Decisions and memories.
It had felt like months had gone, yet Yule was only just shy of under a week away and Hadrian felt uneasy. Since the letters had arrived, the eyes of his friends seemed to be on him more. Of course Hadrian knew this was because of how increasingly wary of Umridge he had become since that day.
Hadrian avoided the woman like the plague. He kept his head down in class so much he had all but memorized the cracks on the floor and knew where they all led to. It didn't help that even in the short time she had somehow managed to grab a hold of the school harder than they ever thought possible. So much so the teachers had finally started to send glances her way whenever they could.
More and more students were getting detentions for practically nothing and so many students were quite obviously clutching their non-dominant hands alot. The place where if someone looked, scars would be scattered across the space in deep contrast to their skin. Blood quills were vicious, they cut deep so deep that repeated use had cases where even bone had been scarred. A few too many cases led to people being scarred on their bones as the words they were forced to write again and again had gone for so long that there was no skin left to scar. Nothing but a blank canvas of bone to imbed its message on. Hadrian had meticulously read up on the object with the help of his friends and their more expansive topical books.
Hadrian hated scars. Sure, people didn't exactly like them, what with being an overbearing reminder of what pain they once suffered. But Hadrian? He didn't just hate them, no he loathed them.
His scar.
It pained him to look at it.
Over the years Hadrin had grown used to the stares. From the sisters, the Fathers and from every other person that had to suffer a glance at him. Hadrian knew that, despite all the other reasons, that his scar was the main reason people feared him and the reason he never got lucky enough to leave the walls of the cold orphanage.
His scar was long and sharp, yet thin and pink. It was a huge contrast against his already sickly pale complexion,the likes of which came from years of dark corners and an unfulfilling diet gave him that not even the exposure to the sun during his years at Hogwarts could really improve more than a small shade worth.
The scar was misshapen;if Hadrian had to compare the line of his scar to anything it would be the same shape as if had asked a toddler of whom could barely hold a crayon to draw a straight line. A poor man's lightning strike if you will. The monstrosity started in the middle of his forehead and diagonally made its way through the middle of his right eyebrow, ending just shy of the point of it. Just narrowly missing his eye by just under a centimeter. He couldn't remember how he had come to have the scar, the sisters had come up with calming incidents to dull his mind with every question he asked,but he knew that whatever it was it was traumatic. He just knew it. A scar like that doesn't just ‘happen accidentally’ or innocently, no matter what the sisters said to ease his curiosity.
Hadrian hadn't really given it much thought though, despite its overbearing presence on his face. Not unless one of the other children pointed it out did he even really remember he was cursed with the thing in the first place. It was just his luck that the thing was a huge focal point on his face.
He didn't remember life before the orphanage, having been abandoned there before his second birthday or at least around that time. A fact of which he was incredibly grateful for, afterall if he obtained the scar during his time there then his home life couldn't have been all that safe in the first place.
However, maybe it would have been better than the orphanage.
Maybe there he would have been loved. Cared for. Paid attention to. Fed.
Over the years Hadrian tried not to think about it, doing so only brought him down further then he already was. However, in reminiscing on what could have been for a moment he was just like all the other children in the orphanage. Not a freak but a normal boy, normal, wanting, waiting. Waiting for answers and hope. For a family. A home. A way to leave. A place to be loved.
Hadrian had never felt that before. Or maybe he had, but how was he to know.
Hadrian had come to avoid mirrors as much as possible when he could. Just so that his eyes wouldn't lock onto that long, disgusting line. So that he couldn't feel all the emotions he had locked up all at once. It had worked, until Umbridge had nearly half the school dressed in their own scars. Every glance bringing back harrowing moments for Hadrian that he couldn't get out of his head.
Maybe his friends had a right to worry.
Hadrian had taken to doing his homework the same day it was given, to minimize the chance of him falling behind. To make sure he was never unprepared for Umbridge or any other teacher to dish out a punishment for it. Not for a second wanting to risk a detention.
That was where he was now, hunched over his desk with a piece of parchment in front of him.
A knock on the door stirred him from his thoughts, the door creaked open and in walked Draco.
A light smile on his face as he made his way to Hadrian's desk, turning to lean against it facing Hadrian where he sat in his chair.
“Hello.?” Hadrian spoke, confusion in his voce. He had thought Draco was spending his day in the library with Tracy, Crabbe and Goyle. Draco just smiled at him as he spoke.
“Hello.” He replied.
“And what can I do for you?”Hadrian joked, a slight upturn in the corner of his mouth once he realized Draco seemed to be in a good mood.
“Nothing. I just wanted to talk to you.” Draco spoke, clasping his hands together in front of himself and letting them rest at his hips. Hadrian had grown to learn Dracos' tells in the last few months of their friendship. Clasped hands meant either he was content or that what he was about to say would be more serious then he wanted to let on. Hadrian couldn't tell which one this was, maybe both?
Hadrian turned in his chair so that his entire body was now faced towards Draco, reassuring that the boy had his entire attention.
“Okay, what do you want to talk about? I thought you were going to be in the library all day.” Hadrian responded, returning the small smile that Draco was giving him. As he did he noticed Dracos own smile brightened just ever so slightly.
“I was, but I made Blaise do it for me. I cannot deal with Goyle and Crabbe together.”Draco said exasperated, Hadrian chuckled ever so slightly. Those two were a handful when it came to studying.
“Poor Blaise, What did he do to deserve such a punishment?”Hadrian laughed, eyes scanning Draco's face as he spoke. Draco lightly shook his head as he let out a small laugh in return before looking back at Hadrian.
“He owed me a favor, he should know not to be in debt to me by now. Don't worry I'm not angry at him.”Draco reassured. Hadrian nodded, not knowing what to say and wanting Draco to tell him why he was here. He didn't have to wait long, the boy wasn't one for suspense. Not with Hadrian at least. Which may have something to do with the look Hadrian sent his way but that was nothing to do with Hadrian.
“Okay.''Draco started, moving to lean straighter than he had been and inhaling slowly. A slight worried look now on his face that made Hadrian focus far more than he had been before.”I wanted to- We wanted to ask you to come with us for yule. - To my family home.”
Hadrian was stunned. Shocked. And every other word that could be found under the word in a thesaurus. Go with them for yule? Hadrian hadn't ever been anywhere but Hogwarts and St Peters.
“What?”He asked, thinking maybe he had misheard.
“My father and mother- and practically all of our families- want to meet you. That's what was in my letter from the other day. I've been thinking about the right way to ask without putting too much pressure on you to accept.”Draco moved to look Hadrian in the eye, having avoided them as he spoke. His eyes were filled with, concern? Worry? Hadrian couldn't place which one. The only thing he focused on was the fact that he had heard right.
Draco watched in anticipation, having started to fiddle with his hands and release and reclasp them a few times as Hadrian started to think his offer through.
Hadrian wanted to say yes, but a house full of strangers? He had never slept away from the dorms or away from his room in the orphanage. His heart began to race. What if he made a fool of himself? These were purebloods he was talking about. Sure he had gotten along with his friends but that was because they were children. If he disrespected an adult by accident he doubted theyd be as lenient as his friends were. Not that he had done anything to offend them. He’d have to decline, it was too risky. Plus these were death eaters and most likely people who came into contact with ‘he who shall not be named’. He had to be cautious.
But then he remembered.
The last few days , Black had been all but stalking him. Every corner Hadrian turned, the man was there. Even in cases where he knew that the man had a class on the entire other side of the school the man was - there. It was as if the man could see his every move, as if he knew where he was going and the quickest way to intercept him. Especially in the times he was alone. Luckily for him however, Draco and Pansy never really strayed too far for him to ever slip away.
Black's eyes, where they had been inconsistent glances at first, had now become full fledged stares. If Hadrian looked at him at any point he would lock eyes with the man. It sent shivers up his spine. It was starting to make him feel ill. Hadrian knew it was only a matter of time before he cornered him, and with yule approaching he would have his perfect opportunity to do it. Afterall his friends had never once stayed during yule before.
Hadrian had to compare his choices. What would be the safest option for him? Spending an entire week or so with complete pureblood strangers who he knew for certain had most likely intimate meetings with the dark lord. Or stay at the school and risk being cornered and harassed during holiday time by Black.
Hadrian's eyes had become frantic with his thoughts, having widened in horror at them. Draco watched him with concern, wanting to reach out and offer him a hand of comfort yet knowing Hadrian didn't like unknowing touches. And right now he wasn't aware enough for Draco to risk moving.
“Hadrian. You don't have to-”Draco started to speak, quickly being cut off by Hadrian who had snapped out of his head.
“No. I’ll come with you guys, if that's okay with you.”Hadrian smiled, If Draco hadn't made it a habit to conceal his full emotions he would be nothing less than beaming at Hadrian’s acceptance.
“I’d love for you to join us.”He smiled, Hadrian felt calm as it was directed his way.
“I just-”Hadrian muttered. Dracos smiled dropped, and he raised an eyebrow just slightly in question.
“Yes?” Draco asked.
“I've never been anywhere but Hogwarts and the- uh the orphanage.''Hadrian replied, a wave of emotion choking him as he tried to say the word orphanage. He was still ashamed to admit what he had and was spending his life. Draco lightly chuckled.
“Hadrian, you don't need to worry. The manor is large, yes, but you won't be forced to speak to or see anyone after you've been introduced properly if you don’t want to.” Draco explained, having moved to clasp Hadrian's hand in his, a smile on his face.”Everyone wants to meet you. Besides, we- mostly me though- are all excited to show you where we all grew up. And i'm quite sure you’ll enjoy my family's library.”
Hadrian sighed a relieved sigh. Dracos words having calmed him slightly.
“Okay.”He replied, Draco smiled in return, happy to know that Hadrian would be coming with them. “Anything beats being stuck here with Black.” Draco's face dropped instantly, the only emotion visible was a sligh anger filled twinge that happened near the corner of his lip. He had momentarily forgotten about the man.
“Black won't be able to come near you until we come back. I promise you that. Besides, my aunt and mother will entertain your hatred for him. No one in my house or in our circle for that matter tolerates that- man.”Draco spoke through gritted teeth, his hand squeezing Hadrians slightly as he spoke. They all hated Black. Hadrian was glad that it wasn't just them who didn't like his now stalker.
“Wait, what about Snape? Surely he won’t accept my request to leave for yule this late.”Hadrian questioned, worried but mostly just to pull Draco back from wherever he was in his mind.
“Don't worry, it won't be a problem.” Draco smiled once again but didn't explain further. Hadrian did not exactly want to know if he was honest, the man still unnerved him a little.
“Okay. I trust you. Now go and help Blaise before he kills those three. I need to get this essay done before tonight.”Hadrian smiled, releasing Draco’s hand and turning back around to fully face his desk. Glancing at Draco out of the corner of his eye.
Draco scoffed, amused at Hadrian as always. He stood up from his place against the desk and placed his hands in his pocket.
“Fine, I guess I'll go and help him if I must. I'll tell him to read over what you've written when he gets back.”Draco replied with a lighthearted tone, moving to the door and opening it as he spoke He knew Hadrian liked to get Blaise and Theo to double check his essays for certain subjects now that he had people to help him.
“Thanks, now go before he kills them all.''Hadrian turned to reply, facing Draco who was looking at him from the half open door. The boy just rolled his eyes.
“Yeah yeah. Bye Hadrian.``Draco said, moving to exit the room, lightly closing the door as he left.
A smile made its way to Hadrian's face. He was glad that he didn't have to watch out for Black for a little while and was ever thankful to have friends now.
As he smiled to himself, he glanced to his left at the object that laid on his desk. The rosary stood out in deep contrast against the light stained desk. Hadrian smiled to himself and shook his head as he did before turning to focus on his essay.
Maybe his prayers had worked. He wasn't so alone now.