Say Hello
When James arrived back from his dorm, he felt like he might cry.
It had been an extremely long day. He spent most of his time in classes and prepping for the end of year exams that would decide whether or not he even graduated this year. Then Madame Hooch, his coach, had made him run laps around the field because he was late to practice so that caused him to be behind. Plus he had to stay after to make up for what he’d missed whilst enduring a lecture from said coach about how scouts will not be so lenient about his tardiness when he makes it to college.
So James had had a particularly grueling day.
After practice, he’d basically collapsed into the arms of Sirius who was practicing his lines for the musical he and the drama club would be putting on at the end of the year. James was extremely grateful that Sirius was always by his side no matter what. He had tried out for the lacrosse team back in second year with James and had unfortunately not made it as he wasn’t a very fast runner and liked to make far too many jokes about sticks and balls to be taken seriously. Luckily, he wasn’t too broken up about it as he had confided in James that same year that he had really only been trying out because his mother made him. James was grateful to hear that as he really wanted to celebrate having made the team but didn’t want to rub it in his mate’s face.
Now, Sirius would mostly sit on the bleachers and read from his script as, once he’d made it out of that house, he was finally able to fulfill his dreams of being an actor one day. James was proud that after working towards it for years, Sirius had finally been cast as the lead as those in their final year took precedence when it came to casting choices. James knew that Mcgonagall was really just ensuring that this was something Sirius truly wanted to do with his life and that he was, well, serious about it.
And with their differing interests, James was secretly happy that Sirius still stood by his side through everything. For when he wasn’t at rehearsals, he would sit happily on the bleachers and patiently await James to be finished with practice so they could walk back to the dorms together. James had never been so grateful to have such a fierce and loyal friend who cheered him on even when he was being reprimanded and never complained about how long he was taking.
Which just made the guilt he felt at keeping such a friendship-ending secret all the more difficult.
“It’s alright, Prongs,” Sirius was saying as James collapsed into his arms as soon as the other made it over to him. “The day is finally over. We’ll go back to the dorms and get you in a nice hot shower because, no offense mate, but you could use one.”
“Git,” James mumbled even though he knew he was right. “Carry me?” He asked as his muscles were aching extremely badly and he wasn’t quite sure he’d be able to make it back to the dormhouse that was all the way across campus.
Sirius chuckled goodnaturedly and rubbed a rough hand over the top of his head. He then pulled James off him gently. “Alright, you big baby. Hop on.” He turned around and crouched so James could jump on his back, knees securely bracketing his hips. James was stronger than Sirius and definitely worked out more but Sirius burned all kinds of calories in theatre and did a lot of heavy lifting with set designs all the time so he was no limp noodle. “Take a breather. I’ll have us back at the dorms in no time.”
James mumbled sleepily and buried his face in his friend’s neck. Sirius smelled of vanilla and coconut and James let the sweet scent lull him as he shut his eyes.
He’s not sure how long it took for Sirius to make it back to their dorm but the next thing he registered was the stinging sensation in his lower back as he was promptly dropped on the concrete. “Ow, fuck!” he cried out and glared up at Sirius. “What the hell, man?!”
“Sorry, sorry!” Sirius exclaimed as he immediately bent down so he was eye level with James. “Are you alright?” He cupped James’ face as gently as a lover. “Does anything hurt?”
“Only my pride,” James groaned, ignoring the pain in his backside. “What’s going on?” he then asked as he noticed Peter and Remus sitting on the dormhouse’s steps. Peter looked like he might cry as he had his elbows resting on his knees with his face in his hands. Remus simply looked exasperated and almost like he might murder a man. James could relate as he looked just as tired as he was. Remus locked eyes with him and only pointed up without saying a word.
James followed the line of his finger and understood the upset his friend’s were exuding. On the roof of his dormhouse sat four very familiar looking beds. Someone, most likely Remus, had probably called the services as there were two men stood on top of the roof trying to take the beds down.
James, still on the ground and feeling all of his exhaustion weighing on him just then, buried his face in his hands and groaned loudly and not at all dramatically.
“How did he even get them up there?” Sirius questioned. He was somehow the only one not upset even though his bed was also up there. “Regulus is not very strong.”
Remus pinched the bridge of his nose. “Barty and Evan are.” The tone of his voice conveyed all of the anger and irritation James was feeling.
“Ah, I see.” Sirius said nonchalantly. “You know, I really thought he’d spare Remus. Them being besties and all.”
“I thought the same,” Remus bemoaned. “But this is probably revenge for the snake incident. I’ll never be nice to James again.” He buried his face in his hands.
“Hey!” James exclaimed and it was really all he could say. He was so fucking tired. He collapsed on the ground not even caring that his head smacked against the concrete. He put an arm over his eyes to block out the sun.
“Alright mate?” Sirius asked, prodding him with his finger.
“How attached are you to your brother?” James asked. He had never felt the urge to kill before but in that moment he wondered if his friend would miss Regulus.
“Very attached. Um, please don’t murder him.” Sirius laughed a little nervously like he thought James meant what he said. James wasn’t sure he didn’t as he felt the entire weight of his shitty day hit him all at once in a furious wave of exhaustion. And the idea that Regulus was probably laughing at him somewhere filled him with even more disdain. “You have to admit it’s a little impressive.”
No, James absolutely did not have to admit that. Not out loud anyway.
When the workers were done hauling their beds back to where they belonged and James was done wallowing on the ground, he and his dorm mates made it back to their room where they all collapsed on their sheets. “Seems as though someone knocked you four down a peg,” Janitor Filch squeezed James’ shoulder and snickered. “‘Bout time.” James wanted to run after him and scream that Regulus was not better than them but that would mean admitting who pranked them and Regulus would for sure get in trouble because of him again. So James could only scowl and clench his fists.
“‘You four’, I’m not a part of your nonsense anymore,” Remus mumbled.
Sirius shook his head sadly. “Darn shame too. You always had the best ideas, Moony.”
Remus half-smiled at him and then collapsed on his bed, though not before sending Regulus a strongly worded text. James hoped his kind friend used very colorful language that reflected how he was currently feeling. James groaned into his pillow as he felt Sirius sweetly massage the muscles on the backs of his shoulders. Sirius really was a good friend.
“Pete? Pass me my prank book, will ya?” James asked without looking up. He simply held out his hand and waited until he felt the pages hit his palm. He lifted his head and pulled the pen out of the spirals, flipping to a random page.
Sirius kneaded the back of his neck while looking over his shoulder at the book. “That one.” He pointed at a spot on the page James had turned to. “Reg will simply cry if you time it right.”
James read the prank he’d written there only nine months ago. It was one he’d done before but it was the perfect retaliation.
James was done fucking around.
***
“Son of a bitch!” Regulus cried out almost simultaneously with Barty and Evan.
The three of them had laughed heartily until they couldn’t breathe at the prank they’d pulled on James and his roommates. Regulus was feeling vindictive so he enlisted the help of his two friends and got them to carry the beds to the roof of the Gryffindor dorm hall. It was a bit of a struggle but it was worth it to hear the whispers in the halls of what he’d done. They were lucky enough that they were in the year below the four seventh years as their classes had finished up earlier than theirs.
Unfortunately, Regulus wasn’t able to see the look on his opponent's face yet he could tell he’d gotten Potter good. The furious text Remus sent him about it was evidence of that.
Regulus knew it was a big risk doing what he did considering James and his lot had to call down to the office which invited questions that Remus told him they were all being tight lipped about. This prank war was making him more reckless and impulsive and he didn’t know how to feel about it. Regulus had never had detention before or been suspended and risking such things all in the name of beating James, well, it wasn’t like him.
Regulus was doing a lot of things that weren’t like him lately. Like outwardly flirting with James and staying up late thinking up pranks so he wouldn’t have to go on a date with him. The two contradicted each other so much it made his brain hurt.
It had been two weeks since the four had had to call down to the office and get workers to remove their beds from the roof. Regulus was beginning to think James was doing a silent forfeit. Or maybe….well, Regulus wasn’t going to admit to being a little nervous at what James could have possibly been planning.
The day he was having was a long one. Ever since his little incident, Slughorn had been keeping a watchful eye on him. Every little thing Regulus did had a nitpicky comment. “You need to shade that more” “Those colors don’t match” “I don’t like that brand of paint” Like Regulus was some first year who didn’t know what he was doing. He hated how he’d gone from Slughorn’s prized pupil to a problem student and he cursed Potter for that every day.
He had that class only on Tuesdays and Thursdays and he went from looking forward to it to dreading it because of how Slughorn treated him now.
After being berated for an hour and a half, Regulus wanted to spend the day drawing alone in the artroom. That dream quickly died when he found out he’d somehow lost his key. He wondered how he could’ve possibly misplaced it when it practically lived in the pocket of every pair of trousers he owned. So he spent the better part of a half hour trying to kick the door in until a teacher walked by, raising a brow at him and he had to stop and accept his fate. He made a note to begrudgingly request a new key but he was pretty sure his quiet days in the artroom were over as informing Slughorn he lost the key when he practically hated him at this point was futile.
Now he just wanted a nap. Regulus genuinely felt like a nap could solve all of his problems.
“Hey,” Barty said, meeting him at the door. He and Evan were walking together, the three of them all having just got out of their last class of the day.
Regulus nodded in greeting, blinking a little sleepily at him.
“Slughorn still giving you a hard time?” Evan asked as he unlocked their dorm door with his key.
Regulus scoffed. “Yes and I’m going to murder Potter, resurrect him, and murder him again for it. I’ll rip his testicles off while I’m at it.”
“Ugh, I love it when you talk dirty.” Barty fake moaned. And it was moments like these where Regulus wanted to shake him because the look on Evan’s face was only digging him a deeper hole.
“Shut the fuck up,” Regulus recoiled.
“Touchy,” Barty replied mockingly as Evan finally got the door open.
Regulus made a beeline for his bed. “Don’t fucking talk to me til dinner.” The other two laughed as they both went to their respective sides of the room.
And it was really like something out of a movie. The three of them sat on their beds at almost the same time and at almost the same time, their beds collapsed out from under them. They all cried out in different arrays of outrage. Each of their beds had fallen to the floor loudly and Regulus felt like it was a personal vendetta. He didn’t know how James knew that this would have him seething and plotting murder but Regulus was ready to kill a man.
He heard a familiar click and turned to Evan with rage burning in his gaze. “Are you fucking serious.”
“No, that’s disgusting,” Evan wrinkled his nose as he lowered his camera. He wasn’t even upset about the bed.
Barty laughed at Evan’s stupid joke like he always did. “Why did we even get targeted? This isn’t our war.”
“Because you idiots egged Potter on,” Regulus growled.
“Well, you’re the one who agreed to it.” Evan pointed out.
“Yeah, you didn’t have to say yes. You could’ve just let it be done and moved on with your life.” Barty agreed like there was any chance Regulus would’ve been able to do that with a crowd of nosy people watching. “Speaking of…what did you agree to say yes to if you lost?”
“Yeah, I’ve been wondering that myself. What, did you agree to go on a date with him?” Evan smirked while Barty chuckled and that really was the last straw.
“Oh, why don’t you two just mind your business and fucking kiss already!” Regulus snapped, bounding to his feet and marching to the door. Neither of them had a word to say. Yeah, that’s what I thought. Because who were they to make jokes about his love life?
Evan flushed and looked down at his camera. Barty choked on his spit and started coughing. Regulus sneered at their reactions. “I’m gonna go murder Potter.” He slammed the door shut behind him as he exited.
Regulus really should’ve felt bad for snapping at his friends but it was that comment about going out with James that had him reeling. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to, it was just that James had to be making fun of him and if he lost, Regulus would probably end up on the worst date of his life. It would just be another prank.
He made his way out of the dorm house, trying his best to calm down by taking deep breaths. In through the nose out through the mouth. Okay, all he’d have to do is go to the janitors and get some screws to put his bed back together. Easy.
Not easy.
The second Regulus walked out the door of his dormhouse into the outside, his vision went white and he felt a slight tingle up his nose. He shut his eyes tight so the substance wouldn’t get in his eyes and only opened them once the hand removed itself from his face. He spit out and saw James standing there with a mischievous smirk on his lips, hand held up and covered in whipped cream.
“What the actual fuck, James!” Regulus seethed.
“Aww, you called me James.” The other mocked. “What’s that? Four to three? Your turn to catch up. Clock’s a tickin.”
Regulus wiped his eye with his hand so he could see James’ stupid ass face better. “You stole my idea so I’d say it’s three to three.”
James laughed bitterly. “No way. This may be similar but at least I didn’t mess with your feelings first. Because, you know, that would’ve been way more fucked up.” The way he said it sounded like he was still a little stung by their last interaction.
“Oh boo hoo, Potter. Grow up.” Regulus didn’t even allow his mind to snag on the “mess with your feelings” part and analyze what that could mean. He made a mental note to do so when he was trying to sleep at night like a normal person.
“You’ll have to beat me for that, darling.” James lifted Regulus’ chin up with a single finger. “Unless you want to give up now and go on that date?”
“Not a chance,” Regulus spat. “I’m gonna ruin you so hard that you’ll be begging me for mercy.”
“Oh, I think we both know which one of us is better at begging.” James chucked Regulus under the chin one last time. He then reached down and grabbed Regulus by the hand. Regulus felt his breath hitch as James flipped his palm up and deposited something warm and metallic into his hand before closing his fingers around the object and kissing his knuckles gently. “I believe these belong to you.” James winked before walking away, leaving Regulus there gaping at him like an idiot.
When James rounded the corner out of sight, Regulus cautiously opened his palm and looked down to see a bunch of screws he assumed went to his and his roommates bed. In the center was his key to the artroom. How did James even obtain that? Regulus laughed softly but there was no humor in it. He wasn’t even mad that Remus probably let James in again.
He stared at the space James once was. He wanted to chase after him and shove the screws down his throat. He wanted to get back at him and make him regret fucking with him. He wanted to defeat James Potter. He wanted him to feel his wrath. He wanted Sirius to take his side instead of pretending like he wasn’t on James’. Despite it all though, he wanted to be with James in all the ways that mattered and he fucking hated himself for it.
Regulus turned on his heel and went back inside the dormhouse. He opened the door and saw that Barty and Evan had only moved slightly in the five minutes he’d been gone.
Barty was on Evan’s bed that was still on the floor. He was facing Evan while Evan was facing the door. Both were cross legged, knees touching. Barty had his guitar in his lap and their faces were suspiciously close together. Evan had Sally wrapped around his fingers and a gentle smile on his face that quickly disappeared when the door opened.
“That was fast. Tell me you pushed Potter off a cliff,” Barty said hopefully though he sounded a little annoyed and Regulus couldn’t even be bothered to wonder what they’d been up to and what he almost just walked in on. His eyes scanned the other’s body. “What happened to—”
“I don’t wanna talk about it,” Regulus deadpanned. He marched up to Evan and grabbed his hand, depositing the screws into it. “Fix this up while I shower?”
And Evan wouldn’t normally let Regulus boss him around but it was clear how angry, exhausted, and a little humiliated his friend was so he only nodded.
Regulus snatched a towel out of his closet and slammed the bathroom door shut behind him. As he let the heat of the water consume him, he thought about how he was going to destroy James Potter. He was done fucking around.
Regulus didn’t know what he had planned. He didn’t know how far he was going to go. He didn’t know what he was going to do. He didn’t even know what constituted as a good prank in the eyes of James and Sirius.
Though he knew one thing for certain: James was going to fucking lose.
James: 4
Regulus: 3