confessions
Sebastian and I had walked out to the lake in the beautiful autumn weather. The trees had started to change, and the temperature was starting to get cooler every day. We sat in awkward silence as Sebastian pondered how to begin. I stared off in the distance, not wanting to be spending my time out at the lake with him.
"I did not know how to tell you," Sebastian said without continuing. He looked out across the water as his breath quickened. After a few moments, I finally looked over at him and tried to get him to continue.
"Tell me what?" I asked, nervous about what might come next. Could it be that bad?
"There is a reason that Anne no longer lives in Feldcroft," Sebastian lamented, showing his feelings of loss on his face.
"I know. She wanted to try to get treatment for her curse at St. Mungos. She wrote to me after she left, just once, to let me know where she was. She also felt like she could not live alone during the school year."
"That was a lie," Sebastian said. His shaking hands fiddled in his lap as he continued. "It was me."
"It was... you?" I asked, confused. Nothing he was saying made any sense. Did he send her off for help? Why would he need to talk to me privately about that?
"I," he paused, and his eyes narrowed at a tall figure walking toward us.
"Willow! I have been looking for you," Everett Magnus said as he walked toward us.
"Well, you found her," Sebastian said, getting up from the rock and storming off. I stood up to go after him, but his words rang in my head from last night. He did not need me to come to his rescue.
"Sorry. It seemed like you guys were in a deep conversation, but after trying my Defence Against the Dark Arts homework on my own, I felt like I needed help from you." Everett ran a hand through his hair which had a slight curl to it.
"Sure, I can help you. Let's meet up at the library in a few minutes. I just need to go grab my homework. Don't worry about Sebastian, he is just..." I trailed off. I smiled up at him as he offered me a hand to get up. We walked toward the castle together.
"I have a feeling he and I will not be friends," Everett said, looking down at the autumn leaves at his feet as he walked.
"He is just going through something right now." Why did I feel the need to defend him? He obviously did not need nor want any help from me.
"Still. We likely won't be buddies," he paused, and we walked in silence for a moment. "I have to say, I am very lucky to have run into you that first day," Everett said, a slight blush coming to his tan cheeks.
"What do you mean? I have bruises on my knees from that fall I took!" I laughed.
"I am just glad to have met you," he said, looking into my eyes. My cheeks got hot from his stare.
"Likewise. I will see you in a few minutes!" I said before running to my dormitory for my books.
As I walked down the hallway toward the Slytherin entrance, I noticed Ominis and Sebastian talking quietly just outside it. Sebastian looked particularly frustrated. I wanted to avoid any further drama with him today, so I tried to politely move past them.
"Going on a date with your boyfriend, Willow?" Sebastian spat.
"We are skipping the date altogether and going straight to a bed," I said as my face turned bright red. I glanced over at Ominis, who was standing back, shaking his head. I immediately felt embarrassed for stooping to his level.
"Right. I would believe it, the way you have both been drooling over each other," Sebastian got even closer.
"Oh, please Sebastian! We are just studying. I told him to ask you, but you have been a grade-A asshole since he got here!" I yelled. Sebastian was inches from my face now.
"Please, children. Enough," Ominis said, getting between the two of us. Sebastian stared past Ominis and into my eyes with a twisted look on his face. He looked as if he wanted to hurt me. Sebastian did not break his deep eye contact with me until I turned away to walk through the door to the Slytherin common room after a few moments.
I did not know what had come over Sebastian, but I had never seen him look like that before. His passion used to be something that drew me to him, but it scared me now. He moved into a form of passion that was controlled solely by anger and nothing else. He was a short fuse.
By the time I got back to the door, Ominis and Sebastian had gone elsewhere. I walked quickly to the library and spotted Everett sitting with his Defence Against the Dark Arts book open on the table in front of him. He looked up as soon as I approached him and smiled.
"Aren't you a sight for sore eyes," he said confidently.
"All right, all right, flattery won't get you anywhere. We have a lot of work to do if what I saw in class is any indication," I said with a chuckle.
"May I remind you that I helped you in Charms?" Everett said with one eyebrow raised in disbelief.
"I don't know if that will help you here," I said, letting out a laugh that was shushed.
"Oops. I guess we should have picked elsewhere to study," Everett said, chuckling at me. I slouched onto the back of the chair for a moment, running my hand through my hair, and I realized how easy Everett was to get along with. We laughed often and he was not bad to look at. We could make a good couple. I realized I had been staring at him for a moment, let out a chuckle, and sat back up
"Let's get to work," I said, Everett smiled across the table at me.
Two hours passed and it was time to get to dinner if we wanted to eat in the Great Hall. I stood up from the table and gathered my books before Everett swooped in and grabbed the books from me, offering to carry them for me. He stopped and looked into my eyes while grinning for a moment before offering me his other arm that wasn't carrying both sets of books. We walked arm in arm to the Great Hall, smiling and laughing the whole way.
Sebastian refused to make eye contact with me as I sat down at the table across from Ominis and him. Everett leaned down to place my books on the table next to me.
"Have a good night, Willow. Thank you for helping," he said while placing a hand on my shoulder and squeezing.
"Yeah, we are not done. You need as much help as you can get," I laughed as I looked at him, hoping I didn't have a dumb look on my face.
"It's a date, then." My heart pounded in my chest and heat rose to my cheeks as Everett walked away. A smile grew across my face as I picked out my food for dinner, ignoring the stare that I was getting from Sebastian. A hand touched my back suddenly.
"Merlin! What was that about?" Juniper sat down next to me quickly.
"I just helped him with his Defence Against the Dark Arts homework." I shrugged and Sebastian scoffed.
"Yeah, I could hear all of the 'studying' you two were doing the entire time and I was across the library from you," Sebastian said.
"Believe it or not, that is how friends are. I know you don't know what it's like," I snapped at him. He got under my skin so much. I felt like I did not know him from one moment to the next. Ominis quickly interjected to keep another fight from happening.
"So, Juniper, how many people are coming to your duel with Zenobia?" He asked.
"Oh, I don't know..." She continued to speak but my mind trailed off to somewhere else. My thoughts went to the conversation with Sebastian earlier.
"It was me," He had said. It was him. He had trouble telling me because he was ashamed of what he had done. It all clicked into place for me.
"Sebastian?" I said, looking into his eyes, signaling that I wanted to talk to him alone.
"Let's go outside." He grabbed my books from the table and walked toward the same side door I had sprinted through just a night earlier. The cool breeze hit my face as Sebastian and I walked to the same spot Ominis and I had sat.
"I did not want you to find out the way you did. I screwed it up. I got mad," Sebastian said.
"I was mad, too." I shrugged, not knowing what else to say. I waited for him to explain.
"I don't know exactly what to tell you. Anne got really sick, as you recall. She still is. My friend in our fifth year helped me find a possible cure for Anne, but it didn't work out because it had to do with some dark magic. I went down a dark path for a while and lost myself. By the end of it, I was consumed by this magic. All I wanted was to help my sister, but I couldn't. Solomon never agreed with me about finding a cure. He had just accepted that she would die from it. One night, I went looking for a piece that I was missing, and he tried to stop me. He destroyed the relic that could have helped me save my sister. I got angry and it just happened. I have been living with the guilt ever since."
I sat in silence for many minutes with him. I had so many questions, but I could not get them out. I just looked at him with mixed emotions. I felt horrible for him, but he had also done a horrible thing. I wanted to hug him and walk away from him at the same time. Who was I to judge him, though? He had done the exact thing that I had. He finally spoke again.
"We got so close this summer, and when you told me what happened in Keenbridge, I just knew I could not continue keeping it from you." Sebastian shifted uncomfortably on the bench, searching my face for clues about how I might have been feeling.
"That's why you stayed away from me? Sebastian, I don't know what to say." My breath was speeding up in my chest. My lungs felt as if they were full of water. I stood up and raised my arms above my head, taking a deep breath, but tears still stung my eyes and my lungs still hurt. I could feel my own memories of the night I took someone's life flooding in and I could not handle it.
"I'm sorry, Willow," Sebastian said. "I'm the reason your best friend left. I am the reason you have been without her. I will never forgive myself for any of it."
He felt guilty for it. He had been hurting on his own for a year before he made up with Ominis. The puzzle pieces started to fall into place. The things Ominis had said finally made sense to me. Anger boiled in my chest as I realized just how much I had been left out of things, not only in fifth year but in sixth year as well. They had basically forgotten that I existed. I had not been included in their meetings in the Undercroft in years. I had not been privy to the information they had both been hiding from me.
"Willow, I am so sorry. Please know that I wanted to tell you, I just couldn't. I didn't want to lose you," he said with tears in his eyes. I knew that he had to be hurting, just like I was.
"Why did you all leave me out of all of this? I could have helped or talked you out of it," I said, my voice shaking. "Instead, I was ignored for years!" I felt a warm tear hit my cheek and run down the side of my cheek. Sebastian stood up and walked to where I was standing, only inches from me.
"Willow, I thought what I was doing was for your own good for the past year. When these events were happening, I was thinking only of Anne and myself. I was being selfish, but, Merlin, did I miss you," he said, wiping the tears from my cheek lightly.
"I- I missed you, too." My eyes wandered to his lips and back to his eyes. I longed for him to kiss me. Suddenly, all thoughts of Everett were gone. He got closer to me, and I could feel the shaky breaths that were escaping his mouth against mine. We were so close. Our lips were so close to touching that I could almost feel his on mine.
He pulled back and took a step away. I stood there waiting for him to say something while I caught my breath, feeling the loss of his proximity. My body quivered as my mind raced. What just happened?
"We should get back inside," Sebastian said, his eyes on the ground.
"I have so many questions," I said. Sebastian refused to meet my eyes.
"I can answer them. Why don't we meet in the Undercroft later? That way we can be sure that no one will overhear," he said, and my heart pounded in my chest.