You Were Romeo
Valentine’s Day called for a ceasefire.
It was an unspoken agreement. Neither party would perform a prank on this day due to the nature of such a holiday. Even Regulus wouldn’t be so cruel. Or James hoped he wouldn’t anyway and had learned his lesson from last time.
Yes, he was still thinking about it.
Though to be quite honest, James kind of wished Regulus would do something anyway as he really needed it to take his mind off of things.
For you see, it was the first year that James was going to be single on Valentine’s Day at Hogwarts Academy since second year. More so, it was the first year he was going to be single on Valentine’s Day since Lily dumped him. Though he didn’t blame her for leaving him and she and Pandora really were cute together, James still felt lonely.
He just had so much in his heart and so many feelings he wanted to express that he had bought a box of chocolates without thinking. Though maybe some part of him had some forethought because his brain decided to buy them in hazelnut, a flavor Lily was allergic to so that definitely stopped him from giving them to her. Thank you, brain. Now, he was sat at his desk in his dorm with a box of cheap chocolates and no one to give them to on Valentine’s Day like the loser he’d become.
He could’ve given them to Sirius but the two of them got each other gifts every year and he’d already given his that morning. It was a brand new earring with a sun dangling from it in his honor. His friend had gifted him in return a star charm to add to his keys. Both gifts felt like they had a small piece of each other and no matter how sappy it sounded, it really warmed James’ heart.
He thought about throwing the chocolate towards Peter or Remus but…
Peter bit into a chocolate bar that had been gifted to him by one Mary Macdonald while Sirius poked his cheek trying to get information out of him.
“We’re study partners. She knows I don’t like her like that but who am I to say no to free chocolate?”
James was actually surprised when he walked into the dorms after class and saw that Remus had been given a yellow rose courtesy of Regulus.
“Um, are you two—” he started and Remus interrupted him instantly.
“Don’t be stupid, James. Yellow roses mean a deep friendship in the language of flowers.”
James felt himself and Sirius breathe a sigh of relief. “Good,” Sirius said. “Because I hope you all know you’re forbidden from courting my little brother.”
Oh, if only he knew.
“Oh, please.” Remus rolled his eyes. “You can’t forbid us. Regulus is a big boy, he can date whoever he pleases and there’s nothing you can say to stop that.” Then he added when Sirius glared at him, “Not that I’m interested.”
“Well, there goes my plans.” Peter said in jest. “I’ll have to break the news to him. He’ll be so crushed.” He shook his head in faux sadness.
“Forbidden!” Sirius said poignantly. “I’ve lived with you lot for six and a half years at this point. Not a single one of you could handle Regulus and his perfectionist ways.” He paused. “Well, maybe Remus could but he is also forbidden.”
“For the last time, Regulus and I are just friends.” Remus groaned like he’d had this conversation multiple times. Which he basically had as all the years he spent hiding away with Regulus and seeking him out just so they could be alone had resulted in some nasty rumors of their courtship. James once asked Regulus about it, because Sirius was too chickenshit to do it himself, and had gotten a shoe thrown in his directions and a door slammed in his face.
“Hey, what about me?” James asked, noticing that Sirius had not said anything about him.
Sirius raised a brow at him. “What about you? James. Darling. No offense, but Regulus would never even look in your direction. Your relationship would last a day. Because he would kill you by sundown.”
“I think I get the picture,” James mumbled. He couldn’t help the sting in his heart that he felt. Because even with all of these odd feelings he couldn’t figure out, part of him wanted Sirius on his side in the matter. He thought about defending his case, talking about how he'd treat Regulus right, buy him flowers, be the perfect gentleman. Except why the fuck would he say all that? He wasn’t trying to court Regulus.
Was he?
No, he wasn’t. His prize to be won was just a game and a test of the waters. Nothing more.
Right?
Sirius waited patiently until Remus and Peter left for their next classes to hop up on James’s desk and mumble, “Moony got me flowers.”
James looked up from his predicament to stare at his friend. He looked particularly embarassed, a rare sight for one Sirius Black who always exuded confidence and certainly wouldn’t bat an eye at someone gifting him flowers as it was often hard to keep track of all the potential suitors he had, men and women alike. Except this was Remus Lupin, the boy Sirius had been pining after probably since the minute he offered his hand in greeting their first year. “Oh?” It was all he could think to say.
Sirius kicked him lightly on the side of his thigh. “Don’t ‘oh’ me. What do I do?”
James turned fully in his chair to face him. “What do you mean? Say ‘thank you’ and give him something back.” He was very unsure why they were even having this conversation. Sirius didn’t know that James knew he’d slept with Remus but there were things Remus didn’t tell him and every time James tried to ask, he would only say that he needed to tell Regulus about it before he could pursue anything. Yet it had been eight months later and Regulus still had no idea.
“I did!” Sirius exclaimed. “Something simple, just a bar of chocolate. That’s casual, right?”
“Sure. So what’s the problem?” James knew it was secretly killing him that the eccentric Sirius Black couldn’t make a bigger gesture to show his affections.
Sirius leaned back on his hands. “I just can’t tell if he really likes me.”
That was the stupidest idea James had ever heard.
“That is the stupidest idea I’ve ever heard,” he said aloud. “Remus thinks you’re the stars to his moon and he’d give you the moon if he could. Do you not see the way he looks at you? When you walk into a room, it’s like the whole world stops and it’s just the two of you. Moony’s eyes gravitate towards you instantly and he always gets this little smirk and when you speak, you have his full undivided attention. Remus is pretty well known for being the casanova of Gryffindor Hall but literally no one stands a chance because they’re not you and they know it. Why do you think he’s barely received any presents this year? Because everyone knows not to bother because you’re the one who catches his eye. So tell me, Padfoot, how can everyone see that but you?”
James did not know where all of that came from. Maybe it had something to do with his head spinning all day due to the holiday. Maybe he was just lonely and couldn’t stand to see his friend in the same boat as him. Or maybe he was just tired of the two still dancing around each other even after sleeping together because there was only room for one person with complicated feelings and James wasn’t yet ready to give up his crown.
Sirius sat a little straighter. “Wow, Prongs. What’s their name?”
James looked at his friend in disbelief, the question having come out so casual and out of left field. “Who?”
His friend smirked at him. “Come on, I know you. You only spout sappy bullshit like that when you’ve got a hard on for someone.”
James felt his ears burn. “What? No, I don’t.”
Sirius nudged his foot against James’ thigh. “Yes. You do. When Pete had a thing for Emmeline in second year, you told him he should write a three page love letter just about her eyes and the way that they sparkle and this was when you first realized you liked Lily. And last year when you went through your ‘holy shit I like boys’ freak out and briefly crushed on Moony, you informed Barty that if he really liked Regulus, he should set off fireworks that spelled out their initials which caused him to get detention for three months because he accidentally started a fire and you wonder why he hates you. Plus I haven’t forgiven you for trying to steal my man.” He crossed his arms haughtily.
“I would never do that,” James declared truthfully. “And in my defense, crushing on Remus is basically a right of passage. Hell, I’m sure even Regulus himself crushed on him at one point.” Despite their insistence that they were just friends and nothing more, there was always an inkling James and Sirius had that there was something secretly going on between the two. Both hated the thought and tried to ignore it as much as possible.
“Probably,” Sirius shrugged. “But my point is you just basically wrote me a love letter and all but signed Moony’s name at the bottom so tell me dear Jamie, who is the girl or guy?”
Stormy gray eyes with a silver tongue to match flashed in James’ mind. “No one, there’s no one. Honestly.” Why did he feel like he was lying?
Sirius looked at him in suspicion. “Really? No one?”
James put his hands up. “There’s no one. I guess I’m just tired of you and Remus dancing around each other. It’s been six years, when are you going to get your head out of your ass?”
Sirius looked away. “I don’t know. I guess I’m just scared that I’ve imagined every look, every moment, and it’s all in my head.” Then he shrugged. “Maybe it’s the trauma. My mother just never stopped ruining things for me.”
“Hey,” James put his hand on his friend’s knee. Sirius looked at him, his eyes a little glassy. “You are the best person that I know and, forgive my language, but your mother is a right old cow who was far too stupid to realize that she made two beautiful children who are far too good to still be hearing her words now.”
“You think Regulus is beautiful?” Sirius raised a brow.
“You are missing my point entirely.” James smoothly bypassed it so as not to get stuck in another loop of just how beautiful he thought Regulus was and all the complicated feelings that came with that thought. “My point is that your mother can’t get you now. And Remus Lupin is so wholeheartedly infatuated with you, I’m surprised he hasn’t gotten down on one knee to make you see it.”
Sirius laughed and rubbed one eye. “I really like him, James.”
“I know you do and I know you’re scared but what do you have to lose?”
“Moony for one,” Sirius pointed out.
James shook his head. “Remus is far too mature to let something like this ruin your friendship. I mean, he forgave you for Fifth year didn’t he?”
Sirius kicked him again. “We all agreed to not bring up Fifth Year ever again, you cunt.”
It was true and it was a long and pitiful story. Fifth Year was rough in their room. Remus slept in Slytherin Hall for three months and almost went as far as to put in a transfer until Sirius apologized and made a grand gesture that James was involved in. James and Peter didn’t want to choose sides but had to side with Remus due to the nature of Sirius’ mistake.
James could honestly say it was the worst year of all their lives, including Regulus who had to intervene and be the only person on his brother’s side almost ruining his friendship with Remus in the process. It was their first real disagreement and James couldn’t even look at Sirius when it happened. And when it was all said and done, they’d all agreed never to speak of it and it was only brought up every once in a while and Sirius and Remus would simply pretend it didn’t happen.
James moved his leg away from the kick, barely having even felt it. “Right but you see what I mean? If Remus can forgive you for that, who’s to say you can’t move past rejection?”
“So you think he’s going to reject me?”
“Padfoot!” James was starting to get a little frustrated.
“Okay, okay!” Sirius raised his hands in defense. “I will…talk to him.” There was still a conflicted look on his face. “There’s still some complications between us I need to work out.”
“Complications?” James questioned. “Like what?”
Sirius had never clammed up around James of all people but right then it looked like he desperately had something to say and was deciding against it. Oh god, when would the secrets end? “Just..some stuff.” Sirius hopped off the desk and rubbed his hands against his sides in preparation. Then he patted James on the shoulder. “Thanks for kicking my ass into gear, mate. No wonder you’re my best friend.”
“I wear the title with pride.” James put a hand to his chest.
Sirius smiled brightly and patted him again. “As do I. And whenever you’re ready to tell me your crush’s name, I’ll be here to offer the same encouragement. See ya later!”
“There’s no—” But Sirius had already gone.
James looked away from where his friend had just been and stared at the box of chocolates he’d embarrassingly bought on a whim. He contemplated just throwing them out but dear Remus would have an aneurysm and lecture him about being spoiled and literally throwing money away without a thought.
Maybe he should just eat them. Or would that be more pathetic than it already was? He was so alone he bought chocolates for himself? Yeah, no. James checked the time. He was late for his meeting with Slughorn. Fuck. He’d have to figure out what to do with the chocolates later.
James shoved them aside and ran out the door, the last of his friends to do so.
So James really did feel awful about the prank he’d accidentally pulled that started this mess in the first place. Regulus had looked so upset all soaking wet like an adorable kitten caught in the rain who would totally scratch your eyes out for looking at him wrong. . That image flashed in his head often and every time, James felt worse. Especially once the true severity of the situation had been explained to him.
“Regulus will get another chance next year but only if he can get Slughorn back on his side,” Remus had told him.
“I’m sure he’ll earn his trust back soon enough,” James had said. “He’s Slughorn’s favorite student and his artistic skills are amazing.”
Sirius had bit his lip nervously before saying, “I’m not so sure. Slughorn’s not known for his forgiveness. Regulus told me that most kids get kicked out of the program their first year if they’re not perfect. He’s lucky Slughorn is even still letting him take his class.”
James was pretty sure that if Regulus had been kicked out, he would not have survived to tell the tale. He was just lucky it was far too late in the game for Slughorn to force him to take a new subject.
Still, James knew he had to do something.
He had been emailing the professor nonstop for three weeks, knowing that he had a reputation of being extremely busy and unavailable for students. James wasn’t even in his class so he knew it would be even more difficult to get a meeting with him. He’d finally received an email back saying he was available today at 3:30 and that James had better make it quick.
So he, clearly taking things seriously, arrived at his classroom at 3:45 like an idiot.
James barreled through the door without knocking, startling the professor in question.
“Mr. Potter,” Slughorn greeted. “You beg me for a meeting and then you show up fifteen minutes late. One might wonder if this is one of your pranks.” The look on his face was completely unimpressed and unamused.
James laughed nervously. “My apologies, sir. I’ve been a little distracted today.”
“Ah, yes,” Slughorn amended. “I understand that you have been preoccupied prepping for the game this Saturday. Let’s hope you’ll bring another win home for us.”
James had always been a little shy about the praise he received from most teachers. Like any other academy, the school tended to favor its athletes as Hogwarts Academy had one of the strongest lacrosse teams in the nation. James knew he was on the radar of many scouts that would be arriving towards the end of the year. If James just kept up his winning streak, he might get a scholarship. He just had to beat Durmstrang at the end of the year.
“Of course, sir. I’ll do my best.” James tried to look confident but, after hearing Regulus’ stories at home, Slughorn made him a little anxious.
The professor hummed. “Well, you are lucky my last class is a free period. Have a seat and we’ll discuss whatever it is that is so urgent.”
“Thank you, sir.” James pulled up a chair from one of the desks and sat in front of him. “I wanted to talk to you about Regulus.”
Slughorn raised a thin brow. “Regulus?”
“Regulus Black.” James confirmed.
“I know who Regulus is, Mr. Potter. What about him?”
“Well, he’s your favorite student, isn’t he?” James was trying to ease him into things.
“Was,” Slughorn corrected. “He was my favorite student. Until he made a mockery of both this program and the gracious opportunity I provided him. Mr. Black is lucky he is a sixth year for if he had pulled this kind of stunt in his third, I would’ve had him kicked out of my program.”
Okay, this wasn’t going to be easy. Slughorn clearly had some beef with what had happened.
“But that’s just it!” James exclaimed. “It wasn’t Regulus’ fault!”
“And just how exactly was it not?” The professor leaned back in his chair.
James explained it all as quickly and easily as he could. How the prank was his idea. How it was originally meant for Snape. How Snape switched the paintings, knowing this. How Regulus had no idea and therefore none of this was his fault and he had only been caught in the crossfire.
“I see…” Slughorn said when James had finished. “So Mr. Black had no idea at all?”
“None whatsoever.” Okay, that was a little bit of a white lie. Because, yeah Regulus knew there was a prank but he didn’t really know what James had been planning. That was the whole point of his warning. To protect Regulus from being an accomplice. Fat load of good that did him.
“It was all you?” Slughorn asked.
“Yes,” James replied. And really it was Sirius and Peter as well but James was willing to take the fall and full responsibility.
“I should’ve known…” The Professor sighed. “Mr. Black is my most promising student. Of course he would never be so childish.”
“Exactly.” Oh, if only Slughorn knew just how childish Regulus could be.
“Well, I appreciate you telling me. I only wish I had known sooner.”
“Of course. I couldn’t let you think Regulus had done it.”
“I also appreciate the honesty.”
“No worries.” James waved his hand like it was no big deal and it really wasn’t. He only wished he hadn’t taken his sweet time telling the truth.
“And while I do commend you on your integrity, I cannot allow this to go unpunished.”
“Understandable.” James knew what he was doing. Taking responsibility for his actions was not something he was unused to. He practically lived in detention.
“So I’m afraid our school won’t be able to count on you for that win on Saturday. You will have to spend that time in detention.”
“Wait, what?!” No. No no no. This wasn’t the punishment he was expecting. “Sir, you don’t understand. I have to play this weekend. I can’t let my team down.” Every game counted. Coach Hooch had told him that. Told all of them that. She was going to be so pissed.
“Well, you let one of your classmates down. You deliberately messed with another student’s assignment, one that had you not come clean, would have cost him a huge scholarship that would’ve decided his whole future. I think that this is the perfect punishment that I will be discussing with your coach and the headmaster. Have a happy Valentine’s Day and please get out of my office.” Slughorn waved away all of his protests. James had no choice but to exit the room, shoulders slumped and feeling utterly defeated.
Part of him wanted to regret ever having said anything. Part of him wanted to take it all back. But he knew he couldn’t. Regulus didn’t deserve that. It was James who had messed up. It was James who’s prank had backfired. It was all James. And he knew he couldn’t let Regulus continuously be treated like he was just as childish and immature as him. It was only one game. There would be many more. Many more opportunities for him to win and prove himself. He was just lucky there weren’t going to be any scouts for a while. It was fine. He’d be fine.
James made his way back to the dormhouse where he was promptly greeted by someone he wasn’t expecting.
“Hey.” Lily Evans welcomed. She was the only one in the common room as everyone else had already made it to dinner. She sat casually on the couch they had in there, scrolling on her phone. Her hair was pinned up and she had a few heart stickers that stood out on her skin. There was a yellow one on her arm, pink one on her neck, and two red one’s adorning both her cheeks. James knew they were courtesy of her eccentric girlfriend.
A year ago, James would’ve scooped her up in his arms while she giggled and pretended to fight him. A year ago, he would’ve deposited her on the common room couch and buried his face in her neck, inhaling her sweet perfume and running his fingers through her soft hair. A year ago, he would’ve complained about what had just happened and Lily would’ve listened and told him everything was going to be alright.
Now, he didn’t know if he was even allowed to tell her his problems anymore.
“I heard about you not playing in the game this weekend,” she said much to his surprise.
“How do you even know about that already? It happened literally ten minutes ago.” He asked.
Lily wiggled her fingers at him. “Because I’m psychic, duh.” He just stared at her until she grinned and said, “Or Marlene is on the team with you and she texted me.”
“Of course,” James muttered. Marlene Mckinnon had joined the team their third year. Hogwarts wasn’t the kind of school to separate genders for anything other than dorm rooms. That’s why James liked it here so much. People got into programs and accepted into sports teams based on talent and drive instead of gender. Marlene was one of their best and she never even let the band she formed with Barty Crouch Jr distract her. James knew that one day she’d be doing something great and whether that was lacrosse or music, Marlene McKinnon would be amazing some day. James was glad he knew her while she was normal like the rest of them.
Lily patted the seat next to her. “You wanna talk about it?” She always knew when he was upset and a part of him hated it because he knew it was just a crumb of what their relationship used to be.
James cautiously sat next to her, a respectable distance away, and told her everything.
Well, not everything. He left out the part about sleeping with Regulus over the summer and keeping secrets from Sirius and his alliance with Remus. But he told her about the prank and his thoughts on the prank war and how he had to come clean to Slughorn so Regulus wouldn’t be seen badly in his favorite teacher’s eyes anymore. James briefly wondered if the news had gotten back to him and how he felt about it. Was he grateful? Or did he think James was an idiot? Was he about to burst in here and reprimand him for it and yell that he’s not a damsel in distress?
“And I don’t regret it at all,” James finished while Lily listened quietly nodding along.
“Maybe you should. A little bit,” Lily said. James looked at her incredulously and she rolled her eyes. “Don’t look at me like that. I mean, I told you not to prank Severus and you did it anyway. Now you’re in a prank war with Regulus Black who you’re going to lose to by the way.”
“What?” James shouted in surprise. “I thought you were on my side.”
“I’m not on anyone’s side, Jamie.” Oh, how he wished she wouldn’t call him that right now. That nickname brought up a whole lot of unwanted memories. Well, unwanted right now. “I just don’t want you to get hurt. And you’re going to get hurt.”
James wondered how she was so sure.
“Don’t worry about me, Lils. I’ll be fine.” It didn’t sound as reassuring as he wanted it to.
“I hope so,” she whispered to herself. Then she pulled her legs up and wrapped her arms around them. A year ago, the bare skin showing from the shorts she was wearing would’ve driven him wild. Now he just wondered if the AC in the common room was making her cold. “You know…I’ve missed you.” She said it kind of sadly.
It was odd to hear her say it and James stared with wide, confused eyes. “You broke up with me.”
Lily rolled her eyes. “Not like that. I just mean, well, we were friends once weren’t we? I miss that.”
James found himself feeling the same way. Before he’d pursued her, before the three years they were together, before she broke his heart, they were close friends. He could tell her anything. She was the first person even before Sirius who he told he was bisexual. Before he was even ready to admit it to his own mother. And she had looked at him and smiled and said “Same.” And they laughed. James missed laughing with her so he understood what she was getting at. It wasn’t like they weren’t still friends even after everything. There just seemed to be this awkwardness between them that kept the two from hanging out alone. James remembered how he avoided her for a while until he realized how silly he was being. He hated that he ever hurt her with his shunning and blaming. They were both at fault for the breakup.
“Me too,” James said quietly. “And I’m glad you’re happy. I really am.” It was the truth.
Lily scooted closer on the couch. “I am happy James, but I want that happiness for you too. This thing with Regulus isn’t going to end well and I think you know it.”
“How can you be so sure? It’s just a silly little prank war,” James tried to laugh it off but Lily continued looking at him with concern in her eyes.
“Because I know you. And I know that you’re in way over your head. You’re gonna end up heartbroken and I don’t want that for you.”
James tried to think about what she meant and failed to figure it out. Lily always seemed to speak in riddles the same way that Remus did. Like they knew something he didn’t. It was frustrating not understanding their subtle hints. Thought it was as good a time as any to finally ask, “What did you mean? When we broke up. I said I loved you and you said—“
“Do you?” Lily finished for him.
“Yeah,” James breathed. “I’ve been trying to figure out what you meant by that. Because I thought I was such a good boyfriend to you.”
Lily grabbed one of his hands from where he was wringing them in his lap. “Oh, James. You were the best. You were so good to me. I just…wasn’t sure if we were in love. Not really. I don’t think it’s me that you loved. Love.” She corrected herself at the end.
“What are you talking about?” James asked. She was being so confusing and he knew she was doing it on purpose. Their relationship was a lot like this. James having so many questions and Lily being determined to make him figure it out on his own. It was frustrating yet something he loved about her because it meant she had faith and wanted more for him than anyone else. Though it didn’t mean it wasn’t going to take him a while, she was more patient with him than Remus was. James was pretty sure the lad was ready to strangle him anytime he was being particularly dense.
Lily didn’t answer. James squeezed her hand and she finally said, “You have a big heart, Jamie. And I’m just worried it’ll eventually be broken beyond repair. Although…” she trailed off, watching out the window. James wanted to ask her but then Remus came through the common room door and their moment was broken. She let go of his hand and greeted him.
“Hello,” Remus said. He had a big red heart sticker on his forehead. Lily smiled at him fondly. “I heard about what you did, James. Very noble of you. Regulus will be pleased.”
“You think so?” James replied. Because he really hoped that not being able to play in the game that weekend would be worth it if Regulus was at least a little bit grateful. His guilty conscience wasn’t the only reason he’d come clean.
“I don’t see why he wouldn’t appreciate you standing up for him like that and putting an end to Slughorn’s reign of terror on him,” Remus smiled at Lily who grinned back and James once again got the idea that they knew something he didn’t. Remus had always been friendly with Lily even before she and James dated. If Regulus was his best friend, Lily was a close second as they were both academically intelligent and overachievers. James thought Regulus would like Lily if he gave her a chance but for some reason he avoided her whenever he could.
Lily stood up from the couch, brushing imaginary dust off her shorts. “Well, I will see you boys around. I’m glad I got to talk to you, James. Happy Valentine’s Day.” She smiled at him genuinely and kissed his cheek. James thought he should feel a flutter of something, a bit of disappointment but he really just felt glad that she was his friend and nothing more. He really had missed talking to her like this. He briefly wondered when the next time they’d be alone would be what with how busy they both were these days.
“Happy Valentine’s Day,” he repeated back, a little sad knowing he had no one to give his lonely purchase of one box of chocolates. Though he was happy that his ex girlfriend had someone who had more to give to her than a box with contents she was allergic to.
“Oh, about what I said,” Lily paused in the doorway. “You’ll understand soon enough. You just need to be patient.” With that, she exited without waiting for James to ask her to explain what she meant.
How patient did he need to be? It always seemed like he had more questions than answers these days.
James laid down on the couch in exasperation. The day had been hard to get through and he felt the loneliness settling in. And even after everything, James hoped Regulus was having a better Valentine’s Day than he was.
He deserved it.
***
Regulus hated Valentine’s Day. The cheesy romantic gestures, the flower petals everywhere, the couples making out in the halls. He couldn’t stand it. Especially when he had to bear witness to his friend’s being in love and him being all alone. Regulus had walked by Lily Evans with the stickers all over her skin from none other than Pandora who did this every year but hadn’t been able to truly express herself to the object of her affections.
Dorcas had stolen one of Barty’s old songs and played it for Marlene who couldn’t stop smiling. Regulus never took Dorcas for the romantic gesture type but she wore the flower crown her girlfriend made her with no shame. And Regulus only wondered what Barty had planned and he really hoped it was something good that Evan would drop his nonsense and tell him the real reason he’d been torturing the poor lad.
Even Remus had been gifted a little…something from someone Regulus still didn’t know the name of. Remus had tried to hide the giant box of his favorite chocolates in his bag but Regulus had seen. He chose not to say anything and gave his best friend the yellow rose to symbolize their friendship. Remus in turn had gifted him a bar of hazelnut chocolate to which he knew was his favorite. That was about the closest thing to affection he would get on this wretched holiday that forced him to confront his loneliness.
His own damn brother had unfortunately also been roped into the shitty day. Sirius, who’d always been more popular than Regulus anyway, was walking around campus with a red rose in his hand and backpack spilling over with chocolates of all kinds. “Who even are these people?” Regulus had tried to ask.
Sirius had fixed him with a wicked grin. “I have many suitors, my dear Reggie. You will understand when you are older.” An odd thing to say considering they were only a year a part. Then he’d plucked a bar from his stash and handed it to him. “Here. Because god knows you probably threatened to cut off the balls of some poor guy who dared have the courage to confess to you.”
He wasn’t wrong and Regulus really did feel bad for telling Fabian in math that he could shove his affections up his nose but one, his heart belonged to another and two, who the hell gave somebody gum for Valentine’s Day?
At least he no longer had to watch Potter fawn all over Evans anymore. Regulus had barely even seen James that day, the only time being when he plucked a small box of chocolates from the school store and purchased it. He wondered who they were even for since James was known for his romantic gestures and there was no one to his knowledge.
Though he wouldn’t call it a romantic gesture, Regulus knew what James had done for him that day. He wanted to walk up to him and demand an explanation, ask why it took so long to say anything, yell that he wasn’t some damsel in distress. And he would’ve done all those things if what James had done wasn’t so…sweet. Regulus supposed that was the right word.
He’d heard about it from Slughorn himself when the man stopped him in the hall. Regulus feared it was going to be more reprimanding until his professor said something surprising. “Your little friend, James Potter, stopped by this morning. He told me the truth of your little…incident.”
Regulus wanted to say that James wasn’t his friend and that ‘incident’ was putting it lightly but he had to ask what James had told him. Much to his shock, apparently the idiot had taken it upon himself to explain the situation to Slughorn, taking complete and total responsibility for the whole thing. Regulus didn’t know what he was supposed to feel about that. Especially when he was told what it had cost him. Regulus didn’t know anything about lacrosse except for what James had told him and the game he was dragged to that one time that he was barely even paying attention at.
What he did know was how important this year’s games were. To James, every single game counted towards being recognized by the scouts who would be there in the finals. Sirius had once said, “Prongs has the whole team weighing on his shoulders. If he doesn’t give 100% at every single game this year, he may end up just another player not even on anyone’s radar. You have no idea how important your last year is.”
Regulus was starting to. What James had done was more mature and responsible than anything he’d ever done. He had given up something important just for Regulus and that fact made his heart beat so fast he had to brace himself and take some deep breaths while Slughorn was speaking. The man wasn’t the type to apologize and only promised him a second chance for next year if he still wanted it. Regulus had to maintain his composure when agreeing instead of screaming YES.
“I see you haven’t seen Pandora yet,” Dorcas broke through his thoughts and sidled up to him on his way back to the dorms. She adorned a yellow heart sticker on her forehead and a purple one on the side of her neck.
Regulus let out a breath of a laugh. “Lucky me though I fear I will be bombarded as soon as I enter my room.” He knew Pandora was most likely hanging out in there with her brother. Although they acted like it bothered them, the stickers actually made them all feel at least a little bit happy. It meant that their friend cared for them and loved them. Regulus remembers how Barty teared up the first time their eccentric friend explained her reasoning behind it. Don’t tell anyone though, it’ll ruin their reputation. “Did Mckinnon like the song you stole?”
Dorcas laughed and wrapped an arm around his shoulder. “Oh, she loved it. Barty actually wrote it for me to give to her, he was just mad I stole it before it was finished.”
Regulus snorted. “I’m just glad it wasn’t one of his many ballads about Evan’s eyes.” They both mock gagged and made their way inside the dormhall.
When they entered the room, they saw an intriguing sight.
Pandora was sat with Evan on his bed, hanging upside down with her stickerbook in hand. She was the only one of their friend group other than Regulus who’s skin had zero heart stickers on it. Evan was next to her having gotten the worst of it. It looked like his twin had used an entire sheet to decorate his face and arms. He had a red rose in his hand, lost in thought with a gentle smile on his lips.
“Reggie!” Pandora shouted in excitement and waved her book around before flipping off the bed to the floor.
Regulus carefully sat crosslegged near where she had fallen. She stared up at him upside down, her hair brushing against his knee. “Hi, Panda.” He brushed blonde strands out of her eyes.
She flipped to a fresh page and pulled a red sticker from it, reaching for Regulus’ face. She placed the sticker on his cheek and smoothed it out with her finger. “Boop,” she giggled and Regulus shook his head at her fondly as she grabbed another sticker and placed it on his jawline. He decided to let her do her thing until she was satisfied.
He didn’t usually take kindly to being touched, having grown up in a family that acted like it was the plague. But he tolerated it from people he knew well. He knew they all grew up in similar situations, craving affection and love from those who were supposed to do so unconditionally. Sometimes he even found himself needing it. A hug from Pandora. A lean on from Dorcas or Barty. A pat from Evan. A hold from Remus. He was lucky to find himself not denying touch anymore from those he knew had no ill intentions. He allowed Sirius to pull him around now but it definitely took some time.
“Oh ho ho,” Dorcas said, sitting next to Evan on the bed. “What do we have here?”
Evan flushed, smile dropping as Pandora answered in a haughty tone, “It’s from our dear Bartemius.”
“Bartemius!” Dorcas barked a laugh. “And what has our dear Bartemius gifted our darling Rosie Posie?”
“Don’t call me that,” Evan grimaced.
Pandora answered for him again after placing a green sticker on the back of Regulus’ hand. “A rose meaning romance in the language of flowers and a note he refuses to read.”
“Pandora!” Evan reprimanded. “Who’s side are you on?”
“Barty’s,” she replied with no remorse and as though the question were ridiculous. “Obviously.”
Evan groaned. “I can’t read it, okay? What if it’s something bad?”
“Bad like what?” Regulus said, shifting only slightly when Pandora put a pink heart on his chin. “His undying love for you?”
“He doesn’t have undying love for me,” Evan insisted. “Just—will one of you read it for me? I can’t do it myself. I’m too anxious.” He held the note out for someone to take. It was a red envelope with a heart sticker that sealed it.
Dorcas took it from him. “It would be my pleasure.” She unsealed the envelope carefully with her nail and took the note out. It was written on a white card, Barty clearly having put some thought into it. Regulus could see in the light that it had been written in cursive which he didn’t even know Barty knew. Dorcas cleared her throat dramatically while Evan waited impatiently next to her. “My dearest Rosie Posie, it would be my honor if you would accompany me to a night beneath the stars in which we will make out for hours and hours and finally put all of our friends out of their misery—”
“It doesn’t say that!” Evan cried out, face flushing more.
Dorcas raised a brow at him. “And how would you know, smart guy?”
Evan snatched the letter from her, careful not to rip it. “Reg?” He asked hopefully.
“Okay, okay,” Regulus took it from him and leaned back on his hand. His eyes scanned the page.
“Well?” Dorcas prompted. “What does it say?”
“Hang on, I’m counting.”
“Counting?” Pandora questioned with an amused smile.
Regulus turned the page over so he could see Barty’s scrawl, every letter shown as having taken a gentle care to be neat and legible. Barty didn’t often have neat handwriting but it was obvious he put some real effort into this. “It just says the word ‘please’ about forty-five times.” He handed the page to the stunned boy so he could see for himself.
Pandora squealed. “That is so cute!”
“I guess that’s one way to get your attention. I might cry.” Dorcas wiped away a fake tear.
Evan looked over the words, mouth hanging open slightly. His face couldn’t get any redder. He looked like he wanted to smile but didn’t want to in front of an audience. “That idiot,” he shook his head. He grabbed the rose again and the letter before standing. “I should talk to him, right?”
“Yes!” The three of them said in unison.
“Okay, geez.” Evan rolled his eyes. “I’m going.” With that, he walked out of their dorm.
“I really hope they kiss,” Dorcas sighed.
“You and me both,” Regulus said.
Pandora frowned. “I just hope Evie doesn’t ruin this for himself. He likes Barty so much but he’s so scared of what he’ll think. I hope we’re right that Barty won’t turn him away because of this.”
“I know you’re worried, Panda, but trust me when I say that Barty is not that kind of guy.” Dorcas said, gently nudging the other girl’s side with her shoe.
“Yeah…at least he’s romantic. Remember fifth year when he set the dorms on fire trying to set off fireworks for Reg?,” Pandora said amused.
“Yes and it was all Potter’s fault,” Regulus groaned. “I think that’s what eventually led to our break up. Barty is far too spontaneous and wild for me.” He shuddered at the memory. He was the one who had to grab the fire extinguisher and Evan couldn’t stop laughing.
Regulus remembered how Barty had looked, not sheepish or ashamed that his gesture had failed and pissed his then boyfriend off but melancholic and a little satisfied with himself that it made Evan laugh. Regulus thinks that was the first instance that made him realize he and Barty would never work and that Evan and him were perfect. Just the way he looked at him, the light in his eyes, Regulus knew Barty would never look at him like that though he didn’t mind.
To this day, no one could figure out why they even ended up together.
And it wasn’t that Regulus didn’t enjoy a grand gesture, just the way Barty went about it made him uneasy and on edge because he was so fucking chaotic and random. Regulus supposed it probably had more to do with the person performing the act because he’s pretty sure if it had been James, maybe he would’ve appreciated the gesture and not been so angry that his dumbass didn’t think to set off fireworks outside. God, Regulus needed to get his shit together. Stupid was not allowed to be endearing to him.
“Yeah,” Dorcas laughed. “And Evan loves all that stupid chaotic bullshit. That’s what makes them so good together.”
Regulus nodded in agreement. He had known Barty the longest and been the only one who dated him. He was the only one who knew just how far gone he was for Evan before Barty did. How he’d been looking at him with stars in his eyes since third year. How the first song he wrote was about Evan and Regulus was the only person who knew
He stood up, wiping his hands on his thighs. “I think I’m gonna go visit Remus now, update him on this new development. Make sure Pandora doesn’t drown in stickerdom?”
Dorcas mock saluted him. “You got it boss.” Pandora stuck her tongue out at him.
Regulus paused before leaving, his gaze falling on Pandora’s bare face and arms. He crouched down on one knee in front of her. She looked up at him curiously. Regulus grabbed her book from her, carefully peeling off a purple heart and smoothing it across her forehead with his thumb. “Self love is also important, you know.” He tugged on a piece of her hair.
She scrunched her nose at him and smiled. “Take your own advice, dummy.” Regulus opted to ignore that, leaving her and Dorcas behind in his room.
Part of him regretted the unspoken ceasefire of the prank war. He needed something to distract him from his impending loneliness. All of his friends were getting into relationships while he was still all alone. Though he knew James wouldn’t be so cruel as to fuck with him on a holiday that was all about feelings, he kind of wished something would happen, even if it ended with him humiliated again. Too bad James was too nice for that.
Regulus definitely wasn’t as he only opted to not prank on this day due to the notion that James was still upset about the whip cream incident. He was still surprised that it worked in the first place though he supposed he already knew the boy was at least sexually attracted to him. The thought both thrilled and disappointed him and he was glad he at least had enough self respect to not attempt to pursue that idea.
And okay, so he lied to Pandora and Dorcas.
He just couldn’t stand them speculating and teasing him about James if they knew he was going to seek him out. There was only room in their friend group for one hopeless love and that was Evan Rosier. Remus was still keeping his a secret and that still bothered Regulus but there wasn’t really anything anyone could do about that. Remus was incredibly stubborn.
He found James where he usually was, on the field. Only this time he wasn’t really on the field practicing long after his team had left like normal. He was laying at the top of the bleachers, arm blocking out the sun. The sun was going down behind him, encasing the boy in bright light that made him look almost ethereal.
Regulus climbed up to where the other was. James didn’t notice his approach, far too lost in his thoughts. Regulus cleared his throat when he was close enough. James immediately startled and fell off the bench he was laying on. Regulus winced from the impact and the sound James made.
He crouched down, offering a hand to the other boy. “We have to stop meeting like this, Potter.”
James groaned and took his hand, allowing himself to be pulled up. His cheeks were flushed embarrassingly and he adjusted his glasses without looking at Regulus. Regulus hated how adorable he looked, hair messier than usual and how he had to resist the urge to brush unruly strands from his eyes.
James sat on the bleachers, keeping a respectful distance away. “What do you want, Regulus?”
Regulus gingerly sat near him, keeping a safe distance. “I heard what you did. Slughorn told me.” He didn’t look at James as he said it, picking at a loose thread on his jeans.
James didn’t look either. It was like they were in a pathetic game of chicken. “It was nothing.”
“Not nothing,” Regulus insisted. “It cost you big, what you did for me.”
“Not that big,” James mumbled. “There will be other games.”
“You’re such an idiot, Potter.” Regulus huffed.
James looked up at the sky. “I think there’s a thank you in there somewhere.”
“Thank you.”
James finally looked at him, completely surprised. “Wow. I wasn’t expecting that. Regulus Black thanking me? Am I dreaming?”
Regulus flushed and kicked his shin lightly. “Shut up, I can be nice sometimes.”
“Yes, you can.” James leaned in flirtatiously.
Regulus took a finger and pushed his face away. “Stop that, I’m trying to be sincere.” He paused, looking down at his shoes and pulling his black sweatshirt sleeves over his hands. “Why’d you do it?”
James shrugged like it was no big deal. It was a huge deal to Regulus. “Why didn’t you rat me out?” He countered. “You had every opportunity and yet you let Slughorn think you were, well, like me.”
Regulus could’ve lied then. He should have lied. He should’ve shrugged and said I didn’t feel like it or It really wasn’t that big of a deal.
But James had come clean for him. He had told Slughorn the truth knowing that there would be huge consequences. He probably went in there thinking he’d just get detention, somewhere he practically lived. He might’ve known he’d get cut from this weekend’s game. He might’ve even thought he’d get suspended or even expelled. They might have called his mother and he would’ve had to hear how disappointed she was. All of that was a possibility. A risk he was taking.
And he’d done it anyway.
For Regulus.
So it didn’t feel right to lie. “I don’t know,” Regulus said softly. “I guess I just didn’t think you needed the trouble. I guess I thought I could handle it. There really wasn’t any need for me to tell on you and I supposed I didn’t particularly want you to get in trouble.”
James didn’t say anything for a moment, thinking over the lameness of Regulus’ words. “So what you’re saying is…” Regulus braced himself for the truth. That maybe James had figured it all out. That Regulus just really didn’t want James to get in trouble. “That you’re no snitch.” James finished with a triumphant grin.
Regulus felt it bubbling up inside him and it became too difficult to hold in as it spilled past his lips. He let out a, “Pft” and just started laughing at the sheer ridiculousness of the other’s statement. “Yeah. Sure. Whatever you say,” he managed to get out between giggles.
James was watching him with a gentle smile playing on his lips. His fist was against his temple as he waited for Regulus to finish his laughing fit. When he’d calmed down, James said “You know. I think that’s the first time I’ve ever made you laugh.”
Regulus held a hand against his mouth to muffle the end of his laughter. Then he cleared his throat. “Sorry, you just caught me off guard.”
“No, no,” James insisted. “I liked it. Your laugh is very cute, Reggie.”
Regulus flushed again. “Don’t call me Reggie.”
“Oh, I actually have something for you.” James reached into his backpack and pulled out the last thing Regulus expected. A small heart shaped box. The same one he’d seen the other purchase that morning. “Hazelnut’s your favorite, right?” He held it out for Regulus to take.
Regulus did so cautiously, his heart thumping in his chest. “Um, yeah. How did you know?”
“I have my ways,” James winked. Then he saw how Regulus was staring at the box in unmasked suspicion. “No prank. I promise. I just—“ he sighed. “I bought it on a whim this morning. Lily’s allergic so I thought it would help me not give her something but now I just feel like shit about having it at all with no one to give it to.” He finished his explanation a little sadly.
Lump in his throat, Regulus asked, “Not over Evans then, huh?” He dreaded the answer.
“No, I am!” James insisted quickly. “I’ve just never been alone on Valentine’s Day before.”
“Really? Never?” Regulus scoffed. He’d been alone every single year. It wasn’t so bad.
James blushed. “I’m a romantic, Reg. Sue me.”
“You’re pathetic is what you are,” Regulus rolled his eyes. He decided to take pity on him. “Fine, I will accept your not really gift if you promise not to laugh at mine.”
Regulus looked away from him as James asked, “What do you mean?”
Regulus sighed and reached into his bad. “I made you something. As thanks for doing what you did. Don’t make a big deal out of it.” He passed James the white box and waited anxiously as he opened it.
“Regulus,” James breathed. “You made me a stag?” He held the piece carefully in his hand. Regulus had done it on a whim. He wasn’t big on sculpting and was more of a painter though that didn’t mean he wasn’t good at it. Being the perfectionist he was, Regulus would never admit how much work he put into the clay stag. How it took forever to mold, to shape the antlers just right. He for sure would never admit that the reasoning behind it wasn’t just wanting to give thanks but because he couldn’t get big doe eyes out of his head on a day like Valentine’s Day.
He was the pathetic one really.
“It’s beautiful. Thank you.” James carefully held it in his lap. “No prank?”
Regulus wasn’t even offended that he felt the need to ask. “No prank,” he confirmed. Then for whatever reason, he carefully tore off the blue heart sticker Pandora had placed on his wrist. He touched it to James’ cheek who stared at him in awe as he smoothed it out. “Happy Valentine’s Day, James.” He let the tiniest of smiles grace his lips.
James slowly smiled back. “Happy Valentine’s Day, Reg.”
And as they watched the sun go down, neither of them said a word. It was one of the few times they were both able to be truly themselves. No pranks. No games. Just two people watching a sunset. And Regulus, for once, found himself not minding at all.