Transient Bliss
POV: Remus Lupin
As the bell sounded throughout the castle, the sound echoed to signal the start of dinner.
Remus banged his head on a wall after he was completely out of view- Sirius was gone, and probably would be for another two hours. Reluctantly, he dragged his feet through the corridors to the Gryffindor dining table. From the corner of his eyes, he spotted Sirius collapsing onto a chair with the Slytherins.
McGonagall saw him, but turned her head and said nothing.
Every instinct in his body told him to go to Sirius, hold him, beg his forgiveness and shower him in the love he so deserved. Besides- Snape hadn’t told anyone about his “furry little problem”- he was still in the hospital wing.
Remus had been blinded by hate, and ignored the sight of the love of his life rotting.
And these thoughts stayed with him until he flopped into a chair in the Great Hall, taking a bite of some chicken absent-mindedly.
“Moons? How’d it go? What happened?” quizzed James immediately.
Remus slumped further in his seat.
“Nothing. Nothing happened, Prongs. I didn’t even talk to him. I saw the state of him though... how did we ever let it get this bad?”
He opened his mouth to answer, but closed it when Lily sat down near them.
“Hello everyone. Where the hell is Sirius??” she snapped.
“We’re discussing that, Evans. However, if you would like to discuss…something else at the next Hogsmeade trip-“ James started, only to be promptly ignored with an eye roll and a sigh, as Lily turned towards Marlene to talk.
“She’ll never fall for you.” Remus sighed.
“Moons don’t be like that, she’ll give in one day!!”
“You’d have better luck with Regulus,” Peter chimed in.
“Go back to your food, Pete.”
Remus took another bite of his dinner, barely hungry.
“Okay so he’s got detention with Minnie- I’ll take the cloak and wait outside the room for him after dinner.” He said after a moment’s silence.
“Remus- you’d be there for 2 hours or something. I feel like there’s a better idea than that!” Peter scolded.
“Nah, I feel like McGonagall would let him off early.” James mused to Remus’ left.
“Okay well- at least come back to the common rooms for a bit, grab the cloak, get your apology stuff, then go.”
“Fine, but if I miss him today… I don’t know what I’ll do with myself. I don’t think I could forgive myself if I leave him any longer.”
“Eat. ” James chided.
Lily turned away from her conversation to face the marauders.
“Where the hell have you all been for the past week or something? I haven’t seen you in any classes.”
“Hospital wing.”
“Another one of your stupid pranks gone wrong? That’s expected.”
“Uhh actually-“ someone interjected, but Remus couldn’t care to listen to the conversation anymore. They hadn’t done any major pranks since Sirius had supposedly betrayed him.
Sirius…
Shivers jolted down his spine as he remembered the sight of Sirius’ hair. The thing he had took so much pride and love in, matted and torn to misery.
Wondering what his front looked like was another level of hell for Remus.
Was he so awful of a person that Sirius had torn all his skin to pieces?
Did Sirius hate him by now?
“Remus. Remus wake up.”
“Oh hi.”
“Remus you were completely gone. Dinner’s nearly over.”
“Go play with your granny.” he snapped.
A beat of silence went by.
“That’s a Welsh one, isn’t it.”
He cursed himself as James tried to conceal his laughter.
“Oh go FUCK YOURSELF.”
While he moved to get up and storm out, he faltered.
-
And as the three Marauders walked out of the Great Hall and into the Gryffindor common room, and as Remus walked through the corridors under the guise of the invisibility cloak, the halls of Hogwarts seemed charged with a new emotion.
Hope.
POV: Sirius Black
“Diffindo.” he whispered, pointing the wand at his arm, hoping the blood wouldn’t seep onto the floors. Thankfully, McGonagall had let him go early- out of fatigue or out of pity, he didn’t know.
Any other year, he would have been grateful for more time.
Now, more time meant more time with his thoughts and no one else, and that meant more cuts, any way he sliced it.
~
He let out a small noise at the spell, as his skin split open- he hoped he hadn’t overdone it, he only wanted to go one layer deep today.
Just to help him sleep.
of course he KNEW, it wasn’t true sleep he passed out unconscious most nights from blood loss, waking up with a headache, anything, anything to keep the thoughts at bay
Just to help him sleep.
However, in his walking death, he bumped into someone just outside his room.
“Oh Merlin, sorry-“ he started:
and saw the person's face.
Remus Lupin, love of his life, the one he had betrayed, standing in front of him.
The map in one hand.
Fuck.
POV: Remus Lupin
Sirius Black, love of his life, the one he had betrayed, standing in front of him.
One arm slit open.
Fuck.
From this angle, he could see Sirius’ self-destruction from the most horrifying angle.
His face was drained of all vibrancy, his skin was patchy, dry and uncared for. Once bouncy, vibrant hair was now clumped and knotted, and thinning rapidly- without careful untangling, he’d go entirely bald.
Why did he pay so much attention to his hair?
“Sirius.” Remus said, barely believing that this was the one he had cared for so much.
A frenzied, wild look made its way into his eyes- no, Remus realised. That wasn’t mania, it was fear. The same fear a rabbit gets when an eagle swoops down in front of it to feast.
drip, drip, drip
A small flow of blood was pooling slowly on the stone floors below.
He reached out without realising- then yelped in surprise when Sirius dropped to his knees in front of him.
"I know you won't listen but I'm so sorry Remus, I'm sorry I know I messed up, it was a mistake, a stupid, stupid mistake and I'm so sorry-" The older Black choked on his begging and a sob escaped him: he clamped his hands to his mouth and braced himself for something.
A little bit more of his heart was broken when he realised that his dearest star was waiting to be hurt.
"Get up," Remus whispered softly.
Sirius said nothing, but pulled himself up.
"Take me inside, please?" Remus asked gently.
The wall slid open and Sirius went in. Remus pointed his wand at the floor and muttered a quick "Scourgify."at the crimson pool outside before entering the room.
Blood.
That was the first thing Remus noticed about the room.
Dried bloodstains coated the floors, had stained the grey carpet a murky brown colour that was almost as sickening as the thought of how it got there.
Broken Firewhiskey bottles littered the room alongside random used blades. Remus was no expert on this subject - far from one, truly - but they looked like quill knives, and… muggle razor blades.
"Why are you here?" a voice asked, broken and empty.
"Sirius. I… I want-" his voice cut off. How could he say everything that he had to say? Everything that he had discovered recently? Firmly, he believed that all the eloquent words ever could never describe his feelings.
"You."
Tentative lips met for a brief moment, then pulled away.
"Sirius Orion Black."
' I love you so much, I always have, no matter what.' Words that he couldn't dare say, but desperately wanted to.
"I am so sorry that I never listened to you, that I left you to become like this. I missed you every day, I can't breathe without you- and when I heard what Snivellus said to you… I knew that was what I had missed this whole time. You were never to blame, he was- he never even told anyone who wasn't Lily, and she already knew! Forever I'll be so so sorry for doing this to you, and not hearing you out on everything you did. If you'll have me as your boyfriend again- I want you back. Dear Merlin, I want you back. If you'll take me, come back."
“Say you love me, Remus. Let me believe it’s true.” a weak voice sounded out.
"More than anything. I love you more than anything, Padfoot. I'm your Moony again, if you want me back."
"Yes, Moony."
Two words, and they sounded like a holy prayer falling from his star's mouth.
Lips met again, the pair that were crafted for the other’s passionately crashing against the other: a wetness made its way to Remus' side. Breaking apart, he smirked.
"Wow Pads, I know you're happy to have me back, but I didn't think you'd get this excite-" he teased before realising what the substance actually was.
"Moony I can explain-" Sirius started. He then yelped in pain when Remus pushed his sleeve up.
"This is a wound. A deep one."
"Oh please," he snorted, "it's barely there."
"Vulnera Sanenteur." Remus stated, pointing his wand at the gash. Immediately, the wound started pulling itself together: Sirius gave him a quizzical look. "Watched Pomfrey do it on James in the Hospital Wing to heal his arm."
A pause.
"We will talk about this. Later."
"Can I- can- can- Can I come back to the dorms now? Minnie kicked me out of the Slytherin dorms, and if you found me here… maybe she will." Sirius asked nervously.
"Come back, everyone misses you. Firstly, lets clean up this mess."
The two scrambled around, vanishing away all the sharp things, cleaning the carpets and the bedsheets, and the rest of the room. They packed Sirius' stuff away into his bag to take back, speaking to each other about everything and anything light-hearted, steering away from the horrors of reality.
"Marlene misses your hair, she'll untangle it for you, probably braid it too," Remus beamed, about to exit.
"I hate having my hair in braids, Moonyy," Sirius whined, but it was fake. They both knew it.
Together, they slipped under the Invisibility Cloak, Remus could feel Sirius' hip bones jutting into his skin, he needed to get some food into his skeletal lover again.
Together, they climbed through the portrait of the Fat Lady and into the Gryffindor common room, to see an anxious Peter and a vaguely annoyed James.
"Pete, for fuck's sake, they're not dead. Calm. Down." James groaned, banging his head softly on the table in front of him.
"How do you know that?" Peter snapped back, resuming his fidgeting.
Remus smiled, and stepped out of the Cloak.
"Hey guys," he said with a smile.
"Moons! Where's…" James exclaimed with a smile, standing up and then faltering when Sirius didn't materialise out of thin air.
"I'm here, Prongs." Sirius pulled the cloak off, folded it up and handed it to his best friend with a small smile.
"PADFOOT!!" he screamed, rushing over to hold his best friend in an embrace so tight he nearly strangled the brunette. "Oh your hair… we'll get Marls to fix that for you- Pete look!!"
Remus smiled broadly as Wormtail dashed across the room to hail the recent return.
"I'm so happy you're back, Padfoot, we missed you so, so much." Peter grinned, blinking away the tears of happiness that had filled his watery eyes.
All four Marauders, reunited at an unholy hour of night. But reunited nonetheless.
Together, they went up the stairs into the boy's dorm, and as Remus' head hit the pillow, he smiled.
Things were going to be okay now.