duels and dread
"Your family?" I asked. I felt as if I was completely out of breath. My heart was pounding in my throat.
"Yes, we had some visitors this summer. As far as I knew, they were dark wizards from all around the area. They spoke of someone murdering one of their own in Keenbridge, a young witch with dark hair. There was a young girl with bright red hair with her, both in Hogwarts uniforms. It just so happened to line up with the day that you left. I knew that you both had left quite late from school to be traveling home by broom. It only took me a few minutes to put it together with the descriptions of the two of you."
"How did they know? He was completely alone torturing my sister. He was going to kill her if I didn't do something!"
"I don't know how they found out, but they did. I knew you would have had some reason for it, but I cannot tell you how sad I was to realize that you had used dark magic. I hope you will not touch it another time. It is not something that I can go through again," he said sadly. His head fell into his hands.
"Again?" I asked, my brows furrowed.
"What are you two doing out here? It's time for you both to go back to your common room and head to bed. It's late," Professor Weasley said, hopefully hearing none of our conversation. We both got up and walked back into the castle. I had so many questions for Ominis, as well as apologies. I felt horrible for keeping it from him. I felt worse for using dark magic to kill someone in the first place.
We walked in complete silence as I sniffled the whole walk back. Ominis was disappointed in me. Sebastian hated me. I loved Sebastian.
I loved Sebastian.
We walked into the common room to see a crackling fire in the fireplace. The fire was some of the only light in the entire room. My breath caught as I saw Sebastian standing in the glow of the fire, waiting. His brows were scrunched together, making him look deep in thought. My heart fluttered at the idea that his thoughts might be about me.
"Sebastian," Ominis said. "Did you know?" Ominis had passed disappointment and moved to anger at some point in our walk. I had never truly seen Ominis angry until this moment.
"Know what?" Sebastian said, looking up from the fire and seeing the two of us standing there.
"He knows," I said, looking at Sebastian with my red, puffy eyes. Realization struck his face as his eyes widened. He took a breath and his demeanor quickly changed. He shrugged as if it wasn't a big deal.
"Oh, well, I was not going to tell you. It was Willow's choice to tell you," Sebastian turned back towards the fire.
"I did not say anything about you not telling me. The horrible fact is that you knew and still chose to ignore Willow for a month and then treat her the way you have been after- everything," Ominis choked out the last word. I realized that Ominis was not angry at the fact alone that Sebastian knew, but the fact that he knew and had treated me the way he did. At that moment, I felt protected by Ominis and my heart warmed.
"Everything?" I said, but was ignored.
"I didn't ignore her. I got busy. I have been trying to talk Anne into coming home. I have a lot going on," Sebastian said. No one believed him. I knew that something had happened in their fifth year since Ominis and Sebastian took some time apart from one another, but I felt like they were referencing what had happened.
"Please. She deserves better than that."
"She does," Sebastian looked over at me with pain in his eyes. My heart broke and I decided that was enough for me, as guilt from the memories of the spring welled up in my throat. I felt like I was going to be sick and went running to the communal bathroom as I felt hot liquid move up my throat. This happened many times over the summer when the memories hit me.
The door creaked open to the bathroom. I expected Ominis to be behind me, but instead, Sebastian leaned down behind me and rubbed my back lightly with one hand to comfort me as I cried into the toilet bowl between episodes. He held my hair back out of my face to ensure it would not get in the way with the other hand.
"It's all right. It will pass," Sebastian said, over and over between shushes. His comfort felt right. This felt like the Sebastian I knew in the summer, the one I fell in love with. I suddenly felt a wave of embarrassment hit me. He had only ever seen me get sick once when we were 11 and I had eaten too many chocolate frogs. I sat up and leaned my back against the stall wall and took a deep breath. I felt horrible. I covered my eyes with my hands as a splitting headache started between them. Sebastian quickly walked out of the bathroom and came back with a small cup for water. He filled it from the sink and brought it over. The door creaked open again.
"Willow? Are- are you okay?" yelled Ominis from the slightly opened door.
"Yes, she will be okay. Just got a little sick," Sebastian said.
"I promise I am here for you, Willow. I just cannot be around when someone is getting sick," Ominis admitted. A small chuckle escaped my lips as I took another sip of water. Sebastian sat across from me against the other wall of the stall.
"Thank you, Omi," I said with a smile.
"Please don't call me that," Ominis said, annoyed.
"Oh, you love it," Sebastian said. Ominis grunted in return before coming all the way into the bathroom with his wand leading his way. He sat down just outside of the stall with the door open. I realized that they were both worried about me. The fact that Ominis would even sit on the floor of a bathroom says a lot.
"I'm okay, guys. Really!" I said while putting on my worst fake smile. I did not have the energy to hide it anymore. Things had been really difficult for months. Sebastian took a sharp breath. His brow was furrowed again, the same way it had been out at the fire. Without thinking, I put my hand on his knee to get his attention. He immediately looked up and pulled his leg away. My heart felt crushed, again, by Sebastian. It was then that I decided to tell them I needed sleep. They both went off to bed and left me in the bathroom to freshen up after getting sick.
I stood looking in the mirror for a few minutes, wishing to be anyone else for a moment and longing to be loved in return. It was not even just about romantic love. I could tell something was wrong with Sebastian. He just would not tell me, and in return for trying to show him that I was here, I got hurt, like I do every time. He changed from hot to cold in an instant, and I was tired of guessing which version of him I would get. I walked into my room and lay in my bed. I cried until sleep finally came for me.
For the first time in a long time, I had a dream and not a nightmare. I was in Feldcroft, lying on the grass next to Sebastian, our hands just brushing. In the dream, everything was perfect. The past had not happened. We were perfect. Anne was at home cooking dinner while we were outside enjoying the stars together. Sebastian turned onto his side and looked at me while he propped his head up with his arm.
"You are so beautiful. I could look at you under the light of the moon forever." He leaned in and placed a kiss on my forehead, my cheeks, my chin, my nose, and then – I woke up.
My cheeks were hot, and my body felt as if it was on fire as I awoke. My head was throbbing like someone had stuck a million hot daggers in my head.
I got up and went to wash up. My blue eyes were brighter than ever with how puffy and red they were. My hair was a complete mess. I decided to throw it into a braid before getting fresh robes on.
The Great Hall was way louder than I wanted it to be. I walked straight to Poppy's table and sat down. I wanted to avoid Sebastian as much as possible today. I also still had no idea what Ominis truly thought of what I had done, and the guilt was eating me alive, yet again.
"Willow!" Juniper called as she walked into the Great Hall.
"Oh, hi, Juniper." My head throbbed with each word.
"What happened to you?"
"Boys," I said. Juniper glanced over at Sebastian and Ominis.
"You're telling me three guys are after you now? I saw Ominis come after you last night" Juniper said excitedly.
"What? No! No one is after me. Who are you even talking about?" I spoke quietly.
"Sebastian, Everett, and Ominis!" Juniper said a little too loud. I glanced back to see Ominis looking confused and Sebastian looking like... a beautiful, confused mess. NO.
I let out a painful laugh at her assessment of my many suitors.
"No, none of them are after me." I shook my head, still laughing. My mind went to last night's episode and I stared at the food in front of me, not wanting any of it. After a moment, Juniper broke the silence at the table.
"Everett is after you. Everett told Garreth, who told Natty, who told Poppy, who told me." Juniper finally took a breath.
"Oh, well, if it came from Garreth, it must be credible." I rolled my eyes.
"It is, actually," Poppy said. "I overheard him asking about you this morning on the way here. He was asking if Sebastian was your boyfriend."
"Where does he even get that idea?" My dream from this morning made its way into my mind and I could feel my heartbeat quicken in my chest. Poppy shrugged, but she knew where he had gotten the idea from, just like I did. I got in the middle of their almost-fight last night. Sebastian and I have had screaming, passionate arguments in front of the school, and the list could go on.
I spent the rest of my breakfast avoiding any more questions. I got up to leave and was reminded that we were all supposed to meet up later to help Juniper get ready for her duel. It was the last thing I wanted to do today.
Classes flew by. For some reason, whenever I have felt dread about something, time always seemed to move faster and faster toward what I was dreading. I made my way to the clock tower courtyard and sat down on the stairs inside. I took this moment by myself to lay back on the cool stone and catch my breath.
I had not had much time to think about last night because I was actively avoiding it all day. Sebastian had acted so weirdly. All I knew was that I would avoid him as much as I could throughout this practice.
"I hope I'm not interrupting anything," Sebastian looked down at me with his deep brown eyes. I sat up and brushed off.
"I just am not feeling very well today," I said, not wanting to talk to him. My stomach was doing flips.
"Listen, Willow, I don't know what to say about the end of the summer or my behavior since we got back to Hogwarts. I was up all night thinking about it." His eyes showed the all-nighter that he had pulled.
"I don't feel like talking about this anymore. I thought we had gotten past this, but apparently we aren't since you can't decide if you like me or not," I caught myself. "I mean if you are my friend or not."
"You are my friend, but, Willow, there is so much you don't know." His eyebrows scrunched together just as they had the night before.
"Hi! Who's ready for me to kick gobstone bitch's ass?" Juniper said. We both broke eye contact and looked at Juniper, who looked very proud of herself for the nickname.
Once Ominis showed up, the training started. Each of us took turns showing Juniper the correct technique and timing for duels, but Sebastian did most of the work. After the practice was over, we all started to walk out together when Sebastian stopped.
"Willow, can I talk to you, alone?" Juniper glanced back as she walked ahead with Ominis, shooting me a look with her eyes that said, "Do it."