath. “Sirius, wow, I didn’t- I didn’t know you were bothered by me still skating. I had no idea you minded it.”

Sirius felt his anger slightly sink at Remus’ honest surprise but he still felt it thrumming in his veins. “Of course I do!” He exclaimed. How could Remus not realise that Sirius would die if something happened to him? “I don’t want to see the person I love get hurt!” Remus was always straddling the edge, he couldn’t just lean too far to one side and just find out what would happen, no, Sirius wouldn’t let him just-

With a vehemence that knocked the air out of Sirius’ lungs, he grasped that he had just told Remus he loved him. It was true, of course, but he hadn’t meant to say it now, not like this. It had simply slipped out because it was all he knew, the only thing he knew to be real. But they were early into their relationship, he was aware of that, and he hadn’t expected Remus to feel the same yet which is why he had wanted to keep it quiet for a little while longer. Well he’d failed. He’d told Remus and now everything would go to shit because he couldn’t keep his mouth shut. And Remus-

Remus had gone quiet as a mouse. Fuck. Buggering fuck. Sirius felt his face heat and his heart turn like a Ferris wheel. He couldn’t lose Remus, he couldn’t scare him away. He wouldn’t survive that.

“Remus?” he asked. Instead of a response, Remus ended the call. Sirius sank to the floor, phone still clutched to his ear, and sobs tear out of him like gunfire.

***

Sirius was still sitting on the floor when suddenly someone hammered their fists against his dorm door. This was just the unlucky timing Sirius needed, he was in no state to welcome whichever intruder was desperate to get in. Hoping it was just James who had forgotten his key, Sirius slowly made his way to the door.

Before Sirius could even take another breath, Remus tore into the room. He looked crazy with his eyes wide, red cheeks and his hair tousled. Sirius could barely process what was happening; Remus was here, in his room, clearly having sprinted from the skatepark. He was here and Sirius’ whole body tensed when his brain went through all the possible reasons for that in speed-mode. If Remus was to break up with him, he better do it soon.

“Remus-“ He started, trying to rip the Band-Aid off quickly. But Remus interrupted him by holding his hand up. He was bracing himself on his knees, trying to catch his breath.

After a few seconds, Remus lifted himself up again and looked deeply into Sirius’ eyes. There was shock in there, fright and disbelief, but mostly immense joy. Sirius felt himself quirking an eyebrow at that unexpected development. “You-“ Remus started and took Sirius’ hands in his. Now Sirius was really confused where this was going but since Remus hadn’t broken up with him yet he was trying to be patient. “You love me?” Remus brought out and Sirius’ head felt dizzy. It was a good thing he could hold on to Remus via his hands.

Sirius felt his face heat up and he bit down on his lower lip. He could lie, make this easier on himself and act tough. But all he had done was tell Remus the truth, the desperate truth lodged right into his heart. Nothing could take that feeling away from him and if Sirius was being honest, he was proud he was able to feel something this strong and deep and good and all-compassing. He knew with a clarity that he could never lie about this.

“I do.” Sirius said and looked to the floor. He might have to be honest but he didn’t have to look into Remus’ eyes while he did it. His cheeks were still burning, partly out of embarrassment and partly out of naked fear.

Suddenly he felt a calloused palm caressing his cheek, urging his head upwards. He let himself be moved only to stare directly into Remus’ amber eyes which were only centimetres from his own. And then Remus’ eyes lowered to his lips and they were kissing.

Sirius was seeing stars as he melted into the embrace. He didn’t know if this was a goodbye kiss or something else but he couldn’t find it in himself to care in that moment. His whole being was wrapped into magic – Remus was magic and whenever he touched Sirius he could feel it in his whole body.

Slowly, Remus pulled away and Sirius had to hold himself back from following him. “I love you too.” Remus whispered, a gentle smile pulling at his cheeks. “I love you so much, Sirius.”

Sirius’ whole world opened and closed and exploded and he could do nothing but pull Remus close again and kiss him deeply. Remus loved him. He was loved by Remus. It was going to take a while until that fact would fully register in Sirius’ mind, but his body was already thrumming with awareness. He had always felt a bond to Remus within his innermost core, from the first time he had seen him. But now that bond felt almost physical, like there was an invisible string tied around Sirius’ heart which connected him with Remus’. His body had known that he belonged to Remus and now it was finally realising that Remus also belonged to him. His. Remus was his and Sirius would be damned to ever let him go. “Say it again.” He breathed, his lips still pressed against Remus’, making his voice sound muffled.

Remus chuckled but still complied, “I love you.” Sirius kissed him. “I love you.” Remus said again and Sirius buried his hands in his curls. “And I’ll give it up.”

At this Sirius pulled away a fraction and looked at Remus curiously, “You’ll give it up?” He asked perplexed, his mind grappling to understand what Remus meant through the mush it had turned into, solely chanting ‘Remus loves me’ and not much else.

“Yes, I’ll- actually hold on.” Remus said and gently shrugged off Sirius’ embrace. He ducked down next to the door and picked up his skateboard.

Sirius cocked his eyebrow and was about to ask Remus what he was doing when the latter broke the skateboard in two with a quick movement. Sirius’ mouth dropped open as he stared at the two pieces of now splintered wood. “What the fuck just happened?” Sirius asked and he fixed Remus with an incredulous stare.

Remus just shrugged and let the broken board fall to the floor before taking Sirius’ hands. “If I either can have skating or you, I will always choose you. I thought that would be obvious by now. You know, after the whole declaration of love.” He said it so casually but his eyes shone with emotion.

Sirius couldn’t help but giggle. “Oh my god, that’s adorable but you are so dumb.” He hugged Remus close. “I would never make you choose, love. You don’t have to give it up, I’d never ask for that.” Sirius tried to keep his voice at a normal level even as his mind was going a thousand kilometres a minute. He had still been grappling with the fact that Remus actually loved him and now Remus had not just given up his favourite thing but he’d actually broken his damn skateboard for Sirius. He hadn’t known someone could love him like that. It felt so huge and so desperately precious that Sirius felt the need to cry. Years he had thought himself incapable of love, of loving and of being loved, and then Remus came into his life and turned it all upside down. Sirius was so dangerously, fantastically happy and everything within him was burning. Because who the fuck breaks their skateboard for someone just to prove how much they loved them? And why couldn’t Sirius stop thinking how strong Remus had looked when he broke that board in one motion? He was hopeless when it came to Remus, but it seemed like that went both ways so Sirius basked in the feeling instead of dreading it.

“I know.” Remus said and pushed a loose hair strand behind Sirius’ ear. “But I want to. I would hate to be the reason to ever make you feel bad. It’s a small sacrifice to make for your well-being. And you know it’s fine, I’ll find something else to entertain myself with.” At this he grinned at Sirius devilishly, turning the latter on the same amount as it was making him laugh. “Are you free by chance?”

Sirius giggled and rolled his eyes. He was so in love with Remus he was going to die. “Always.” Sirius said as Remus kissed him. “I’ll be a very happy substitute indeed.”

“I thought so.” Remus teased and walked Sirius backwards until his legs hit the couch.