Realization
When Sirius was a boy he had always protected his baby brother from their parents. Always, regulus. His little brother.
Sirius misses the way he and Regulus used to laugh, or mostly because he misses the way Regulus had laughed. The way his eyes lit up and his dimples showed. Sirius gave a small smile to the thought, but he was quickly snapped back to reality.
Sirius probably hadn’t heard Regulus laugh in years. Because Sirius left. Sirius just left him there, with his parents. How could he, how could Regulus not come with him. How? Why?
The day Sirius decided to leave, he had asked Regulus to come with him. Sirius was 18 years old, Regulus was just 16, almost 17. Sirius had promised Regulus that he would find him when he was ready. when he was old enough. Sirius is going to keep that promise, because he swore he saw him at the party last night. His dark hair that’s slightly curled, he saw a glimpse of his grey eyes that are very similar to Sirius’s. Now all Sirius was trying to do was remember where he went.
He had to admit, he got pretty drunk last night. Drunk enough to make out with a tall brunette who looked a lot like his crush.
Sirius stopped. Wait. He was tall, and brunette, and had a bit of a scar. Sirius remembered kissing his neck, he found small scars on his neck. Oh fuck. Sirius felt a flutter in his chest, he felt warm. Too warm.
He has too many things on his mind. Sirius grabbed his jacket and phone, and walked out of his and James’s dorm.
He walked out of the building, and onto the streets. They didn’t have class, it was the weekend but James usually would spend the weekends with Sirius, he wondered where James was right now.
Sirius just needed to clear his head, he walked around the city and saw many people and many buildings. He saw a small coffee shop. He felt like a coffee, so he waltzed in there running his slim fingers through his hair. He looked up to the register, just to see Remus. Remus, the beautiful basketball player that Sirius was hitting on. Also the guy he snogged last night.
“Hey what can I get you today?” Remus said, looking right at Sirius. He wondered if Remus remembered the snogging, or if he just forgot about it. Sirius takes he forgot, because he’s looking right at Sirius like nothing had ever happened. Sirius felt this hurt in his chest. Remus probably had someone back where he lived. Oh that hurt to think about.
“Hello?”
“Oh um, I’ll just get a black coffee with one sugar and no milk”
“that’ll be 3.00 £”
Sirius got out his wallet and gave Remus a five, Remus just looked up at him with his soft brown eyes. Gods, he was gorgeous.
“And could I get a name for the order while I get your change?”
It took all of Sirius not to cry and kiss him
“Sirius, and keep the change Remus”
Sirius could feel his stomach start to hurt and his lip start to tremble as he walked over to the pickup line.
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He walked back into his dorm and saw James sitting on the bed, his glasses were off and he was on his phone.
Sirius gave a small smile when James looked over at him
“Hey prongs”
“hey, where were you?”
Sirius jumped on James’s bed slamming his face right into the pillows
“you ok?”
Sirius lifted his head from the pillows
“I’m fine, I just ran out to get a coffee.”
“What happened? You can tell me”
“I may or may not have seen Remus. He works there apparently”
“what! Oh my goodness, this is a good thing! Did he say anything?”
Shit. He didn’t tell James about the last night.
“No. This was not a good thing, I snogged him last night.”
James’s mouth was open, a beat of silence passed.
“While I was pissed. And now there’s some awkward tension between us, and I don’t know how to fix it”
Sirius’s head fell on James’s shoulder, James rubbed his back and exhaled.
“It will be okay, just talk to him”
“I can’t”
“why not?”
Sirius lifted his head up and looked at James
“I really like him prongs, and I’m scared I’m going to muck things up”
he really is scared, they built a friendship together. Sirius hoped that it would become more. But now that it happened, he’s worried that he has lost Remus forever. Remus who’s incredibly smarter than Sirius, Remus who’s soft and sarcastic. Remus who loves books, specifically The Dead Poets Society. Remus who can’t make up his toast toppings so he puts everything on each slice. Remus who loves coffee and chocolate. Sirius feels horrible. What’s wrong with him? Why does he have to be like this? Sirius is crying, but James is right there with him. Holding him, even though it’s not James’s love life. James is really the best friend he could ever ask for.
***
Regulus woke up with a massive headache. So much for Regulus believing Remus ‘drinking and not feeling anything after Lupin.
“Good morning sleeping beauty” Remus was standing in the bathroom fluffing his hair with a smirk. Regulus gave him a scowl.
“How in the world do you not feel like shit after a party lupin”
Remus laughs and pulls his jumper over his head.
Regulus rubs his eyes and yawns when he goes to stand up off his bed he gets dizzy and almost falls over. Wow. Today is going to be great.
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Why was he this stupid. Why did he agree to go to Remus’s stupid party? Well he doesn’t quite know, he doesn’t remember much of that night.
He remembered drinking, seeing Sirius and being with someone.
Who? Regulus remembers someone helping him. He had soft skin and he smelled good, whoever it was they were warm and comforting. It was probably Remus. Remus smells like coffee and books though, this person reeked of eucalyptus.
It was all regulus could think of all day until it hit him. Right when he was lacing his skates to step onto the rink.
James. James had helped him, even when regulus was mean. James was there, helping Regulus breathe. As he approached the rink he saw James once again smiling while skating down to regulus.
“Hey” James’s smile was huge and it covered his whole face.
“Hello” regulus looked up at James “James. I have a competition in 2 weeks, I need to practice.”
James just stood there and stared for a moment or two
“right sorry”
he moved over and regulus flew on the ice again. Gliding just as smoothly as he always had. And once again he could feel James’s burning gaze, and Regulus tried to ignore it. But there was something about James that he couldn’t seem to let go of. Something always had driven regulus right to James. How could he not? James was like a magnet, everyone he meets he pulls in and it’s impossible to go. Regulus is a force, he pulls people in. Then drives them right back out. He’s scared that he’ll hurt James if they ever become friends. Regulus always pushes people away. He did with his brother, and that was enough to set regulus off. He had vowed never to love someone again. It would only cause more pain.
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Regulus loved to skate but hated taking off the skates and showering right after, he decided he didn’t hate to do it anymore because James was sitting right next to him talking.
James was going on about hockey and his torments, but regulus wasn’t really focused.
Mainly because James was shirtless and he was running his fingers in his hair. Now Regulus wasn’t stupid. James was fit, like extremely. And Regulus just happened to be very very gay. He didn’t fancy James, he just thought he was fit, and pretty… and nice and soft and gentle.
Fuck. No. He didn’t like James.
“You're really good at skating,” James said, smiling. “And you’re beautiful”
James pushed regulus hair away from his face. Fuck this. Regulus likes James.