Christmas Eve
Looking on the bright side was never one of Remus' strengths, but he was looking forward to having the room to himself, it would be a first in his life, and he could do a few days without James' snoring.
He the Head Boy, Frank Longbottom, where the only Gryffindor's who stayed, he could catch one couple of Ravenclaw's who as far as Remus was concerned, were studying for NEWT's or OWL's, he wasn't sure what those were yet, and one Hufflepuff, Alice Fortescue, who occupied the entirety of Frank's time, much to Remus' luck. Slytherins seemed to be completely gone. Not one of them in the castle.
And the first day of break was the full moon. So he was excited to, for once, not have to fake an illness, pain, sickness or injury altogether to get to the infirmary. Not that he was looking forward to the transformation, a brisk walk through burning cobbles would've been preferable. Especially since his scars kept getting worse. Madame Pomfrey was great, but she could only help with aftercare, the pain was still there, the waking up to the bleeding of new scars stayed there. There was nothing anyone could do to help him. The medi-witch said it herself, there's not even any research for lycanthropy. The only thing she could manage to find was that transformations got worse during adolescence, something Remus was not looking forward to either way, but now was hoping would come in even later.
They kept going for trial and error for anything that could help him, every full moon she tried a new concoction, a new lotion, cream, spell, something to help with the pain, the scars or to calm down the wolf, but so far, nothing helped.
"Ready, dear?" Madam Pomfrey was already packing the suitcase with clothes and magical first-aid supplies to have just outside Remus' "room". "You're a bit early, aren't you?"
"Bit."
"Can't be helped can it, with everyone away, even I got caught up in the absence of quidditch injuries today." She tried to make a little conversation, which Remus appreciated, she was one of the few adults he'd come to trust. Even if she was still in the dark about anything helpful to him, or any of his personal issues, she was always there in the infirmary ready for Remus to walk in.
She finished packing the suitcase, and grabbed Remus' hand, he wasn't sure if it was for his sake of her own, but he didn't let go. Seeing the lack of students, for the first time they took the route inside the castle to the whomping willow. It was much closer then when they went about the more discreet way, but it was out in the open, through the most transited areas of the castle, if it was any other day and they saw Remus holding Madam Pomfrey's hand, he would've been mortified. And his friends wouldn't let him live it down, not ever. Not even by making fun of him, but trying to figure out if he was alright, an inquisitional scene, not stopping until they'd found out his secret, why he went with Madam Pomfrey every full moon. That he's a danger to everyone. That they'd been sleeping with a killer.
His train of thought was finally broken by the witch letting go of his hand just close enough to the whomping willow, she reached for her wand "Immobulus", the tree stopped in it's tracks, as if it was frozen in time. Remus wanted to ask her to teach him the spell, but he couldn't bring himself to ask anything more of the medi-witch than what she was already doing for him.
The way bellow the tree into the safe room was cold. It was dug out from the stone and dirt that the path crossed, luckily it was dry, a few months back, there had been a rainy season and you could hear the mud puddles in every step you took.
"How's it coming along?"
He'd been feeling that tingling sensation since the day before, that irritability, the wolf wanting to bite anyone that got too close to it. "Fine."
"I'm glad. You've had a hard few moons lately." It was true, every month he'd found new scars, his torso was covered almost fully with them. His legs and his arms, all a great collection of all the pain he'd inflicted upon himself. All the suffering the wolf had brought down on him. A reminder that he was a danger that had to be kept away and in secret if he wanted to keep going to school. "Do you want me to stick around for a bit, Remus?" He hadn't noticed that he was back to holding her hand, some reflex, surely, force of habit from the walk over.
"No." He could feel the seconds starting to tick. He had about half an hour left, the moon was not up yet. He could feel it.
"Alright, then I'll be back in the morning. Good luck Remus." She kept wishing him good luck as if the transformation was something of a gamble, as if sometimes he got away without pain, as if his bones didn't snap and expand, his skin stretched, his skull cracked to give way to the best in him. Still. Somewhere in the far back of his mind, in the bottom of it, maybe not his mind either, but his heart, his soul, he hoped, just like Madam Pomfrey, that he could catch a lucky break and the pain would one day leave. But like God, he'd never had luck on his side either.
...
Morning came with a few rays of sunshine leaking in from a crack in the ceiling. The smell of his own blood, both dry and fresh had his up in a second. Remus knew better than making quick movements by now. It was his arm this time, a set of slashes on his forearm. Minor scratches around his body, nothing bleeding there though. He was well enough to cover himself with the bed sheet they left there for the mornings. It was a little torn, but useful all the same.
Madam Pomfrey was there in a timely manner like she always was. Pristine in all but her look, she's gotten better at hiding her horror, but Remus could still see how her face flinched seeing him the morning after, torn up and bleeding. "Merlin. How are you feeling Remus?
She approached him, the first thing she always did was treat the worse wounds, anything that was still bleeding. She had the change of clothes beside her when he was fine enough, he'd change and they'd head back to the hospital wing. Upon arriving, she patched up the rest of the scars as best as she could. Then, she'd "offer", it wasn't an offer really, a sleeping draught, and he'd spend a day or two in the infirmary. It depended on how bad the transformation had been and how much suspicion they could afford to gather. Right now, as no one was there, Remus was told he'd stay there until he'd heal completely. She was keen on that word, much to Remus' dislike, because as much comfort as being taken care of by Madam Pomfrey brought, he wasn't fond of staying in the hospital wing among the weak and sickly. Not that there were any at the moment.
The next few days came and went as Remus' consciousness, he was treated to sleeping draughts like Madam Pomfrey wanted him to sleep through winter. She probably did, went on about how his eye-bags probably meant he wasn't sleeping enough and that those roommates of his were surely loud and up all night.
It's not like they were there anyways, so she let Remus back to his dorm on the second night after he transformed.
Sleeping by himself was nice, everything was quiet and still, nothing he'd ever experienced before, but oddly enough it was hard for him to fall asleep. It was like his brain missed the noise. Like he didn't want to be alone, even when that's all he wanted.
Remus filled his days taking walks, if it wasn't for the morning greetings at breakfast where professors and Frank would say hi, he would've probably thought he lost his voice, his throat would have forgotten how to speak. He started mapping out the castle to fill time, it wasn't a hard task, since he spent so much time walking around it, but this break he'd manage to get a general map of the dungeons, now that there was no risk of running into any Slytherin. It still smelled quite a damp, but that was likely from the lake being directly above them.
He had a book Sirius left, A Breif History of Hogwarts, or something like that, he'd said the name, but Remus wasn't sure exactly what it was, but it was along the lines of that. He did recall that Sirius mentioned how the castle was so ancient a lot of passageways and secret rooms were still popping up from time to time, he'd only managed to find one passageway, behind the statue of the One-Eyed Witch, behind her hump. He didn't go all the way through the end, because he wasn't so certain it was a great idea to sneak out, but it did smell sweets on the other side, yet tempting enough as it was, he didn't go all the way through.
He had most classrooms down, the four common room entrances and what he could remember of the layout of the Slytherin common room. It was fun for him, like a puzzle just for him. He found it so entertaining he didn't even notice how fast the days had passed by, before he knew it, it was almost Christmas. There was a bunch of cards of his desk that James, Peter and Sirius had written, it was a worrying experience the first time an owl started flying towards him, but by now he got the hang of it, not flinching at them anymore.
He'd made a stack of them on his bedside desk, feeling a little guilty about not writing back. But before he knew it, it was Christmas eve. Professor Flitwick had decorated the Great Hall, he'd gone all out, banners and christmas hats and symbols cropped up on the house mascots, snow falling from the enchanted ceiling and vanishing just above their heads, he'd even set a few statues to sing Christmas carols the whole day. It was amazing.
Yet, what seemed to catch everyone's attention during the meal was Sirius Black, stinking of smoke, ash on his face and an overdone grin.
"Miss me Mr. Lupin?" He threw his arm around him, they were the only ones on the great hall now, Remus liked to get there early, shying away from the silence of his dorm.
"What are you doing here?" The surprise was welcome but quite shucking for Remus.
"Of course it was you Mr. Black!" Professor McGonagall seemingly was not as surprised. She entered the great hall in a bit of a quick pace, "who else would be wondering about Hogsmade at six in the morning. What are you doing here?"
"Couldn't leave Remus by himself on Christmas professor, what kind of friend would that make me." He liked McGonagall, he wasn't being disrespectful, a little coy maybe, but he wasn't telling the whole truth either.
"You're always welcome at Hogwarts, Mr. Black. But in the future a prior note would be greatly appreciated, I'll also have to give notice to your parents, they're surely worried about you." McGonagall also liked Sirius, she would never admit it, but he amused her, she found his genius perplexing and wonderful.
"Wouldn't worry about that." Sirius pointed to an owl, hopefully, it had a sharp beak, pitch black feathers, and Remus was about to duck when he noticed the red envelope it was carrying.
"SIRIUS ORION BLACK." This was Walburga Black's voice. "HOW DARE YOU TURN YOUR BACK ON YOUR FAMILY LIKE THIS! YOUR FATHER IS FURIOUS. I SHOULD HAVE TAKEN ACTION AS SOON AS YOU WERE SORTED! CONSORTING AND BEFRIENDING HALF BREEDS AND MUD-BLOODS! HOW DARE YOU SPIT ON THE HONOUR OF YOUR FAMILY LIKE THAT! DO NOT THINK FOR ONE SECOND THAT WE WILL NOT DISINHERIT YOU IF YOU KEEP THIS BEHAVIOUR GOING! YOU ARE NOT OUR ONLY SON. YOU WILL STAY IN HOGWARTS UNTIL THE END OF THE YEAR AND MEDITATE ON YOUR ACTIONS OR YOU WILL NOT COME BACK!" Signed, Walburga Black. There was something in her voice that made you want to hide under the table like a little kid. Remus was appalled, horrified. If this was what a having a family was like, he was fine with having grown up in St. Edmond.
McGonagall seemed equally as perplexed. Her face wasn't giving anything, her lips pursed, but her eyes talked, something chipped behind them, "very well, no need to worry about that then. Merry Christmas eve, Mr. Black, Mr. Lupin." She retired to the teachers table, at least she was the first to arrive. A few moments later everyone seemed to be up and in the great hall, the chattering relived the silent tension left by Walburga's holiday wishes.