Breathe
Two weeks had passes since the incident. Since the love of his life had betrayed him. Used him as a weapon. Since his entire life had fallen apart. Since 2 years of happiness has been thrown away like it was nothing, for what, revenge? Remus was snapped out of his thoughts by a calming voice.
“Rem, you alright?” Lily smiled looking concerned.
“Yeah, of course Lils.”
“You disappeared again.” Lily frowned.
“Sorry, just thinking.” Remus gave an awkward smile. “I’m going to head to the bathroom.”
Remus had finally made it to the bathroom tears swelling in his eyes. He felt sick every time he thought about what Sirius had done. What he could have done.
“Hey, are you ok?” A voice asked clearly already knowing the answer.
Remus looked up, coming face to face with. “Rosier?” Remus looked behind him to see Regulus, Barty, Dorcas and pandora looking at him with concerned and confusion.
“Yeah, sorry we were just smoking, no one usually comes to these bathrooms during mealtime.” Evan gave an awkward smile.
“That’s why I came to these ones.” Remus rubs the back of his neck uncomfortable with the Slytherin's there.
“Want a puff?” Regulus asks holding out the joint. “Figured it would help with everything going on after Sirius well, you know.”
“Wait you know?” Remus looks shocked as he grabs the joint.
“Hey, I know we act like idiots but we’re not that daft. We only made Snape feel like a crazy person so he wouldn’t go round tellin’ everyone.” Barty chuckled. “And don’t worry we don’t believe that crap ‘bout all ‘werewolves’ being monsters. It’s not like you wanna be one. I mean assuming you know ‘bout the war and all, none of us wanna be death eaters. Most of us don’t get choice, getting forced into it ya’ know.”
“Yeah, I mean having no choice in ya’ future is bloody crap. Just havin’ everyone tell ya’ what ya’ gotta’ do and who ya’ gotta’ be.” Remus lets his fake posh accent slip. He doesn’t know why; he just feels like he can with the Slytherin group.
“So uh, we’re having a party later. It's going to be pretty lame with this lot, if you wanna come we can meet you after dinner and take to our secret hideout?” Evan said smiling, clearly found of the Gryffindor boy. “Just don't bring James and that.”
“You can bring Marlene” Dorcas blushed.
“And Lily” Pandora added.
“Sure, and I’ll see if the two girls are interested.
****
Remus was incredibly happy Mary wasn’t at dinner, it would have made inviting Lils and Marls incredibly awkward.
“So um, the Slytherins are having a party after dinner and us three are invited.” Remus smiled awkwardly unsure of their answer.
“You mean regulus and that?” Lily started interrupted by Remus.
“Before you say no, i talked to them today they’re actually quite nice, i think you two would like them.”
“Sure.” Lily chuckled while Marlene nodded a smile plastered on her face from ear to ear.
Sirius could hear the conversation from where he sat alone. His heart breaking even more. Had Remus really become friends with his little brother? Was he going to be replaced, his thoughts interrupted by James’ stern voice.
“We need to talk Black.” James clearly wasn’t there to become friends again.
“What’s up James?” Fear builds up in his throat.
“You need to go clean your bed, Remus is hurting enough he doesn’t need to see all your little notes and photos together.” James clearly wanted the conversation to be done.
“Yep. Of course. Right away.” Sirius practically bolted to the stairs.
****
Remus, Lily and Marlene all make their way to the front of the great hall after getting changed into some casual clothes. They stop as they come face to face with the group of Slytherins.
“I’m sick of calling you guys by your house name. What's your friend groups little nickname?” Marlene asks as they sit in the old potion teachers sleeping quarters drinking.
“Slytherin skittles, but just skittles for short” Dorcas winks at Marlene with a devilish grin.
Marlenes cheeks turn bright red as Remus and Evan let out a small laugh.
“God, they’re terrible at flirting.” Evan Chuckled taking a sip of his drink.
“Like you could do any better Rosier.”
“Do you want to find out Lupin.” Evan smirked.
“No.” Remus said a little too fast. “Sorry, I just, I don't know. I don’t like flirtin’ and stuff like that.”
Evan nods understandingly. Remus shifts in his seat uncomfortably.
“Excuse me for a moment love.” Lily smiled as she got up from next to pandora.
She walked over to Remus grabbing his hand and taking him into the empty classroom.
“Are you ok Rem, is it too much?” Lily’s brows furrow with concern.
“No Lils, I’m fine.” Remus offers an unconvincing smile.
“Alright but I'm sticking to your side, I don’t want you to have an attack.” Lily smiled, pulling Remus into a tight hug.
Remus towered over Lily, but somehow, she was the one that made him feel safe. She had always been his voice of reason. The only person other than Sirius who could pull him out of the dark hole inside his mind. Oh god, Sirius. Why did every nice moment have to be ruined with a thought of Sirius? Why did Sirius always come to his mind? He hated him. He hated him. He hated him. But God, he loved him. He loved him. He loved him.
“Remus, are you ready to go back inside?” Lily looked up at Remus, seeing the tears he had been trying to hold back begin to fall down his cheeks.
Lily opened the door and peeked through. “Hey guys, me and Rem are going to head to bed.”
Everyone smiled and nodded in reply drunkenly waving goodbye.
****
Sirius sat up in his bed, wondering when Remus would come back from the party. His head was spinning with different questions. He dug his hands into his palms as hard as he could, trying not to give into the urge. Why am I so stupid? Why am I Such a fuck up? Why do I ruin every good thing i get? Sirius gave in reaching into his draw grabbing out the small blade he’d kept hidden from the other marauders since second year. He Lifted the blade. It slowly sliding across his skin. Blood starting to erupt from the small cut. Sirius looks down at it tears fall down his face, just as he’s about to glide the blade across his skin again the door opens. A crying Remus walking through. His breathing was all over the place as though he was underwater with nothing to inhale.
Remus meets Sirius’ eyes. Without thinking he grabs the blade from Sirius’ hand, running to his bed and grabbing a bandage. He walks back over to Sirius and wraps up his arm. He walks back over to his bed. Collapsing before he gets there.
He stopped breathing Sirius thinks as he runs over to Remus. He grabs Remus. Just Breathe Moony. Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. No matter how many time Sirius repeated it, Remus just wouldn’t breathe, Sirius starts screaming for James to wake up.
“What Sirius.” James mumbles.
“He’s stopped breathing, Remus stopped breathing. He’s having an episode. James please help.” Tears start erupting down Sirius’ face as his eyes darken with fear.
James grabs Remus and helps Sirius carry him to the hospital wing, both terrified they won’t make it in time.
Remus woke up the next morning in the hospital wing with James by his side. “What happened James?”
“You uh, stopped breathing last night me and, well, you know. We uh carried you here.” James said clearly scared of how Remus might react. “You have to stay in here for observation till tomorrow.” James smiled politely and he got up to leave.
“Thanks James.” Remus smiles as he leaves.
He lays back down and begins to shut his eyes as he hears footsteps approach his bed. He keeps his eyes closed assuming it’s just Madame Pomfrey coming to check that's he’s ok.
“Are you ok? You really scared me last night.” Sirius’ voice is quiet and timid.
“Oh, Sirius. It’s you. Thought you were Madame Pomfrey.” Remus replies weakly, keeping his eye’s closed to avoid crying.
“Oh, uh, I can go if you’d like. I just wanted to check if you were okay.” Sirius seemed genuine and concerned for Remus’ health.
“It’s probably best if you do. James might come back soon.” Remus still hadn’t opened his eyes to look at the black haired biy stood before him.
Sirius turned away walking out of the hospital wing.
What had triggered Remus? Who had triggered Remus? Whoever it was Sirius was ready to kill them. He was ready to beat them to death. He didn’t care about reprocutions, he only cared about Remus. He Loved Remus. Even if his actions said otherwise, he truly loved Remus with all his heart.