"So, where do babies come from?" Ronald Weasley asked with an inquisitive tone, the students of History of Magic ceased their conversations to look at the red-headed boy incredulously.
Professor Binns, their ghost professor, froze in his spot, his hand still gesturing to the large blackboard filled with chicken-scratch writing about the fall of the Goblin Empire and the invasion of medieval England by nomadic fairy people: his pale and usually placid face tinted with red as his brows furrowed, rose, and furrowed once more. Harry Potter who was sat next to Ronald stared at him with disbelief- surely the wizard youth received some form of sexual education, right?
"Don't be daft, Weasley," Draco Malfoy sneered, "They're delivered by storks, everyone knows that." This was met with a burst of laughter that caused Draco to blush violently, he felt rather chagrined as he shouted, "That's what my father told me!"
"Are you actually serious?" Hermione Granger asked in a condescending tone, "Were you not taught basic biology?"
"Children, children!" Professor Binns snipped and gathered the student's attention, "It is a perfectly valid question, thank you for asking it, Mr... Mr Wotsits-" "It's Weasley." "-Ah, yes, Wotsits." The ghost Professor flicked his wand and the blackboard cleared itself, a piece of chalk floated upwards, and started scribbling words onto it; Several students started taking notes, Draco Malfoy included.
"So, as you all may very well know, babies are not human," the professor said with a tone of finality. He raised his hand to silence the shouts from the muggle-born students. "A terrible truth you must come to know, ah yes, babies and even some toddlers are actually fae-spawn. This is all because, as we were just talking about, the TinkleWinkle fairy tribe's invasion of England in the seventeen-hundreds."
Harry Potter locked eyes with Hermione, she looked just as astounded and shocked as he felt. The professor paced the lengthy expanse of the classroom as he lectured, the chalk continued to make notes on the topic behind him.
"It was a genocide," Professor Binns informed, "there were systematic attacks on humans, and the fairies targeted children, as naturally, they are more vulnerable. Over a short period, all human children were effectively eradicated." Harry Potter couldn't stop his jaw from falling open from sheer surprise and incredulity at the statements that were coming out of the decorated professor's mouth.
"Of course, this pushed Humankind and Goblinkind to work together to defeat a common enemy, and from this alliance, the idea of 'my enemy's enemy is my friend' arose. However, not even with their combined forces could they defeat the all-powerful and malevolent TinkleWinkle fairies who were willing to fight without honor, unlike the honor-crazy humans of the time, and were not afraid to get blood on their hands."
The Hogwarts students were poised on the edges of their seats, hanging onto every word that poured from the professor's mouth. Never before and never again had Professor Binns ever arrested the complete and unwavering attention of a class. Ronald's brows furrowed and he raised his hand.
"Yes, Mr Wotsits?"
"It's Weas- whatever. What does this have to do with where babies come from?"
"Patience, Mr Wotsits. All in due time, all in due time." Professor Binns walked back to the front of the room. "So, you all have to be aware that our ministry is run by the descendants of the TinkleWinkle fairies." Harry Potter gaped at that statement, Hermione also seemed to be doing the same fish-out-of-water act.
"No? Oh well, it is. Anyway, it is written into our founding laws that any humans which are wanting to have children must inform the government, and from there they meet a fairy consultant who matches them with a fairy egg that contains similar characteristics to the couple. They must sit on this egg for nine months before it hatches into a baby. This procedure must be followed, lest we wish to initiate another wizarding world war."
"Wait... so wouldn't that make us all fae-children?" Hermione asked with a doubtful tone.
"Yes, until the following Tuesday."
"Why the Tuesday?" she questioned, looking even more confused.
"Because England was created on a Tuesday. Nevertheless, I hope that answers your question Rona Wotsits."
"It's- okay, yeah, yeah..."
With the ring of the bell, the students packed up their equipment, they left that classroom with more questions than answers and a growing distrust of the ministry.