Chapter 7
“Dorcas, why did you slice him across the face,”Sirius asked, looking down at Remus.
He was still unconscious, although the wounds that James and Dorcas had given him had been cleaned and dressed to stop him from losing any more blood.
Sirius sat at the edge of the cot they had laid Remus down on in the ship’s infirmary.
“He was threatening to kill both you and James,”Dorcas said, “It didn’t go that deep, probably will scar though.”
Remus let out a groan as his body twisted and his eyes blinked open.
“Cas-,”He began, before stopping, his voice wavering.
“Sirius,”Sirius said, “It’s Sirius.”
Remus didn’t say anything, just kept staring at Sirius with his big green eyes.
Sirius turned to look at the others standing in the room.
Mary was waiting nearby after having patched Remus and James up.
Dorcas had a hand on their sword and their eyes fixed on Remus.
James was leaning up against the doorway, watching Sirius.
“Can you guys give us a minute,”Sirius asked.
Mary was the first to leave but Dorcas made no move until James nodded his head.
They passed by him in the doorway, and James turned to follow after offering Sirius a soft smile.
Sirius turned back to Remus who was still staring at him, studying him.
“If you’re going to say something, say it now,”Sirius said, whole body tensing as he looked away from Remus.
Remus stayed quiet for a moment, before he said, “I like your hair.”
Sirius immediately looked back, relaxing as he noticed the softened expression in Remus’ eyes and the small smile.
Remus’ hand moved up and towards his face, and while Sirius’ initial reaction was to flinch, Remus’ hand stopped moving.
Once Sirius had opened his eyes and realized he wasn’t being struck, Remus gently tucked Sirius’ hair behind his ear.
His fingers brushed against Sirius’ cheek as he lowered his hand, reminding Sirius of the last time he had seen Remus.
“I can’t believe I found you,”Remus said, eyes focused wholly on Sirius.
“You’ve been looking for me,”Sirius asked.
“Of course,”Remus said, slowly moving to sit up, “Ever since you disappeared I’ve been trying to find you. I had to make sure you were okay, that you were safe.”
“Guess you really wanted that alliance with my family, huh,”Sirius said.
“No, no that’s not why,”Remus said, “I wasn’t just looking for you because of the arranged marriage, I was looking for you because I cared about you.”
He paused, his face furrowing in silent debate before he looked back to Sirius.
“I loved you,”He said.
Sirius froze, ceasing his fidgeting with the many different rings that sat on his fingers.
“You didn’t know me,”Sirius said, “You knew Casssie.”
“Your brother said the same thing,”Remus said, “Even now that I know what he meant, I still disagree.”
“Remus, I’m not the person you thought I was,”Sirius said, “It isn’t your fault that you don’t know me.”
“Are your favorite flowers still daisies,”Remus asked, “Because roses are cliche.”
“Yes,”Sirius answered.
“Do you love to paint,”Remus asked.
“Yes, the same way I’m sure you still love reading and playing the piano,”Sirius said.
“Whenever we were alone, did you say anything you didn’t mean to,”Remus asked.
“No,”Sirius said, “I didn’t.”
Remus reached his hand out, gently taking Sirius’ on his own.
“I understand that you didn’t look like yourself, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t get to know the real you,”Remus said, “And I hope you got to know me.”
“Of course I did,”Sirius said, “You were the only thing keeping me sane the months before I left. You and Regulus, you both made me want to stay. But I couldn’t keep living a lie and I couldn’t marry you knowing I wasn’t who you thought I was.”
“You thought I wouldn’t marry you if you were a man,”Remus said, “I’m sorry if I ever made you feel afraid to tell me. It doesn’t matter to me how you identify, Sirius, it’s always been you.”
“Remus, you don’t mean what you’re saying. You’re just in shock after seeing me after such a long time,”Sirius said, “We’re headed to the next port and I’ll make sure you are able to get home safely. I’m only asking that you don’t tell anyone where I am, it’ll put people I care about at risk.”
Sirius stood, forcing himself to move away from the cot, and Remus.
“You’re pushing me away,”Remus asked, “I just found you, Sirius. I don’t want to be without you again. I love y-”
“Please,”Sirius interrupted, “Please don’t say that.”
“I mean it,”Remus said, “And I always will. But if you don’t feel the same, I understand.”
Sirius stayed silent, reaching up to find the necklace that sat underneath his shirt.
“You still wear it,”Remus said, and Sirius realized he was now standing, and had caught Sirius with the necklace.
“You thought I would give it away,”Sirius asked.
“You gave away your ring,”Remus said, noticing Sirius’ look of surprise, “It’s how I found you.”
“The ring wasn’t special,”Sirius said, “This will always be a reminder of where I come from, who I was and you.”
“Sirius,” Remus said, reaching out to hold Sirius’ hand in his own, “Please, let me prove to you that I love you for you.”