Baby Just Say Yes

Before he had warned Regulus, James had made his way to where Snivellus was sitting in the library. He hid behind a shelf for the longest time until Snape got up and briefly left the table he’d been sitting at, carelessly leaving behind his bag like an idiot. James quickly went to the table and switched the black bag for the one he had in his hand. Peter was the one who’d done the silly drawing. They all knew Slughorn was a strict teacher. Sirius had him in first year and dropped his class the very next when he realized he couldn’t draw for shit and the teacher wasn’t going to take it easy on him. Sirius ended up taking up Theater in second year and found he liked that much better. Though when Regulus came to school that same year and took the same class, he had a much different experience and thrived in Slughorn’s class much to his brother’s minor jealousy. 

James smirked to himself as he made his way back to his dormhouse. The mission was a success. He checked the time. Regulus should’ve had a beautiful presentation with a fabulous review by then. James knew he’d get into that art show at the end of the year. He had talent and James knew that even with how little he’d seen of the art Regulus deigned to show him. Hopefully, he’d make it out before the water balloons rained down. James was glad he was able to warn him in time. 

He arrived back at Gryffindor Hall where the rest of his friends greeted him, slapping him on the back and inquiring about how setting up the prank went. 

“So was it a success?” Peter asked. 

“Of course it was, Wormy. What do you take me for?” James wrapped his arm around his friend’s neck and pulled them both down on the common room couch.  

“I can’t believe you would do this to poor Severus.” Lily complained, standing over them. “He’s worked hard on his art.” 

“Oh, come on, Lils.” Sirius groaned, plopping down on James’ other side. “He’s a git. A bully. James is just pushing karma along faster. Besides, my dear brother deserves that spot more than anyone.” 

James nodded fiercely in agreement. 

“And you don’t think he’s going to be upset knowing someone else had to be sabotaged for him to get it?” Marlene asked, crossing her arms. 

James didn’t think about that. If Regulus found out about this, he’d probably be furious and a furious Regulus was one James did not want to see. Because even being relatively small and James could definitely take him in a fight, Regulus was scary when he was mad. It kind of seemed like he was always mad no matter what though so James didn’t see the point in dwelling on it. 

He waved the other girl off. “He’ll thank me later. And Snivellus wasn’t the only other candidate so it’s not like Reggie doesn’t have some competition. It’ll be fine.” 

“Is that Snape’s?” Peter asked pointing at the bag James was holding. 

“Yup. Let’s see what ol’ Snivellus has inside his head.” As he unzipped the black bag, he was filled with confusion. He was expecting to open up a piece of parchment to see some seriously dark imagery that would send them all to therapy but what he saw was definitely not that. In fact, it wasn’t anything at all. “It’s empty.” 

“Empty?” Peter inquired and looked inside to see for himself. “This can’t be right.”

“I thought you said you switched them?” said Marlene. 

“I did!” James yelled, feeling very annoyed. “The slimeball must’ve known…” His realization was confirmed when the ball of slime himself entered their common room with a black backpack hanging from his bony hand. And he was completely dry. 

“Hello, Potter,” the creep greeted. “I do believe this belongs to you.” He dropped the bag in Peter’s lap. 

“Snape,” Sirius seethed. “How the fuck did you know?” 

The corner of Snape’s mouth quirked up just the tiniest bit in amusement. “Please. You have been tormenting me for years. It was only a matter of time before I got the upperhand. Now if you will excuse me, I do have better things to do than speak with the likes of you and get your Gryffindor filth all over me.” He turned on his heel to go but paused at the last minute. “Oh and do tell Regulus congratulations. No doubt his presentation went beautifully.” Snape tapped a finger to his chin. “Unless there was something stopping that from happening.” 

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?!” Sirius shouted. James had no words. 

“Guess we’ll never know,” Snape shrugged instead of answering and left their common room with a swift nod to Lily who wouldn’t look at him. 

“Git!” Sirius called after him. It was futile. There was nothing they could say to make their failure better. 

“Well, this is embarrassing for you,” Lily said once Snape had exited. 

“I worked so hard on that painting,” mourned Peter. “All that work wasted.” 

“It’ll be okay, Pete,” Sirius rubbed the boy’s shoulder. “We’ll get him next time.” 

Marlene looked amused. “How could you have screwed this up, Potter?” 

“I don’t know!” James burst. “He was just one step ahead somehow.” 

“At least show them Pete’s painting so his work’s not in vain,” Sirius suggested, trying to lighten the mood. 

“Ah, yes,” said Mary Macdonald, coming up to join them. “I would love to see how much work goes into your pranks.” She was kind enough to actually mean it. 

“It’s really not that much,” Lily muttered. 

They ignored her and James unzipped the backpack to pull out the rolled up piece of parchment. He carefully revealed it and when he did, his blood ran cold. 

He was looking at the most beautiful image he’d ever seen, one that took his breath away. A house that James knew held a million bad memories for his friend. A house that was meant for leaving. A house that was cold and empty with a little boy who looked so sad peeking out the window. James felt sad looking at it and also like he shouldn’t be looking at all because the whole thing felt way too personal. 

And there was only one person he knew who created art like that. 

“Wow, Pete.” Mary said looking at it. “That is breathtaking.” 

“I thought you were supposed to be ruining Snape’s presentation not saving it.” Marlene analyzed the painting with a confused look. “Or am I missing the point?” 

“I didn’t paint this,” Peter asserted. 

James felt like he couldn’t breathe as the voices surrounded him. 

“Wait.” Sirius said looking over his shoulder. “I recognize this.” He took the paper from him. James definitely remembered that project. Regulus had painted it in his first year. He remembered how hard he’d worked on it, how Sirius had told him he stayed up late and tried to make every little detail perfect. That was back before Regulus was protective over his heart as James remembered how Sirius had told him all about how talented his little brother was. How he was going places. Sirius had never been so proud and James knew it meant the world to Regulus. “James…” Sirius looked at him with intense eyes as he said the words that confirmed James’ fears... “This isn’t our prank.”

Fuck. 

Fuck Fuck Fuck. What had he done?

“How could you have screwed this up so badly?!” Sirius reprimanded. 

“I don’t know! Snape was right here! He knew what we were going to do!” James remembered the sequence of events. He had switched bags with Snape. Then he went to warn Regulus. Regulus had to pass the library to get to the art room. Snape had somehow known what was going to happen and switched bags with him but how was that possible? 

Fuck Fuck Fuck. 

“What did we do?” Sirius shouted. “My brother is going to kill us!” 

That was definitely true and James was shivering with the knowledge of what their failed prank meant. Messing things up for Regulus was the last thing he wanted. He just wanted to get back at Snape for all the mean things he said but it would seem that after years of pranks pulled on him, Snape had finally one upped them. James just wished he hadn’t used Regulus to do it. 

Because Regulus was currently passing right by their window in quick succession. James could see him, soaking wet and still dripping as he suddenly burst into their common room. Everyone made way for him, knowing exactly who he was after and not wanting to get in his way. Sirius and James remained seated but Peter, the damn traitor, moved out of the way as Regulus caught sight of them and beelined it to them. 

“You!” Regulus raged, standing in front of James’ knees. 

“Regulus.” James answered as calmly as he could be which was not very calm at all. “Don’t you look…pretty.” He hoped being sweet would soothe his rage. 

It didn’t.

“You are the most vile creature I have ever had the displeasure of knowing.” Regulus was seething, drips of water from his hair rolling down his skin. He looked like a drowned kitten. It was a little adorable. “What is it with you and pranks, huh? Do you honestly get your rocks off by humiliating others? Really?” 

Okay, so that hurt. James knew Regulus didn’t particularly enjoy his pranking but he had never been upset with him about it. He would mostly just sigh and shake his head and step out of his way. Regulus was sometimes like Lily in a sense that they both knew that this was just who he was. No one genuinely got hurt by his pranks. Unless they deserved it, of course. James believed in justice after all and karma was a bitch but she was also not kind enough to allow people to see those who hurt them get hurt themselves. So James took it upon himself to do it. Regulus understood that. James thought he understood that. 

And no. He did not get hard by the humiliation of others. He wasn’t a bully no matter how much some people liked to label him as such. Snape was a bully. James never talked badly about or to people he supposedly liked. He wasn’t a sexist homophobic asshole either. But he’d hurt Regulus. Unintentionally but he still did it. 

“Reg—” Sirius started but was quickly silenced by Regulus glaring at him. 

“I will deal with you later.” He pointed a finger at James. “You on the other hand have fucked me over tremendously. Slughorn is never going to trust me again.” 

“Reg,” James began when he got the courage. “I’m sorry. Really, I am. The prank wasn’t meant for you. That’s why I warned you.”

Regulus crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes at him. “It sure felt meant for me. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be standing here like this.” He gestured at his dripping state. “You messed with me for the first and last time, Potter.” 

“What does that mean?” James asked, curious and a little bit frightened. 

“It means that I,” Regulus paused for dramatic affect, “am going to kill you.” he punctuated the words and reached for James, presumably to claw his eyes out with his perfectly sharpened nails and James recoiled against the couch. Thankfully, Remus Lupin appeared seemingly out of nowhere and scooped Regulus around the waist with one arm. Barty Crouch Jr was right behind him. They both looked out of breath like they’d been running to stop Regulus from killing a man. 

“Okay,” Remus said as he held a Regulus that was beginning to kick at him a foot in the air. “That’s enough of that.” He pulled the boy tight against his chest and dragged him a good distance from James. 

“Sorry to interrupt this lovely moment,” said Barty. “But we need to get this one to bed. Kids these days, am I right?” He winked at James like he knew something. James didn’t like the idea of being on the same page as Barty. 

“I will end you both.” Regulus snarled. 

“Ugh talk dirty to me more,” Barty groaned jokingly. Or at least James hoped he was joking. 

“You will be first on my death list,” Regulus seethed. 

“How many times do you want me to say I’m sorry? Because I’ll do it.” James said standing so they were level with each other. “I’ll get down on my knees if that’s what you want.” He bent his knees slightly in preparation to do just that. 

“I don’t want you on your knees,” Regulus snapped. “I want revenge.”

Unrelated but Regulus was kind of cute when he was trying to be threatening.  

“What are you going to do?” James raised an eyebrow. He was sorry and he wanted forgiveness. However, that did not stop him from testing the other’s patience like an idiot. “Prank me back? You don’t have it in you. You don’t have the guts nor the skill to do so. You’re too mature for it.” 

Regulus processed his words. “I can be just as immature as you. Don’t underestimate me.” 

“Knock it off,” Remus said, holding Regulus up a little like he was an irate kitten. “You’re going to shower and go to bed. Understand me?” 

“It’s four pm,” Barty pointed out. 

“Bed,” Remus punctuated. “Later, James. Sirius.” He nodded at them both as he would be back later to sleep in the same dorm as them. James waved while Sirius tried not to combust into flames. James suspected he was thinking of Remus Lupin holding him up with one arm. 

“I wasn’t kidding, Potter,” Regulus yelled as he was dragged away. “I will get you back for this.” 

James didn’t like the look in his eye and he really hoped he didn’t mean it. 

***

Oh, Regulus meant it. 

He was so sick and tired of James Potter and his friend’s stupid fucking pranks. He tried to ignore them over the years because when they’d started, they were dumb kids at twelve and thirteen and fourteen but they kept going at fifteen and sixteen and now seventeen. They needed to grow up and stop this nonsense. 

Regulus hated how they dragged Remus into it sometimes because he considered Remus his. Remus didn’t belong to Sirius and James even if he did live in their dorm hall. So what if Remus was in the year above him, he was the first person who sat with Regulus in the library when he first started at the academy. He was Regulus’ first real friend. And he wasn’t going to let fucking James or even Sirius take him away. 

Okay, that was a little dramatic but Regulus was a possessive little shit and Remus didn’t seem to mind. Regulus was so glad to have this connection with him because Remus was the one who let him into the dorm room that night. 

He texted Remus that he was outside the door so as not to wake anyone inside by knocking. He had a can of whipped cream in his hand and maple syrup in the other and he was ready and impatient. Remus took forever to finally open the door and he did so messy-haired and yawning. 

“Before you do this,” Remus whispered harshly. “I want you to know that I am not a part of this in any way. I do not approve of your actions.” 

“Uh-huh. Which one is James’ bed?” Regulus responded, brandishing his weapons. 

“On the left.” Remus sighed. “Leave Sirius and Peter out of this, yeah? They have nothing to do with what happened.” 

Regulus knew that wasn’t true because Sirius was like a second head that James had. Their relationship was disgusting to watch how they hung all over each other and created this bubble around them that no one could enter. And poor Pettigrew was just happy to be there. Happy to be included in the bubble when it was deemed fit. Regulus sometimes felt a little bad for the lad but what went on in their bubble was none of his business. Regardless, his target was James and James only so he nodded and pushed past Remus right towards the boy who was sound asleep in his bed. 

Regulus had only seen him asleep one other time and that had been when he had made his dumbass decision and slept with the idiot. James looked so peaceful when he was sleeping. He usually had this furrow between his brows that Regulus sometimes wanted to smooth out with his thumb. James slept with his arms crossed around himself like he wanted to be holding onto something. Regulus briefly remembered how he’d held onto him and pulled him into his chest after they’d immediately both passed out from drunkenness and exhaustion from, ahem, other activities. 

He didn’t have time to get lost in memories. Regulus did the work he came for, spraying the lines carefully and meticulously. Like everything he did, he needed it to be perfect. He held his breath as he tried not to wake the sleeping boy as he dotted the syrup onto his cheeks and forehead. Once Regulus finished to his satisfaction, he took a step back to admire it. He really was an artist. 

“James is going to freak out,” Remus whispered from where he’d been watching him from his own bed. 

Regulus raised a brow at him even though he couldn’t see it properly in the darkness. “I thought you weren’t getting involved.” 

Remus huffed. “Whatever, just get out of here before everyone else wakes up.” He then rolled over and left Regulus to let himself out. 

Regulus couldn’t wait until morning. James didn’t think he had it in him? Just wait and see. 

Regulus Black was full of surprises.