Velvet Bond

Remus was going mad, it had been a harrowing few days for him, with the full moon that had to arrive, the unexpected attack to The Order that had caused so many wounded wizards. And now his best friend - his other brother - and his most trusted companion were almost at death's door.

His nerves were exploding, with Sirius continuing to go back and forth in the hospital's corridors, assaulting every healer he could find that day, trying to understand how their best friend were doing, if they were alive, if they were gravely wounded or not.
But no one had any news, no one could say anything, they were all too busy, all too worried, all too stressed, they passed through them without a second glance.

His brain hadn't had a moment's rest since that unknown patronus had appeared at their front door that morning.
A greyhound had shown up at their flat, urgently asking for Sirius and sending him to the Potter house, 'Come to the Potters, now'. It was quickly and effective, there was no time to think why and how. They just moved. It could have been a trap? Yes. Did they care? Not enough. The need to know them safe was more important to them.

And when they arrived their world stopped there.

The house that was supposed to be inviolate had been desecrated, his best friend slumped on the floor in a pool of blood and Lily on the bed unconscious, with Harry crying like a maniac. The house was practically destroyed, puddles of blood and clashes were the only traces that had been left behind.
And it was something he no longer wanted to see.

And Sirius hadn't helped.
Completely beside himself he had almost burst into hysterical tears as he knelt aside James' body, believing him dead, he almost had a panic and it was not- not necessary. Not when they had other two people that had to take care of.

And instead - luckily they were here - the pulse was there. They were still breathing, whoever went to save them tried to heal them as much as he could but it was no healer as they could see. But he hoped it was sufficient and that they were right in time and that their pulse continued it to beat.

"Shh Harry, please, please stop- stop crying" Sirius was trying to comfort the baby but how could Harry feel safe if Sirius first was out of himself, looking like a maniac.
How could Harry feel safe If Sirius first was- "Shhh- Twinkle Twinkle little star-"

Wait-

Now that he was really thinking-

He thought back to a few hours before, a few days before, what he heard about hiding them, how they tried to preserve them from anything, because Harry was important-

Their house was hidden by a charm, a fidelius charm. They would have been unplottable. How did James and Lily finished on that bed in that hospital that day? How the fuck did they got injured? They were- they were protected- and

Sirius- Sirius was their keeper.

Sirius.

Sirius?

That Sirius-?

Their Sirius?

His Sirius?

"Sirius," he said suddenly rising and almost ripping Harry from his arms.
His boyfriend - traitor? Boyfriend or traitor ? Boyfriend and traitor.
What did you do Sirius?

Remus laughed to himself, thinking he was going crazy- Sirius looked at him startled, his eyes open wide, tears from before streaming down his cheeks.
He felt sick to see him under this light.
Sirius- his Sirius- but- not- It couldn't be- not Sirius.

Sirius would have died for James.

Sirius would have died for Lily.

For Harry.

It- it wasn't him- but- at the same time it must be him- because he was their keeper so who else could have done that? It was the only thing he could think of.
He didn't understand. His head was spinning, his heart reached unimaginable levels, he couldn't think, he couldn't think, he couldn't think.

His brain wasn't working why was Sirius here if he was guilty? If he was the one who betrayed them?

Remus couldn't believe it.
Remus didn't want to believe it.

But at the same time, could he be surprised?
No, not really.

It had already happened, hadn't it? Fifth year, Hogwarts.
Sirius had already fucked up for his bullshit and others had gone in between - innocents. The fifth year was still indelibly in his mind, the betrayal, what he had felt. He was going to kill someone innocent. He was going to o kill Snape.

So, it could have been, another mistake.

With Sirius everything could happen.
He himself insisted on Black's madness, which he had inherited.
He himself repeatedly thought of himself as equal to them. Blood of their blood. And logic was not Sirius' strength.

But why?
Why was he here?
Why to James?
He was on the verge of tears.
He couldn't believe. It was not real, not real, not real.

"Remus" Sirius reached out, trying to stroke Harry who was still crying in his arms, but he took a step back. The intuition flashed in his head, his mouth gaping open. "Moony what-"

"Don't- don't call me that Sirius- don't you dare. Not now, not now, not now" he whispered into the packed room, he didn't want others to hear, first he had to understand him- he couldn't-

Please, not Sirius, not Sirius. Not his Sirius.
Not the man he loved. Not the man he worshipped.
Please, please, please.
He was going to cry, his heart was bleeding.

"I know that everything right now is stressful and the moon is coming-"

"This isn't about the moon Sirius. Tell me-why are James and Lily here? On a hospital bed? Why did they come to their house?"

"I- I don't know- You-Know-Who probably wanted Harry- you know for the prophecy- I'm just like you speechless-"

He laughed. An odd laugh. Not his. Colder.
But the bubble of betrayal was setting in, his heart ached, his chest struggling to rise. He was about to have a panic attack but he couldn't give in. Not now. He had to protect Harry.

"You are just like me? Who was supposed to make sure this didn't happen Sirius? How? How did they find them? They were under the fidelius charm Sirius. How Sirius?" he said pointing to his figure in a voice that leaked all the betrayal he felt in his body. "You were their fucking keeper. What the fuck did you do Sirius?"

"Remus- Remus no- do you really think- me? I? What? Did-we" Sirius stuttered as he tried to respond to his accusation, feeling almost betrayed by his words.
But why?
There was no other explanation. Sirius betrayed them.
Why, why, why?
There was something wrong, so wrong.

"What else am I supposed to think Sirius huh? Bullshit is your forte after all isn't it? Snape remind you of anything? I nearly died because of what you thought was a joke- so what is this? A joke like any other? Let's see what happens? Why are they here!" And as he continued in his speech he saw Sirius' eyes darken, no longer seeing his signature blue, no longer seeing light, only darkness.
A real Black right?

"If that is what you think of me, what you have always thought of me- well Remus- I guess you and I have nothing more to say to each other." He made to walk outside, away from him. It was better that way, really.
He didn't want him near Harry. Near James or Lily. She didn't want him any more.

"Sirius please, give me a fucking explanation! Why did you do that? Why? They were your best friend! You- I can't believe that you did that- but can't I really?"

"Is it because I'm a Black right?" Sirius laughed, turning around, still that light in his eyes, as if he was the one who felt betrayed and not the other way around.
As if he was the innocent one and Remus was the one who had missed the point.
"It always comes back there. You talk about redemption, but as soon as something happens we blame Black. He must be like his whole fucking psycho family after all." He laughed again, a cold, calculating laugh, one he had before he escaped from that house, when he still had to keep his mask on.

And finally Sirius went out of the hospital and Remus fell to his knees, crying for the first time that week, holding Harry who seemed to share his pain.

He only felt wrong, wrong, wrong.
Why, why, why?

He started crying in that corridor, feeling so alone.
James, Lily, please wake up. I can't without you here.

----------------------

Time passed slowly, without any news being brought. Sirius had returned after a while but had not spoken to him. His gaze was fixed in front of him, he did not answer questions and no longer attacked the doctors for answers.
He was simply motionless. Catatonic.

He had been staring at the same blank wall for hours, without moving, drinking, eating, or speaking. If some wasn't paying attention to the men, one could even forgot he was there at all. He almost seemed to blend in with the place, white as milk, and empty as the mood of the people in there.

And- and Remus shouldn't care. Really.

He had Harry to care about who was still crying after alla that. And he didn't know what to do. He was getting mad.
But at the same time he was wondering what memories Sirius was seeing us that blank wall. What situations he was reliving. Was it when they had almost killed him? When they had forced the mark on him but he had refused? The abuse? What, Sirius what?

"Mr. Black and Mr. Lupin, Miss Evans is awake."
They leapt to their feet so fast they almost fell off their chairs.
Lily.
Lily was awake.

"How-how is she?"

"She only suffered a slight concussion from the fall, but nothing serious. It's probably Mister Potter who will have more trouble waking up; he seems to have been caught in a particularly powerful explosion."
Remus swallowed a lump of saliva that had stuck in his throat.
He didn't think James would be the first of them to- nothing.
James was fine and he would wake up and be the usual ray of sunshine.

"Can we see Lily?" The healer nodded and escorted them to the room where Lily was resting.

When they entered his eyes filled with tears.
"Harry!" She tried to scream, but her voice was weak, her body tired, her skin pale. Yet he had never seen her more beautiful.
"Sirius! Remus!" Her smile faltered slightly, epsnicking at what had happened the night before, and two large tears rolled down her cheeks as she placed her son in her arms.

"James?" Lily asked with wide eyes. "O Merlin James, how is James?"

"They haven't told us much, he's alive Lily. He IS alive, but he suffered some more serious damage than you – so he's still unconscious."

"I thought- I thought we were going to die- all of us. And- I don't care- really- since the war started I knew it would come to this- but not for Harry. Not for him." She whispered into her son's hair, who for the first time that day seemed to calm down from hysterical crying.

"Merlin Lily- I'm sorry-" he knelt down again at the foot of her bed.

"And of what Remus? It was Voldemort Remus. He's- fuck he's scary. Terrible. I don't- I don't know if I want anymore- I-" she began to tremble, she must have post-traumatic stress at the mere mention of his name.
"James- James went first- he told me to take Harry away- but then- he fell and I-" she sobbed and he pressed himself against her, trying to give her warmth and comfort. Over Lily's shoulder she could see Sirius watching them with a wrinkled expression.

Do you see him? She tried to tell him in thought.
See what he's like?
What are you doing here?

"Peter-" whispered Lily at one point. "That rat- his animagus shows who he really is-" she laughed through her tears. Something dark. "Is it normal that I want to kill him? Does it make me a bad person?"

And for the first time Sirius spoke.
"Lily, you'll have to be quick if you want to kill him. Because there's already a tail." He answered harshly. And Remus was not understanding.
Why Lily was so quiet in the room with him.
Why was Sirius there if he had done it?
It was- what was going on?

His brain was too tired to understand- but he was missing something- he was missing a piece of essential information- and it centred Peter.

"Oh Sirius." He said, spreading his arms wide and finally Sirius rushed over. "We knew you would have been the best choice. James was so angry when you wouldn't accept to do that."

"At least someone who believes in me-" Sirius looked at him for the first time, his big blue eyes shooting lightning bolts at him. And then he understood.

Relief was the first thing he felt.
Even before the embarrassment.
Even before the shame.

It wasn't Sirius.
It hadn't been Sirius.
It hadn't been him.

The man he loved could never, and had acted like a coward, accusing him of something horrible, taking back what had happened in the past and that they had sworn never to speak of again.
He had been horrible to him.
But he felt so much relief that he could die right on the spot.

Sirius- Oh Sirius- could you ever forgive me? I certainly could not.
I will not forgive myself after today, after what I said.
But he was still so happy.
Sirius, his beautiful and perfect Sirius.

"Who? Who believes you were to blame?" but Sirius' gaze was so obvious that she didn't really need a response. "R-Remus? Oh-" Lily put a hand to her mouth. "Oh Remus- I- we-"

"Well- I feel like you guys weren't completely honest with me either. You could have- you could have told me- that Sirius- Peter-I didn't know that! It's- It's not-" he felt his migraine getting worse, he felt under constantly watch and he was so tired.

Like a fucking bomb ready to explode.

And all he asked was some good sleep. Not much right?
But in the last period he felt as he was constantly walking on eggshells around everyone. Albus and his fucking demands, Moody, the pack, Sirius, James, Lily, Harry. Everyone wanted something and he could give them nothing.

But please stop- stop- stop.
Be quiet for a moment.

He just needed some rest, or he would gave up.
He took his head in his hands, grunting from the pain.

He already knew that right now sleep was impossible for him.
Not when Sirius was fucking angry with him, James was unconscious, Harry continued to cry and Lily was traumatised.

He felt everything on his shoulders.
And he was fucking twenty-one.
He was- tired.

"Sure- like you are telling me about your werewolves' missions?"

"It's not the same thing you and you know that! They're my two best friends! This- this could have changed everything!"

"Of course it's the same- and what does that have to do with anything? Peter was also- was also their friend and see what the fuck he did to them!"

"You don't really think I would have betrayed them? After all they've done for me!"

"I don't know! You tell me! It seemed clear to me from what you told me before that you thought it was possible from me, so why not from you? Because you are mighty and right?"

And Remus was about to retort, but they were both tired tired, they would go on and on and end up saying things to each other that they would regret, and he was already regretting so many things-
"I'm sorry Sirius." He stood up approaching his boyfriend but he shifted slightly, not looking him in the eye. "I'm so sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Deep down I knew you weren't the one- but-"

"I don't care- actually good to know what you really think of me. I'm just a Black for you after all."

"No, shit Sirius! Come and meet me halfway! I didn't know about Peter! You didn't tell me anything yourself! You didn't trust me first what- what I could think Sirius! What? It was the only possible end for the things I knew!"

"Guys- maybe- you should let things cool down a bit, talk about it later, it's- it's no one fault. I- I understand both of you-" Lily said. Trying to get them down a bit. Probably they were making a scene in the whole hospital.

"You should have had faith in me! What do you think I was doing in the hospital if I had betrayed them? I would have had a fucking target on my back for every member of the Order here!"

"I don't know! It was your brother who was in the hospital so I thought that was a mistake! That it had happened."

"Oh now you think I'm the village idiot! How could happened when their life were at stake! You thought I went to the fucking Voldemort and said 'Hey listen, I got their location, do whatever you want." Lily flinched at those words and Remus too. They were not ready for that.

"Sirius I'm trying here. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry- and I'll keep telling you. I didn't really believe it- I didn't want to- but what I knew was all different- I'll be sorry for all my life but I-" Sirius shifted his gaze again.

"We need you together. Peter already betrayed us. When James will wake up he will be so out of himself- it was his first friend- he believed him so much- you must stay strong for him. Please guys." Lily said almost pleading.

"I know Lily, and I will be there for you. But I think- I think we should take some time a part Remus- we'll still see each other and everything but- we'll see"

"Sirius-" Lily said with her mouth open.
With the end of their relationship, an empire fell. They were the ones. Everyone thought that. They were the couple.

"Sirius- not" he closed his eyes. He had ruined everything. As usual. "Are you leaving me?" His voice was cracking, he could understand - he could understand the betrayal Sirius was feeling. He could understand everything. All.
But- but he needed Sirius. He loved him. He couldn't live without-

"No Remus- I'm not leaving you- for now. But you need to regain the trust in our relationship. I- as you nicely reminded me- I fucked years ago. And that's why I had to earn your forgiveness. Now-"

"Now it's my turn-"

"I'm going to live with James for a while, I sincerely don't know if we'll never be the same again." Sirius whispered as a final act of a play and Remus felt his heart sink. He was going crazy. He felt his heart shatter. He was sorry they had brought their problems on Lily, but he was exploding. He was like a deadman walking.

It passed some moments of complete silence around them, probably all the fucking hospital had just heard about their argument and well- good riddance!
He huffed angry while he dat again on the bed stroking gently Lily's hand who was watching the wall motionless. He was sorry they argued in front of her but- there they were so-

“Oh- it was- who saved us?” She asks suddenly. "James was passed out and I was also going to-" she stopped herself, gulping. "who? Without that person we would be dead, and- even Harry. It had been a miracle. I thought James was gone."

"We don't know- we actually wanted to ask you that-" But then Harry started crying again. He had only stopped for a few dozen minutes.

"Buddy, what's wrong with you? You have your mum Harry – she's here" Sirius bent over the baby, caressing his head, but instead of calming down he cried even more, worrying everyone who was there. He just wanted to rip all his hair off.

"Lily, Harry has been crying all day, we don't know what to do-" Remus continued. He couldn't take his relationship problems out on Lily who had almost been killed.

"He's not- he's strange- he's usually always very quiet- calm- I don't understand why he is like this-" her eyes widened. "Oh Merlin, what is this?" She was so scared that they hurried near her bed to see what she was pointing at, and it was so faint that they almost didn't see it. It was almost gone, faded, but it was there nonetheless.

A red thread.

On Harry's little finger.

Oh fuck-

"Oh Merlin's balls Lily. What the fuck? Oh-this-" Remus widened his eyes, he read about them once, because bonds were something a werewolf could be effected from. Wolves believe in fate and bonds, they really gave a meaningful meaning to them and when someone formed a bond it was usually for the best. It meant that they had found their other person, the one whom could led them to their human form once again.

But on a baby?
On Harry?
After all that happened?
He didn't know for sure but he wasn't convinced it was a good thing, Harry could be bonded to Voldemort himself for what they knew. Or to- fuck- it could be-? To the person who saved them?

But that meant that- they were connected by something- it's weird and strange. He had to think about it.

"What Remus? What is this? Is he sick? Is he ill? Oh, Merlin, please, not."

"No- or- well- not too much. It's a bond. Maybe the person who saved you last night bonded with your son. It's- it's incredible- it- means that- that person went all his way in. He was going to die for Harry."

"W-what? Someone was going to die for us?" Lily whispered and even Sirius had to sit on the bed.
Who could have been?
Someone so gone for the Potters who was willing to die for them? Who could that person be? Who out of there was willing to sacrifice his life for them?

"Where is my son? You can't keep me from seeing him. Right Now" they hear some hushed voice outside their door and the almost laughed for the fists time.
Effie was so nice but when she wanted could impose herself like the queen she was.

"This is Effie's voice" Lily said brighter, James' mum had that effect on everyone.

"Lily! My dear! And little Harry!" Effie was crying her heart out and behind her Monty was no better. "What happened? Oh watch you- I'm so sorry- I'm sorry we couldn't came sooner but with the attack yesterday and everything else we-"

"The attack?" Lily asked trembling, that day was getting worse as it was going on.

"Not- not now honey- don't worry- we are- getting there-It's okay" Effie said not really watching them in the eyes. It was bad. It had been bad.

"Good evening Miss. Evans. Right in time to ask for some question." Albus entered the door and they all grimaced. They need to be comfortable and right now remembering everything with Albus was a bit nervous. He all watched them with his calculating eyes, you could never decipher what was going on.

"How are you Lily?" Effie asked her, taking Harry from her arms, he was still sobbing but less than before. Fortunately. They were scared Harry would choke on his own spit if he continued like that.

"I'm- I'm better- Effie- Monty I'm so sorry- James went first- he told me to run he wanted Harry. He wanted him and James tried to stop but he hadn't his wand with him and-I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. Your son is like this because of me." she burst into tears and Monty took harry while Effie was hugging her tightly.

"It's okay- it's okay honey. You are both here- and that is what matters in the end- I'm so happy you are here. James is my son but you are the mother of my grandchild- I don't want you to happen something. You are enough darling. You don't have to feel this burden, not now. Just heal and everything will be okay." She whispered around them and Remus almost started crying too. She was such a mother.

"How did you escape? How did you survive? Did Peter-" Albus asked, while watching them as an experimentation. As they were his guinea pig to put under some tests and he snapped.

"Did you know? About Peter? Tell us- did you know?" Remus said suddenly, this idea popping out, his worst nightmare. But it was all there. Albus knew. He had to know. Or to suspect something.

"Remus you can't be serious. Albus, you couldn't know and accept this so easily" Sirius said, taking a stop ahead of him. "They were going to die, Albus."

"I'll be completely honest with you-" he said after some moments and they all closed their eyes. It was a confirm.

"Honest" Sirius scoffed, looking murderous. "Like the other times right? When you used us like your test subject? THEY WERE GOING TO DIE ALBUS AND- and you would have put their death on my shoulders- you were going to accept that? What are you?"

"I must do everything I can to win this war. I only had some suspicions on Peter- someone told me briefly about him- but I wasn't sure. Now- we have confirmed it."

"Good fucking riddance. If- if this mysterious saint did not appear- fuck they would have been dead! Are you out of your mind?" Remus growled like an animal. The moon was too soon and he should not be tempted. He could have slit Albus throat right here. He needed some space or- or he would have killed their fucking leader.

"Albus. Is this real? Did you put my son in danger?" Monty said angrily, his gaze threatening, his fists clenched beside his torso.
One thing you shouldn't have done was put James in danger.
Never. Put. In. Danger. His. Son.
He was their light, their only heir and they loved him like nothing else in their lives.

"I didn't know it would end this way, I don't hold myself responsible for what happened. Someone more suitable could have been chosen. Others are dead and others not. It's war." Albus said like he was telling them about his fucking grocery list and not about the death of two of the most important person in his life.

"Why didn't you do it personally? You said Harry was so important, that Lily and James were the parents of a prodigy, yet you made their keeper a fucking rat in the truest sense of the word. Why Albus?"

"Nothing was certain. Some things are given by fate." Dumbledore said not really responding at Sirius' suggestion. And sincerely, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you.
"And now Lily, tell us about this- person who saved you. Have you seen him? Was he a Death Eater?" It was his dismissal. His way to say we are done taking about this.

But Lily only shook her head. "No. I was-we were both already- it was a miracle. A true miracle. But now Harry is bound to this person." A strange gleam flashed in Dumbledore's eyes as he stepped closer to look at the red thread. "And Harry keeps crying."

Effie bent down to look at the little one, with an expert gaze. She had been a doctor for most of her life and had seen so many different things.
"It means this person is hurt. He will be emotionally bond with the one who saved your life. Until we cut this bond off. And I don't know how." She said at the end, her gaze uncertain. "I don't know if it's a good or a bad sign."

"Bad probably" Sirius said, angrily and all of them watched him. "Well- every member of the Order was busy yesterday, so it must have been a Death Eater. I don't want my godson to be- tied- to- to them.He will not share anything with them.
Not an ounce of this- this things. I don't want he near one of those killers, blood purist, bigot. They will not touch him."

Albus hummed. "But that's good- because we know that there is someone else playing for us." And fuck- he hated that gaze. He hated what he was thinking.
A sacrifice.
"I'll take my leave now, let me know when James will wake up."

"And about Peter?" Monty said as a warning.
Well, well, well Peter dear.
You are on the dead list of a lot of people.
Never mess with a Potter.

"What, what about Peter?"

"Will you put him in Azkaban?"

"Oh It wasn't my intention. We could use him as bait-"

But this time was Effie who got up and almost slapped Albus cheek. It was strange to see that woman always so caring be so angry.
"I suggest you not to continue this speech if you still want us in your Order. You'll put Peter in Azkaban for all his life. Are we clear Albus? Because he almost killed my son, Lily and my nephew. And who say he couldn't try that again? So you'll shut the fuck up and search for him everywhere or I swear to Merlin itself that this will be your last warning. Next time you don't know what I'll do."
And yes- he felt a light shiver on his back.
He shared a glance with Sirius who was watching her as she was holding the sun.

Never, never, never touch Effie's family.