Chapter 8
Remus had lost him again, only this time he knew exactly where he was, he was just out of reach.
Sirius had led him off the ship when they arrived in port, handing him a bag with some food and bandages.
He had directed Remus who to go to about how to get back to Godric’s Hollow, and once again asked for Remus to keep his secret.
He hadn’t wanted to leave, he never wanted to spend another second without Sirius now that he had found him.
Now that he knew him.
Before he had left, he had asked Sirius for one more thing.
“Give me one month to process things; and figure out a way to make us work. You can do the same, and if after one month we both want to and know how to make it work, we try.”
Sirius looked at him, grey eyes meeting Remus’ green ones.
“Two months,”He replied, “Then it’s a deal.”
Remus had made his way to Godric’s Hollow, determined to find a way to make things work.
His mother raced towards him once he walked into the estate.
“Oh Remus, where have you been,”She asked, “You had me so worried. Why didn’t you tell me where you were going?”
“I’m sorry mum, I didn’t mean to worry you,”Remus said.
“I know you’re looking for Lady Cassie, but you can’t just go off without telling me,”She said, “I mean look at you, what’s happened to your face?!”
“I’m fine, mum,”Remus said, “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before I left.”
“I know you want to find her, dear, but you can’t keep doing this to yourself,”His mum said, “It’s dangerous, both for your body and your heart. I’m afraid you’ll get lost and I won’t be able to get you back.”
Remus hugged his mother tightly, promising that his searching would stop.
“Mum,”Remus said, once they had pulled back from the hug, “Can I tell you about someone?”
*Two Months Later*
Sirius didn’t know why he was here; walking up to the Gryffindor estate like he belonged.
Remus had somehow managed to get a letter to him a week ago asking Sirius to come.
The two months had been the longest of his life as Sirius thought about Remus.
There was no way that it could work between them, Sirius knew that, but here he was.
James had told him he didn’t have to go, that he didn’t owe Remus anything, but he felt like he did.
Remus had been kind to him during the one year they spent before their marriage was to take place.
And he had spent the entire time Sirius had been on the ship looking for him because he was worried about him.
The second Sirius saw Remus again, he had butterflies in his stomach just like he had before.
He thought that Remus would never want to see him again after he learned who Sirius was, but he did.
Sirius was pretty sure that if he had asked, Remus would’ve stayed with him on the ship the past months.
And if Remus asked him to stay now, in Godric’s Hollow, it was going to take all of Sirius’ power to say no.
He was welcomed into the estate, where Remus was waiting for him with his mother.
He hadn’t thought about what Remus would’ve told her, and how this could get back to his parents.
Remus’ mother stepped forward, smiling brightly just like her son.
“You must be Sirius,”She said, “Remus has told me so much about you.”
She had linked her arm through his, leading him further inside as Remus fell into step beside him.
“He has not stopped talking about you for months and I’ve been begging him to bring you here sooner,”She continued, “Tell me dear, do you like shepherd's pie? It’s what we are having for lunch but I’m sure the chef can figure out something else if you’d like.”
“Shepherd’s pie is perfectly fine with me,”Sirius said, “Thank you for having me.”
“Of course dear,”She said, “Anyone who captures my son’s heart is welcome anytime. Remus, you better hold onto this one. He’s a good one, I can tell.”
“Yes mum,”Remus responded with a smile.
The three of them sat down for lunch, Hope continuing to ask him questions about himself and telling stories of Remus as a kid.
“Mum, please,”Remus said, hiding his red face in his hands.
“You were an adorable mermaid, running around the house that day with a sheet wrapped around your waist and dumping water over yourself so you didn’t dry out,”She said.
Sirius laughed, catching Remus’ eye who was looking at him happily.
“I’ve got to go tend to my herb garden before the sun sets,”She said, “Remus, you make sure this boy gets everything he needs to be settled, yes?”
Remus nodded at his mother, kissing her cheek before she left.
“She’s amazing,”Sirius said.
“Yeah, she loves having guests,”Remus said, “The house is too empty when it’s just her and me.”
They fell into silence for a few seconds, Sirius fiddling with the rings on his fingers.
“Sirius,”Remus started, interrupting the quiet, “Can we talk about us now?”
Sirius inhaled sharply as he prepared himself for the conversation he didn’t want to have.
“Remus, I think we both know that this isn’t going to work,”Sirius began.
“Wait,”Remus said, interrupting him, “Before you tell me that it’s not me, it’s you. That this is it… just let me show you something.”
Remus was walking in step next to him, offering Sirius small smiles as they walked to their destination.
Sirius had gotten to know the Gryffindor estate pretty well from all his visits to see Remus, however now they stood in front of a door that led to a room Sirius had never been in.
Remus motioned towards the doorknob, which Sirius twisted to open the door.
“Remus, what-,”Sirius breathed, stepping into the room.
It was a paint studio, set up with easels and canvases; shelves of paints and brushes lined the only wall that wasn’t full length windows.
There was an armchair and a table in one of the corners, but mostly the room was meant to be moved around in.
A stool sat in front of the one easel that was set up with a canvas resting on it.
The canvas had a slightly misshapen heart painted onto it, and the phrase, ‘I Love You’, drawn in beautiful calligraphy.
“Painting is clearly not my strong suit,”Remus said from behind him.
“Remus, when did you do this,”Sirius asked, turning around to face him.
“I had them start building after we met for the first time,”Remus said, “I was going to show you after our wedding. I wanted you to know that you would always have a place to be yourself, to escape.”
He paused, and Sirius looked around the room that would have felt like freedom to him over a year ago, but now it was a cage.
“I’m not asking you to stay here with me,”Remus said, interrupting Sirius’ thoughts, “I understand that you belong at sea, with your friends.”
“I’m sorry Remus,”Sirius said, “I wish I could want this.”
“All I want is to spend the rest of my life with you, whatever way you’ll have me,”Remus said, “I’ve talked to Regulus and once he’s turned 18 he will be taking over for your father, and also for me.”
“What,”Sirius asked, “What do you mean?”
“I’ve never wanted to be a Lord, Sirius,”Remus said, “And if your place is on that ship, then that’s where I’ll be.”
“What about your mother, and the estate,”Sirius asked.
“My mother has wanted to move to a smaller cottage by the sea for as long as I can remember,”Remus said, “I’ll be able to visit, and she won’t feel so alone. The estate will belong to your brother, so he’ll decide whatever happens to it.”
“You’re giving up your entire life to be with me,”Sirius asked, eyes starting to water.
“Sirius,”Remus said, stepping forward and taking Sirius’ hands in his, “My life is nothing without you. I’m yours, if you’ll have me?”
Tears streamed down Sirius’ face as he answered, “Of course I will.”
Remus smiled, wiping the tears from Sirius’ cheeks.
“Can I kiss you,”Remus asked.
Sirius nodded, and closed the gap between them.
With his lips pressed to Remus, Sirius finally felt at home.