Chapter 5
prongspotter @LilyPotter and I are so happy to introduce Emma Remi Potter, born August 3rd at 5:07 am. She couldn’t have come at a time when our family was more desperate for some joy. As you can see, Uncle Moony (and little Emma Remi’s namesake) couldn’t be more delighted to meet and hold his goddaughter for the very first time. <3 Please keep our family in your thoughts as we continue to navigate multiple life-changing events all at the same time. Welcome to the world Baby Girl, we’re so happy to finally meet you!
Normally, Lily and James would have chosen a photo of their small nuclear family to use in the birth announcement of their child. However, the photo Marlene, who is a professional photographer, managed to snap of Remus meeting Emma was just too special to not be the first picture of her on James’s Instagram page.
In the first photo in the series, Remus is in his hospital bed, chest bare save for the dressings over his surgical wounds. The mottled, bruised skin on full display. His head rests heavily against his pillows, his ventilator tubing secured off to the side over one shoulder. James is holding up the swaddled baby close to Remus’ face so that he can see her properly since he is too weak and his neck is too sore for him to hold his head up. Remus is grinning, tears flowing down his cheeks as he holds a weak hand up to run a bent knuckle over the baby’s delicate cheek. He is radiating joy and love for the sleeping babe in James’ arms.
In the second photo, Remus is fast asleep, Sirius beside him with a soothing hand in his husband’s honey colored-curls. His face is tired and drawn as he watches Remus sleep. In the crook of Remus’ arm between Sirius and Remus lies baby Emma, swaddled in a teal and orange blanket and is also fast asleep.
In the third photo, James, Lily, and Harry appear all huddled around Emma, James and Lily each beaming at Harry as he points excitedly to the baby, obviously exclaiming in excitement to somebody off camera about his new baby sister.
Sirius clicks into Instagram and immediately ‘hearts’ James’ post announcing Emma’s arrival, the first person to do so. He then shares the post to his story adding the text, “Happy Birthday, Emma! Uncle Moony and Uncle Padfoot already love you so much! <3”
The photo James and Lily chose to announce the birth of their daughter was unexpected but such a beautiful gesture. It hurts Sirius a little to see how weak Remus looks in those two photos but he is also enraptured by the beauty of the moments Marlene managed to capture with clarity and raw authenticity.
James and Lily were very careful to ask for Remus’ and Sirius’ permission before posting the photos on the internet considering James and Sirius are both NHL stars with a large following and fanbase.
Of course, everybody is aware that Sirius is gay and that he and Remus are married, it is even common knowledge among Sirius’ fans that Remus is seriously ill. However, Sirius had not yet decided to publicly announce the new developments in Remus’ health journey because it's just been far too raw and emotional thus far. Plus, Remus is a high-school teacher, beloved by his young students who were likely to get a major shock from the news. Thus, Lily and James waited to post the Instagram story until Remus’ school had the chance to send out an email update to families about Remus’ health and the leave-of-absence he will be taking.
Upon discussing it with one another, Sirius and Remus eventually decided they’d rather the world see Remus in his new state for the first time in those beautiful photos with baby Emma rather than with a heavy, sad post on Sirius’ page. There is always time for sad posts about Remus’ health, Emma only gets to be announced to the world once. This way, they could ease into sharing Remus’ health updates with the whole world while also showing that they are over the moon about the new addition to their family.
Sirius and Remus both knew that once James posted the photos, the post was going to start receiving comments and Sirius’ DMs were about to blow up all with questions about Remus. Of course, it was obvious from the pictures that he’d had surgery but it was also obvious how sick he was and, of course, the tracheostomy was not going to be missed by anybody who sees the photo.
Sirius sighs impatiently as he sets aside his phone, scrubbing his hand across his face a couple times. He, Remus, and Regulus are sitting waiting for the doctor to arrive. It’s been two weeks since his LVAD placement and the doctors are getting ready to sign his discharge paperwork. Remus is sitting in his wheelchair and ready to go home, where Monty and Effie, and James, Lily, and both kids are waiting to welcome them home.
Remus sleeps nearly the entire drive home and when Sirius is pushing him through across the threshold of their home, Remus doesn’t even lift his head in excitement despite expressing to Sirius for days that he just wants to go home.
Looking around their home, Sirius realizes he’s never been more thankful for his multi-million dollar NHL salary than he is now. Not only do he and Remus get to live in a massive, multi-million dollar home but now there have been no expenses spared when it comes to Remus’ care and comfort at the Black-Lupin house. Any and all accessibility features have been added in the last week just to make sure that Remus is as comfortable and feels as ‘at home’ as possible.
Sirius truly owes a debt to Monty, Effie, Pandora, Barty, and Evan who have spent the last week getting the house ready for Remus to return home, making sure things are accessible and overseeing the delivery of an insane amount of medical supplies and equipment.
Monty and the boys disassembled Sirius’ and Remus’ bed and put in its place a king-size hospital bed made for those with severe illness and their partners to be able to sleep side by side. It has all of the features Remus’ needs like a power left for his head and feet, railings, and hookups for night time IV meds and his tube feeds.
Pandora and Effie have been busy organizing all of the medical supplies into neatly labeled drawers and bins and making the new bed with beautiful bedding and comfy pillows, a plush duvet, and several soft blankets.
They’ve added several new lush recliners and comfy chairs to the bedroom so that people have a place to sit and relax when they come to visit Remus and keep him company when Sirius can’t be with him.
The bathroom is all decked out with the fanciest shower chair Sirius has ever seen, even in a hospital. And throughout the house, there are tracks on the ceiling for the new lift system to help Sirius or whomever is taking care of Remus to get him in and out of bed and into his wheelchair or the bath or into his special living room recliner.
The lift is the thing that Sirius is most excited for, honestly, because it gives Remus the most freedom within their home.
Sirius and James might be stronger than average, built and muscled from a lifetime of training for playing hockey at an elite level, but that doesn’t mean it’s automatically easy for 5’11” Sirius and 6’1” James to be able to lift and carry Remus who towers over both of them at 6’5”. Anybody would have trouble getting Remus in and out of bed or his wheelchair without a lift just due to his sheer size, even when he is as frail as he is now.
So, Sirius wastes no time using the lift to get Remus from his chair into the bed so that he can change his diaper and do some trach cares, suctioning Remus and changing the trach dressing, before they join the rest of the family for a cozy movie night in the living room.
Once Remus has been freshened up, James and Sirius work together to settle Remus into his new, custom recliner propping his limbs up and cushioning his hips with pillows. Remus smiles at Sirius as he switches Remus from the travel ventilator on his wheelchair to the rolling unit bought specifically to use at home for ease of movement around the house.
Tonight it’s just the Potter-Black-Lupins in the house, Barty and Evan opting to stay home so Regulus can spend time with his family alone. Everybody but Remus, Lily, and Emma congregate in the kitchen to get the movie snacks ready.
“Baby,” Remus demands silently, making grabby hands toward Lily.
Lily laughs at her best friend and stands up, “So demanding! You’re lucky I love you so much, Rem.”
Remus laughs as Lily brings Emma down to Remus’ level and allows him to place a gentle kiss on the top of the baby’s purple hat. Lily pulls the rolling stool over to Remus’ chair and sits down, placing Emma in Remus’ lap where his arms are propped up with pillows. Remus automatically curls a long arm around the baby and strokes her cheek with the back of one long finger.
I love you, Emma, Remus mouths. Lily can tell he is trying his hardest to vocalize because she can hear little bits of air escaping from around the trach cuff allowing the faintest hint of speech to become audible. It’s really only the sound of a bit of air, not speech, but it makes her smile anyway.
Remus simply admires the baby for a while, smiling with happiness when little Emma peeks her tiny eyes open. Remus looks to Lily to share in the joy when he notices that Lily is crying silently.
Lily, Remus mouths, putting a hand on hers to draw her attention up to his face. I’m sorry, Lily.
“You’re sorry?” Lily questions, not sure if she’s understood correctly. “What are you sorry for, Rem?”
Remus has so much to say, he wants his voice, wants to be able to express himself without difficulty. However, he can’t. So he grabs for his phone, opening the notes app and typing out a message.
I’m sorry I’m sick.
Lily almost wants to laugh because it's preposterous that Remus would ever think he needs to apologize to Lily for being sick. She’s Lily! His best friend since age five, who has spent more time at his hospital bedside than even Sirius has.
“What?” She asks surprised. “Rem, don’t say sorry for being sick. That is nothing you should ever feel sorry for, babe.”
Remus types again.
But I am sorry. You’re supposed to be happy b/c of the new baby. I’m bringing everybody down by being sick. I’ve just thrown a huge wrench into everybody’s lives. They’re all changing plans to come see me and stay with me while Sirius trains and goes to games. Effie and Monty moved in so that they could be here to help Sirius. I've caused a lot of trouble.
“Oh, Remus,” Lily says trying to keep the exasperation out of her voice. “ You didn’t do any of that. You didn’t go into heart failure and suffer two cardiac arrests and have open heart surgery and a tracheostomy placement within the span of two weeks on purpose. You didn’t do that, your body did. And, furthermore, none of us would be making plans to come be with you and help Sirius take care of you if we didn’t want to. Sirius didn’t ask Effie and Monty to move in, even Effie and Monty didn’t really ask, they just told Sirius they were going to move in to help. We are all doing this because we love you and care for you and want to take care of you. You are not a burden to your loved ones, Remus. I promise.”
And that, that makes the dam break for Remus again. Now he’s crying again, looking down at his new, perfect little goddaughter, cradling his arm protectively around her wishing he could be healthier for her, wondering if she will ever get to truly know him, if he’ll get to watch her grow.
Fuck! Remus is starting to grow incredibly tired of being so emotional and crying all the time. The tears come so quickly these days, it must be a side effect of constantly being on the edge of dying.
Love you, Lils, Remus mouths and Lily lays her head gently on Remus’ shoulder, approximating a hug as much as she can with his still sore incisions and fractured rib and sternum.
“I love you too, Rem,” Lily says, and her eyes fall to her baby in Remus’ lap.
They stay like this until the others finally return from the kitchen with snacks of all types, salty and sweet. Though, it warms Remus’ heart a little bit to notice that they have not made any popcorn. He’s pretty sure Sirius disallowed popcorn tonight because he knows it's Remus’ favorite snack in the whole world and he knows it would make Remus sad to not be able to eat any. Not that he’s disallowed from eating popcorn, he just hasn’t been able to eat much by mouth at all besides ice chips.
Once Lily has vacated the stool and gone back to feed baby Emma on the couch, Sirius sits on the stool and begins to feed Remus tiny bits of lemon flavored Italian ice with a spoon as James fiddles with the TV to get the movie going.
By the time the movie starts, Remus has refused any more of the Italian ice and has requested to be reclined a bit more.
He’s asleep before the opening credits to Mean Girls even begins playing.
Sirius has just managed to get Remus into bed, diaper changed and trach cares done for now. He’s so tired that he can hardly think but he needs some alone time, so he asks Effie to come sit with Remus while Sirius goes to work out in his home gym.
Sirius really does need to work out before going back to practice tomorrow, he hasn’t done any training at all in the past two weeks but, for some reason, right now he just can’t manage to make himself do it.
Instead, he takes this opportunity to just sit on the floor, back leaning up against the wall. He flicks open his phone and clicks onto Instagram.
The amount of notifications he has is making his mind spin and he feels a little bit nauseous as he clicks onto James’ post and begins reading the comments.
starsfan27 OMG Remus looks so sick! What happened?!?!?!?!
h0ckeyislyfe Holy shit, did I miss something?! When did Black’s husband get a tracheostomy?
sirius19black94 Welcome to baby Emma! I hope Remus is okay, he’s not looking too well in these photos.
hockeydoc Oof, so I’m a doctor… looks like Remus is in heart failure. That’s definitely an LVAD system and paired with that trach and vent set up, looks like he’s struggling big time. Fingers crossed for healing and my thoughts are with Sirius, Remus, and family. Congrats on the new baby Prongs! Can’t wait for the start of the season!
Sirius sighs and swipes away from the post, he hates seeing people speculate on Remus’ condition, even when they’re right. He clicks into his direct messages and skims down the list of unopened messages from hundreds of usernames. He doesn’t click them, just scrolls down and reads through the previews, mostly the same sentiments and comments over and over and over again.
What happened to Remus? Is he going to be okay?
I saw Remus’ photo, have you tried natural, non-toxic remedies to cure him?
Welcome to baby Emma! I’m sure you are both very proud godfathers! :D Sorry to see Remus is sick again!
Thinking about you Sirius, take all the time you need to deal with Remus’ health struggles in private. Sending you and Remus all the good thoughts and vibes in the meantime. <3
Sirius actually opens up that last one, he sees it's a dedicated fan who has sent him several (unopened by him) DMs over the years. He ‘hearts’ the message but doesn’t reply.
Closing the message and locking his phone, Sirius sets it to the side. He stays like that for a bit, sitting still and staring into the distance. Then, it creeps up suddenly, all of the emotion and mental pain and anguish he’s felt from seeing Remus suffer so much comes bubbling to the surface and then he’s sobbing. Heartbreaking, body-wracking sobs.
He hasn’t had much time to cry or feel his emotions these past two weeks because he’s needed to be strong for Remus. He doesn’t want Remus to know just how scared Sirius is right now. But, thankfully, right now Remus is asleep and Sirius is alone, so he allows himself to cry and cry and cry until his tears have run dry, hoping that his eyes won’t be puffy and raw in the morning and give him away.