Rejected Soulmate

Remus is dying. Remus is dying. Remus is dying.

That is all Sirius’ brain could think over and over. They were one year out of Hogwarts. Sixth year they just thought he was tired that’s it but seventh he was still not okay but this last year both him and James were calling healer after healer. The same response was given.

Remus was rejected by his soul mate. He was going to die unless his soulmate reversed the rejection. So have the soulmate take it back, simple, right?

Except nothing was simple about any of this. For one, Remus refuses to give up who the soulmate is. Second, he is getting sicker and sicker. Third, when he changes to the wolf it is taking so much out of him that it is hard for him to get any better. Fourth, Lily who is a healer is certain that if they cannot reverse the rejection then Remus has this year to live if he is strong enough.

He does not seem strong enough. He can hardly walk or eat. He has lost all ability to use magic. Even the wolf’s magic cannot produce anything. He is skinnier and paler and the deep bruises under his eyes is enough to make him look like he is one step from death.

And finally, Sirius is freaking out because he loves Remus but the last full moon, the wolf didn’t even have the strength to do anything. This was not good. Sirius had to do something.

He walked into Remus' room, where he was lying down. He was actually reading. At a time like this. After Hogwarts, Sirius and Remus moved in together while James and Lily lived in the flat across the hall. Peter had moved in with his brother across the city.

“Remus. How are you feeling today?” Sirius asked but he knew he was unwell, but Remus would never admit it out loud.

“Fine.” Of course that is all he ever said. Fine. Fine? No this was not fine! “Lily is coming over.”

“Good. Maybe she can knock some sense into you.”

Remus sighed, this was a nonstop argument they have had since Remus was diagnosed. “Sirius, please.”

Sirius turned around to look Remus straight in the eyes. He was angry, frustrated and worried beyond measure. He was watching his best mate die! “Please? Please, what Remus? Please stop trying to save your life? Or perhaps please make me feel better?”

Remus took a deep breath, “Sirius. It’s okay.”

Sirius was completely floored by how calm Remus was at the brink of death. “Okay? No, Remus none of this is okay. You may be okay dying but I’m not okay watching my best mate die in front of me!” Sirius felt his tears run down his cheeks but he could not be ashamed of them. He can’t lose him! Not Remus.

Sirius never said anything but he fancied Remus. He has pinned over him for years now. Ever since sixth year, James is the only one who knows it. Remus is just intelligent , kind and caring. He is smart and sexy, although not at the moment when he looks more dead than alive. If the world lost Remus Lupin, it would lose the light in the darkness.

Sirius always knew that was what Remus Lupin was the light in the dark. Sirius knew the dark, really well. James was like the sun all brightness but Remus was a calm light. A light that Sirius desperately needed and wanted. He cannot lose him. Not Remus.

Remus' eyes teared up. “Sirius.” Sirius shook his head. No, this cannot be happening. He cannot let it.

He knelt down by him. “Remus please just tell me who it is, please. I can’t lose you.”

Remus swallowed a lump in his throat, “No.”

Sirius looked everywhere but at Remus. He was desperately looking for something. Anything to help him but there was nothing. “Why?” Sirius was no longer crying but his voice cracked.

“Sirius, my soulmate rejected me. That person doesn’t want me.”

“Yes but if they knew you were sick that person can take it back and you can live.”

“Sirius...”

“It doesn’t have to be romantic, some are platonic bonds.”

“Sirius…”

“No, this can work, you don’t have to have a romantic bond but you won’t die. So tell me who I will go for that person and everything will be okay…”

“Sirius, I don’t want a platonic bond. I love my soulmate but that person might not, considering I was rejected. I am sorry but this is probably for the best.”

That caused Sirius to jump up. “The best! The best for who? You? Your soulmate? Because I promise it isn’t for me, James, Peter or Lily! Remus we love you!”

Before Remus could reply Lily and James came in. Neither said anything just carried a small forced smile.

Sirius took a deep breath. Talking was getting him nowhere. “I need to check Remus.” Lily said in a small voice.

With that both James and Sirius stepped out in silence. As they headed towards the living area Peter came into view. “How is he?” Peter said nervously.

“Lily is checking now.” James replied but then turned towards Sirius. “Why were you yelling? At Remus.”

Sirius kept brushing his hair with his fingers. “James, we need to find this soulmate.”

James sat down forcing Sirius to also sit. “I know. Hell, I know that. But Sirius if talking doesn’t work then yelling most definitely won’t work.”

They all sat in silence. Sirius always hated the silence. Back home, his parents hated noise. He remembered that they would be yelled at if they laughed too loudly. This silence was somehow worse.

It was worse because it was full of pain, desperation and hopelessness. Remus was dying and they couldn’t do anything. Sirius hated him for it but not really.

Lily came out. Sirius looked at her with wide eyes. She sat by James with sad eyes. This was not good. Sirius wanted to yell at her to just tell them but he couldn’t find his voice.

“He might not make it to the end of the year.” Those words sat heavy in the air. Sirius wanted to cry, yell, something to make it untrue.

Lily continued, “This must have been years ago that it occurred.”

James had been pulling at his hair. “How long ago?”

“3 years. Rejection takes a while before it gets this bad. In truth there is a good chance that the soulmate doesn’t even know. A strong row can be a rejection without it meaning to.”

Sirius did the math, 3 years, that was fifth year. That brought an unpleasant thought. “Fifth year. Christopher Plate.”

Sirius hated him. He had a crush on Remus. He was two years younger and he was ugly. With his ugly blue eyes and his ugly bright blond hair. Who even likes blond hair? Black hair was nicer!

James nodded, “Could be. There are also others that it can be.”

“Including Lily, here.” Peter suggested with a laugh.

James sat up and put an arm around her. “No. She has a soulmate, me. That’s it! Remus won’t say who it is, then we will find the person. All we have to do is write the names of those he had problems with that year and we go see if they are the soulmate. We will make a list and divide the names between us three while Lily helps him stay alive.”

Lily looked at him, “That’s actually a good idea. Well, I don’t like the idea of you three digging into Remus’ business but in this case I agree.”

With that they each got a piece of parchment. Sirius wrote Christopher’s name. Yes he hated him. Soulmate or not.

“He had a three day row with Shelly Golder also and Dorcas Meadowes.”

Peter wrote down. Frank Longbottom, Mary McDonald and Sydney Fields.

James had written Gideon Weasley, Emmeline Grace and Sirius Black.

“Oi, why did you put my name down?”

“You are pulling my leg, right? Sirius, do you not recall what you did? Pluse you haven’t found your soulmate yet.”

James must have been talking about the whole Snape thing. He dramatically rolled his eyes, “We are fine.”

Peter answered before James could. “Yeah but that could have broken the bond without you knowing.”

Sirius opened his mouth to answer when James spoke first. “Peter is right. I’m not saying that you are the soulmate. All I’m doing is putting anyone he had an issue with at the time. Trust me you would be the last resort.”

Sirius didn’t like that answer but he didn’t know how to argue with that. “Fine.”