S.T.A.Y

“What in the hell went wrong?” Steve muttered, staring through the glass window. Shuri stood beside him, staring at the floor. The silence was thick, almost choking Steve as he watched the man curled up the room in front of him. He couldn’t bear to see him like this. Bucky was in the room, his legs curled up to his chest with his arms wrapped around. His long chocolate hair was strung about, dirty with oils and clinging to his tear-stained face. He mumbled and muttering to himself, rocking back and forth as his eyes wandered in thought.

There was a plan. A plan that Shuri had devised. She was sure that it was work. Bucky had suffered for too long that is had only seems logical to help him. 

To free him. 

He wanted to be James again. James Buchanan Barnes. Bucky. He hadn’t felt human in so long. He was the winter soldier. 

It was the winter soldier. A machine. A thing. Something insignificant. 

But Shuri and Ayo had made him feel like something. He felt like a human. Like Bucky. He thought, maybe, just maybe, that he’d be back to normal. All that time he had spent with Shuri, undoing every bit of psychological and physical torture had amounted to nothing. 

Steve had gotten the call not too long ago. Reversing Bucky's conditioning had failed. Hard. Bucky had severely injured Ayo that night. She only lived because Bucky snapped back to reality. She could still see his traumatized face as he realized what he was doing. He didn’t want to. She knew it. Before she could calm him down, Bucky ran for the hills, not looking back. He was terrified. All it took was those words.

Those goddamn words. 

Bucky didn’t remember much of when he escaped. His mind had taken care of that. As a matter a fact, he didn’t seem to remember much at this point in time. What he did remember however, was the conditioning. 

The torture. 

All of it. 

It was painful. Painful knowing that he’d never be… Normal. He remembers feeling tears streaking his face from the fear running rampant through his veins. Rumlow would find him. Zola would too, along with Pierce. The punishment would be tenfold. Oh god. He hadn’t thought about the punishment until now. Rumlow would have his way first. His hands all over his body. Violating it in every way. It didn’t want it. No one did. The commotion in the distance snapped him out of his panic, pushing him to run further. 

He could feel people getting closer. Were they? Was it just his mind playing tricks? Was his body failing him? Buck didn’t want to know. He wanted to know peace and right now, it was far from him. 

No. not him. IT wasn’t a person. It wasn’t Bucky. It was a machine. A faulty machine that would never be perfectly fixed. It was defective and it wouldn’t amount to anything. That was the last thing it could think before it all went dark. 

It was Shuri who came across Bucky. He lay limp on the ground, limbs sprawled out. Seemed like he had tripped over a rock ob the ground, taking a tumble and a knockout on the way. His leg was… mangled, to say the least. Groaning in pain, he lifted his head up, trying with all his will to push himself up. “Bucky,” Shuri softly called out, wanting nothing more than to help. Frantically, Bucky whipped his head around, finding the woman. He panicked, scrambling to get to his feet but fell to the ground in pain. He cried out, still trying to get away. “Get away!” he yelled, turning around to swat. Shuri simply moved out of the way, still gently approaching him. “I’m not here to hurt you,” she reached out, “I just want to help you.” 

Before Bucky knew it, his world went dark again. He could feel a sharp electrifying pain course through his body. Shuri spun around to find Tony landing on the ground. “Why would you do that? I had it under control!” She grits through her teeth. The mask collapsed, revealing a snark expression on the man. “Ayo called right before his final test. She wanted extra back up and so she got it,” He gazed at the limp man on the floor, “I told Steve he was dangerous. No amount of therapy and conditioning will ever remove what Hydra did to him.”

The rage that had consume the princess nearly left her body in the form of a right hook. He never believed in them. Ayo didn’t believe in them. All of that fighting just for a doubt that Bucky would snap and revert back to his ways. All those resources wasted, when Ayo had her concerns deep down. She knew that tony held an unbridled resentment for Bucky, considering how he had murdered his parents in cold blood. “Do not let your anger over what he did consume you,” she mumbled. Tony opened his mouth to fire back, but for once, he didn’t let his arrogance get to him.

“You will never understand have of the pain that this man has suffered,” She walked over to Bucky, checking his pulse. Alive, but out cold. That was a relief. “Make yourself useful and call for assistance,” She snapped. Tony scoffed but left without argument.

That brought them to today. To stay Steve was pissed would be an understatement. He was livid. Pure anger ravaged his body. Ayo had betrayed Bucky. She had no faith. Tony still held his grudges. Of all things, a god damned taser. Like a dog with a shock collar. Shuri gazed behind to see Ayo, walking softly behind the pair. She was injured, yes, but the technology at Wakanda had her back to near perfect health. “Steve,” she began. But she knew where this conversation was going. 

“Look me in the eye and tell me you believe it would work.” Ayo took an interest to the floor as she prepared herself. “I didn’t,” she whispered. “And I tried to have some form of faith for the treatment. But something told me it was not meant to be.” Steve let his eyes study the ground, composing himself to rid his anger and sadness. Deep breaths. 

He truly wondered if this was all for nothing. The man in the room just sat there, eyes wide with terror. Bucks' limbs were still pressed to his body, concealing himself as he rocked back and forth. “Just so you are aware,” Tony spoke, popping a few berries in his mouth, “The taser was specifically designed to knockout and disorient a super soldier, without actually injuring him.”

Steve scoffed. “Really? That’s your definition of no injury?” Tony sighed. “Look, I could’ve easily killed him. I want to. He murdered my parents in cold blood and the worst part is, is that he remembers it. He remembers all of them. However, out of respect for you, I decided to take it down a notch. So, a little ‘thank you, Tony!’ would be amazing next time.” Steve was blank. His veins boiled. His face and ears were hot. He should've just beat the hell out of Tony right then and there.

“Thanks, Tony,” Steve leveled his emotions, “But if I can manage to find a way to get Bucky back, you owe me. Big. Understand?” Tony huffed, a snide smirk tugging at the corners of his mouth. “Be my guest.” He gestured towards Bucky's room, make his way out of the building. Steve glanced back at the glass, feeling his heartbreak a little more as he saw Bucky in the same position. Shuri knew what was coming. “Take this,” she handed him an earpiece. “I can relay information to you in case if something goes wrong.” This was the first step into recovery. With the press of a button, the door to the room open.

The dark brown strands of hair clung to Bucky's face, dirt and oils holding it in place. Tears streaks reflecting on his cheeks. His eyes were wide, staring at the floor. Bucky only looked up when the door opened. Upon seeing Steve, he backed up into the corner of the room like a feral cat. He quivered in fear, seemingly terrified of any movement that Steve would make. 

Rogers was distraught to saw the least. His best friend since childhood had been

reduced to this. The once lively spark that Bucky had was no diminished into nothing. “Buck,” he spoke gently, holding his hands out. Such a small gesture had caused Bucky to flinch. “I’m not here to hurt you,” he explained. “I just want to talk.” Buck shook his head frantically, his body now trembling in fear. When he opened his mouth to speak, nothing came out. He tried over and over again, but to no avail. 

He couldn’t talk. He couldn’t explain. IT WASN’T ABLE TO SAY ANYTHING. It would be punished for no explanation. No words meant a harsher punishment. That’s what Rumlow and Pierce had always said.

Bucky began to panic, tear welling in his eyes. 

“Hey, hey, hey, look at me,” Steve got down on Bucky's level, keeping a relatively decent distance as to not stress him out anymore. “You’re safe with me.” Bucky was still panicking, slightly calming down after hearing that. “Cap,” Shuri spoke into the earpiece, “The shock caused a form of aphasia and dysarthria. He won’t be able to speak properly for a little bit, but from what I’m understanding, he can understand to an extent. Try yes and no questions.” 

“Buck,” Steve called out. The man's eyes flicked up, wet with tears and filled if fear. “Can you understand me? Nod if you can.” a subtle nod was all he needed to see. Now they were in business. “There was a little accident, but I promise you’re okay now. I’m going to help you get better, okay?” Bucky just stared after another nod. Nothing else. The floor was his interest. Steve sighed, letting his frustration dwindle down. 

None of this was Bucks fault. He had to make that clear to Buck when he was a little more coherent. Small scratches and nicks were apparent on Bucky's face. That tumble wasn’t kind to say the least. He was still trembling in fear as well, quivering in what seemed like waves. Steve wanted to reach out, just to take Bucky into a hug. It wouldn’t end well, but God the urge was there. 

“Do you know where we are?” Steve asked. It had looked between the floor and Steve frantically, seemingly afraid to make eye contact of form. Its eyes narrowed as it tried to recall where it was. God, why couldn't it recall? What if it couldn’t recall? Would it be punished? Forced to heel like a dog? Forced to be whatever Steve wanted it to do? It panicked, trying so desperately to speak. When Steve had seen the sheer terror in its face, Steve took its hands. It froze, tears streaming down it’s dirty face. 

Oh god. It was going to be punished. All because it couldn't remember where the hell it was. It flinched, contracting its body and squeezing its eyes shut to brace for impact. 

Wait…

What was happening? Nothing… had happened to it? No pain? No… punishment. It slowly opened its eyes, shaking wildly to see what was before it. Steve held it’s… his, hands. Not in a rough or tortuous way, but a kind, gently way. Steve spoke. He couldn't understand a word. Some made sense. I’ll… tomorrow… fix… promise you that… Was Steve leaving? He wanted to ask, but he… it? No, he, was exhausted. Did it have permission to even sleep? He watched as Steve rose, impulsive gripping his hand tighter. Steve looked back, confused. It... God damnit, HE, opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out aside from, “Do I…” 

Steve watched as Bucky became flustered once more, gripping his hair. “Buck, don’t do that!” Soft yet urgent. That got Bucky to stop what he was doing, thank God. From his back pocket, he pulled out that little notebook and a pen, watching Bucky flinch again as he reached. “Write down what you want to say,” his voice gentle and slow. Buck hesitated, giving a quick glance from permission and when Steve nodded, he took the notebook at pen. While he couldn't speak or write in full sentences, Steve managed to decipher what he was saying. 

“Why leave?” Bucky scribbled on a page. 

“You rest. Will be back tomorrow.” Steve wrote back. That seemed to be way easier for Bucky to get. Bucky took the pen, writing slowly and holding the pen with a fist. 

“Can rest?” He was asking for permission. Steve felt another little piece of his heart break. He nodded, hiding the fact that he wanted to breakdown right then and there. That stupid fucking taser had quite literally sent him to default settings. He felt sick. All of that time and all of the resources… was it all for nothing? He swallowed back his tears, nodding his head with sad eyes. He couldn’t take another second in this room. Steve left, waving bye to Bucky. The minute he steps out, he let out a shaky breath. 

“Steve?” Natasha called out. There it was. No noise, just quiet tears falling down his face. His best friend. His brother in arms. His bucky. “Sorry,” he chuckled, sniffing to compose himself. Nat nodded, understanding the gravity of the situation. When Steve finally gathered himself and looked around, he saw Ayo, Shuri and Tony. He wanted to speak. He wanted to just tell them off. He wished he could, but that's not what he stood for. “Ayo,” he uttered from under his breath. “I wish you would have come to me with your concerns, rather than resort to this.” 

Ayo’s head hung low, ashamed of her choices and her ultimate action that led to this. “I’m staying here tonight. In this building. I need to be close to him,” he stated. Shuri knew it wasn’t a request and got to work on accommodating the captain. It was only a matter of seconds before Shuri had assistants setting up a place for Steve to sleep. He was beyond grateful to have her. He owed her one, big time. 

She smiled tenderly. “You are more than welcome in Wakanda, Steve. Make yourself comfortable. I shall check in with you in the morning.” With that, she saluted and left the room, signaling for Ayo and Tony to come with her. “Steve,” Natashas voice was low, “Are you going to be okay?” A small grin appeared on Steves face. “I will. If i need you, I know where to look.” Nat patted him on the shoulder, smiling back with trust. It was just Steve now. 

As he settled in for the night, he decided to check on Buck one last time. To his surprise, Bucky was asleep, still curled up in a ball, laying against the wall. 

It was going to be a long night.