Baby Just Say Yes

James woke up to the smell of rotten dairy and it was not at all pleasant. He felt a chill on his skin and a stickiness all over his shirt that matted to his skin. He was cold and wet and a little nauseous from the scent of himself. 

“Mate, you smell like a pancake. Not in a good way.” Peter said, staring at him in disgust. 

James sat up and looked down. On his chest, all over his shirt, was a snake that looked to be drawn in whipped cream. Maple syrup seemed to dot the eyes and create an interesting design. It probably looked better when it was made but it clearly slipped and melted in the middle of the night as it was dripping all over his chest and down into his lap. As he sat up further, more of the syrup dripped down from his hair and forehead and added to what was already on either side of his face. It hit his lips and he licked it subconsciously trying to wrap his head around how this could’ve happened. 

Sirius barked out a laugh when he woke up and saw the damage. “My little brother.” He shook his head and grinned proudly. “He got you good, Prongs.” 

Regulus? Regulus pranked him? James didn’t know whether to scream or propose marriage.

He wiped the syrup off his forehead before it could get in his eyes. His head felt cold as well and he touched it to know that Regulus had also drawn a hat on him in whipped cream if the indent from his pillow was any indication. “How did he even get in here in the middle of the night?” 

Remus Lupin was being awfully quiet. 

“Moony?” Sirius prompted in light amusement.

Remus was sat staring at them all and immediately rolled his eyes when he was addressed. “Okay, fine. I let him in. But only because I knew he wouldn’t leave me alone until I did and I already made it very clear that I am not a part of whatever little thing you have going on with Regulus. Alright, James?” 

No one said anything, surprised by the usually quiet boy’s outburst. 

“Also,” Remus continued. “I thought that whatever he was going to do to you would at least be funny and,” he gestured to James’ everything, “I was right.” The corner of his lips quirked up.

Sirius looked at him with actual heart eyes, the bloody traitor. “You know,” he said. “If anyone was going to betray us, I’d thought it’d be Peter.” 

“Hey!” Peter yelled indignantly. 

“And hey,” Sirius suddenly remembered what Remus had said earlier. “What do you mean by thing going on with Regulus? Something you want to tell me, Prongs?” 

No way in hell. James shrugged. “I don’t know. Something you want to tell me? Padfoot?” He looked directly at Remus who stared at him agape like he wanted to kill him. That’s what he gets for taking the enemy’s side. An eye for an eye and all that. 

Sirius shook his head and replied in nonchalance. “Nothing at all. You?” 

“Same. But, say Remus,” James said with a little bit of a bite. “Since you’re in the spirit of betraying your friends, where is Regulus right now?” 

“Absolutely not,” Remus said immediately. “I told Regulus that I will not be involved in this and I meant that shit.” 

“Come on, Moonshine.” Sirius batted his eyes at Remus playfully. “I want to see where this goes.” 

Remus sighed, not even trying to hide his flushed cheeks. “He’s in the cafeteria.”

“Thanks a bunch, Rem,” James said and leapt from his bed. As his feet hit the floor, he immediately slipped and fell on his ass. Expletives of Spanish fell from his lips in indignation and surprise. 

“Alright, Prongs?” Sirius asked concerned. 

Oh. Oh, this was the last straw. Regulus had well and truly got him. James didn’t know whether to find him and scoop him up in his arms to declare his undying love or find him to kill him. He’d never felt so divided on the subject of Regulus Black. Because this prank was uniquely him and James was ashamed to say he was a little turned on by it. 

“Perfectly fine.” He said standing. Maybe it would be a good idea to shower before but who was James to not let Regulus see the final product of his work? That’s what pranks were for, humiliating your target for all to see. James would give the mastermind what he wanted. “I’m perfectly fine.” He said again before rushing out of the room to go after Regulus. 

His friends got out of their beds and followed him, clearly wanting to see the show. They walked out of Gryffindor Hall and went straight to the cafeteria, James completely ignoring everyone staring at him as they walked. He was a man on a mission. 

“What the hell happened to you?” Lily asked agape as he walked by their table. James didn’t respond. 

Sirius called “You’re gonna wanna see this.” 

“Aw hell,” Marlene groaned as she watched them go to the other side of the cafeteria. 

Regulus was just where Remus said he’d be, sitting at breakfast without a care in the world. He was with his friends, as usual, Barty and Evan seeming to have patched things up.  When James approached Regulus from behind, Evan was the first to notice. He looked up with his mouth open. “Holy shit.” Then the bastard lifted the camera he could always be seen wearing around his neck and snapped a photo. Barty laughed loudly at the action. James couldn’t even be upset about it. Regulus and his friends were an entire group of artists and Evan was the type to never miss an opportunity no matter how inappropriate the moment may seem. He was strange like that though James valued his life too much to say so out loud. 

Regulus turned around and the face he made when he did was one of pure amusement as he turned in his chair and leaned back against the table with crossed arms. He looked James up and down. “Oh. Potter,” he said with a smirk. “Don’t you look…pretty.” It was the same words James had said to him and he did not appreciate it. 

“This was not okay,” James seethed. “You messed up my bed and my hair. My hair is enough of a mess already without your help!” 

“That was not as good a comeback as you think it was.” Barty pointed out. 

Regulus sat forward. “And you messed up my presentation and doused me in water. That presentation would’ve decided my whole future. I’d say I didn’t do enough. You’re lucky I didn’t cover your fucking lacrosse gear in the shit because that actually might’ve affected you.” 

James was actually a little bit grateful that he didn’t do that. Because lacrosse was his future. He’d been vying for captain since he made the team second year and he finally got it in fifth. And Madame Hooch had made it very clear that if anything happened to their gear, they either had to replace it or be off the team and James couldn’t afford either what with his parents being hellbent on independence and not relying on their money. James had saved up for an entire year doing menial tasks for his teachers and parents for money. He finally bought his current gear in his third year and was very proud of how he’d managed to keep it in top condition.  

“You’ll have another chance, Regulus.” James bristled. “And I told you it was an accident!” 

Regulus stood. “This isn’t just about my presentation, James. This is about you not knowing when it’s time to grow up and put all this childish pranking bullshit behind you. Accident or not, you pranked me. I pranked you back. We’re even. And let me tell you something,” he stepped closer to James and drew his finger down his cheek that was still covered in syrup before putting it in his mouth. “Revenge has never tasted sweeter.” 

James hated how badly he wanted to kiss him. 

“You have made a terrible mistake, Regulus Black.” By now, the whole cafeteria had gone quiet to witness the two arguing. James felt a sense of de ja vu and wished everyone would get a life. Both of their friends were watching on in silence. 

“Have I?” Regulus replied boredly. 

“Yes,” James huffed. “You have. Because, dearest.” He tilted Regulus’ chin up, not caring if even Sirius saw. “I’m going to get you back.” He said the words soft and sweet like the syrup dripping into his eyes. He was kind of starting to regret not showering it off beforehand. 

Regulus didn’t give him a reaction. He lightly stepped away from the touch, “No. That’s not how this works.” 

James dropped his hand and crossed his arms. “Actually, that’s exactly how this works.” 

“No, James,” Regulus repeated intensely. “It’s over. You pranked me and I got you back. We’re even.” 

James laughed. He didn’t think Regulus was so foolish. “Oh, you can’t honestly think that’s the end of it. Our lot don’t play to get even. We play to win. You did well for your first prank but what you didn’t understand is that no one pranks us back.” 

“Well, I just did,” Regulus responded with raised brows, still not getting it. 

Sirius stepped up to put in his two cents. “I think our dear James is challenging you to a prank war.” He sounded absolutely delighted. 

Regulus’ eyes widened in realization. “Absolutely not.” 

“Then you’ve already lost.” Peter stepped in. 

“No, he didn’t!” Barty got up to stand next to Regulus. 

“Yeah!” Evan agreed standing as well. “We’ll prank circles around you assholes.” 

“We?” Regulus said baffled. 

“You really think you can beat us?” Sirius scoffed. “We’re the kings.” 

“Us?” James repeated. 

“Well it looks like your crown has fallen,” Evan taunted. 

“What is happening right now?” Remus asked looking between the two groups. 

“It would seem to me,” Pandora suddenly appeared next to him. “Like the Gryffindors are challenging the Slytherins to a prank war.” 

 “Oh, I hate that.” Lily replied in irritation. 

Pandora bumped shoulders with her. “I don’t know, could be fun.” Lily tried to hide a smile and failed. 

Regulus and James hadn’t said a word the entire time their friends were arguing with each other. They’d only stood staring at one another, blue eyes meeting grey ones. James felt like he’d already won. Because Regulus Arcturus Black would never agree to something like this. He was far too mature and the chances of him demeaning himself to their level were extremely unlikely. Right?

Wrong?

To James’ shock, Regulus actually seemed to be thinking it over. Before he fixed James with a cool stare and calmly asked, “What are the stakes?” 

“What do you mean?” James replied stupidly.

Regulus shrugged. “If I’m going to engage in childish games, I want to know what I get when I win.” 

“You’re not going to win. As Sirius said, we’re the kings.” James didn’t know why he was trying to talk him out of it. Maybe because he was scared of what Regulus had in mind. Regulus was probably one of the smartest people he knew. Perfectionism and flawlessness ran through his veins. The things he could end up doing…James was a little nervous about it.  

“And as Evan said,” Regulus turned it around on him. “Your crown has fallen.” 

James tried to catch his breath. “Fine,” he amended. “If you win…” he trailed off to think for a moment. What could he bet Regulus that would make him want to do this? He didn’t want to say it but there was no other choice.  “If you win, I will stop pranking all together.” 

Sirius gasped dramatically and stepped up to him. “Prongs! Think about what you’re saying. Pranking is who we are! You can’t honestly give that up.” 

Remus scoffed. “It’s really not that big of a deal.” 

“You shut up!” Sirius pointed at him and Remus was struck with surprise at the way he was addressed. 

James ignored him and continued his eye contact Regulus. “What do you say, baby Black?” 

***

Regulus could not believe he was agreeing to this. 

All he wanted was to have a peaceful school life. But he has not known peace since the day James Potter held out his hand to him at twelve and introduced himself. Scratch that. He has not known peace since he first heard the name James Potter. 

Was he really that petty? 

He thought about the facts. James had never pulled a prank on him before. There seemed to be this underlying agreement that he had with Sirius that Regulus was off limits when it came to pranking. Regulus tried not to feel prideful about it.

He’d witnessed his own friends be covered in substances, misplace items, and be late for things all because James Potter’s ragtag group of idiots decided it would be funny. Witnessing it had not been fun and he’d had his fair share of giving Potter an earful because his pranks had a negative impact on one of his friends. 

Evan had spent weeks scrubbing the glitter from his hair and he was still finding little green sparkles on his pillow. Barty was still pissed he’d missed his test in fifth year because he spent the night vomiting from expired chocolates Sirius had offered him. Dorcas couldn’t be bothered in the way they’d wanted as she’d utilized the ukulele Pettigrew had replaced her guitar with and played a phenomenal concert at their last school dance. Regulus was surprised and a little impressed at his boldness to go after her in the first place. Pandora was too nice a target and they were all pretty sure she wouldn’t have even noticed if she had been targeted. He was also sure her relationship with Evans put her on the off limit list as well because James knew he’d have a whole group of Slytherins and an angry Lily on his hands that he was smart to want to avoid. 

So the pranks had never really happened to Regulus directly, but he’d always been in the vicinity of them. And they made his blood boil every time he saw his friend’s anger and murderous looks. He reprimanded James and co whenever he could as he was very protective of his friends. The pranks were getting out of hand yet Regulus would often look the other way because regardless of what he saw, he enjoyed not being caught in the crossfire and appreciated being immune to all of it. 

Until now. 

Slughorn was probably never going to trust him with a presentation like that again. Which meant that he didn’t have a chance in hell of getting a recommendation from him or being allowed in the art show where he could’ve found out if he was good enough for the college art programs he’d dreamed about. Plus being doused in water in front of a bunch of first years who were supposed to look up to him was embarrassing and cold and—

Yes, Regulus is that petty. 

No more pranks. Yes, please. He will lower himself to their level.

There was also the fact that it kind of felt like he had no choice in the matter. It was well known that Regulus cared about his reputation. So James shouldn’t have been surprised that he was genuinely thinking it over because if he didn’t agree, the whole school might think he was a coward. Obviously, Regulus couldn’t let that happen

Regulus looked him up and down with a look that was borderline deadly. “You really want to go toe to toe with me, pretty boy?” 

James smirked. “Only if you promise me something worth while when I win.” 

Regulus stepped into his space so their faces were an inch apart. He was already in it now. What was one more hit to his pride? He had to promise something out of this little game of theirs and Regulus knew exactly what it was. James wasn’t going to get it because Regulus was going to win this thing. So what did he have to lose by offering this up? “If you win and this is a big if,” He looked him dead in the eyes. James swallowed as he looked down at his lips and back up. “I’ll finally say yes.” Regulus said the words with confidence even though he was shaking on the inside. It didn’t matter if anyone else could hear him. He wasn’t going to say anymore than that but he knew James got what he was getting at by the look on his face. 

He looked like he’d just been struck. “Wait, for real?” 

Regulus looked him up and down again and allowed a slow and flirty smile to reach his lips. “Yeah, Potter. For real.” 

“What is happening right now?” Sirius asked, looking between them baffled. “Say yes to what?”

They both ignored him. “There’s four months until graduation. You think you can beat me in that time?” James asked, really getting into the challenge deeply now. 

Regulus was getting a little bit excited himself but he contained it better. “Oh, I know I can.” 

James laughed loudly like what Regulus just said was the most ridiculous thing he’d ever heard. Regulus vowed right then and there to destroy him. “You’re not going to win.” 

Regulus looked at him with eyes that were complete determination and tilted his head as one corner of his lips turned up into a smirk. “Watch me.”  

And it was game on.