Stacey
I glanced at my wrist watch to check the time. 4:55 am. Male late pa ata si Jhoanna? I leaned back on my seat and decided to wait patiently. Makakapag intay ako Jho basta ikaw.
The morning air is cold and my classmates are chatttering about how excited they are to finally tour Cebu. Di ba nila alam na educational tour to? Well I can't blame them though. A tour is still a tour.
A familiar scent lingered on my sides. She's finally here. Kahit di ko man lingonin, alam kong si Jhoanna to. I can feel my palms getting sweaty as I swallow the lump on my throat. Kalma Stacey. I glanced at the time again, 5:05.
"You're late" instead of Good morning? Ba't ngayon ka naduduwag?
"Just 5 minutes." I know pero gusto ko lang may masabi sayo hehe.
"Still late."
"Nyenye" that's cute.
"Tsk"
Jhoanna seemed a bit restless, trying to find a comfortable position to sleep. I watched as she awkwardly shifted, her head bobbing up and down, clearly struggling to relax. Na sa airplane na kami ngayon at mukhang hindi ata to natulog ng maaga si Jhoanna.
My heart skipped a beat as I gazed at her peaceful face. I had to admit, I have a big crush on Jhoanna, and seeing her like this made me feel even more drawn to her. But as I looked at her, I realized she was having trouble sleeping because she didn't have anything to lean against. Without thinking, I offered my shoulder, gently nudging her so she could rest her head on me.
As she settled into a more comfortable position, I felt a rush of emotions. Part of me was thrilled that I could help her, but another part was terrified. What if she woke up and saw me staring at her? What if she thought I was weird for letting her sleep on my shoulder? The thought of her waking up and possibly misunderstanding my intentions made me feel embarrassed and anxious.
Despite these feelings, I decided to let her sleep. As I sat there, trying not to move too much so as not to disturb her, I couldn't help but steal glances at her serene face. It was a moment of quiet intimacy, one that I cherished despite the awkwardness it brought. Parang yung sa panaginip lang?
Nag announce na na malapit na kami kaya dahan dahan kong inalis sa balikat ko si Jhoanna. I can't let her see us like this. Hindi pa ako handa haha. We transfered sa bus at naramdaman ko na ang ngalay ng balikat ko. Bigat naman ng ulo ni Jhoanna? Buti nalang mabango at maganda siya. Anong connect?
When we arrived at the hotel, I fished out my small, cute pink notebook. Though mamayang gabi ko pa balak magsulat ng tour diaries, I'm now writing details about it. Details about the tour. The academic tour.
Right?
I read my notes again.
Tour day 1
• Jhoanna is a heavy sleeper
• Jhoanna smells good, like flowers and something citrusy
• Jhoanna is mabigat
Ummm? It's tour details. It's important.
Jhoanna tried to peek at my notebook. Panic surged through me like a tidal wave. My mind screamed a thousand things at once: Don’t let her see it! She’ll know everything! She’ll think you’re weird! What if she hates you?! My heart pounded so loudly I was sure she could hear it. Naiwas ko naman di ba? Nakita kaya niya?
"What?" I tried to act cool.
"Ba't mo ba tinatago, share naman yung diary by pair di ba?" True naman pero with the things I wrote in my notebook? Mamatay nalang ako. Hindi pa ako handa!
"Sino bang may sabing para sa diary sa tour to?" I said at tinago ang notebook. Para sa diary naman sana sa tour to talaga.
"Duh? Eh para saan ba yan?" para sa future natin?
"None of your business" sa ngayon hehe.
"Gawin mo mag isa yung diary."
"Why should I? Akala ko ba excited ka sa academic tour na to?" lumalaban ka na ngayon sa asawa mo Jho?
"Who says I'm excited?" I said and sipped on my fruit juice. Excited naman ako, hindi sa academic tour kundi dahil sa 3 days kitang makakasama.
"Ikaw? Lagi mo pa nga akong ina update about sa tour eh. Di ba love?"
Wtf? Tangina shit. I was so shocked I don't even know how to react. Or late lang yung reaction ko? Now I'm here in the toilet screaming my heart out. Bakit naman nambibigla kasi Jhoanna?
I leaned back in my chair, pretending to focus on my phone, but my mind was far from the screen. My eyes kept drifting toward Jhoanna, who was laughing with Kisha and Lee. The sound of her laughter was like a magnet, pulling me in even when I didn’t want to look. Then she asked Kisha if she could taste the salad on her plate, and I felt my stomach tighten. Salad? Really? Since when does she care about vegetables?
I tried to act indifferent, scrolling aimlessly through my phone, but I couldn’t block out the scene in front of me. Kisha picked up a piece of cucumber and fed it to Jhoanna playfully, and Jhoanna’s laughter rang out like music—music that wasn’t meant for me. My grip on my phone tightened as jealousy bubbled up inside me. Why does she have to be so friendly with everyone?
Lee’s dramatic joke about being jealous made everyone laugh, but I just rolled my eyes and kept staring at my phone, and the salad. Nagseselos din naman ako? May sinabi ba ako? I couldn’t stop myself from stealing glances at Jhoanna, though. She looked so happy, so carefree. It hurt more than it should have kasi bakit di kami ganyan?
When Lee suggested I might want some salad, I stiffened as all their eyes turned toward me. “I’m good,” I said quickly, hoping my voice didn’t betray the knot forming in my chest. I kept my gaze fixed on my phone, praying they wouldn’t notice the faint blush creeping up my neck.
Then Jhoanna said something that stung more than it should have. “Ayoko na pala sa salad, Kisha. Di rin naman ako kumakain ng gulay, curious lang.” Curious lang? Or gusto mo lang makipagkulitan kay Kisha? I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from saying something sarcastic. Why did it bother me so much when she was close to other people?
Nevermind that, at least I've got something to write in my pink notebook again?
•Jhoanna doesn't like vegetables
As we started gathering our things to head upstairs, I stayed quiet, watching Jhoanna from a distance. She was so effortlessly warm and approachable—always making people laugh and feel comfortable around her. It was one of the things I admired most about her but also one of the things that made me feel so... small.
The elevator doors closed, and I pressed the button for the 35th floor. I could feel Jhoanna beside me, her presence both comforting and maddening. It was just the two of us now, and the silence between us felt heavy, like it always did when we were alone. I glanced at her out of the corner of my eye. She looked so relaxed, so unaffected by the awkwardness that seemed to suffocate me.
I tried not to stare, but it was impossible not to notice how her hair fell softly over her shoulder or how her lips curved slightly, like she was lost in thought. I wondered what she was thinking about. Probably Kisha or Lee—they always made her laugh. My chest tightened at the thought. Why can’t I make you laugh like that?
The numbers on the elevator panel ticked upward slowly. Too slowly. I could feel my palms sweating as I clutched the keycard in my hand. “Ba’t ka ba hindi nagmamadali?” I had snapped earlier when she asked why I was rushing. Now I regretted it. But what was I supposed to say? That being alone with her made me nervous? That every second we spent together felt like torture because I couldn’t tell her how I really felt?
I shifted uncomfortably, trying to focus on anything but her. The faint hum of the elevator, the soft ding as we passed each floor—it wasn’t enough to distract me from her presence. My heart raced every time she moved, even slightly, as if my body was hyper-aware of hers.
The elevator was suffocating. Not just because it was packed with people by the 28th floor, but because Jhoanna was standing so close to me, and I couldn’t stop panicking. My heart hadn’t stopped racing since we got in. Every time she shifted or brushed against me, I felt like I was going to combust.
And then I noticed him—the guy standing way too close to her. My jaw clenched as I watched her subtly try to move away from him, pressing herself closer to my side. She looked so uncomfortable, clutching her bags tighter and staring at the floor like she was trying to disappear. My chest tightened. Why does this always happen to her? Why can’t people just leave her alone?
I leaned slightly toward her, silently asking if she was okay. She shook her head but didn’t say anything. That was enough for me. My protective instincts kicked in before I could think twice.
“Excuse me,” I said sharply, my voice cutting through the hum of the crowded elevator. “Can you please move back a little from my girlfriend?”
The words left my mouth before I could stop them, and for a second, even I was stunned. But I didn’t let it show. My hand moved instinctively to her waist, pulling her closer to me as if it were the most natural thing in the world. My fingers rested there comfortably—too comfortably—and I used my other hand to nudge our luggage between her and the guy, creating a barrier.
I felt her stiffen beside me. Oh God. What did I just do? Girlfriend? Really? My brain screamed at me, but my body refused to let go.
Wtf did I just did? Bahala na basta wag ang Jhoanna ko!
I didn’t care if it wasn’t true. All that mattered was getting him away from her.
She blinked up at me, her wide eyes filled with shock. Once. Twice. Her lips parted slightly as if she wanted to say something but couldn’t find the words. Her face turned bright red, and for a moment, I felt a flicker of pride knowing I’d caught her completely off guard.
The elevator dinged at the 35th floor before either of us could say anything more, and we stepped out into the hallway. But even as we walked toward our room, I could feel her staring at me. Her silence was louder than any words could be.
When we reached the door, she still hadn’t said anything. She looked dazed, like she was trying to process what had just happened. Cute mo Jhoanna.
“Tutunganga ka na lang ba dyan?” I asked in my usual tone as I stepped into the room and started taking off my shoes.
She didn’t respond, she just stood there like a statue and it made me roll my eyes. “Tsk,” I muttered before turning away to unpack my things.
What’s with her? Sure, maybe calling her my girlfriend was a bit much, but it worked, didn’t it? That guy backed off immediately.
She finally snapped out of it and walked into the room, closing the door behind her.
By 11:30 AM sharp, we were downstairs in the lobby waiting for our bus ride to NUSTAR for the second seminar of the day. The elevator ride down had been mercifully empty this time—no strangers crowding us or making Jhoanna uncomfortable.
Now standing in the aisle of the bus’s second-to-last row, I waited for Jhoanna to sit down first so we wouldn’t argue over who got the window seat.
“Ano? Uupo ka pa ba? O balak mo magkondoktor?” I teased when she hesitated.
“Ikaw sa window seat diba?” she asked with a hint of frustration. Ako sana kaso mukhang mahilig ka sa view. At ayaw kong ibang view ang tinitingnan mo, specifically Kisha!
“Tsk,” I said before pushing her gently onto the seat beside me. “Umupo ka na lang.”
She complied without arguing further, settling into her seat while staring out at the view through the window. Enjoy the view love.
The bus ride passed quickly thanks to the tour guide’s chatter about random facts along our route. But my mind wasn’t focused on any of that. Instead, all I could think about was how close Jhoanna had been earlier in that elevator. And how much closer I wanted us to be someday...
I swear, I’m going to lose my mind. The moment I realized Jhoanna wasn’t with the group anymore, my heart dropped. She’s my buddy, my responsibility, and most importantly, she's an important person.
And now she’s missing in this massive hotel. I tried to keep my cool, but as the minutes ticked by and she still wasn’t answering her phone, panic started to set in. I sent her message after message, each one angrier than the last.
To: Jhoanna Love
Where are you?
Pag ikaw wala pa dito by 3:50, iiwanan ka talaga.
Asan ka na ba?
And then, because frustration got the better of me.
To: Jhoanna Love
I swear to God Robles, pag nawala ka hahanapin talaga kita para sakalin.
I didn’t mean it—well, not entirely. But the thought of her wandering around alone made my chest tighten. What if she got lost? What if something happened to her? My brain was spiraling into worst-case scenarios, and all I could do was pace near the buses, clutching my phone like it was a lifeline.
When I finally saw her walking toward us with that sheepish smile on her face, relief washed over me so fast it almost made me dizzy. But then that relief turned into anger, hot and sharp because she had no idea what she’d just put me through. Tapos pangitingiti lang siya? Bakit porket maganda yung naghatid sa kanya? This cheater!
The ride back to the hotel was painfully quiet between us. The rest of the bus was lively, with the tour guide throwing out trivia questions and handing out small prizes, but I couldn’t bring myself to join in. I sat there stewing in my own emotions. Relief that she was safe, anger that she’d been careless enough to get separated from the group, and something else I didn’t want to name anymore. Something that made my chest ache every time I looked at her.
When we got back to our room, the silence became unbearable. She showered first while I sat on the bed with my notebook, trying to distract myself by jotting down random thoughts. But even after we both finished getting ready for bed and turned on a random movie for background noise, the tension lingered like a storm cloud.
She kept stealing glances at me, probably trying to gauge how mad I still was. And yeah, I was mad—but more than that, I was scared. Scared of how easily she could’ve been left behind or gotten lost in a place this big. Scared of how much it would’ve hurt me if something had happened to her.
“Tsk,” I muttered under my breath after catching myself glaring at her again. “Tanga tanga kasi.”
“Anong sabi mo?” she asked, sitting up straighter on her bed.
“I said ang tanga tanga mo,” I snapped before I could stop myself. “Bata ka ba para mawala?”
Her eyes narrowed as she mirrored my tone. “Ano ba kasing pake mo?” ouch?
I froze for a second at her words before scoffing. “Well, you are my buddy, and you are my responsibility.”
The moment the words left my mouth, regret hit me like a punch to the gut. That wasn’t what I meant. Not really, but it was easier than admitting the truth right now. That I care about her too much for my own good.
“Kaya ko ang sarili ko,” she muttered before lying down and pulling the blanket over her head.
I wanted to say something. Anything. To fix what just happened. But instead, I stayed silent and stared at the notebook in front of me like it held all the answers. She didn’t need to know how much it hurt me when she brushed off what happened like it was nothing. She didn’t need to know how badly I wanted to pull her into a hug just to make sure she was really okay.
But as much as I wanted to comfort her or yell at her some more, I couldn’t bring myself to move from where I sat. So instead, I stayed quiet and let the sound of the movie fill the room while my thoughts ran wild.
Why do you have this effect on me?
My phone is vibrating beside me. My heart was already racing before I even opened my eyes, and the moment I saw Jhoanna’s name on the screen, I felt a mix of relief and dread. It was a missed call, but there were also two unread messages from her.
Jhoanna Love
San ka?
Siguraduhin mo lang na nandito ka na pag room attendance check mamayang 10.
I sighed, running a hand through my hair. I wasn’t ready to face her yet. Not when my emotions were all over the place. So instead of replying, I stayed where I was, slumped at a table in a crowded club near IT Park. The music was loud, and the people around me were even louder, but none of it registered. All I could think about was Jhoanna. Buti pa yung Jhoanna sa panaginip ko, mahal ako.
I took another sip of my drink, hoping it would calm the storm inside me, but it only made things worse. My phone buzzed again, and this time it was a call from her. My heart skipped a beat as I hesitated before answering.
Jhoanna Love. This is a dream right? And we are lovers in my dreams.
“Hello?” My voice came out hoarse, and for sure barely audible over the noise in the background.
“Where are you?” she asked sharply, irritation clear in her tone.
I tried to play it off but I'm slurring my words slightly as I replied, “What—hmm. Why—what do you care?”
“Where are you?” she repeated, her voice firmer now.
“I don’t even know,” I said with a laugh that sounded more pathetic than playful.
“Turn on your location,” she demanded, her tone light but commanding.
“Ayaw,” I replied stubbornly, even though a part of me wanted nothing more than for her to find me and take me home.
“Just do it, Sevilleja,” she insisted.
“Ayaw,” I repeated with a pout. “She will find me.”
“Who?” she asked sharply, and for a moment, I froze. My drunk brain wasn’t thinking straight when I blurted out, “Jhoanna.”
The silence on the other end of the line felt deafening despite the noise around me. My chest tightened as I realized what I’d just said. Shit.
“You know love,” I continued before she could respond, my voice softer now, “I think she’s galit sa akin.”
There was another pause before she spoke again, her voice quieter this time. “Hmm... Is that so? Why naman magagalit si Jhoanna sayo?”
“It’s because I called her tanga kanina,” I admitted with a pout that no one could see but felt very real to me at that moment. The memory of our earlier argument replayed in my mind. Her hurt expression when I snapped at her for getting lost and guilt hit me like a truck all over again.
She hummed in response while I rambled on about how frustrated I’d been with her earlier and how much it bothered me to see her laughing with that hotel staff who helped her find us. “Bakit?! Porket hinatid siya nung magandang staff?!” The words spilled out before I could stop them.
She chuckled softly on the other end of the line. A sound that somehow managed to calm me and make my heart race at the same time. “That’s right,” she said gently, “Jhoanna is in the bad. I’m sure she’ll apologize.” Her tone was almost teasing now.
“Hey! Don’t say that!” I protested loudly. “Baka lalo siya magalit sa akin.”
Her laughter grew louder at my outburst, and despite myself, I couldn’t help but smile through my drunken haze.
“I wanna go home,” I admitted after a moment of silence. “It’s loud here... I want to sleep.”
“Okay,” she said softly this time. “I’ll come pick you up—please tell me where you are.”
“I’m just by IT Park... A club near here... Don’t remember the name.”
When she finally arrived at the club and our eyes met across the room, something inside me shifted. Even through my drunken haze, all I could focus on was her. How determined she looked as she made her way toward me and how much calmer I felt just knowing she was here.
She reached my table and raised an eyebrow at me like she always did when she was annoyed but tried not to show it too much. “Uwi na,” she said simply.
Without thinking twice, I grabbed onto her hand as we left the club together—her warmth grounding me in a way nothing else ever could.
Even as we walked back to our room in silence, my hand never left hers. And for once, neither of us let go first.
It must have been because of how drunk I was. I couldn't even distinguish between reality and dreams. And that's why I let out a slip of a tongue. Tangina anong ginawa ko?
I woke up with a start, the remnants of my dream are still fresh in my mind. Jhoanna and Aiah? Together? My chest tightened at the thought, and before I could even process it, the words slipped out of my mouth.
“You cheater.”
"Ano na namang nakain mo? Umagang umaga oh"
"How dare you cheat on me with ate Aiah?"
"Love"
The moment the word escaped, I froze. My eyes darted to Jhoanna, who was sitting there, wide-eyed and visibly confused. Oh no. Did I just say that out loud? Kaya pala may sumasagot?!
“What the fuck?!” I panicked, sitting up straight and yanking my comforter over my head like it could somehow erase what just happened. “Oh my God! Pretend you didn’t hear anything!” I mumbled from beneath the blanket.
But of course, she didn’t let it go. “Mayonnaise talaga ah?” she said in a disgusted tone. I peeked out from under the comforter to glare at her. Of all things to bring up, she had to mention 'that' detail?
“Eh ikaw nga naglalagay pa ng maraming cucumbers eh nakakadiri yun!” I shot back, trying to deflect. But then she smiled—ugh, that smile, and teased me about how I couldn’t function without her. My face burned as I remembered another dream where we were working together. What the fuck is going on? How does she know that?
“Kung makasumbat akala mo naman kaya mong magtrabaho ng wala ako sa tabi mo?” she said smugly, her tone teasing but her face turning red as she spoke. My heart skipped a beat at her words, but I quickly masked it with irritation. She was testing me—I could feel it.
“Eh ikaw nga nagnanakaw ng halik. Chansing!” I blurted out and threw a pillow at her before I could stop myself. As if on instinct, she caught it and used it to cover her face. Good. Be embarrassed for once.
But then she smirked behind that pillow, and I knew I was in trouble.
“Nakakahiya naman sayo na nanghihingi ng kiss,” she said with a smirk that made my stomach flip. My teasing faltered for a moment before I grabbed another pillow and threw it at her face.
She laughed victoriously while I hid behind my own pillow, trying to calm my racing heart. No Jho. Hindi ka pa panalo.
“Eh ikaw nga, you wanna do ‘it’ kasi sobrang selos mo!”Stacey why did you have to punish yourself like this? Wtf nakamove on ka na sa panaginip na yun diba? How Jhoanna 'did' you on that dream?
“Eh sa pumayag ka naman?” as if adding fuel to fire, Jhoanna states as a matter of factly. Totoo as I remembered, I let her do me on that dream. Ganon pala nagagawa ng sobrang selos? Ganon din kaya yung gagawin namin pag nagselos ako ng sobra ngayon? Stacey what are you thinking!
How did we end up here? And why did it feel like we were both dancing around something neither of us wanted to admit?
Tangina pwede ba to? May ganito pala? So all this time pareho kami ng panaginip? Is this an advantage? What could this be? For now let's just survive and try not to pass out of embarrassment.
The day passed in a blur of awkward exchanges and stolen glances. By breakfast, Kisha and Lee were already teasing us about how quiet we were being.
“True, para kayong mag-asawang nag-aaway,” Kisha said with a snicker.
I rolled my eyes but couldn’t help the heat creeping up my neck. If only they knew how close their joke was to the truth—or at least to what my dreams kept showing me.
Later during the hotel tour, when those foreigners approached Jhoanna and started hitting on her, something inside me snapped. Before I knew what I was doing, I walked up behind her and wrapped an arm around her waist.
“Excuse me,” I said firmly, glaring at them. “Do you need something from my wife?” Kahapon girlfriend lang tas ngayon wife na? Stacey magpapafiesta tayo sa sobrang tapang mo huhu.
The words came out so naturally that even Jhoanna looked stunned for a moment before playing along. We managed to escape the situation together, laughing breathlessly once we were safe.
“Wife talaga ah?” she teased between laughs.
I shrugged nonchalantly, though my face was burning. “Eh kasi naman—your knees were about to give out.”
Her apology later caught me off guard. An admission that she felt bad about getting me scolded yesterday because of her wandering off during the tour. It was sincere enough to make me smile despite myself.
“Friends?” she asked hesitantly after we laughed off our awkwardness.
I grinned mischievously and replied, “What friend? You mean wife?”
She rolled her eyes but shook my hand anyway. Bati na ang magasaw- Stacey ikalma mo!
By the time we reached J-Park, things between us felt lighter. Almost normal again. But as we walked hand-in-hand back to the group (thanks to her tendency to get lost), I couldn’t resist teasing her one last time.
"Wouldn’t want my wife posted missing right?”
Her reaction, a mix of embarrassment and playful annoyance was priceless. And though we joked about it endlessly, a part of me wondered if there could ever be more between us than just dreams and inside jokes.
For now, though, I’d settle for being close enough to call her “mine,” even if it's not true.
My wife and my love, for now, Jhoanna Robles.