Bad Dream
Remus had been discharged from the hospital wing earlier that afternoon. Hey layed in bed. His eyes slowly closing as he drifted off to sleep. He felt someone crawl onto his bed. They hoped on top of Remus slowly sliding their hand down Remus’ pants.
“Hush. Be quiet. Don’t say a word about this to anyone.” Grant whispered into Remus’ ear. “You should enjoy this. You will enjoy this got it.”
“No, no, no, no, no.” Remus continued saying as Grant continued, refusing to get off Remus.
“NO, NO, NO, NO.” Remus jolted up panting, tears streaming down his face as his breathing increased rapidly. “No, no, no, no, no.” Remus continued like a broken record, holding his legs up to his chest, rocking back and forth, unable to calm his breathing as the tears continued to pour.
James heard and jumped out of his bed running to Remus, holding him in his arms as he tried to calm him. “It's ok, your safe, Grant isn’t here. He can’t hurt you here. I’ve got you. You’re ok. You’re safe.” James continued reassuring Remus as he held him tight.
Remus’ breathing finally began to return to normal. Tears still streaming down his face. He whispers to James, his voice cracking as he spoke. “It felt so real, he was right there. He was on top of me again, i couldn’t get free, i couldn’t move, i was stuck there, just feeling his hands all over my body.”
“I know Remus, I know. But he’s not here, i promise your safe from him here, and you still will be when you come live with us after term finishes.” James held Remus close, knowing no matter what happened between them, he would never break that promise.
Sirius listened from his own bed. His heart shattering hearing the trauma Remus had been dealing with for months and he had no idea. How could not have realized everything that Remus was going through. He truly didn’t deserve Remus. It was no surprise that he had left him, he couldn’t even tell when his boyfriend was struggling. Sirius tried to not let himself cry. He didn’t want James and Remus to hear.
Remus could hear Sirius sniffling. He wanted to help Sirius, but he couldn’t, he could barely move, frozen with fear from his nightmare. James had offered to stay with Remus for the night, Remus of course accepted knowing that he would sleep better having someone he trusted with him. Remus eventually fell asleep again cuddled into James’ chest.
James woke up, seeing Remus laying on his chest sleepy made his stomach flutter. He had known he fancied Remus for about a week now. The two had grown incredibly close since Sirius had stopped hanging out with them. He had learnt so much about Remus in the two weeks since the incident. He loved that Remus always smelled of parchment, chocolate, and ink. His sweaters were so soft and warm, especially when Remus was wearing them while cuddled into James’ chest. He didn’t feel any lust when it came to Remus. He only felt his love for him. Like Remus was Lily, but better. In fact, Remus had made James forget all about Lily. James hated the fact he was falling for Remus. Even if he wanted to deny it, he was always going to be Sirius’ and James hated it. He wanted Remus all to himself like this all the time. He knew of course that the feelings would never be reciprocated. He let out a huff of disappointment. He always seemed to want what he couldn’t have.
Remus woke up the next morning, James still fast asleep with his arms wrapped around him. He knew he had no chance of getting out of James grasp, so he layed accepting his fate waiting for James to wake up. “Hey Remus, how are you feeling?” Sirius said cautiously looking at Remus lying awake.
“Stuck.” Remus chuckled. “Half tempted to kiss him to scare him into waking up.”
Sirius couldn’t help but chuckle at this. “Do it.” Sirius dared.
“I gotta do it know you’ve said that pads.” Remus leaned up kissing James on the cheek with a chuckle.
James jolted awake sitting up. “What the bloody hell was that Moony!”
Remus and Sirius both burst out laughing. “He was stuck, needed to wake you up.”
“Wait a bloody minute. You two are friends again.” James said, completely forgetting the kiss.
“Yeah, I suppose we are.” Remus smiled at Sirius seeing his eyes light up. “Still going to sit with the skittles though, I’ve got to apologize to Evan for my little scene at the party.”
“What happened?” Sirius said concerned.
“He made a joke, it’s kind of what caused the episode the other day.” Remus rubbed the back of his next awkwardly. “He didn’t mean to, he had no idea it would. He started apologizing after he saw me get uncomfortable.” Remus found himself trying to keep the two protective boys from attacking Evan.
Remus left the room, heading down to the library to read.
“What we’re you thinking?” James frowned at Sirius.
“What do you mean?” Sirius asked, his voice filled with confusion.
“Remus is having a hard time as it is, he doesn’t need you trying to come back into his life. He cries every night about what you did. About how you betrayed him. He was barely surviving before you betrayed him. He only just survived you betraying him. He doesn’t need you coming back into his life reminding him of the worst night of his life.” James face was painted with anger and annoyance. He wasn’t just mad at Sirius because he was heightening the chance of Remus relapsing but also because if Sirius came back into Remus’ life, he really had no shot with him. As much as James had wanted to, he couldn’t forgive Sirius, not yet, not after seeing what Remus had gone through. And it was clear from Remus face of realization before he left that he hadn’t either. Sirius sat staring at James, tears filling his eyes. “Now, I’m going to find Remus and make sure he isn’t trying to hurt himself.” James turned away, walking out of the door.
James had finally found Remus sitting with Regulus and Evan at a table in the far corner of the library.
“Hey Moons, just wanted to check that you were ok.” James smiled seeing that Remus wasn’t sitting alone.
Remus looked up, his eyes were red and puffy. He had clearly been crying. James smiles disappears as he looks at Remus’ face. “Do you want to talk?”
“No, I’m just going to keep reading, you should probably head to breakfast, I think Pete’s waiting for you.” Remus smiles.
James nods in reply as he turns around and leaves.
“I hate my brother for putting you through that Rem, It’s not fair.” Regulus puts a comforting hand a Remus’ back.
He shutters at the touch. He found a lot of things seemed to trigger him. He tried to hide it, knowing Regulus was just trying to be a good friend. “I just wish I had never told him, I wish i had never dated him. I wish I had never agreed to become his friend.” Remus’ voice began to shake as tears began swelling in his eyes.
“That shit may have broken your heart, but it opened your eyes. Take that win.” Evan looked at Remus with an indescribable look. Remus’ sadness suddenly turned to anger. He would never let Sirius back into his life. He would never let Sirius come back from this. Not without scars on his heart to forever remind him of how much hurt he had caused Remus.
Sirius had begun crying more than he had ever cried before once James left. It was clear that he hurt Remus. But he hadn’t meant to. He wished they would just let him explain. He had been a forgetful idiot. But of course, neither of them wanted to hear Sirius’ side. They never would. The door creaked open. He thought it might have been Pete looking for James, instead he was face to face with Lily Evans.
“We need to talk Black.” Lily wasn’t her usual bubbly self. There was something dark in her eyes.
“What do you need Evans.”
“I need you to stay away from Remus. Don’t talk to him, don’t look at him and most of all don’t try to fix things.” Sirius had never heard Lily talk with such a stern voice.
“But he miserable, I made him laugh today, I just want him to be happy.”
“He was making progress Black.” Lily interrupted. “Now he’s right back to where he was two weeks ago. Stay away from him.”
Sirius nodded, not wanting to make Lily anymore mad. He had just felt his heart break again. He could see the hurt in Lily’s eyes. It was as though he and Remus shared a heart and anytime his broke so did hers.