Suffocating
James Potter was the sunshine boy of Hogwarts, the air around him almost glowed and no one around him seemed to struggle as they orbited the sun, when they were, the sun was always there to take away their pain and swap it with joy and light. People started to notice and moon and flower began to always orbit with the sun, there were many whispers of this at the start, of how strange it was for them to be so close, this began to dampen the suns glow. Eventually, overtime, the sun had no glow and all there was, was an artificial light, fake joy coming from the sun itself which no one even noticed.
James Potter sat on the floor of the dorms bathrooms, knife in hand and blood running down his forearm. He was alone in the dorm as his dorm mates were in detention. 6…..7…..8……9 the floor was covered in red 10…..11…..12 he could breathe again, he couldn’t even remember how this started, he just needed an escape, to feel something. Getting up and casting a Scourgify James looked at the himself in the mirror, a person he didn’t recognise stared back. Scars littered his arms and legs, some fresh cuts littering between the white lines, and some new ones on his hips surely that couldn’t be what he’s become. Shaking himself he stepped into the shower to clean himself off. Standing under the cold spray, James began to think about his life; once he was a happy and naïve boy who could laugh and joke with his friends but now he felt undeserving of such love and care. Would anyone care if he died? No one would notice? His partners would probably be happier with just the two of them wouldn’t they? They wouldn’t get all the strange looks anymore and whispers. Shaking himself, James stepped out of the spray, revelling in the sting from his fresh cuts. Drying himself off quickly he slipped into his pjs and left the bathroom towelling his hair and sticking his glasses on. Sitting on his bed he began to read as he waiting for his friends. He didn’t have to wait long before Sirius came bursting through the door. “ PRONGS MY LOVE!” Sirius threw himself onto James as Remus walked in after him shaking his head and laughing at his boyfriends antics. James laughed as he tried not to wince as his best mate landed on his fresh cuts. “How was detention?” He asked playing with Sirius’ hair. Sirius launched into an explanation of how they were made to clean the cauldrons and how he thought he was going to die from the smell. An hour later and Remus was dragging Sirius off for a shower. James rolled over to settle down to sleep. Shit he needed a piss, why did it always happen when you were comfortable? Waking towards the bathroom he went to open the door and froze as there were questionable noises coming from within “ah-fuck-moons” Sirius was moaning and the sound of slapping skin echoed out of the bathroom. James quickly turned around and went back to bed deciding he could wait for his piss.
An hour later a sleepy Sirius was carried out of the bathroom by his boyfriend. Casting a concerned look towards James Sirius curled up to his boyfriend and cast a silencing charm. “Remus, have you noticed something odd about James?” Remus nodded sleepily into his hair. “Like he’s not being honest with us, yeah I get that baby. Why? Do you want to talk about it with him?” Remus asked and Sirius shrugged “I’d like him to know we’re here for him when he needs us. So he can depend on us as much as we can depend on him” Remus nodded. Eventually they fell asleep promising to talk to James the next day.
James woke up to his alarm at 5am as usual, however this morning he’d obviously bled through his clothes as he was stuck to his sheets. After detaching himself from the bed he wiped himself down in the bathroom and went for a run to clear his head. He then headed to breakfast, as he was walking to the great hall he walked into snape. “Perfect potter without his gang of losers. Not feeling so strong are we?” James sighed tired. “Fuck off snape. I can be bothered today” however snape wasn’t having it. Snape grabbed his wrist as he tried to walk away and James let out a yell of pain as he’d grabbed his fresh cuts. Snape frowned and yanked James sleeve up. Laughing cruelly snape sneered at it “Pathetic Potter, can’t even handle what everyone else can. Merlin you really are worthless” and with that he walked away leaving James feeling even worse than he already did. After a minute or two James pulled himself together and walked into the great hall. His eyes scanning to find where Lily and regulus were. When he spotted them he immediately relaxed and walked over to where they were already sat. They shifted so James could sit in the middle of them, when he sat down. James got a kiss from them both and he felt himself melt into the romantic gesture. They ate breakfast quietly chatting until Sirius and Remus turned up both covered in hickeys. Regulus gipped and James wolf whistled. “Someone had a good night” Lily said laughing. Sirius nodded proudly and launched into ranting about his boyfriend until Remus shoved some toast in his mouth. Regulus leaned into James and whispered. “Hey darling, tonight’s date night don’t forget. We’re meeting at 7pm in the room of requirement” James kissed him and muttered against his lips “as if I could forget my partners and our date nights” laughing regulus returned to his breakfast. James began to worry about the night. He had to look perfect.
7pm came around and James walked into the room of requirement where his partners were sat on a bed with candles lit. “Hey darling, how about you come sit and we can have our date?” Lily held out her arms for him, he climbed between them and they settled together as they watched Jurassic park one of James’ favourite, half way through the film Lily captured his lips and began to kiss him. James anxiety began to spike, especially when regulus began to kiss his neck and hand began to travel. Regulus managed to somehow strip his shirt off and everything stopped, there was an intake of breath from two people and James felt like he couldn’t breathe. “Oh love, why didn’t you tell us-“ regulus began. Gasping for breath James grabbed his shirt and threw it on as he ran out of the room and comfort of his partners he may never know again.