Chapter 1
J'aurais voulu des excuses.
I would have liked an apology. One true and honest apology. Recognition of what you did to us. To me. A proof that you knew very well what you did, that you saw your actions and heard your words, that you felt what happened.
I would have liked to have someone else i could rely on, someone else who could support me. I hate that you stole my chance to have a proper dad. It's not fair that after you fucked up your first kid you chose to be the same monster with the three who came after. It's not fair you fucked up my mother's mental health, obviously impacting her physical health as well.
She's still struggling today. Same for us all.
Isn't it funny how you talked so bad about your own dad but you're shocked when your kids don't want to talk to you anymore ?
I'm slowly drifting to adulthood and feeling more and more sad. I'm sad for the teenager i was and the child too. Teenager me still hate you with all her heart, i don't think she will stop one day. Child me is heartbroken and scared.
And there's me.
Present day me. Just trying to find and keep balance, grieving everything and particularly the possibility of a dad that never came alive. I Hope you are miserable, and it's probably the case. I already know you will end up alone and sad, we all knew that since years because that's just what you do, you push and hurt people as much as you can until they ran off so far you can't do anything anymore.
You never stop.
I just Hope the fourth child will be able to run away even earlier than i did. Good luck to her.
So yeah, with that being said, i would have liked an apology.