half aps
[ furries ]
2:33PM
deer: wait i know why i’m a dumbass but how do you know ??
dog: you asked out lily dude
deer: lily as in… your boyfriend’s best friend lily?
dog: not my boyfriend yet but yes. that’s the one.
deer: oh so i just met remus then
deer: not a very good first impression i guess
dog: again, you’re a fucking dumbass
dog: whyyyy would u say that… to anyone
deer: idk !!!!!! i panicked okay
dog: god you’re helpless
deer: not helping pads
dog: ugh just wait i’ll try and do some damage control
[ remus and sirius ]
2:36PM
shooting star: funny story actually
wolf mcwolf: oh god what is it
shooting star: your lack of faith in me is offending
shooting star: and understandable
wolf mcwolf: spit it out sirius
shooting star: so you remember how i told you about my pseudo-brother james?
wolf mcwolf: the one with the crazy hair and glasses?
wolf mcwolf: … oh
shooting star: yeahhhh
shooting star: he’s also sorta occasionally prone to really bad knock knock jokes when he’s nervous
wolf mcwolf: oh shit okay
wolf mcwolf: uh i mean maybe it’s not that bad
wolf mcwolf: i’ll try and explain it to her
shooting star: phew okay
shooting star: tell her i’m sorry about him
shooting star: we don’t usually let him out in public without supervision
shooting star: well? how’d it go?
wolf mcwolf: she wants me to tell u that ur brother is, and i quote, a “big-headed toerag”
shooting star: … a toerag?
wolf mcwolf: yeah idk either
[ furries ]
2:42PM
deer: any luck?
dog: no.
deer: 😞
[ MARAUDERS ]
6:00PM
wormy: LMAOOOO
wormy: JAMAICAN ME HORNY
prongsie: padfoot wtf
padfooty: i’m sorryyyyy he forced it out of me
padfooty: with his doe rat eyes
wormy: I CANT STOP LAUGHING AHHAH
prongsie: 😐😐😐😐
padfooty: just look on the bright side jamie
prongsie: and that would be….
padfooty: that you probably won’t ever use such a horrendous starter again
wormy: NO PLEASE DO
prongsie: you done yet?
wormy: ONE SEC LOLLLL
wormy: okay i’m good
prongsie: she’s going to hate me forever
prongsie: the love of my life
prongsie: is going to hate me forever
padfooty: how is it that i’m coined the dramatic one?
prongsie: ughhhhhhhhhhhghsudjdjdns
padfooty: james calm down
prongsie: never tell a woman to calm down !!!
wormy: but you’re- okay
padfooty: james… calm down
padfooty: you might not ever see her again
prongsie: ugh fine
prongsie… i wanna see her tho
padfooty: then here’s what we’re gonna do
padfooty: i’m friends with re and sorta friends with lily so we can get a group together every once in a while and you will eventually get on her good side
padfooty: okay?
wormy: re ?????
padfooty: shush
prongsie: okay that’s good
prongsie: ty pads
padfooty: yeah wtv
[ 2 dorks walk into a bar ]
10:00PM
literal dork: remusssssss
metaphorical dork: dorcasssss
literal dork: get me a gf
metaphorical dork: who am i? cupid?
literal dork: 😢😢😢
metaphorical dork: remember a few months ago when you were too shy to approach me cause you thought i was scary?
metaphorical dork: i wanna go back to that
literal dork: oh you love me
metaphorical dork: yeah okay
metaphorical dork: so i’m guessing your date didn’t go so well?
literal dork: she started a sentence with “im not racist but…”
metaphorical dork: ohhhh damn
metaphorical dork: yeah u dodged a bullet
literal dork: can we get half aps to make me feel better 😁😁
metaphorical dork: sure thing
metaphorical dork: pick u up in 15
literal dork: my hero
[ gay and gayer ]
10:30PM
barbie: i’m swooning
raquelle: you have emotions?
barbie: bitch
barbie: the most gorgeous person ever to exist ever is currently sitting at the table next to me and mary at applebees
raquelle: YOU WENT TO HALF APS WITHOUT ME???
barbie: be quiet james charles this isn’t about you
raquelle: sleep with one eye open witch
barbie: 😁😁
barbie: anyway
barbie: i’m gonna show you how to make moves and not end up in the friend zone
barbie: oh speaking of, she’s sitting with remus
raquelle: he’s at applebees w a girl rn ? 😞😞
barbie: don’t worry she’s definitely gay. they’re talking about a failed date she just went on with a girl
barbie: and isn’t he gay?
raquelle: bi
barbie: ohhh makes sense
barbie: i’ll update you when i get a date
raquelle: good luck casanova
[ remus and sirius ]
11:03PM
wolf mcwolf: what is with your friends hitting on my friends
shooting star: oh did ellen degeneres succeed then?
wolf mcwolf: thats so weird
wolf mcwolf: she just called u that too
shooting star: figures
wolf mcwolf: and yeah she succeeded
wolf mcwolf: i don’t think i’ve ever seen dorcas blush before
wolf mcwolf: until now
shooting star: marlene tends to have that effect on people
shooting star: no one with taste
shooting star: but people nonetheless
wolf mcwolf: are u sure u guys are friends…?
shooting star: oh yeah i’d die without her
shooting star: i'd also rather die than repeat that in front of her so 🤫
wolf mcwolf: my lips are sealed
shooting star: are your lips also lonely by chance 😜😜
[ gay and gayer ]
11:15PM
barbie: why is lupin so red
raquelle: is he typing on his phone at all
barbie: nah he’s sorta just staring at the screen
barbie: oop he just put his phone down when dorcas questioned his blood circulation
raquelle: dorcas?
barbie: oh his hot friend that just gave me her number
raquelle: at least one of us is pulling 😞
[ remus and sirius ]
11:30PM
shooting star: re ? u good ?
wolf mcwolf: uh yeah why
shooting star: well you just went all spacey on me mate
shooting star: you know i was just joking right
wolf mcwolf: oh yeah fs just got distracted
wolf mcwolf: mate
shooting star: …okay…
wolf mcwolf: dorcas is begging for my attention now so i’ll talk to u later
shooting star: oh okay see ya
[ gay and gayer ]
11:35PM
raquelle: is dorcas talking to remus at all rn
barbie: uh no we’re hitting it off pretty well
barbie: which you’re interrupting btw
barbie: but nah he’s just sorta sitting there
raquelle: thought so
raquelle: have fun cara delevingne
barbie: kys 🫶🏻🫶🏻